https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 19 Apr 2026 07:06:30 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby/page/2#post-2511575 Thu, 31 Mar 2016 12:32:23 +0000 Cherrybee 2511575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: If therapy is teaching me anything it's that this is the root cause of most of my issues - a complete inability to ask for what I actually need. My inlaws would LOVE it if I just specified exactly what they could do to help; they really do just want to help. But I have so much guilt about how much they do for us..... I feel like I cant ask for things, I have to let them set the agenda...... I feel like I have to repay them and the only thing I have that my MIL wants is a brand new baby (I feel like she wishes it was her baby). To expect her to take care of the toddler but deny her unlimited access to the baby seems ungrateful and selfish. I have asked them to keep Elliott's routine exactly the same for now, but I don't feel like I can say "this means you let me drop her off at 9, let me collect her at 5 and leave me the hell alone in between unless I ask otherwise" because that makes me a massive cow. So I'm left with their interpretation of "keeping her routine the same", which involves them being at my house all the bloody time and my MIL talking about how she is so excited to be super involved ("help") with the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby/page/2#post-2511269 Thu, 31 Mar 2016 09:45:52 +0000 Maysprout 2511269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did have anxiety while pregnant with my second. Around 32 weeks I threw myself into a big project and redid the room the baby was going to be in. A lot of it was after everyone was in bed. I'd cut, replace, patch drywall, sanded a lot and painted. I made choosing a paint color a huge ordeal as dh and I tried to find the exact right color. It was a lot of silly obsession over whether the drywall was sufficiently blemish free, and paint samples, and over analyzing, and probably took a month since I'd just work an hour or two at night. But it directed my nervous energy and I loved the result. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby/page/2#post-2511244 Thu, 31 Mar 2016 09:25:50 +0000 ShootingStar 2511244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I think you should just turn it around on them. After baby's here say, as soon as they show up at the door, say "Hi, I'd like to lay down with baby, can you read E a book and take her to the park?" Or whatever. </p> <p>Or if she suggests taking the baby, just correct her and say, "What I really need to relax is to go feed the baby/lay down/etc, why don't you take E for a while?" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby/page/2#post-2511129 Thu, 31 Mar 2016 08:10:03 +0000 Cherrybee 2511129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I didn't want to set new precedents with E that might then be taken away as a direct result of baby sister's arrival. I intend to start "Elliott Time" but only once Im in a feeding routine etc and I know what time I can dedicate and when. Im already finding shes clingier with me because we spend so much more time together now Im on mat leave - it doesnt bode well. My MIL really, really wants to help by hoovering, folding baby clothes etc - she's always asking what she can do- but these tasks are so cathartic for me, its like I neeeeeeed to do them. Quietly. Alone. It helps my anxiety. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby/page/2#post-2511072 Thu, 31 Mar 2016 07:29:41 +0000 Foodnerd81 2511072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: can you find a way to carve out special E time then have the in laws take her the other time? I made a point to do some special mommy C time while I was pregnant because I knew it would get much harder after baby was born, and I really am glad I did it. But the half time when you are trying to get stuff done and she is trying to get your attention is so so annoying. Could they commit better to certain times of taking her or of the house? Or maybe you could invent some errands out of the house so it's like, ok you need to be here at 9:30, I have a doctors appt, see you at 5? Or next time they tell you to sit and read E a story, say, ok great idea, could you finish folding these baby clothes while I do that? It's so much more stressful trying to do both. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2511009 Thu, 31 Mar 2016 02:13:32 +0000 Cherrybee 2511009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can I just add, it makes me stressed about how it will be after the baby is born. I had a rough time with E, couldn't breastfeed or bond, and I'm hoping this time will be different. But what if my MIL wont go away and keeps saying "you sit down and read E a book, I will change the baby's nappy" or "why dont you take E to the park while I stay with the baby". I really wanted a chance to enjoy my time with this baby and I'm feeling it slipping away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2511008 Thu, 31 Mar 2016 02:08:33 +0000 Cherrybee 2511008@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotpink: My inlaws look after my 2.5 year old 3 days a week (she then goes to daycare 2 days a week) while I work FT. When I went on maternity leave (early due to health reasons), they initially asked if I even wanted them to have her at all (umm yes) and then suggested shorter days, with them picking her up and dropping her home at their leisure and around activities they have planned. So one day they might turn up at 9.30 but then don't leave my house until 11am and, during that time, E only wants to play with me and is thrusting books in my face, and I'm there with a huge to-to list, getting grumpier and grumpier, but if I try to start doing something my MIL tells me to "stop stressing" and "the baby doesn't care if their clothes are ironed or not" and "sit down, you should be resting. Read Elliott a book". I want to scream "go away!" but when someone is doing you a huge favour having your child -especially when you're not even at work - you cant really dictate to them. </p> <p>But its so frustrating! And then when I do show a little of my frustration, it comes out as "Ive got a million things to do, agh" and then comes the lecture about how I'm too stressed and "this should be a happy time". It would be a happy time if you'd just take E away and let me iron my baby bed sheets in peace! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510797 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 17:59:58 +0000 hotpink 2510797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: gotcha. My MIL and I don't see eye to eye on these kinds of things either. Why is your MIL around? Can you send her out if she's stressing you and not being helpful. No need having extra stress in your house if you're just trying to get stuff in order before baby arrives. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510784 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 17:47:05 +0000 Cherrybee 2510784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotpink: I find it impossible to just lounge about - I relax by doing. I promise I'm not overdoing it physically.... its mostly sorting and organising on my list. I find it therapeutic. Its her trying to force me to sit down all the time that makes me seem stressed and anxious (not least because I'm like "why are you even in my house?? Go away!") </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510773 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 17:29:07 +0000 hotpink 2510773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh yes, worried about labor, worried about bonding and how my older son would feel with a new baby in the house. I had a friend stay with us to help out with new baby and I was horrified that she would judge my cleaning (or lack of) or what food I had in the fridge when she arrived, etc. </p> <p>Can you hire out house cleaning and get yourself a prenatal message and/or acupuncture for relaxation? </p> <p>Sounds like your MIl is trying to help remind you to take time for yourself. I was offered advice I didn't take, like slowing down, hiring out cleaning and getting groceries delivered because I felt I was still capable of doing it all myself. I should taken more help and let myself relax more. Maybe there is something you MIL can help with? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510755 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 17:02:30 +0000 Cherrybee 2510755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone! I knew it was normal to feel like this. </p> <p>@JoyfulKiwi: My DH was really annoyed when I told him what she had said. I don't think she meant any harm.... but, yes, telling someone with depression &amp; anxiety, who is receiving support for a previous traumatic experience, that they are too negative when they should be happy is a bit stupid! :happy: </p> <p>@Kemma: Thanks! I wasn't assertive at all in the meeting and was totally fobbed off but something really positive came from it because I saw how Id blatantly allowed myself to be fobbed off! I wanted to be *reasonable* and I didn't want to be seen as a drama llama and this stopped me advocating for myself. I've discussed with DH and he is primed to advocate strongly for me this time (even when I beg him to "be reasonable"). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510696 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 15:48:45 +0000 catomd00 2510696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yerpie110: thank you! So glad to know it's possible since everyone tells me it's not lol. I feel like it's going to be fine, which is worrisome because I don't want to be blind sided. I expected the worst with DD1, which made everything fee easy because I was expecting it to be terrible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510694 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 15:42:22 +0000 catomd00 2510694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: this made me feel so much better! People look at me like I have 5 heads when I saw I'm 31 weeks and literally have done nothing nor plan to do much more than clean the house up and wash some<br /> Newborn clothes lol. I figure I'll get other stuff done on maternity leave or whenever really?! I've got boobs, diapers, clothes and a pack n play. What more do you need?! Lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510552 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 13:39:16 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2510552@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: your MIL should button it! I'm sorry her comments are so unhelpful. I was mostly worried about labor: what to do with our son &amp; how he'd cope, but also how I would handle it (I had a good first labor, but every time is different! My 2nd went very well). I didn't stress about the adjustment period because I figured I couldn't do anything while pregnant to help with that. The transition to 2 has been tough for me (LO2 is 11 weeks), but so was the transition to having just 1 kid! I'm seeing a therapist and it helps loads! If your therapist thinks you're okay with how you're coping, then you don't need to change to please others' expectations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510540 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 13:33:52 +0000 yerpie110 2510540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: she turned 3 a month after dd2 arrived and honestly, she has adored her sister from the second she laid eyes on her! I'm sure that will change once dd2 starts to get into her toys :silly: there were struggles surrounding learning to share me, but she is easily redirected and I have made sure to include plenty of one on one time with her. It has been sweet to watch her relationship with DH blossom though (she was 110% mama's girl pre baby, and now she's "only" 90% haha). Wishing you the best as you prepare for baby 2, it's going to be great!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510528 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 13:22:02 +0000 Kemma 2510528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: that's awesome that you were able to meet with the midwives at the hospital, I wish more women would file complaints so that services can be improved! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510439 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 12:18:35 +0000 Cherrybee 2510439@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: Yes, I think part of my need to have everything clean and organised is the fact that I know my house will be full of visitors and my MIL will be being "helpful", which involves opening cupboards at will and going into rooms without being invited. I have always had a lot of anxiety around visitors, needing the house to be clean. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510431 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 12:11:24 +0000 brownepiano 2510431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm scared of labor and of taking care of a newborn and a toddler. I pushed a lot of the labor memories of of my mind, but basically it was not fun and I screamed a lot. And right now I only have one hand since I had surgery on my other hand and I am going crazy staying home with DS. It makes me terrified of trying to keep him busy when I'm exhausted and trying to feed a baby 24-7. But maybe having both of them will keep me from being bored out if my mind like I am now. I like doing things with DS but we are quickly running out since I am pretty limited and it is too cold most days to play outside. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510378 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 11:39:49 +0000 gingerbebe 2510378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So far my biggest concern up until this point was what if I go into labor early and I don't have a plan for DS1? We don't have family nearby, but we do have his daycare providers and friends and a regular sitter, so I'm sure we would have been fine, but I just didn't want to make things jarring for him since he's a very routine-motivated child.</p> <p>We just got our C-section date yesterday and while I thought it would make me feel better since I could finally plan for DS' care, but it turned into this HUGE drama-filled thing with my family (I had been wondering if my mother would be willing to fly up the day before and stay with my son while I was in the hospital) and I spent most of yesterday like completely upset about it. Long story short, my two friends will be coming over to stay with my son, which I feel okay about, but the family drama at 8 months pregnant is not welcome at all.</p> <p>I'm starting to get more OCD about organizing the house and cleaning, but I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that my in-laws will be coming a few days after the baby is born and then my family I guess is coming 2 weeks after the baby is born. I don't like guests being in my home when its messy and disorganized, especially because my parents are hypercritical about everything. We had a housecleaner come do a deep clean, I want to defrost my fridge and freezer, and we need to get a carpet cleaning service in to shampoo the floors before the baby is born.</p> <p>I did organize our closets, the baby clothes, and wash all DS' hand me downs. And I hoarded diapers and wipes. So I guess I did SOME things for the baby. I just ordered BFing supplements, got new pump supplies, and pulled my nursing clothes out of storage. I guess I should load the carseat in the minivan and pack a hospital bag at some point!</p> <p>We're not doing a nursery for the second baby - we're going totally lazy 2nd child on this. He'll sleep in our room or in the guest room in the bassinet or PNP until we figure out what to do about DS1's crib/bed situation. I feel sorta bad, but at the same time, its not like DS1 ever noticed anything I ever did to decorate for him, even now at 19 months. I figure when the time comes to pull DS1's big boy room together, we can figure out what to do for DS2. </p> <p>DS1 was an awful colicky reflux baby and I had PPD/PPA with him, but I'm oddly not that anxious about it because we've put so many things in place to try and help my transition to 2 kids. DS1 will stay in daycare full-time, we have a regular sitter, we have a contract with a nanny agency should I need to hire a mommy's helper or night doula or something, and I know now how to advocate and fight for the right treatments should DS2 also have reflux. I'm going to give it a good try, but I'm also not going to kill myself over exclusively breastfeeding like last time. I ended up combo feeding DS1 due to low supply anyway and I will be perfectly happy to do it again without the months of frustration I endured the last go around. My OB and DH are already all over me about the PPA/PPD and I wont hesitate to go on meds a second time, whereas last time I fought it for a few weeks. </p> <p>I'm also not that anxious about DS1 and the new baby. I just sorta feel like there's nothing we can do about it - the baby is coming - and they'll bond at some point. I'm just in the throws of the 18 month regression and trying to constructively deal with his tantrums, so I'm a little worried about how to handle that on little sleep and a newborn, but I guess I'll just have to face that when it comes! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510369 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 11:28:33 +0000 hellobeeboston 2510369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had A LOT of anxieties around baby #2! It seemed pretty normal to me though based on conversations I had with other mamas who had 2+ kids... But i dealt with the anxiety, like i do with many things, but burying it and not thinking about it. A week or so before the baby was born I did have a full-fledged crying meltdown being so worried about how the new baby was going to affect our LO, but I felt a little better after that.</p> <p>I think it's pretty normal to be anxious &amp; worried - it really is a BIG change, and you know that, so you're just thinking ahead...</p> <p>Baby bro is 6 months now and while the first month or so was hard, things have gotten MUCH better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510363 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 11:19:17 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 2510363@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes I was absolutely anxious before number two and I am again before number 3, and normally my friends would describe me as "calm, cool and collected". Things that worried me:<br /> who would take care of LO1<br /> if I would be able to have a vbac<br /> worried about being separated from baby if I ended up with another c/s + trouble BF (trauma from first time around)<br /> taking care of two kids on my own (we had no family/help and DH was super busy)</p> <p>This time I'm again concerned about:<br /> who will take care of LO1 and LO2<br /> if I will be able to have natural birth/who will be midwife on call/what hospital "policy" I will have to deal with<br /> how the kids will adjust because they are older now<br /> taking care of 3 kids by myself</p> <p>So basically my list is the same... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510356 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 11:15:29 +0000 Cherrybee 2510356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladybee: I don't know if I've ever told you this, but you were the reason I sought help during my pregnancy this time. I had never heard of pre-natal depression before your post (talking about seeking help). Initially, I didn't recognise it and I thought it was just exhaustion, but when I started having panic attacks, I remembered your post and looked it up. Thank you. I'm certainly not out of the woods yet but I have a team lined up to support me after delivery and I might not have such a bad time of it this time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510352 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 11:11:58 +0000 HazelEyes 2510352@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes. </p> <p>I'm anxious less about the birth and more about having another newborn. DS was a really, really difficult newborn, so I"m just hoping upon hope that DD will be more easygoing--especially as I deal with a 2yo at the same time. </p> <p>I"m dealing with a lot of guilt right now, actually, at 31 weeks that I am so very tired and can't spend time with DS and play and run around with him. These are the last few months of him being an only, and he just turned 2 last week and is SO fun right now.</p> <p>Mostly I"m worried about paying for it all. Daycare for two is a second mortgage payment and I just hope we can hold it all together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510347 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 11:03:31 +0000 Anagram 2510347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, I wasn't anxious, but that's just my personality type. I'm also not a planner, so I didn't plan or decorate or really do anything much to prepare for baby 2 other than the bare essentials (washed some NB clothes. Bought a cheap changing pad). Of course, when I had a really short labor, I kind of wished I'd ever packed a hospital bag! :grin: </p> <p>Things that make me anxious are like, potential confrontations with a coworker, of getting an ominous note from my boss saying he wants to meet with me and not knowing the reason (I always assume I've done something wrong and am finally caught, haha).</p> <p>I don't think I have super typical reactions to these situations though--I didn't even plan or do much for my first kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510331 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 10:45:59 +0000 ladybee 2510331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: You know the bulk of my issues during pregnancy with DS2 but to answer your question, yes. I was terrified of dieing during birth, my child being still born, killing myself after pregnancy due to PPD/PPA, and those sort of things. I also wanted DS1 big boy room to be PERFECT so I felt like I was taking anything away from him by giving his furniture to the baby (really, like he would care!), I wanted to nursery to be perfect because I didn't want this baby to miss out on anything DS1 got.</p> <p>I have bonded with this baby more that I did with DS1 and this makes me feel horrible but there is nothing I can do. Slowly, I can feel my relationship with DS1 rebounding and becoming good and whole again so I am very excited about that. Seeking help is all you can do and you are doing it. On the other side, I can tell you that majority of my anxiety and stress was for nothing. It'll all work out friend! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510319 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 10:35:05 +0000 Orchid 2510319@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am a bit worried about my son's transition, especially since he needs me there to fall asleep for his nap and nighttime, but I am not overly worried. I expecting it'll be chaotic, then it'll get better. I do have a lot of help lined up though; my mom will stay with us for a few months and she is the best!! She is traveling to the US on may 1 and we are due may 3, so I'm hoping baby stays put till then since we don't have any other family nearby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510295 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 09:56:11 +0000 Mama Bird 2510295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's normal to feel stressed when you're juggling a lot, when you already know that the newborn days are kind of tough, and when you're pulled two different ways worrying how you'll give both kids your attention.</p> <p>An organizing compulsion is good, I think... I know you're tired, but it gives you a productive outlet for your worry and anxiety. I can totally relate. I had a tough time when DD was born, and spent a lot of time cleaning out my closet and selling my old stuff on EBay. I think it made me feel like I'm doing something about the situation, and kept me from more destructive behavior. And I freed up some closet space... Only it was promptly filled up with toys :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510275 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 09:35:30 +0000 Corduroy 2510275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Thanks, and yes everything worked out very well. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510176 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 08:17:22 +0000 Cherrybee 2510176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: Oh my goodness, it sounds like you were in a bad way. Retrospective hugs. Did it all work out ok for you :heart: </p> <p>Therapy has been really positive for me. I joined a birth trauma support group and made a complaint to my hospital about last time - I attended a meeting with the supervisor of midwives to discuss my previous experience and my birth plan going forward. </p> <p>The things that worry me are: </p> <p>- The effect it will have on DD<br /> - E not allowing me to bond with this baby (what if I resent her for taking that opportunity away?)<br /> - Guilt if I DO bond with this baby (because I didn't with E)<br /> - Fear of PPD again and of losing myself again<br /> - Fear about how lack of sleep will affect me when I have a toddler to care for </p> <p>It's manifesting itself in a cleaning and organising compulsion. I feel like there's not enough time for me to get everything ready. I feel rushed and like everyone - especially my MIL - are trying to stop me preparing by telling me to stop and trying to make me "relax" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/were-you-very-anxiousstressedworried-before-the-birth-of-second-baby#post-2510162 Wed, 30 Mar 2016 08:07:19 +0000 mamabolt 2510162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I am so right there with you right now! I know I was not anxious like this before baby 1! Hugs to you. </p>