Hellobee Boards Topic: What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?

Hellobee Boards Topic: What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 05 May 2026 08:31:38 +0000 BrandNewMom on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1820537 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 20:06:25 +0000 BrandNewMom 1820537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Our first rule is "no biting" (my nipples), followed by "gentle" (as in don't rip the fur off the dog's face) I think I started at about 5 montns old, and she's pretty good with them! californiadreams on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1820429 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 18:33:58 +0000 californiadreams 1820429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ i would say by 192 months ;) just kidding. i agree with PPs that babies cry for a reason and setting limits is done gradually and as needed. Even at 21 months, i don't believe my LO intentionally and maliciously manipulates me. he is still figuring out how to communicate and navigate his world. Mrs. Jacks on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1820420 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 18:18:50 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1820420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Vegmama: thanks :) Vegmama on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1820262 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 13:57:16 +0000 Vegmama 1820262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Jacks: Perfect response. I didn't have a way to articulate it like that. Thanks for sharing that perspective. blackbird on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1820139 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 11:37:07 +0000 blackbird 1820139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Well, from the beginning, I didn't jump to her every wimper. Sometimes a baby just makes noises and you soon learn which ones are just sounds and which ones mean they're hungry or need a change or whatever. Now, toddlers....they're manipulative little creatures! Mrs. Lion on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1820111 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 10:37:07 +0000 Mrs. Lion 1820111@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think the word manipulate has a strong connotation, but the reality is any time a child knows that if they do one thing you will behave in a certain way they are technically "manipulating". So if baby is old enough to understand that when they cry you comfort them, technically they are manipulating, but not in the negative sense of the word. They are using their cry to gain your attention, which is exactly what they are supposed to do. The problem comes in when parents of older children would rather do what makes their child happy as opposed to what is in their best interest. I think as you get to know your baby you begin to gradually understand the reasons for their cries. If they are crying because they need comfort, then you comfort them. But as they get older you begin to realize that sometimes they cry because they want something that is not in their best interest, and in that case letting them cry and explaining why they can't have the thing they want is the best thing. For example, there were times when my 3 month old would cry when we put him in his carseat. I didn't immediately take him out and comfort him just because he cried. I finished settling him in, comforted him with my words and a toy or paci, and let him settle himself down. If he became distressed or increasingly upset most likely he needed something from me, so I might check his diaper or try to feed him. But now that he is a toddler and I know him better I can tell the difference between "I'm really mad that I'm strapped down" and "feed me, I'm starving" and I can respond accordingly. I don't let my toddler ride in a car without his carseat just because he is mad about being strapped in. All that to say, I think the answer to your question is no, there is no magical age where you start setting limits. Our job as parents is to look out for the best interest of our kids. Some of the time what is in their best interest gives them what they want. Sometimes it doesnt. Those limits will evolve over time as our children develop the independence to make choices that may or may not be best for them and we gradually guide them to keep them safe and help them understand and learn to make the better choices without us. oliviaoblivia on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1820046 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 08:46:59 +0000 oliviaoblivia 1820046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't think I'd ever not respond to my baby crying. Biology makes them cry for a reason. A toddler throwing dinner on the floor is different. catlady on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1820045 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 08:45:06 +0000 catlady 1820045@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Once my LO could move enough to get herself into trouble, we started setting limits, saying "No" firmly and re-directing her to something safe. At 10 months, she not only understands this but she will often throw a mini tantrum if I don't let her do something she wants. I don't think of it as trying to manipulate as much as I think she's testing the limits. Usually when I don't back down, she goes back to being happy pretty quickly, so I know she's not actually upset. If she keeps crying, I will soothe her. Our biggest rule is "no standing in the tub." We take her out of she stands twice in a row. We had to introduce it at around 7 or 8 months (once she could pull to standing). Mrs. Sunshine on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1820022 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 07:56:22 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1820022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Kemma: we have a 3 strike rule at our house too! Greentea on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1820020 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 07:55:26 +0000 Greentea 1820020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't believe they manipulate. If that is happening between two people, parent and child it is a result of a complex relationship with behaviors that the parent is practicing as well, imo. I just try to treat her in a way that considers how healthy relationships work, and using logic so she is enabled. I personally don't say, "no," and I try not to say, "don't." For example, it isn't about that- what she should and shouldn't do "because I say so," it is more, "it is best not to lick soap off your hand because it can make you sick," or "yikes! Yuck!" or "soap is for rinsing!" But sure, sometimes you have to just try to stay calm when they want to do xyz, but I find explaining it helps and also validation, "oh, you really want to hold doll while eating, huh? I bet that would feel really nice, but doll can't get messy so she will sit right here on the couch until dinner is over and then we can play." I guess I just don't believe in a top down approach. catomd00 on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1819994 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 06:36:05 +0000 catomd00 1819994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think manipulation is a very complex behavior that young children let alone babies are not capable of. That's not to say you can't set limits though. I started setting limits around 4 months. That's not to say my daughter understands what I say or that I don't comfort her, but personally I think it's good to introduce them to the idea they can't do whatever they want. For instance, when I'm showering and dd is fussy, I'll say we hae to be patient while mommy gets ready for work. Then I'll go over and entertain her for a minute or give her a new toy to occupy her, etc. or, when she grabs the dog, I'll say we have to be gentle with the dog and take her hand and show her how you pet a dog. Mrs. Yoyo on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1819990 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 06:28:12 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 1819990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Jacks: thank you. DS2 is 9 months. He hears "no." But he also gets comforted when he cries, etc. If he's just whimpering because he didn't get a toy or big brother took it away, no, I don't jump to soothe that unless it escalates. It rarely does, though. Grace on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1819978 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 05:34:47 +0000 Grace 1819978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I stopped letting LO do whatever she wanted when she became mobile. I wouldn't say she manipulates, she's genuinely upset/angry that I don't let her climb into the dishwasher ( for example). But she's quickly distracted by something else. I always tell her not to climb in when she tries and over time (over months), she's learned what that is and responds by not climbing in. BabyBoecksMom on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1819967 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 04:38:49 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 1819967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think pp's have very good points. Babies cry to express a need - once they become more mobile, you'll need to redirect and set some limits for their safety. As they get older, you might need to CIO if their sleep is still horrendous, but I for the most part, I don't think they try to manipulate until they're toddlers. Mae on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1819963 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 03:56:40 +0000 Mae 1819963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ don't worry, when it is your kid you will WANT to indulge them :) Arden on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1819931 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 00:37:49 +0000 Arden 1819931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Jacks: Thank you! Exactly what I wanted to say. Nice to hear it from a pediatrician though. :) Mrs. Jacks on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1819916 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 00:01:47 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 1819916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Never! Babies don't manipulate. They have needs. Studies have shown that more attentive parents raise more securely attached children. Parents who comfort babies early and often create resilient, confident children who are able to better self-soothe and less prone to peer pressure. Indulge that baby! :) This doesn't mean that you can't limit set, though. You can still redirect. "We don't bite. Can you show me your gentle hands?" (Then help them demonstrate gentle hands) is appropriate from as soon as the baby begins to demonstrate biting behavior. Crying for you is expressing an emotional need, so that's not really something you discipline. Kemma on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1819915 Sun, 17 Aug 2014 00:01:43 +0000 Kemma 1819915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't believe that babies / children "manipulate" in the adult sense but rather that they learn about cause and effect - "I cry, Mum comes to help me", "I drop my toy, Mum picks it up". I tend to work on a three strike rule - fling it off the high chair once or twice and I'll pick it up, do it a third time and it's gone! MamaCate on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1819912 Sat, 16 Aug 2014 23:48:57 +0000 MamaCate 1819912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ The research indicates you can't spoil a baby before 6 months as their brains simply don't work well enough to learn to "manipulate" but they are just expressing their needs. In my experience, limit setting naturally begins when a baby becomes mobile as a safety issue. If you baby keeps crawling over to the outlet and trying to eat the cords, you have to set a limit at that point. This usually looks more like redirection. Babies are typically seen to respond to "no" around 9-11 months so once they can understand more language, you can set a verbal limit and then redirect, and use your attention to shape behavior as well. Mrs tartan on "What age does a baby need to learn they can't manipulate you? You won't jump at every cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-does-a-baby-need-to-learn-they-cant-manipulate-you-you-wont-jump-at-every-cry#post-1819908 Sat, 16 Aug 2014 23:33:12 +0000 Mrs tartan 1819908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Ugh horrible question I know. My curiosity stems from another question, but at what age can a baby manipulate? When did you stop running to their every whimper and let them do whatever they wanted? I don't mean just CIO method, but surely you can't let children do what they want right up to toddler and then introduce the rules? Please give an example of when you introduced a rule?