https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 17 Jun 2026 02:14:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/3#post-1094371 Wed, 18 Sep 2013 09:22:56 +0000 mrs. wagon 1094371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rubies: haha you said what my response would have been word for word!</p> <p>We're both very traditional so it was never really a discussion. I added my maiden name to the end of my middle name, which is my Korean name... which makes for a REALLY long legal name. I kind of use my maiden name as my middle name. </p> <p>In our parents' culture the woman keeps her maiden name. But that's with Korean names and neither of us ever goes by our Korean names. </p> <p>It was important for both of us that everyone in our nuclear family have the same last name. I joked that he should take mine ;) my father's family is a really large, strong family. But I'm glad to have Wagon Sr.'s last name because it's a strong last name that is rarely misspelled. Mine always got misspelled. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/3#post-1094332 Wed, 18 Sep 2013 09:09:50 +0000 LovelyPlum 1094332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, he didn't care either way. I wanted to change it because I want everyone in our family to have the same name. But he has recently brought up the idea of using my maiden name as a middle name. It doesn't sound great with our last name, though, so I am not sure what to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/3#post-1094161 Wed, 18 Sep 2013 08:08:50 +0000 Sunshine1810 1094161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH didn't really have a preference so I kept my last name. There are several reasons why I wanted to keep mine and it was important to me. It's strange because I am fairly traditional in most ways, but felt strongly about this. I use his name socially (when we go to weddings, receive Christmas cards, etc. it's always Mr. &amp; Mrs. His Last Name). Our children will have his last name though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/3#post-1094141 Wed, 18 Sep 2013 08:02:25 +0000 Rubies 1094141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always knew I would take my husband's name so it was never even a topic of discussion when DH and I married - I just changed my name. It was/is important to me that our family has the same last name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/3#post-1094137 Wed, 18 Sep 2013 08:01:37 +0000 Mae 1094137@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At first I said I was keeping my own name. DH wasn't thrilled, he definitely wanted me to take his name, but he wasn't mad or anything. He said ultimately it was my decision but he'd like it if I took his name. In the end I did, dropped my middle name, and took my maiden name as my new middle name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/3#post-1094129 Wed, 18 Sep 2013 07:55:45 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 1094129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't really know because I wanted to take it. I guess if I had said I wasn't going to, I would have found out if it upset him! ;) I know he was happy that I did. I went from pretty much the most common last name ever to a very rare one that I've never heard before :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/3#post-1094113 Wed, 18 Sep 2013 07:46:53 +0000 looch 1094113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I took my maiden as my middle as well. It's been fine and I still have my maiden name gmail account, I can't let it go, lol.</p> <p>We talked about it briefly, I viewed it as a decision both of us had to make, together, because we were changing our "structure" if you will. We were single people who became married (a new civil structure, how we pay taxes changes, etc) so we decided together that I would take the maiden as middle and add his name to mine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/3#post-1094110 Wed, 18 Sep 2013 07:44:36 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1094110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He didn't have a preference but I did take his last name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/3#post-1094044 Wed, 18 Sep 2013 07:09:59 +0000 bushelandapeck 1094044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had my ex husbands last name still when I married DH so I knew I needed to change it either way. I wanted to take his, even though I really love my maiden name. I'm hoping to use it for a middle name if we have more children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/3#post-1094014 Wed, 18 Sep 2013 06:40:03 +0000 mediagirl 1094014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, it's my right to decide what name I have, not his. He respected that. I took his anyways because it's what I wanted to do. My maiden became my middle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1094013 Wed, 18 Sep 2013 06:37:11 +0000 mrs. 64 1094013@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always wanted to change my name and it was something that was important to DH. I like having the same family name together. Honestly, changing it was a lot harder than I expected. I really liked my maiden name and I miss it. DH's last name is not very interesting. I'm used to it now though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1093940 Wed, 18 Sep 2013 04:00:06 +0000 PurplePumps 1093940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, he actually said not changing it was a deal breaker for him cause it was no important to have a cohesive name. I thought that was a bit extreme but didn't care and was OK with changing it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1093897 Wed, 18 Sep 2013 01:42:10 +0000 loveisstrange 1093897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>WHen I mentioned the idea of changing my name, DH was shocked and said he always assumed I would keep my name. It really wasn't even important to him. </p> <p>I may hyphenate at some point, just because C has his last name, but I don't kow. It's been 3 years already. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1093823 Tue, 17 Sep 2013 23:30:25 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 1093823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In our culture, it is totally up to the couple. There isn't a norm. I'd say the majority of women do what I am doing: I have my maiden and I use it legally, but I allow and do not correct people if thy call me mrs.husbands LN or write "mr.&amp;mrs.." On our mail or whatever. I use emails and usernames with his last name all the time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1093748 Tue, 17 Sep 2013 21:56:03 +0000 mlm2934 1093748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It was never a discussion, I wanted to share a name, and love that my name is now more unique. I think he would have been bothered though if I hadn't.</p> <p>I'm frankly surprised so many women kept there maiden name on HB. I cannot think of one married couple that i know IRL who don't share the man's last name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1085244 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 11:40:40 +0000 PurplePeony 1085244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: I guess my DH and I maintain a little more of a sense of independence in our marriage, but even so, I did consider his preferences when making the decision. But in the end, changing my name would have made me more resentful and unhappy than me not changing it makes him, so it was a pretty straightforward choice. My DH and I see eye-to-eye on a lot of things, but on the occasions we don't, I'm not going to just cave and change my views because he wants me to. If he can make a good case for his views, I'm willing to be swayed; in this situation, he didn't really have any good reasons beyond "it's what I want." And that wasn't nearly enough to trump my reasons for keeping my name. Also, like @Mrs. Yoyo said, I would worry about our ability to weather the bigger storms that are certain to happen during our marriage if he was all "my way or the highway" about this, and hence would have had serious reservations about whether we should get married in the first place. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1084972 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 10:11:36 +0000 ShootingStar 1084972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I knew it was important to him that I change it, and it was important to me that we and our kids have the same name. But if I'd had a huge objection to it, I'm guessing he would've gotten over it. I do like that we share a name, but sometimes it feels like it would've been easier to keep my maiden name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1084971 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 10:11:17 +0000 swurlygurl 1084971@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think we ever once discussed it. I didn't even know women kept their maiden names! (I definitely grew up in a bubble)<br /> Part of me really misses my maiden name because it was my identity for so long, and because it was EASY to spell (definitely top 10 last names - ETA just looked it up, #2!).<br /> The other part of me was glad to mix up my name, because my first, middle and maiden name are SOO popular that it was painfully boring. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1084918 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 09:53:00 +0000 OldEnglandMama 1084918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. I kept my name. I said I would hyphenate if he did, or we could change to something else entirely (neither of us liked that option). He was a little upset at first but when I pointed out how irrational he was being (he likes to think of himself as very progressive and open minded) he quickly shut up. He's now perfectly ok with the situation. Our child(ren) will have both our names. This is important to me because if we ever live in my home country his last name is a slang term, very derogatory, and would definitely lead to some playground bullying. We have said our child could temporarily drop his name and use mine in that situation. Also, at the time we were married, we were in the middle of visas and green card applications (he's American, I am not) and it was just not worth the hassle (nor the added expense !!) to change either of our names. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1084904 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 09:48:54 +0000 2PeasinaPod 1084904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I never really thought about keeping my name much. I asked him what he thought, and he said he would be ok if I hyphenated...mainly b/c any kids that we had would have a different last name than one of us. I just took his since I didn't have too much of an attachment to my maiden name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1084889 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 09:43:14 +0000 deerylou 1084889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband truly didn't care, as he knows that I love my maiden name. I plan to take his name, eventually, just haven't gotten around to making all the legal changes. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1084871 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 09:39:09 +0000 sorrycharlie 1084871@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yes, extremely so. i mentioned the night after the wedding I was considering hyphenating and it caused a huuuuuge fight. haha. starting off on the right foot..</p> <p>anyway, I ended up changing my last name but keeping my maiden as my legal middle (my middle name is still on my SS card, though..two middles?). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1084870 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 09:38:57 +0000 bookwormmama 1084870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted to have the same last name as my family/children so I always planned to change my name. Not sure if he would have been disappointed if I hadn't...I've never asked since it was always my plan to change it!</p> <p>I also didn't have any attachment to my name. My parents divorced when I was young and my dad wasn't really around. My step-dad has been my father for over 18 years and I didn't really like having a different name than him/my family. Now I feel like I have a good reason to have a different name than them if that makes sense! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1084865 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 09:36:37 +0000 lemondrop 1084865@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Yoyo: yes, this! Him bring super adamant about it would have gotten a very serious reaction out of me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1084784 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 09:09:37 +0000 anonysquire 1084784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He wanted me to take his but I wouldn't. I love my family and still don't feel ready to be part of his. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1084722 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 08:47:23 +0000 Happygal 1084722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OliviaOblivia: I'm glad I read your comment--it made me laugh. I will likely change my name once we have children, and I thought about revealing my name change in some touching way. Really, I can see my husband not caring. I mean, he doesn't really care now, so why would he care later? Good to keep the expectations in check! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1084715 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 08:44:37 +0000 psw27 1084715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My maiden name was a mouthful and I liked his name better. But I did move my maiden to my middle name since I never liked my middle name. It was pretty much all my decision, he didn't express a strong opinion one way or the other. (although he thought the middle name thing was "weird") </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1084653 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 08:23:46 +0000 fancyfunction 1084653@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I kept my last name and he didn't seem overly upset about it. Of course he would have liked it if I took his name, but he understood my reasons for wanting to keep mine. I've had this name my whole life, it's part of my identity and it's pretty unique. I just didn't feel that getting married was a reason to give it up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1084643 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 08:20:15 +0000 Silva 1084643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always planned to keep mine. He didn't care. We talked about creating a new name, a combination of both of ours, but neither of us really wanted to change our names. </p> <p>I kept mine, he kept his, we gave our daughter his last name with a family name from my side as a middle name. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/was-your-so-adamant-about-married-name/page/2#post-1084600 Fri, 13 Sep 2013 07:58:42 +0000 heartonastring 1084600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I kept my name and it was a non-issue. I wouldn't have reacted well if DH had told me I had to change my name.</p> <p>In our circle very few women have changed their names. Also, DH's last name is difficult to spell and pronounce..all of his sisters couldn't wait to get rid if it when they got married! </p>