https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 00:14:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2873423 Thu, 21 Feb 2019 21:13:50 +0000 Mrsbells 2873423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: This is such a hard situation. I have had needy friends in the past and find them so draining! I now really try to set boundaries and really resist getting too close to new people because I'm scared of ending up in that situation again.<br /> I am very protective with my kids and also dont get it when people who barely know me start suggesting sleepovers and playdates </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2873408 Thu, 21 Feb 2019 20:19:12 +0000 misolee 2873408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn’t really read through all of the posts but although she might be overstepping and I would totally follow your gut, there are a lot of ppl like this that I was surprised too. I’m sort of over cautious when it comes to my kids but I was appalled at how casual ppl were when it comes to letting their kids come over or be their ride, etc. </p> <p>My daughter started kinder this year and at the open house, I met a mom in my neighborhood. Kids are not even in the same class. We met signing up for pta stuff and she heard me say my addresss for a form. My address has the subdivisions name in bc we’re the first street but it’s a huge neighborhood. And literally I just met her and she asked me if we should be each other’s emergency contact persons and we should carpool. I declined politely by saying we might ride the bus (we don’t. Haha). But I’m thinking, what if I’m a horrible driver? What if I’m crazy? How can you even consider me to be the emergency contact when you know nothing about me? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2873364 Thu, 21 Feb 2019 16:14:39 +0000 emileee 2873364@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I saw a few moms post above that this sounds normal, maybe this family is just lonely / anti-social / awkward but otherwise well-intentioned. Personally, I think that's irrelevant. If you're uncomfortable and you're getting weird vibes, don't feel the need to push through that and give them the benefit of the doubt. If something ever happened to you or your family, you would never forgive yourself for listening to people on the internet instead of your gut. Really, life is too short to spend so much of it with awkward acquaintances you at best don't feel close to and sometimes get the heebie jeebies from. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2872171 Fri, 15 Feb 2019 07:52:15 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2872171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@elephantsandgiraffes: I hadn't thought about that, but it's a very valid point. She does encourage her husband to hang out with us. This weekend, for example, she's offered a few times for us to have our daughter come over to play, but she's going to be out of town so he would be supervising them. I would assume someone in a domestic violence situation wouldn't want to do that with a stranger, but conversely maybe it's a sense of safety if someone else is there? I don't know that I feel comfortable asking her at this stage in our relationship, but something to think about for sure, thank you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2872131 Thu, 14 Feb 2019 20:58:50 +0000 elephantsandgiraffes 2872131@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>hey mama, another thought to throw out there is that she may not feel safe at home with DH. domestic violence is so incredibly common. some parts of this set off warning bells in my head: that he can't hold down a job, that she can't rely on him for childcare even though it seems like he's not consistently at work, that she's 'latching' onto you and especially onto your DH, and she's looking for someone to 'be there' for her and willing to provide that in return. i'm not sure if you feel comfortable asking her regarding safety in her relationship, but if you do, i'd urge you to consider putting it out there. most often, women won't say anything when asked, but will come back and reach out later. happy to help you find local resources she can turn to if this ends up being the case too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871581 Tue, 12 Feb 2019 10:46:26 +0000 Jennibenni 2871581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: Agree that the best way to say no is just to give a short answer (We have plans!”) and not make any other explanations or excuses. </p> <p>This is something I have struggled with but it is so freeing and so much less stressful to not have to explain myself all the time. Especially because pushy people will always push past your explanations and back you into a corner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871578 Tue, 12 Feb 2019 10:42:10 +0000 lioneyes 2871578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@elbiekay YES.</p> <p>So I think we all know that mom from our kids class who is a taker- she sends an email to everyone talking about how raising kids "takes a village!" but what she means is, "please drive my kid/watch my kid/feed my kid for me with no reciprocity."<br /> Best case, I think that's what this scenario is- which is not ideal especially when family time is short etc etc. But I don't think it's JUST this. If you get a weird vibe from the husband, trust your gut! DD and the daughter can play together at school and at bday parties, and maybe you could see if they want to do an afterschool activity/class together (but then you might get roped into playing chaffeur.) It also sounds like you're getting a weird vibe from the mom. I have no idea what the real truth of their situation is, but if she makes you uncomfortable, you do not have to spend time with them.<br /> I know confrontations are hard, but you don't have to start with that, just saying, "no, that won't work for us!" is a great response (give no other info) and she WILL get the hint eventually. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871567 Tue, 12 Feb 2019 10:18:18 +0000 irene 2871567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: So they really have 3 carseats, not 2. lol</p> <p>You know, trust your gut instinct. Your LO is 1 year younger than mine, and we really started this pick up / carpool thing after DS got into 1st grade. The first time I approached a mom for a playdate, she just said oh great! I'll pick him up a Friday and they'll play, you can come by and get him around 6pm. I was a little hesitant too as in, wow, people do that? lol. But I do know her since kindergarten (our kids were in the same class 2 years in a row), did several mom outings, met the families and they are normal (lol) so I trusted them. I would also not trust anyone that I *barely met*. And again, I really draw the line at if they were able to sustain a regular household income without having to worry about money. I can not trust families like that. Not with my kid.</p> <p>Not to mention I watched a very scary TV show (Netflix "Abducted in Plain Sight") earlier about how psychos / pedophiles would groom kids and the entire family to "allow" an abduction to happen. They don't just lure the kid, they penetrate the family too. So yes, you are not wrong to have your guards up. Just make up excuses when she asks you to pick her kid up, just say you are busy and you had plans! You don't have to elaborate on the plans. Don't follow up with her when she asks your husband if you could pick her kid up, let her ask you and then you say no. She can add you to 1000 lists but you don't have to do them. When they do offer to pick your kid up, just say no, I am not quite comfortable with that yet. It is OK. You are doing great! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871551 Tue, 12 Feb 2019 09:40:40 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2871551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: Thanks for sharing it, that's super interesting. I have a similar dynamic with my mom, except she gets frustrated when she over-accommodates but then people won't do things her way, so I've always erred much more on the side of being helpful for helpful's sake and not attaching strings to anything. However, I'm starting to see that in this case I'm definitely taking it further than is reasonable and I'm not putting myself first (which is also a huge issue for me). Thank you and everyone on this post for the insight, it's been incredibly helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871549 Tue, 12 Feb 2019 09:34:36 +0000 ElbieKay 2871549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: I am a recovering people pleaser too but I have reached the angry stage where I get pissed off when people (try to) take advantage of my good will. I don’t always channel it productively but at least this is better than prioritizing someone else’s opinion/issues/time over my own.</p> <p>My mother is a total people pleaser and gets frustrated when I won’t play ball. It has been a process to unwind from that dynamic. But I would rather piss her off than bury my own feelings. In turn she complains that I am too confrontational and it makes her uncomfortable. Really? Well it makes me uncomfortable to ignore my own feelings. If someone has to be uncomfortable either way, it may as well not be me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871544 Tue, 12 Feb 2019 09:20:36 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2871544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlejoy: I'm not great with confrontation, I definitely tend to lean toward over-accommodating, but all the comments here have definitely given me a lot of pause. Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871543 Tue, 12 Feb 2019 09:19:39 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2871543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I often worry about what others may think of us too, which is partly why I'm hesitant about drawing boundaries despite weird vibes in the whole situation. To your questions: yes, they have 2 cars, and they have 2 car seats already, so this was definitely a "just in case" purchase by the mom's own admission. I don't get the sense they spend a lot of time with other families/kids, but it's definitely possible. It was just the timing of it that seemed weird. And yes, I don't think it's weird to have someone be on standby to pick up your kid if there's an emergency, but it did throw me off that she added us to the emergency pickup list without asking us if that would be OK. All this is happening with her knowing very little about us and vice versa, and I realize my own sense of trust and caution is higher than theirs, clearly (or at least hers - I have no idea how her husband feels about any of this), so gut-checking it with everyone here has been helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871542 Tue, 12 Feb 2019 09:15:52 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2871542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: You're absolutely right. I'm a (slowly) recovering people pleaser and have a tendency to over-accommodate, and I don't want my daughter to grow up the same way, thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871500 Tue, 12 Feb 2019 00:29:35 +0000 bees_knees 2871500@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: This. Amen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871494 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 23:42:32 +0000 ElbieKay 2871494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: Please set a good example for your daughter by trusting your gut and figuring out how to set an appropriate boundary. I wish women were generally socialized that way instead of feeling pressured to be “nice”. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871490 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 23:06:02 +0000 irene 2871490@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Awww, this post cracks me up :grin: </p> <p>While I truly understand your dilemma and yes that sounds weird... I can't help but to point out that this is almost my ultimate fear that some mom acquaintances from school must be thinking that about us lol :meh: OK to be fair, we are not *that* weird as the couple you know, but I can almost see people thinking/talking about my DH (or even myself!) doesn't talk much :silly: I am writing the below without reading all the comments, which I will later :-) </p> <p>RE: Extra car seat: Do they have 2 cars? Because we have always have 2 carseats even we only have 1 LO for flexibility in picking up! As DS grow older (now 7), playdates is usually in the format of mom A picking up 2+ kids at school, they play for a few hours, and mom B go to mom A's house to pick her kid(s) up afterwards. DS is of a smaller size and still in the 5-point car seat while most of his friends are already in booster. Other families had picked DS up and I can only do the return favor only for the smaller sized kids lol. I have been nagging DH to buy at least one booster so we can pick his friends up (which he refused)! And when they are even older, there are these air blow up booster seats too where one mom can pick several kids up. Maybe this mom has other friends she plans to have a playdate with, and they are not buying the extra seat just for you? </p> <p>RE: asking you to pick up her DD from school: Hmm... I assume when she asks you to pick her DD up from school you are picking up your own too? It is very very common at our school, all we need to do is to email our teacher beforehand about it, and maybe give the other family our carpool number. They will verify at carpool, and we are good to go. A lot of families does it as an after school playdate, especially on Fridays. Even if it were really an emergency, the school will usually allow a one-time emergency pick up. Recently my doctor insisted I must go to the ER immediately when DH was traveling and DS was in school. I frantically emailed DS' teacher and said if DH or I didn't show up by 6pm, we'd have our neighbor come and pick him up and I give them my neighbor's phone #. I did not ask my neighbor at all as I was pretty certain it won't happen, and I didn't want to alarm her unless none of us is able to get out by 5-ish. And I was strapped down in a ton of wires / an IV to properly ask everyone in formal etiquette. I had to make sure DS was taken care of in case I died and DH couldn't make it on time. You know?</p> <p>I am pretty OK with the late bedtime / departure too - some people they do have late bedtimes, and they didn't realize others (like my household) would like kids to go to bed by 8:30. Maybe their kid truly goes to bed at 9, and they feel like maybe it is the weekend and they can extend a bit? With that said, I do feel ya, One time when DS was a lot younger and we had a friend over, she also wouldn't leave and it was 8:30 lol. I kept saying, oh, DS need to go take a bath now.... hahaha.</p> <p>The things I am actually not comfortable with is her DH's work situation (I just don't trust people who can not hold down a job / have a reliable source of income with kids), and I do trust your gut instinct. When everything adds together in full intensity I can see that it is very uncomfortable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871477 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 21:52:18 +0000 Jennibenni 2871477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: I don’t even want to watch my close friends’ kids, who I love dearly, for a full nonschool day so that would be something where’d id have to say, “I’m so sorry, that’s just not something we can do!” You could offer to share the number of a sitter if you have any recommendations for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871473 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 21:49:14 +0000 Chuckles 2871473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: Honestly, the weirdest part about this for me (besides the non-talkative husband) is that they bought an extra car seat. Does she have other friends/kids she drives around? Or did it seem to be based on this idea that you would both be driving each other's kids frequently?<br /> As for the drop-off playdates, could you always "blame" your daughter? Like, thanks for offering, but DD isn't really comfortable with drop off playdates yet? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871458 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 20:53:13 +0000 periwinklebee 2871458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: If I'm understanding right that you've gotten roped into watching their kid for a full day next week and doing another pickup, and they weren't clear about what they were asking and it ended up being a lot more than you thought, this would be a huge red flag... </p> <p>Right now I have almost no me time and am just not in the market for intensive friendships, let alone friendships where someone is angling for free babysitting. I'm also really non-confrontational, but would try to distance myself anyways in this scenario... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871429 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 17:38:23 +0000 littlejoy 2871429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: I don't think you're over-thinking or being too cynical. </p> <p>I'm rooting for you ... not really sure how you handle confrontation or awkward situations, but I know I'd have a hard time deciding how to navigate this, especially because I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. It's a lesson in setting boundaries, and I think that's good for all of us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871424 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 17:34:21 +0000 youboots 2871424@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlejoy: your last paragraph has nothing to do with being a cynic. It has to do with the fact trust that has not been established.</p> <p>@Mrs. Carrot: it sounds like they need a babysitter/nanny or after school care somewhere like the Y. Unless this is a role you want and are comfortable doing, I really don’t think you should be picking up their child after school. They will come to depend on you/expect it. It will be harder to stop later. Just because you don’t want to say no when it’s not inconvenient does not mean you are obligated. It’s more awkward/difficult to become entrenched and stressed and then have to untangle yourself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871422 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 17:31:22 +0000 bees_knees 2871422@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Carrot: Yeah, I'd totally listen to your gut and keep your distance. Even if it's awkward and you're scared of hurting feelings...sometimes you just have to put your family first, ya know? </p> <p>FWIW, I would feel the same way as you in this situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871412 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 16:21:40 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2871412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlejoy: the last part of your comment is especially setting off bells for me. A couple weeks ago she asked my husband (they ran into each other at pickup) if we would pick up her daughter once or twice the following week because she might have to be out of town. He said he'd check with me on any plans we may have and mentioned it to me and I was fine with it. Then we didn't hear anything so I texted her to ask if she still needed us to do this (it would have been this week). Turns out she was thinking about next week, and one of those days is a holiday, so basically we'd be keeping her daughter all day on a non-school day. Now, it's possible my husband misunderstood her ask, he's not keen on details, but it's just as likely she didn't actually specify this. And all I keep thinking is that if the dad works inconsistent hours (at the time of all this, I didn't know what he did for work, I do now), then is he actually going to pick her up at a reasonable time or am I hosting sleepovers? I'm very much a cynic too, and that's partly why I wanted to check this with the board - I keep wondering if maybe I'm overthinking things, but after seeing how she was ignoring her daughter's cues and ours the night they were over, I'm nervous about what this means for nights we might pick her daughter up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871403 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 15:08:50 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2871403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I meet a ton of people everyday in my job and I can totally get that you’re getting a ‘vibe’ from them. Some people just give off something subtle that creates an uneasiness that’s difficult to put a finger on. So, I would trust your gut on this one. Keep it casual and create boundaries. Hopefully they will get the message if it’s repeated endlessly. Don’t get suckered into more of a relationship than you want. They could totally be normal but I would be weirded out by this too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871395 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 14:27:52 +0000 littlejoy 2871395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I completely agree with @youboots. </p> <p>I've had a few instances like this, and I just distance myself. </p> <p>With the bedtime thing, I just have firm boundaries. We had a preschool family over for dinner last weekend, and I literally texted, "Hey, we have a firm 7:00 bedtime for the kids, so we'll have to wrap things at 6:30." Because of this, we invited them over at 4, and I just wasn't afraid to remind them at 6 that we were nearing the end-time. I've even joked that there isn't a non-awkward way to tell people to leave - lightening the mood a little, but everyone has understood and respected that boundary. </p> <p>What strikes me the most is that they both make you uncomfortable. The mom is nice enough (clearly has attachment issues), but the dad sounds like someone who doesn't have stability. That would make me nervous ... I couldn't shake it. It's weird he agreed to a playdate in the first place, if he's that generally uninterested. I'm not suggesting any nefarious intention - it's just weird. </p> <p>Honestly, I'm not sure how I would handle the emergency contact and pickup situation. I don't see a way out of that without offending her, but if you aren't comfortable with it, you aren't comfortable with it. </p> <p>Andddd, because I'm a cynic, I just question what it could turn into. She asks you to pick their kid up, and then says she can't come get her until later than agreed upon (after you've already done the pickup)? Or, there's communication issues, and the husband accuses you guys of overstepping? Without a strong foundation of friendship/trust, this would be hard to navigate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871394 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 14:19:57 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2871394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jennibenni @youboots I appreciate that perspective. I admit, I have a really hard time with being direct though, so I am not sure how I would explain why I'm suddenly so unavailable. I probably wouldn't have them over for dinner again, but I've been pretty open about being happy to be there if they need someone to cover with their daughter (husband works odd hours and she has to travel occasionally). I'm not sure what they did before, and I kinda feel like a jerk saying no if it's not an inconvenience, but I also realize that boundaries would be good here, so that's where I'm stuck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871393 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 14:16:24 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2871393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: Yup, I am definitely listening to the vibe on the dad, I just realize I'm likely going to walk into one of those "feel free to drop her off" situations pretty soon and I'm going to run out of excuses eventually. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871392 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 14:12:06 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2871392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: They're kindergartners, so at least through this year and possibly next. We are looking to move out of the school district in the short term, but haven't firmed up those plans. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871391 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 14:11:00 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2871391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I definitely get the impression that she's lonely and is looking for connection, so I in no way want to judge there (especially as someone who is often in a similar boat from a no-friend perspective). And I am definitely happy to help with her daughter (again, as someone who is often panicking about not having an easy go-to person if I needed that kind of backup myself). The speed of it all has just felt off to me - and I realize it may just be my own weariness; I am someone who takes a while to trust a person, especially with kid. So because I get her perspective, I don't want to shut it all down, but I admit, it's given me some weird vibes that I'm trying to figure out how to deal with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/weird-mom-friend-situation-wwyd#post-2871383 Mon, 11 Feb 2019 13:28:00 +0000 Foodnerd81 2871383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Another way to look at it- maybe her husband kind of sucks and she’s alone a lot of the day and she doesn’t have anyone to talk to, so when she is talking to people she really likes, she gets caught and misses social cues. I mean, I know I have had days when I’ve talked to grocery store cashier for way longer than I should have because I’d been stuck in the house with a baby too long. </p> <p>But it sounds like it’s more of an overall thing, not any one specific thing that happened. I would thinking keeping her at a distance is best, and like others said, make playdayes outside the home to stay on neutral ground.</p> <p>Also I definitely have oversharing friends. One in particular just tells everyone her business, but she does it in a way that it seems like she really trusts you and is confiding specially in you, when actually she is confiding in everyone. </p>