https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 06:32:00 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1722549 Thu, 26 Jun 2014 05:37:09 +0000 Dandelion 1722549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Trust your DIL's judgement. Don't push yourself on her too hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1722191 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 20:43:46 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 1722191@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I your last point is great! My friends MIL just said to her "I have no idea about all these new baby rules and recommendations -- my kids are in their mid twenties! Teach me everything new and what you want me to do!"... she was so happy to hear that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1722181 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 20:39:44 +0000 daniellemybelle 1722181@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Try not to offer advice on "wifely" things like housekeeping, interior design, parenting down the road, etc. It might come across as criticism. Instead, offer lots of (genuine) praise. I have an older friend who has a DIL &amp; she says she always comments on how the house looks, how good her cooking is, etc. I think that is so nice! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1722163 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 20:34:17 +0000 Maysprout 1722163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your DIL may have different ways of raising her children - she grew up in a diff family and has different experiences - don't take it personally</p> <p>Birth is an emotional event, your DIL may need her mom in a way she doesn't need you, again don't take it personally </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1722138 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 20:23:17 +0000 JennyG 1722138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Taco: Yes! A passive aggressive MIL is so frustrating.</p> <p>Try to do things without DH, but start small. Lunch, little shopping trips, etc. Over time, it will feel more natural to do things together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1722043 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 19:52:49 +0000 mrbee 1722043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The biggest thing I'd say is that there are big generational differences in parenting and friendship! It's tough to "get" the younger generation, so I'd caution her to talk to some other younger peers and ask them for advice... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1722040 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 19:51:17 +0000 matador84 1722040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The women I know who I wish I had as a MIL are just generally respectful women. They don't give advice unless it's asked for. They are kind, funny, and fun to be around. They are reaped yl and mindful of privacy and marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1722012 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 19:39:40 +0000 AprilFool 1722012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To have the relationship with DIL that she would like to have with her after babies before she is even pregnant. Do not force closeness once she is pregnant, if you have not made an effort before. To not use guilt and passive aggressiveness to get her way. And like @Smurfette: says buy a gift equal to her sons, after all it is *their* money that buys hers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1721028 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 12:30:43 +0000 namaste 1721028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agreed so much about respect and how it goes both ways.</p> <p>Allow time for your relationship to grow in its own way. I think most MIL/DIL situations feel like they have to be awkward when they don't. Just allow time for you to get to know each other.</p> <p>Respect the couple's space and privacy and that includes with personal questions about family planning. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720987 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 12:19:01 +0000 mrsdwing 1720987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Never drop in at their home without giving them any warning. In an ideal scenario, ask permission before dropping by for a visit; but even giving a 30 minute warning that you're dropping by is appreciated. Understand that if they say no to a visit, it isn't necessarily because they don't want to see you, it just isn't good timing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720965 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 12:12:51 +0000 MamaMoose 1720965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>BOUDARIES. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Your son has created his own family now, you have to acknowledge that things aren't the same now that he's married and/or a father. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720953 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 12:07:57 +0000 mrsjyw 1720953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Boundaries, Communication </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720942 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 12:01:06 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1720942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Think of your DIL as a much younger friend you want to get to know. Relationships take time- even this one.</p> <p>eta: let a friendship develop naturally </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720894 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 11:45:06 +0000 travelgirl1 1720894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So they're not married yet? My advice would be to start your fabulous relationship by not interfering too much with the wedding planning. That can be a very good way to show your DIL how supportive/respectful you can be at a time when she is stressed out. My MIL is fabulous but oh my gosh she got my goat when we were wedding planning. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720881 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 11:40:14 +0000 alphagam84 1720881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1. Do not ask about grandbabies. Nothing will irritate a DIL more than that. </p> <p>2. Once she's pregnant, do not touch the belly w/o permission or comment on her weight gain. </p> <p>3. Don't be passive aggressive. Just say something if you have have something to say.</p> <p>4. Realize you are being replaced as the main woman in your son's life. His wife will be #1 now and you need to respect and recognize that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720672 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 10:19:49 +0000 MapleMoose 1720672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I especially agree with the part about letting your DIL tell you "the rules" when it comes to her baby. It's hard for MILs to adjust to the power shift, now their younger DIL is telling them how to care for a baby after they raised at least one to adulthood. But just humor the DIL, especially in those first few months when motherhood is still so brand new to her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720664 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 10:17:52 +0000 Weagle 1720664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don't constantly compare DIL (and any future kids) to her own daughter and daughter's kids. It drives me crazy that nearly every time I tell her something about our life or LO she uses it as a reason to talk about SIL and her kids. With no comment on anything I've shared. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720638 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 10:07:30 +0000 Boheme 1720638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>1. Don't ask about grandbabies!<br /> 2. Be respectful about their boundaries and wishes - ESPECIALLY when/if kids come along.<br /> 3. Don't give advice unless your DIL asks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720635 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 10:07:25 +0000 lawbee11 1720635@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Take cues from your DIL. Offer to help, invite her to do things, but don't be overbearing. My MIL is very nice, but I just don't have the same type of relationship with her as I do my own mom. I think that's natural and ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720627 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 10:04:07 +0000 Crystal 1720627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If they live close, invite DIL to do things with her. Try to build your own relationship with her independent of being your child's spouse. </p> <p>And never ever ask when they are having kids or make thinly veiled comments about how much you want grandchildren. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720602 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 09:58:27 +0000 looch 1720602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just two things:<br /> 1. the relationship between a MIL/DIL could be a lot different than Mother/daughter...it's not a bad thing.</p> <p>2. It's a two way street. Offer respect and you will be respected. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720601 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 09:57:48 +0000 Adira 1720601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Taco: hahaha, good one!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720600 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 09:57:41 +0000 Smurfette 1720600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Treat the spouse just like you would your own children. In other words, remember their bday and give an equal gift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720599 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 09:57:19 +0000 Mrs. Taco 1720599@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Be tactfully direct...aka being passive aggressive will get you nowhere and will make your DIL laugh at you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720590 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 09:54:43 +0000 Adira 1720590@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>- Don't ask them/her when/if they're having kids or giving you grandchildren</p> <p>- When/if they do have kids, respect that your DIL might be an overprotective Mama Bear and follow HER lead, even if it's not what you're used to or want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-advice-would-you-give-a-soon-to-be-mil#post-1720528 Wed, 25 Jun 2014 09:43:38 +0000 Mrs. Blue 1720528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Someone in our family knows that she will probably become a MIL in the not too distant future. She's so sweet and ask me for advice on how to be a good MIL and build a good relationship with her DIL. :heart: her! Anyway, I basically told her these things but that I would think if there was any other good tidbits and let her know:</p> <p>-Think about things that you loved or that bothered you in your relationship with your in laws and do/avoid those things.</p> <p>-Show her that you care about her as an individual, not just as ____'s wife. i.e., ask about things you know she has going on in her life, take her to do something you know she loves, etc. </p> <p>-Give them room to grow into their own family, while being available for support/help when they ask. </p> <p>-I didn't say, but I'm going to add: Be aware that your roles will be shifting when they have kids, and that causes some adjustment and turmoil. Let them be the parents, let them give you advice/instructions (even if it's silly and they know you know) before you keep their kids, etc. because it's THEIR kids and even thought you're very capable and have been a mom for a long time, it's their turn to navigate those waters and they care about their baby the same way you care about yours. Tell her she's a good mom. It will mean a lot to her that you acknowledge that. </p> <p>What would you add? If there was a magic seminar all new in laws had to go through, what do you think the key points and advice should be? </p>