https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 15:47:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818535 Thu, 26 Apr 2018 08:20:55 +0000 gestalt 2818535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone - it makes me feel so much better hearing all of these responses. Like many of your husbands, mine would always try to give me advice, or he would be upset because i'm venting about the same thing and not doing anything about it. He thinks if there is a problem, it has to be solved. So now he's gone the opposite direction so as not to upset me. I guess in his mind, he can't win but it's unfair that just because i can't take his advice that he wants to tune me out. :bummed: </p> <p>A lot of times i preface my stories with what i need from him, but i can't remember all the time! It gets tiring to have to do it every time and sometimes venting just comes from regular conversation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818475 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 19:50:54 +0000 LCTBQE 2818475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@summerfruit: OMG it helps me soooooo much to vent </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818474 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 19:50:27 +0000 LCTBQE 2818474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I vent to my best few friends and a couple of trusted co-workers who all have the same profession, not my husband. But my husband sometimes vents to me and he HATES the way I respond. I ask (interrupt with) clarifying questions constantly and ask why on things that are apparently tangential and it drives him crazy. I think he wishes I'd just stare at him and listen and nod and say "oh". which is not how I'd want to be received! so @gestalt: maybe I can just switch places with your husband :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818469 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 19:47:30 +0000 summerfruit 2818469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sometimes I vent to DH. He usually makes comments of reassurance, so that's good. I try not to vent too much because I know it doesn't help anything to vent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818455 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 19:03:37 +0000 Becky 2818455@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I sometimes vent to my husband and have zero expectations other than for him to maybe say “that sucks.” If I need to vent I’ll actually preface it with “I just need to vent about this, I know you have no idea what I’m talking about.” He talks about work at length and I generally have zero idea what he’s talking unless it’s about his coworkers. My parents worked at the same place and I also knew everyone they worked with so there was always stuff to talk about, plus they were nurses so had fun gorey stories. I wish my husband and I were able to do that but we aren’t. I mostly vent to my parents about work if I need to because we have dinner together twice a week and they have a fairly good grasp on/background knowledge of what I do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818415 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 14:37:06 +0000 SwanSong 2818415@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm the "nodder" in this situation. My husband vents about the same things constantly, he is software developer and honestly I have no idea what he is talking about half the time and its hard not to tune out. I know it sounds awful, I mean I care whether or not he is satisfied in his work but the day-to-day frustrations just get exhausting to listen to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818414 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 14:31:20 +0000 Jennibenni 2818414@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, we work together in our own business so we vent to each other all the time. We basically trade off duties between venting and being the cheerleader. Complaints go up so we have no one to bitch to except each other lol 😆 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818410 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 13:54:31 +0000 Ajsmommy 2818410@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't often bc he doesnt' "get" it.. if you know what I mean. and he'll respond and make the whole situation seem trivial or like there is something I can do to change it.. when I can't and then he'll say something like "well I'd just walk in and do xyz.. " which is just not feasible.... I mostly vent to co workers but I try to stay positive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818409 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 13:53:06 +0000 codeitall 2818409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We commiserate with each other about dealing with stupid people :silly: We're in different departments at the same company. I've been there longer, but he knows TONS more people because of his job.</p> <p>It used to be just me working while he was in school, and now that he is working as well, it has really put me on the other side of listening to him and made me more aware of how we do and need to support each other. Sometimes, it really is just a vent, or a 'what were they thinking?' that makes me feel better, versus actual suggestions to improve a situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818408 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 13:34:20 +0000 DesertDreams88 2818408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, we both vent to each other and we have the same style job so it's very helpful to have someone that really understands. He empathizes with my feelings, saying things like, "that would be so frustrating" etc. He asks clarifying questions and waits for me to "finish" before suggesting solutions. He also affirms my strengths during this process.</p> <p>Two things I wish he would do more is make more eye contact with me (he's usually busy doing something, and continues as I talk) and "mmhm"ing me as I talk.... If he doesn't, I wonder if he is listening.</p> <p>Another thing we have done for the past 2 years is starting our after-work convo with "What was the BEST part of your day?" to set a positive tone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818385 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 12:29:37 +0000 Mommy Finger 2818385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I get really frustrated when talking with DH sometimes. He will constantly interrupt me to tell me what I should have done before I have finished the story. Most of the time, the thing he told me I should do is the exact thing I already did but he just didn't let me finish! So sometimes I just don't tell him some stories and it makes me sad b/c I feel a little disconnected at times, like we never talk about things. Yes, we have had many conversations about how bothersome it is when he interrupts me but nothing has changed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818376 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 12:01:40 +0000 alphagam84 2818376@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't complain much but when I do, he mostly agrees about how ridiculous the person or situation is. I don't think he offers advice, just commiserates. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818373 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 11:53:46 +0000 looch 2818373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't vent to my husband about work, I have groups of coworkers that I vent to. My husband and I actually work for the same company but in different divisions so we have a lot of the same coworkers, it's better to keep it separate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818370 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 11:47:18 +0000 snowjewelz 2818370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For sure! But off the bat we knew our communication styles are very different, so usually he tries to be the listener that I need, which is be empathetic but don't try to offer solution. But when he fails, by now I don't really mind because I know it's not because he doesn't care. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818367 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 11:29:23 +0000 cake2017 2818367@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gestalt: I vent to hubby. When I am looking for advice and/or response I just tell him.</p> <p> “ Hey babe what do you think about this....”. </p> <p>You won’t belive how work went today....</p> <p>Hubby usually knows what I am expecting once I communicate it! It sounds like your hubby is doing what he thinks you expect? I’d just let him know... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818364 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 11:16:36 +0000 Mama Bird 2818364@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>All the time, and we try to give each other advice, or at least get each other to take things less personally. Although I wish I had DH's problems (rude inefficient coworkers, but strictly 9-to-5 job and short commute), and he wishes he had mine (huge workload, but amazing coworkers and many chances for advancement if you're a good manager and/or can put in long hours) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818359 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 11:04:53 +0000 psw27 2818359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try to but my husband has two listening styles - mostly he is a problem solver - like he wants to solve something and can't handle just listening to me vent. His other style is "phubbing" where he is half listening and reading work emails which makes me angry at him and isn't worth the vent anyway. I mostly keep things to myself. I don't have a lot of complaints about work anyway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818343 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 10:33:21 +0000 autumnleaves 2818343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband got better listening to my work talk after he started working at the same company - I just don't think he could understand it all since he worked in a completely different environment before. We don't work for the same company anymore but I feel like that experience helped him be able to understand where I am coming from. He still is a selective listener not necessarily with work issues and tunes me out more than I would like.<br /> He actually said in a recent job interview that listening is a skill he could improve upon according to his wife :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818340 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 10:16:56 +0000 bhbee 2818340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yep with you! not just work stuff, anything. he grew up with a mother who loves to talk and doesn't really care if you are paying attention, so we've had a lot of conversations about active listening and what I need to get from him in that regard (the norm is often eyes closed and silent which super offends me!). so maybe just express how it makes you feel and make a suggestion. like in my case I want eyes open, with at least simple responses (like "I see what you mean" or "that's so frustrating" or even "uh huh"). it took me a long time to realize he wasn't being a jerk, that was just how he learned to listen growing up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818339 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 10:13:03 +0000 JennyPenny 2818339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have never been satisfied with how my husband responds to work vents. If he just listens and nods it seems like he doesn't get it, if he offers advice it irritates me too. So for the most part, I just don't bother venting to him. Instead, I've noticed that my work BFF and I do something that I saw recommended in the How to Talk so Kids will Listen books - fantasizing. Like "omg, we just need to ship these people off!" "wouldn't it be nice if for once people could handle responsibilities like an adult!" I don't know if you could teach this trick to your husband, but it's made me realize that if it works for me it makes sense that it might make my kids feel better too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818337 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 10:10:47 +0000 Sams Mom 2818337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I vent all the time to my husband about work! He usually has something to say about it, which is nice, but sometimes he gets more invested than me in a problem and wants to say something. I work in a very small company, so he knows everyone, and when he stops in for a visit sometimes he goes too far talking about what I've talked to him about. </p> <p>Sometimes he does just listen quietly when I'm really aggravated about something, but that is because he knows I don't need or want any feedback I just need to yell and bitch for a minute. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/venting-to-your-spouse-about-work#post-2818323 Wed, 25 Apr 2018 09:20:50 +0000 gestalt 2818323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you vent to your spouse about work and your coworkers? What are your expectations when you vent? Is he good at responding to your vent?</p> <p>My spouse will just sit silently and emotionless and nod, and he says it's because he knows i don't want advice. At the same time, it makes me feel more disconnected and not want to continue talking. Has anyone else ever experienced this? </p>