https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 15 Aug 2026 00:20:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1533166 Sun, 30 Mar 2014 20:53:40 +0000 Mrs. Chickadee 1533166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarahnicole218: Glad to hear that you are feeling more relaxed! Best of luck with working on your career and your body/health :) I'm doing the same - I've already lost 10lbs! I swear the TTC stress affected so much more than I really realized. I hope that this little break is just what you need and that in a few months we are chatting on a BFP thread :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1533108 Sun, 30 Mar 2014 20:27:05 +0000 Miss Sarah 1533108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@AmeliaBedilia: Thank you dear, you are in mine as well!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1533106 Sun, 30 Mar 2014 20:26:23 +0000 AmeliaBedilia 1533106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarahnicole218: I'm glad you are feeling more relaxed and have a good plan in place for working on other things. You're in my thoughts and prayers! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1533099 Sun, 30 Mar 2014 20:20:59 +0000 Miss Sarah 1533099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Chickadee: The TWW is over, I'm just wrapping up AF and we are in full on TTC break mode. I'm still letting go of the control, but I do already feel more relaxed. I feel like our marriage couldn't handle any more of the stress right now. I'm actually planning for other things in my life as well, including a potential career change and working on my body/health. Hugs to you too!! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1533083 Sun, 30 Mar 2014 20:10:39 +0000 Mrs. Chickadee 1533083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Happygal: Thanks again! Actually it has been nice to take a little break and focus on other things for a bit.</p> <p>@Adira: Thanks for sharing your story! I kind of wonder if it's sort of a similar situation with my husband. I think he would be a great father and would love it once it happened. I have had a few people tell me that mothers are born and fathers are made...or in other words we always know we want to have a baby and how to be a mother but men don't always get the whole thing until they actually have a baby and are a father. Of course this is a generalization, but I think it could apply to my situation. Thanks again for the well wishes!</p> <p>@sarahnicole218: Thanks lady! I appreciate the support! How did your TWW go? Are you still taking a break? We are and it's actually kind of good to take a step away from it. It really is stressful and emotionally draining. I'm spending some time now planning for some other things (career, hobbies, etc) and that had been a nice change of pace. I hope things are going well with you! Hugs! </p> <p>Thanks again for all the kind words! Hugs to all of you &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1502189 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 15:44:00 +0000 Miss Sarah 1502189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are in the exact same boat and just last week decided to take the official TTC break. Today (March 18) actually marks one year of trying, and it has put an ungodly amount of stress on our marriage. We are in the middle of an unlikely TWW right now, and I have an appointment with the OB on Thursday where I intend to insist that I try Metformin for my PCOS for a couple of months and maybe DH and I will revisit TTC after our vacation at the end of May.</p> <p>Hugs to you, I wish you the best!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1502038 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 15:06:52 +0000 Adira 1502038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this!</p> <p>I just wanted to chime in and say that my husband was NEVER excited about having a baby. He was totally on board with TTCing for #1, but he really never seemed super enthusiastic about it. But he LOVES being a father.</p> <p>I just wanted to say that because if I had held out waiting for Hubs to be excited about it, it never would have happened. I'm not sure if that applies to you at all, but maybe something to think about. You obviously know your husband best and what will work with him! What worked with mine was convincing him and just forcing him to go through with it, haha. :D</p> <p>Good luck to you. I wish you all the best, no matter where your journey takes you! &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1501936 Tue, 18 Mar 2014 14:40:31 +0000 Happygal 1501936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Chickadee: your time charting is not a waste! You've learned a lot about your body and that is so helpful. If you put things on hold, you will not be starting all over again. If you are anxious worrying about things, it might be worth the testing. But I would feel pretty crummy not feeling like I had the support of my husband, and if he won't do the S.A, that could cause tensions to rise again. </p> <p>You do have time to figure things out. Sometimes giving another person space is all they need to feel better about things. I'm sure it's not that your husband doesn't want kids at all, but that he's experiencing cold feet--totally understandable!</p> <p>By the way, we said more than once that we were going to put things on hold, but kept failing. We were going to break after Christmas, but after spending time with my cute nieces and nephews, we decided to keep going for another month! I was forced to take a break b/c I've been waiting to have surgery. On one hand, it is hard to be patient and I feel stuck. On the other hand, it's been very good to focus on other life stuff for a little bit. Just two months has been a wonderful break. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1499857 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 21:40:18 +0000 Mrs. Chickadee 1499857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Happygal: Thanks so much for the advice! I agree that you have to work on the marriage first. I definitely want to make sure we are both on the same page and excited about TTC, not just going along with it. I agree with your statements about waiting on the RE too, so I am a little torn. On the one hand, maybe we should wait until we are TTC again...assuming that someday we will be. On the other hand, I hate to have wasted all this time charting and planning and TTC. It feels like a waste knowing that I would have to start over again down the road, you know? I'd also like to know if something was wrong, which I really worry about. What if it's something that should be treated whether or not I decide to have a child (endometriosis, thyroid problems, etc)? I know I am just over thinking things because that's what I do! The appointment isn't until next month so I have a few more weeks to decide. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1498279 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 11:12:50 +0000 Happygal 1498279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I so understand this. My husband and I have always wanted to try to have children, but we have been on different pages at different points of times in terms of what we should do intervention wise--I was ready to move on to an IUI two cycles before he was. It's so frustrating and sad and disappointing. </p> <p>Someone once gave the advice, "Always put the marriage first, even before the baby," and I think it's wise. It sounds like you're needing time to focus on your marriage.</p> <p>Based on what you've said, I would cancel the RE appointment. It wouldn't be awkward to not start treatments--I did the testing and waited for months before deciding to move forward. But it just doesn't sound like the right time for you, and that it might make you feel more alienated from your husband. My husband was supportive of us going, and I was glad he was there to hear about the options and what we should do. Otherwise, I would have felt really alone. I think you'll know when the time is right, and you can move forward with all the testing fully supporting each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1498251 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 11:04:40 +0000 Mrs. Chickadee 1498251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FaithFertility: Thank you for the kind words! </p> <p>@swedishfish: Thanks, I hope so too! </p> <p>@Crystal: Thank you - I would miss you too!!!</p> <p>@Mrs. Taco: Thank you! Ugh, sometimes I wish I could just shut my brain off and stop over analyzing everything. My husband and I are both bad about obsessing about things, so we're totally a bad combination! We both end up with too many "pros" and too many "cons" and we're as confused as when we started!</p> <p>@AmeliaBedilia: Thanks! It is surprising how tough it gets around the 1 year mark...maybe because then you sort of have to accept that something isn't right. I thought we would be excited to go to the RE and just work things out, but it just feels stressful. Hang in there!</p> <p>@bhbee: Thank you! I think you're right and I should go. It kind of makes sense just to try to figure out what is going on in case we do start trying again. </p> <p>@mrswin: Thanks! I think my husband is probably in the same boat. He was supportive of going, but I think as the time was getting closer, he has started to get cold feet about it. I told him that I still think I am going to go and he understands and agres, so at least that is positive. </p> <p>@CatchAFallingStar: Thank you! Yup, in my 30s, so the clock is ticking. I am in my early 30s, so I have a little time. I don't want to wait long though. I'm hoping a break might help us refocus on things and make a decision soon.</p> <p>@bluestriped bee: Thank you so much for your story! It really can be stressful TTC, especially when things aren't going well. I've been working on my side and coping with taking a break and how I would feel if that break was forever. I don't know. He thinks that we have a great life now and wants to keep it that way, but I've explained that I have planned my life (where we live, my career, etc) based on fitting children into that mix. If we don't have children, our lives will change anyways - I might want to move, my job would become more important to me, I might pick up some hobbies, etc. I think that has helped him realize in some ways that your life is going to change as you age regardless. I don't know if he would talk to a therapist at this point, but it might be a good idea down the road. I have gone myself in he past and always find it helpful in sorting things out. Thanks again! </p> <p>@Raindrop: Thanks you! I appreciate the support! </p> <p>@Snowdrop: Thanks for the advice! I think seriously that my husband is very uncomfortable about the SA! I have explained that some places let you "collect" the sample at home and he felt better about that. I think I will go to the RE and will ask and as long as that is an option, I will have him tested too. I just want to know what we're up against.</p> <p>@Alivoo01: Thanks! I kind of agree with the idea of NTNP. I feel like the odds are low since we weren't getting pregnant when we were actually trying, so it's not too risky. We're sort of doing that now, but agreed to be more careful around the time I'm ovulating just until we feel better about our decision one way or the other. I don't want to get pregnant and be super excited and then have him be like "my life is over!". But i do think it is nice to have the pressure off and just enjoy being together. The whole "I'm ovulating now, let's go!" isn't always the most fun! </p> <p>@autumnlove: Thank you for the support!</p> <p>@Mrs tartan: I know, POAS buddies!!! So we're not using any protection right now, but we are trying to avoid the riskiest times of the month around ovulation. We're using the old pull out method...so if I was in high school I would totally get pregannt, haha ;) I do remember your story and totally laughed at it (sorry!)! Seriously though, that is basically exactly what is happening to us. Our friends and family all seem to have kids that are in terrible phases and he has been so traumatized. And then they tell us how awful it is and they are so exhausted, etc. It has really affected him. I try to explain that our parenting would be different than a lot of those couples and that they do grow out of their terrible phases and that everyone complains about everything (work, etc) and it's just part of venting and talking about their experiences. He's still not sold. Thanks for the advice! I think taking a break (and a little getaway!) might be good.</p> <p>@gingerbebe: Thanks for the support and for sharing your experience! And congrats on your pregnancy!</p> <p>(Hopefully I got everyone in there!) </p> <p>Thank you SO much for all of the support and encouragement. I really, really appreciate it so much. </p> <p>It's been so hard for me thinking that if we had just conceived after a few months, we would have a baby already. Now we might not have one ever. I don't think we are totally out yet though. My husband still talks about it a lot and makes comments, which at least lets me know that it's on his mind and he's not sure...which is a good thing. Hopefully a little break helps him figure things out. </p> <p>I appreciate all the advice about the RE. Initially I still wanted to go to the RE appointment, but I wasn't sure what to say to them. Then I started thinking about it and getting cold feet. I think though now that I've talked to you guys that I should still go and just see what they say. I will probably tell her that I am still TTC but not sure I want to start any infertility treatments right away. I feel like it would be at least good to know if something was wrong. If we start TTC again, then we would know what our problems were and what challenges we would face. </p> <p>Thanks again for all of your responses! They really do make me feel much better. &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1498189 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 10:43:25 +0000 gingerbebe 1498189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Chickadee: I am sorry you are having a difficult time with this. Aside from the emotional aspect, I would go to the RE appointment anyway and have the initial diagnostic testing done to see if you have any imbalances or issues that can be addressed. Even if you hit the pause button for now, it would be good information to have on hand. </p> <p>I'm pregnant now, but it took us 26 months and two other miscarriages to get there. By the time this LO is born, it will have been 3 years since we started trying. Along the way, we found out that I had serious, but treatable, health issues that took major surgery and over a year to recover from. We also found, very surprisingly, that DH had odd sperm morphology. </p> <p>We ended up getting pregnant naturally before starting fertility treatment, but we're grateful that we saw our doctors and the REs along the way to know what health issues had been affecting our TTC plans. </p> <p>On the other hand, you may find out that you are both perfectly healthy and that could relieve a lot of stress for both of you.</p> <p>The other thing is that getting your work up done might help you determine what kind of savings or financial plans you may have to set up to pay for treatment in the future.</p> <p>Good luck to you - your husband will come around. My DH always wanted children but definitely did have his moments of being sad/frustrated throughout the process. Getting the weird sperm analysis definitely threw him for a loop and the thought of going through a long arduous process made him feel overwhelmed or like a failure sometimes. I say just be supportive of each other and have fun for now. Trust that it will work out in the end. We went to Hawaii twice in the interim and we're so glad we did. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1498051 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 09:39:13 +0000 Mrs tartan 1498051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This makes me sad as you were my very first Poas buddy.<br /> Has DH said he wants to actually prevent pregnancy? As in contraception again? Or he just doesn't want to deal with all the stress? In total DH and I tried for 11 months, 3 months ntnp and 8 months of hell (ttc which caused us to really lose each other and caused us to argue). on month 11 we really gave up (I don't know if you remember me telling you the story about going on holiday with family with children, thought DH was going for the snip after that!). I think DH was ready to call it a day, too late I got ku that month.<br /> I really understand what you are going through, my DH was at the end of his tether too. I would suggest still going for your testing, you of course want to find out if anything is wrong. Perhaps your DH just needs a couple of months of really ntnp and a few months of not hearing about ttc.<br /> Why don't you book a surprise trip away, have some couple time and talk about it when you come home. Ttc is tiring!<br /> Good luck honey, keep us posted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1497905 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 08:42:01 +0000 autumnlove 1497905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am sorry you are going through this. Best of luck to you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1497871 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 08:35:33 +0000 Alivoo01 1497871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you're going through this rough patch. Until we started TTC, we never knew TTC actually took "work"!!! Who knew!! Hope things work themselves out for y'all soon. What about NTNP???? It wouldn't put the pressure on either of y'all to make it a point to BD and chart and all that stuff, but still have fun and enjoy the process again. And if you happen to get pregnant in the meantime, woohoo!! If not, not biggie. Takes the pressure and stress off a bit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1497686 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 05:37:39 +0000 Snowdrop 1497686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>TTC is just so tough! You don't have to tell the RE you are on a break but it could be really good for you both to find out why it isn't happening. The testing takes a while anyway. Keep talking about it when you are up to it. You mught find his fear is actually something simple like tge SA. My DH is sooo nervous about that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1497623 Mon, 17 Mar 2014 00:21:39 +0000 Raindrop 1497623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>*hugs*. Sorry don't have much to add. I read what you wrote and you are not alone. You are strong! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1497608 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 23:54:34 +0000 BSB 1497608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. Hugs. I kinda know how you feel. We have been TTC for the past 19 cycles but started TTC since Nov 2011. So over 2 years and 4 months. We had a bunch of breaks. Our first year of TTC was tough. We weren't happy with each other and went to marriage counseling. Part of the reason we had a few breaks. I got my HSG done and immediately after started fighting and it really made me reconsider bringing a child into our family. (We completely missed that fertile period after the HSG. :) We took 3 months to work on our marriage. Presently, our marriage is so much better. Not perfect but definitely no where near where we were. </p> <p>Anyway, I'm sure your marriage is much better than how we were but during the sessions of marriage counseling, I really got to hear my DH's feelings of dealing with Infertility. He blamed himself a lot and it chipped away at his self esteem. We both had periods of depression, too. I had to tell him that it takes two people to make a baby. </p> <p>Any chance your DH will want to talk to a therapist about you guy's struggle. It might help.</p> <p>Well, I want you to know I'm thinking of you and hopes your DH comes around. Feel free to wall me if you want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1497596 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 23:35:27 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 1497596@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Chickadee: I'm sure this is a confusing time for you both. But, it's always good to go with your gut and support your husband. Are you still pretty young? If so, I'd say there's no rush on getting to the RE. I think it might make your husband feel like you're pushing things. But, if you're in your 30's, maybe you really need that push, just in case. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1497493 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 21:41:45 +0000 mrswin 1497493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Chickadee: I think it would be good if you (and your SO) go to the RE appointment and at least get some basic testing done. Maybe once your SO has a better understanding of what the issue is he will be more open to taking next steps if necessary.</p> <p>My SO was totally against seeing the RE at 12 months but after my PCP explained to him that this length of time was not normal given our age he agreed to do the testing at see what we were dealing with... its hard on both partners </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1497476 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 21:32:34 +0000 bhbee 1497476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry, it's so much to deal with. I think you are right to back off a bit and see what happens. I do think I'd see what answers you can get from the RE, doesn't hurt to go, you can always say later you've decided to wait on treatments. my experience is that it may mean repeating testing later because they want it fairly recent, but I think that would be worth it because the results may tell you how much trouble you may be facing. they can't give you a whole picture without testing your DH too but you could rule some things out.</p> <p>sending you good wishes throughout this tough time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1497451 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 21:02:04 +0000 AmeliaBedilia 1497451@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That sounds so hard! We're in our 12th cycle TTC and it is so much harder than I thought it would be. It puts a stress on relationships. I don't know what I would do in this situation. Lots of prayers and hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1497406 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 20:31:12 +0000 Mrs. Taco 1497406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry! That is such a frustrating turn of events (after an already frustrating 11 cycles). As a chronic over thinker, I get it. I hope in time your husband will remember the reasons he was originally excited and not let others comments cloud his judgement. I would go to the appointment. GL on your journey :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1497405 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 20:30:27 +0000 Crystal 1497405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lots of love and support your way. ❤️❤️❤️</p> <p>Hopefully a (short) break will help your husband, and if you decide you want to, you can get back to TTC and have a gorgeous baby soon. I'd still go to the RE appt, just to get some answers about my body. </p> <p>I'm glad to hear you'll still be around, I'd miss you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1497394 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 20:26:54 +0000 swedishfish 1497394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would absolutely go ahead with the RE appointment. Hopefully your husband has a change of heart soon. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1497390 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 20:25:06 +0000 FaithFertility 1497390@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I pray your road to TTC again is smooth and bright! Stay positive and I am sure you will be surprised with what is ahead!!!! Best of luck to you!!!!!!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting#post-1497362 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 20:11:13 +0000 Mrs. Chickadee 1497362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry in advance for the long vent, but I feel like I need to do it. Thanks for listening.</p> <p>My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 11 cycles now. After several months without success, I finally joined HB. I had been a lurker for a while and found answers to so many of my questions. I was so glad that I joined because it is such a supportive community. I have received some great advice and have loved talking to all of you. Unfortunately though things have taken a different direction, which is why I've been MIA for a little bit.</p> <p>I am disappointed to say that after 11 cycles and finally making an appointment with an RE, I'm taking a break from TTC. My husband has had somewhat of a change of heart. I think it happened for a variety of reasons. First all of his friends with children complain about them a lot and tell horror stories to him and say "you should never have kids!". Second I think that having so much time while TTC gave us too much time to think about it. We said things like "we should go out for new years eve because we probably won't be able to for a long time" and stuff like that. I think he started to really feel like his life as he knew it was ending. And in a sense it would be. Another reason I think he has cooled off on the idea is that he is nervous about the RE appointment. He was supportive of going, but I think it has added a whole different aspect to TTC that we hoped we wouldn't have to deal with. Lastly, I just think we are both the type of people who over think things and we would probably never ever feel totally comfortable making the decision.</p> <p>So here we are now...trying NOT to conceive. Sigh. It's so sad and frustrating after trying so hard, charting, planning, etc. I don't want to try to talk him into it. Honestly, I think all his points are valid. I also don't want to convince him to have a baby. I want him to be excited about it. I'm hoping that some time away from it will let him think about it and hopefully come around. In the meantime I'm not sure if I should just go ahead with the RE appointment or cancel it for now. It would be good to know if something is wrong. On the other hand I don't really want to go to the appointment and feel awkward since I will not be starting fertility treatments.</p> <p>Anyways, just needed to vent and say that I'm still around..lurking a little and commenting a little. Hopefully I'll be back TTC sometime soon. Thanks again for everything over the last few months. And best wishes to all off you! &lt;3 </p>