https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 26 May 2026 09:57:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question/page/2#post-2429218 Wed, 20 Jan 2016 11:13:50 +0000 alphagam84 2429218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think two times a year is plenty. And staying a week each time? That's a long visit! Why not fly up one time (if you normally drive each time) and just do a long weekend so you don't use an entire week? That way you'll have more time for long visits. I would put my foot down with FIL and explain you both work, how hard it is to travel with 2 children, and you have limited PTO days which can't all go to seeing him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question/page/2#post-2428534 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 23:11:38 +0000 auggiefrog 2428534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's family is all over the place, so I understand the demands on your vacation time. It seams like anytime we have the money/ time (which, so far, has been pretty non existent), we are pushed to visit one relative or another. I would probably just stick with the two weeks a year mostly, unless there was a special/ urgent reason. My FIL lives about 14 hours away, and so far doesn't have a problem taking the drive a few times a year. When it does become a problem, we might take a longer visit once a year, but I can't see us traveling more than that. But he hasn't been too demanding either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question/page/2#post-2428499 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 22:45:34 +0000 PawPrints 2428499@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>83 years old is really getting up there in age. My grandmother is only a couple years older than that. So I think you have a pretty unique situation given your FIL's advanced age. I would never expect my grandmother to make a 7-hour drive or a plane trip. So that's tough. On the other hand, you are already making two trips a year, and that is a lot for you with jobs and kids. I think your FIL was probably just venting since he was physically fatigued and in pain from the journey and you don't need to take any more time than you already are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question/page/2#post-2428430 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 21:41:22 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2428430@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it's completely unreasonable for visits to be one sidesd if the grandparent is elderly or in poor health or travel is inconvenient. That may mean less visits altogether though. </p> <p>My dad recently put his foot down that we live too far away just for long weekend trip visits. It's 8-9 hours by car, 90 minute flight. So, we'll end up doing most of the traveling so we can manage our PTO better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question/page/2#post-2428408 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 21:25:46 +0000 catomd00 2428408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me it depends on your relationship. Do you enjoy visiting or is it out of obligation? If you enjoy it do more of it, if you don't do less. At the end of the day will you regret not visiting or will you regret not taking your own vacations? There's no right answer here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question/page/2#post-2428392 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 21:14:08 +0000 daniellemybelle 2428392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, when my parents are 83, I would not expect them to travel to see us often, and I would visit as often as I could (definitely more than 2x per year) because you don't know how much longer you have.</p> <p>Right now we are a plane ride away from both sets of parents. In the past 6 months we have made 5 trips total to see either set, though granted it was the holidays. It's important to us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question/page/2#post-2428259 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 19:29:00 +0000 Raindrop 2428259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@threeplusme: This is not a bad idea. One time they stayed with us for 3 weeks and that was pretty good. Maybe I'll suggest longer stays. Thank you!</p> <p>@Ginabean3: Haha my parents do this!! They have a ton of toys and stuff for the kids, the kids love visiting my parents house. They do not equally love visiting my in laws maybe I'll mention this and they might want to store some toys and maybe that will trickle to storing other things like pack and play and high chair and stroller ... etc. Thanks for the suggestion! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question/page/2#post-2428217 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 18:46:00 +0000 Ginabean3 2428217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmm this is tough. I think if I were in that situation I would have my DH put their foot down. I understand your FIL is older but you have your own family's needs to look after as well! I also think if they wanted you to visit more often they would make it easier for you with storing all your stuff.....my ILs (who are only an hour away) have a ton of secondhand baby stuff that they bought and store for us to lure us over their house more often. And honestly, it makes it so much easier! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question/page/2#post-2428192 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 18:19:48 +0000 threeplusme 2428192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can they visit for longer periods? My friends in-laws rent a place for a month at a time to visit their grandkids. The 7 hour drive or flight may not seem so bad if they were staying a month. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question/page/2#post-2428145 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 17:30:35 +0000 Raindrop 2428145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Veggiemama: Thanks for the comment. You might be right. I think this is also coupled with my second kid is 1 and FIL thinks he grew so much in one year (which is true) and feels like he missed a lot. I think kids change a lot the first year so it may feel like more time passed than it has.</p> <p>He definitely said he wanted us to visit more knowing we visit 2 weeks a year. He's very demanding. He also wants to spend all our holidays there (we try to split holidays between both sides of the family) by saying to bring all my family (my parents and siblings) to them. Demanding!</p> <p>I think you have a good point that he might be demanding because of the long trip he took and LO #2 changing so much in one year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question/page/2#post-2428126 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 17:20:06 +0000 Veggiemama 2428126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is your FIL aware that you use the majority of your vacation to visit them already? I got the impression that he just arrived after traveling a long distance and was cranky and complaining about it, maybe not that he actually expected you to visit more than you already do. </p> <p>I don't think it's realistic to visit more than 2 weeks a year though, especially with young kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question/page/2#post-2428121 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 17:17:44 +0000 Raindrop 2428121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: Thanks for the suggestion. Yeah my MIL is a neat neat person which is great but she doesn't like junk in the house. We have asked to store things before and it was endless how many times she would comment or ask us when we are going to get that out of her house. Like every time we talked to her she would mention the junk we have stored at her house so we ended up just taking it away since we figured it probably annoys her keeping it there. They don't have a small house either ... 4k sqft, 3 car garage, she just likes it clean and clutter free. We only asked to store a pack and play and a high chair and that was just too much for her!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question/page/2#post-2428113 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 17:14:58 +0000 Raindrop 2428113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BadgerMom: Haha. That's how I felt too! If only my FIL would just use the airport. I thought there were people there that could help him get around but I wasn't sure. Thanks for confirming that. Though I know it's tough being older and it's hard getting around. I wonder if it's a pride issue with my FIL that he doesn't want to get the help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question/page/2#post-2428083 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 16:51:21 +0000 Raindrop 2428083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: We will change to flying once our little one is older. It's tough to do flying because of so much stuff we have to haul. One thing is ILs don't really let us keep any baby stuff at their house (crib, high chair and etc) so we usually have to haul it with us or buy cheapy versions down their to donate later which is kind of pricy. Maybe I'll ask again if we can store stuff at their place again but my MIL likes a CLEAN house and doesn't like us having "junk" at her place. Good suggestion though.</p> <p>@cascademom: Thanks for the advance! Setting boundaries are so important. My FIL is a boundaries breaker though. I try really hard to set them with him and I reset them but I basically sum it up to he's older and his memory isn't so good so he forgets a lot of things we have put in place. Which is tough on us.</p> <p>@looch: Haha Thanks for the suggestion it has not been mentioned yet but we have tried this! We found it kind of tiring to travel... then wait a few days and travel again somewhere close (we tried going overnight to a zoo near by) and then coming back. Too much driving for a trip and managing kids during these drives.</p> <p>@PurplePeony: @MaisyMay: Thanks! That's good but we prefer less traveling than more traveling. Haha.</p> <p>@rachiecakes: Thanks good to know 2 times a year seems to be reasonable. </p> <p>@T.H.O.U.: Oh sorry I didn't mean that as talking back either normally... I meant for me it would probably be consider talking back since FIL is a guys guy. I tend to dance around with him because of the way he is... so much troubles. It's just easier to keep the peace if I play out the quite wife though I think FIL has seen hints of me not really being that way. *wink*</p> <p>@sunny: I can't work remotely!!! That's a requirement for my next job. haha. Dh can work remotely he actually had less vacation than me so we were using all his vacation days and he would try to work remotely while I watched the kids but we (I) hated that! IL don't help at all with the kids and their house is super dangerous (stairs with no gates) and so it was me trying to keep them lock up in parts of house and trying to entertain them with limited resources.</p> <p>@Greentea: FIL had a scare a few years ago. We were actually only visiting once a year but 3 years ago we decided to up it to two times a year because we were scared we would loose them. So I definitely see your POV. Thanks for the comment. As much as it might seem FIL annoys me (he does) I don't want DH to regret not spending enough time with him and not letting the LOs get to know him before it's too late.</p> <p>@Grace: Thanks! I think we will have to do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2428046 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 16:32:46 +0000 gingerbebe 2428046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: I totally understand, really. My in-laws cannot figure out Skype either even though we set it up on my MIL's Kindle Fire. They tried a few times but they just get lazy about it and forget how to use it, etc. I think the difference with my parents is that we got them iPhones, so they always have them on their person and they don't have any passwords set on them so its just a matter of picking up the phone for them. I don't know if it would be as successful if they had iPads! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2428035 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 16:28:30 +0000 avivoca 2428035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Seven hours both ways is a significant chunk of travel time, so I see why you do two longer visits. What about keeping some kid stuff at their house? That way you aren't having to lug a bunch of stuff and would be able fly?</p> <p>I definitely think two visits a year are enough, and I'd go so far as to change the weeks to include long weekends so you aren't using as much vacation time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2428034 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 16:28:27 +0000 BadgerMom 2428034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with everyone else. Twice a year is more than enough when you're on a limited vacation time allotment. My IL's live a plane ride away and we go visit them once a year. Traveling is not easy for my FIL either but they're retired and can afford to come visit if they really want to. Also, there are lots of options such as wheelchairs and luggage handlers and such at the airport so I don't have a lot of sympathy when it comes to how "hard" air travel is for older people. Air travel is hard for everyone and at least for the elderly there are services to make it much easier! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2428032 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 16:27:58 +0000 Raindrop 2428032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: Thank you for your thoughtful response. We have given them many Ipads, computers and such to help with facetime or skype but always always the mess it up for some reason. We do agree this would be a great way to keep in touch if we can some how facetime or skype more often and have tried our best to set that up as easy as possible for them. </p> <p>The latest one was my ILs somehow lost their apple id password and the ipad asked for it or won't let them facetime and they happened to forget the password to the email they connect the account with. DOH!! It's really terrible they are super bad with passwords. We have tried to make it easy but with all the password restrictions it's just tough to give them a password they will remember. You might ask why don't we write it down for them... we have!! They loose the paper! I have tried over and over again to try to think of a way for them to not forget or loose the item that has the password... outside of writing in shapie on the wall of their office... I'm just at a lost. Haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2428022 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 16:20:46 +0000 Grace 2428022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be very sympathetic to the inlaws. I'm sure it is difficult to travel as you get older. But then I would say "I'd love to visit you more, but we don't have more vacation days to do it". And leave it at that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2428017 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 16:15:43 +0000 Greentea 2428017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would make more effort to visit personally, but I think it depends on the relationship you have with them. I have had a lot of people die on me, quite frankly. If these are people that we valued and loved and got along with, I would probably make more visits. I would do more visits but keep them short, or maybe plan a family trip and stop by to visit them on the way, things like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2428010 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 16:12:24 +0000 sunny 2428010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Are you able to work remotely at all? What about doing a shorter visit combined with 1-2 work from home days? Even if MIL isn't able to watch the kids, maybe you guys could take turns watching the kids/working remotely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2427992 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 16:03:23 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2427992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: Sorry, I didn't mean to say those comments in terms of talking back to them, but maybe you or DH could drop some hints or share some "traveling with kids" horror stories. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2427982 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 15:56:44 +0000 rachiecakes 2427982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My grandparents (dad's side) retired to FL (we're in MA) when I was little and we'd visit them every couple of years. My dad was the only working parent, mom SAH and it's all they could afford.<br /> I think 2x a year is amazing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2427965 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 15:49:47 +0000 MaisyMay 2427965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I chose that I am not sure, but I would wonder about maybe dividing out your 2 full weeks into 3 smaller sections? That way instead of visiting twice for 5 days, maybe you could do a Thursday-Monday visit 3 times a year? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2427955 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 15:46:43 +0000 PurplePeony 2427955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was going to suggest the same as @Pumuckl: more visits but shorter duration. Do you get any long weekends you could tag a couple vacation days onto? That's a good way to stretch your PTO if you can do it. There's no way I'd use all my vacation time to visit my ILs, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2427928 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 15:39:47 +0000 looch 2427928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raindrop: Apologies if this has been suggested, but could you possibly go and visit them and then stay on for a vacation a few days later? We keep saying we're going to do this when we visit my inlaws, but we have yet to do it. We'd go visit part of the time, then travel locally for part of the time and then return home using the same airport. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2427925 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 15:39:12 +0000 cascademom 2427925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Twice a year is more than enough. My inlaws live many states away. We see them once a year, but FaceTime frequently. They're coming up to our new house next week. (Pray for me!) Before all hell broke loose after my firstborn's birth, traveling down to see them wasn't too big a deal. Now with two kids, it's a lot trickier. My MIL also had the expectation of us spending a full week with them like 5 days of PTO. After my son's birth, our first visit down there was an extended weekend one. She wasn't pleased, but we met our quota. She's been on disability since we married, so she thinks that we have all of the time in the world and resources to devote to them. Doing the extended weekend thing reigned that behavior in quickly. </p> <p>From my experience, set boundaries with them and stick to it. If you want your vacation time devoted to your family, make it a priority. Make them work around you and your family. I felt very out of control with my MIL's demands of our time, money, and resources when it came to visits. Since setting boundaries with her and FIL, our life has improved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2427922 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 15:37:21 +0000 ElbieKay 2427922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What about changing your strategy? If you can afford to fly there, maybe you can go for long weekends more frequently, but use less of your vacation time. I would go nuts if I had to spend an entire week hanging out with in-laws. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2427921 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 15:36:39 +0000 Raindrop 2427921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Haha Thanks for the suggestion, we have suggested that also!! They give all kinds of excuses though. My MIL mother and brother are in their area which is reasonable but 2 of their 3 sons (the other one is in the east coast - we are west coasters) are in our area and their only grand kids are with us. Then they recently said that all their doctors are in their area and they really like their doctors and don't want to have to find new ones. All very reasonable I think actually but still if they wanted to move near us they could.</p> <p>@Pumuckl: Thank you that is not a bad idea but the roughest part for us in the traveling. If we could we would do one trip for 2 weeks. Haha.</p> <p>@T.H.O.U.: Haha Thanks! I wish I was brave enough to do that. I wouldn't talk back to my ILs unless LOs were in danger. I was just stressing out while eating though. Haha.</p> <p>@blackbird: Haha. Oh that would be a different story! They are total homebodies, they get out only for doctors appointments, maybe eating out and visiting us. Thanks for the comment. </p> <p>@Bee_McGee: People with older grandparents unite! Hehe. Thanks for that. I'm happy to know that we don't have the only troublesome grandparents.</p> <p>@ShootingStar: Thanks for the suggestion. Man oh man. We get them technology every xmas and help set them up and show them over and over again how to use it which is great for a month... then something happens and no one knows what happened and we can't seem to coach them over the phone how to fix it. So yes they have ipads, iphones, computers with skype on it but because of one reason or another we can't seem to use it with them!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/visiting-grandparents-question#post-2427909 Tue, 19 Jan 2016 15:33:00 +0000 gingerbebe 2427909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do get your FIL's POV in terms of his age and the hassle of traveling at that age, but I think you are doing plenty given the amount of vacation you have. </p> <p>I think its fair to just tell them you already use the majority of your vacation time to see them so if they want to see you more often, they're going to have to continue to visit or they are going to have to figure out some kind of technology solution. For instance, my parents FaceTime with my son during his dinner almost every day. Getting them an iPad and just dialing them up at a certain day and time might be enough.</p> <p>The other solution would be to go on more frequent, shorter trips over long weekends to see them at off-peak times (I assume you are going for longer visits around major holidays). If you can fly during cheaper times of year it may make up for the increased airfare and make it possible for you to see them every 3-4 months.</p> <p>My in-laws live in a location where we have to take 2 flights plus a layover, so traveling takes at least 8 hours for us. Its a huge pain in the ass, but we've made the sacrifice to go every Christmas since we've been engaged because Christmas is a huge deal to my MIL and because DH's grandmother is in her 90s and every year its like "this could be the last time." Since DS has been born, we've scaled back to traveling to see them every other year, but that's forced my in-laws to come see us in the interim. We know that's just a matter of time because FIL will now only fly to see us and has declined to go on any vacations requiring planes (including 4 star resorts in the Caribbean) the last few years. </p> <p>We're preparing for the inevitable fight about visiting more often by planning on longer trips during times that are more convenient to us instead of Christmas (ugh), but I know that's still going to be a fight. Its just hard when they're getting older and they want to see their grandkids more because they don't know how many more years they have left. I'm not looking forward to schlepping cross-country with a 6 month old and a 2 year old come this Christmas, but again, who knows if this Christmas will be grandma's last. I just tell myself its a temporary thing and some day we will have more freedom to use our vacation time as we wish. </p>