https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 14 May 2026 03:28:12 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874393 Thu, 28 Feb 2019 17:22:43 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2874393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>After my dad passed he visited me in a dream and then he was just gone. When I have tried to talk to him aloud it just feels silly. Now, I just think to myself how much he would have enjoyed whatever was going on and that makes me smile. He delighted in everything that I did or LO did and I miss that most of all. My dad was the epitome of unconditional love and that just made me want to share stuff with him even more. We have pictures of him all over the place that it’s starting to feel like a shrine. I’ll pause at his likeness and say “hello,” but it’s not a substitute for talking to him. Just thinking about what I wish could share with him is more sweet than bittersweet because it reminds me to really cherish the moment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874381 Thu, 28 Feb 2019 16:33:02 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2874381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think about it all the time. My son was 18 months old when my mom died and he turns 6 tomorrow, and it blows my mind that she will never see him as a kid rather than just a baby. Let alone that she never met my daughter. It's such a strange and sad thing, even 4.5 years later 😔 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874291 Thu, 28 Feb 2019 09:33:39 +0000 mrbee 2874291@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pachamama: don't get me started on the justice system here!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874290 Thu, 28 Feb 2019 09:29:38 +0000 catgirl 2874290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss and all that you continue to have to deal with relating to it. </p> <p>One of my very good friends lost her mom a couple of years ago. She created an email "for her mom" that she could send things to. Simple thoughts, long letters, pictures, or even articles she would would have liked. It helped her feel like she was still there. I thought that was a really cool idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874289 Thu, 28 Feb 2019 09:26:15 +0000 bhbee 2874289@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m so sorry, that sounds incredibly hard. For me journaling has always been a good way to deal with grief. Maybe even just a private blog or notebook where you write when you feel like it. If you write funny/special things about the kids it could be a nice keepsake for the kids also someday ... kind of a way for them to connect to her too, when reading your words, understanding why she would have loved that photo, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874287 Thu, 28 Feb 2019 09:08:24 +0000 pachamama 2874287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>And also, what kind of judicial system makes you go in one day a month? That is so asinine and torturous. Not like ours is perfect but still!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874283 Thu, 28 Feb 2019 08:37:59 +0000 Mama Bird 2874283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know, it's so hard. I'm sorry. My husband lost his mom last summer and I still have moments when I just barely stop myself from asking "did you call mom today?" </p> <p>He goes to the cemetery of course, and he's hung a picture of her on the wall where he'd see it every day. She also kept diaries for a very long time - not super personal, more a log of what happened when - and he's been re-reading them. I wish we could share things with her pretty often, but DH says that one way or another, she knows how we're doing... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874254 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 21:48:29 +0000 Grace 2874254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That’s the thing that’s hit me the hardest after my dad died last year. I want to tell him things - important things, mundane things. I didn’t realise how I had gotten in the habit of saving up things to tell him. For me, if it gets really bad, I just talk to God and ask him to “pass the phone” to my dad. And then I talk. I think you have to try different things and see what helps. I’ve also heard of writing letters. There’s even a website that allows you to write letters and “send” them away. And for what it’s worth - there’s no typical timeline for grief. It is what it is and you just have to give yourself permission to feel what you feel. And grief is a sneaky bugger. You think you feel better and then it slaps you in the face. What you are feeling isn’t weird. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874246 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 21:16:46 +0000 irene 2874246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hugs @mrbee: I am so sorry that it is still so difficult, and the monthly reminder is not helpful, I know. It's been 2 years and the trials are still going, it is not OK. </p> <p>I don't have advice at all, but I share your sentiment. My mom passed away last July. It was impossible to grieve because I am the executor of her will, and I have to somehow get things rolling while I am in a different continent. New "development" happens every day/week and I had to respond to people, and constantly making decisions that are probably bad ones, but there is no way I can make good ones because I am so far away (hard to explain). My brain wants to put myself in denial (that she has passed away), or to grief properly, or think about nice and happy things about my mom and my childhood, or to cry in a healing way, but there was no moment I could do that. I was overwhelmed every day with DS, DS' school, my work, DH, taxes, vacation (and lack thereof), my now unoccupied childhood home and the fear of people breaking in, her wishes, the lawyer, bugging the handful of friends who are helping me over there ...etc. It is brutal. </p> <p>Yes there are moments I saw something and wish I could share with my mom, but I don't overly want to physically share it. I don't believe they just hang out at their grave, I hope not. A few months ago DS and I saw a butterfly in several occasions, almost felt like something was following us in the form of a butterfly. It could just be me, but I told DS that it could be grandma visiting, she was checking us out and she wanted to see how he was doing. He agreed, and that helped a little. For my dad, I KNEW that he followed me for weeks/months after he passed away. When he first passed away I felt that he was looking at me up at the corner of the ceiling. My roommate knew he passed away before my mom called when he passed. After a few weeks/months I didn't feel him anymore.</p> <p>For a while now I feel that my mom has probably moved on, or she has a weaker spirit that she hasn't/couldn't come around, or she didn't care (honestly, I wouldn't care too if I were dead, I would have better things to do). Anyhoo, I am just concerned and wanted to make sure she has moved onto a better place. That has been my recent worry (this afternoon), that she may not be in a place where she is comfortable and peaceful. </p> <p>I have been hoping once her will is settled, and I no longer have to worry about flying there and making decisions on a daily/weekly basis and life is back to normal (somehow), I'd love to find a local support group that focuses on grief. I even already found such groups at nearby churches. I think that would help. I just don't have the time at the moment. I feel like no matter who I talk to, while they know that I am going through hell, there is no way they can truly understand. I also don't want to constantly bombard them with my grief. Sometimes people (such as DH) are surprised I am still grieving as "it has been months". Are there similar support groups you can explore on your end of the world?</p> <p>ETA: The hard "reminding" times are on "anniversaries" of things which, just last year, my mom was there – things such as DS' birthday, my birthday, Chinese New Year, Christmas. It was also super hard every time I had to go back to my childhood home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874244 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 21:12:58 +0000 lamariniere 2874244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I'm so sorry that you have to relive what happened to your mother at regular intervals. That must be so hard. I'm not Buddhist, but we live in a Buddhist country and I see those family shrines everywhere, basically, every home or business has one. I think it's a lovely gesture and you should make one if that would be comforting for you. It does get easier as time passes, but time can seem to be at a standstill when you are grieving. I hope you can find some measure of solace in your memories of your mom.</p> <p>My mom passed away 12 years ago this month. She never met my husband or my children, so it's hard sometimes to think that I have a completely different life now from what I had the day my mom died, and how she will never know what happened to her children (my brother and I) since we were 26 and 24 when she passed. Years ago, I would think "oh, I should call mom and tell her this" and then I would remember she died. I don't do that anymore, but I did it for a few years following her death. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874238 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 20:53:08 +0000 foodiebee 2874238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I'm so sorry, and I can relate. My dad passed two years ago. I have a small place in our home that, while never specifically intended for this, is where I think of as his place. Kind of like a shrine might be. I think of him each time I look at it and pass it, and I often find myself wishing I could talk to him again. My dad was cremated and his ashes scattered, so I feel like he's all around me now, in nature. That's been a comfort. I still cry over him and have moments when grief comes flooding back. I don't think grief ever goes away, we just learn to shoulder it day to day and visit those emotions every now and again whether we mean to or not. Just kind of my take on it. Sending you many thoughts for peace as you make your way through this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874229 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 19:54:55 +0000 snarkybiochemist 2874229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: My dad died almost 5 years ago so he never met E, and his grave is not local (MA versus my PA) so I just kind of talk to him at random when I have something to tell him. I introduced E to him in the hospital after she had met her other grandparents and now I just update him at random when I feel like it. Typing it out sounds odd, but it works for me, its never forced or tied to a particular thing but when I think of something I want him to know I just start talking, always out loud so I do try and do it in private but otherwise I don't set any particular rules. I keep a few very specific items around the house and pull out pictures when it feels like I am forgetting something too much otherwise its hard to see stuff due to both our relationship (very complicated) and the nature of his death (suicide). I never wanted it to feel forced what I was sharing or when. Its almost easier that his grave isn't local, I don't feel obligated to visit it on specific dates or feel I have to wait until I'm at his grave to share something. So the short but weird answer to your question is, yes I get the urge to share fairly regularly and I just do so kind of into the void. I'm sorry that this is so drawn out and complicated and that you have to relive things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874225 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 19:30:41 +0000 pachamama 2874225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: first, again, I'm so so sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is hard enough as it is and what happened to your mother must make the whole grieving process so much worse. What about if you kept a box, like a shoebox you and the kids could decorate, and filled it with mementos you'd like to share? Like a photo or event ticket or flower or something. I do this for my sons and it's like a tactile scrapbook. I keep one for every year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/wanting-to-share-stuff-with-your-parents-who-passed-away#post-2874222 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 18:48:55 +0000 mrbee 2874222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's coming up on 2 years after my mom passed, and I still struggle at times. Recently I saw a picture of my daughter and she looked so happy and with such a big smile that I thought, "Wow, my mom will get such a kick out of this picture!" Of course I totally forgot in that moment that my mom is gone. Then it just hit me like a ton of bricks and the grieving process all over started again. I was pretty surprised that grieving from this realization was not a short process! This happened four days ago, and I am still thinking about this a lot.</p> <p>I would like to have a way that I could share stuff with my mom. I've tried visiting her grave and talking to her, but it is still too much for me. I can visit her but mostly I just apologize to her and cry. My mom was Japanese, so growing up we had a small Buddhist shrine in the house to our ancestors and would light incense there. I could do that and put pictures in there for her?</p> <p>I think I am struggling because the way the court system works here, rather than have a trial all at once... you have to go to court for one day every month. So for the trial for my mom's murder, I have to relive it pretty regularly and it is a challenge to process this emotionally and also grieve. So I think the grieving process is being extended beyond what is typical, and I am not sure how to handle it in the meantime.</p> <p>If your parents have passed away, do you ever get the urge to share stories or pictures with them? How do you handle it? </p>