https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 11 Apr 2026 03:22:09 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating/page/2#post-2635095 Tue, 11 Oct 2016 10:16:13 +0000 daniellemybelle 2635095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think we have any set plans or ideas about this yet. I doubt we will set down specific rules, like at 16 you can do this, and at 18 you can do this. But right now we are at a loss with our threenager so I just hope we make it to the teenage years! :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating/page/2#post-2635085 Tue, 11 Oct 2016 09:59:53 +0000 mediagirl 2635085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Dating - not until sometime in high school. Certainly not middle school. </p> <p>Parties? I wish I could say not until you leave my house. But, as long as the parents are home, I know them and I know the kids, probably sometime in middle school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating/page/2#post-2635054 Tue, 11 Oct 2016 08:53:35 +0000 looch 2635054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@petitenoisette: Apology accepted. And I think you're right, there is a huge gray area in between strict and lenient. I can only speak for myself, obviously, but when my parents communicated a rule, I followed it. Did it feel badly at the time when I couldn't go to a dance and then stay over with all my friends at someone's house? Yes, but I understand why it was done. I am no less an adult today because of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating/page/2#post-2635049 Tue, 11 Oct 2016 08:46:49 +0000 Anagram 2635049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I agree with you that the American interpretation of the teenage years are just that--American. Many other cultures do the teenage and young adult years differently.</p> <p>I think most Americans are horrified at the thought of a college student living with their parents, or a young adult living with their parents while just starting out. And yet, in many countries, it's expected. My husband's dad actually lived with him for 2 years while my husband was in college (they had newly immigrated to the US, and MIL still hadn't moved over and it was cheaper for them to save up money that way). They cooked dinner together. My husband also went out with friends but couldn't come home wasted or bring girls home because his dad was there. But unlike most Americans, who would hate that situation, he was really grateful to his dad for helping him with expenses and for making sacrifices to help pay tuition.</p> <p>After MIL moved to the US and they purchased a house, my husband moved into student apartments. But after graduation, my husband moved back home for a year or two until he got a decent job--and he saved his money.</p> <p>By the time we met, even though he'd only worked lowish level jobs at that point, he had many times my yearly salary saved up, no college loans. In his culture, this is all normal. But Americans think being close to your parents, and parents expecting this type of relationship is weird or even unhealthy. I can say in my husband's case, it hasn't stunted him in any way. He had a great relationship with his parents, they treat him like an adult, they know he does his own thing.</p> <p>It's just a difference of cultural expectations. I don't think there's necessarily a right or wrong. Well actually, I think there are pretty clear lines where permissive parenting or overly strict parenting can be harmful. But there is a lot of gray area in between. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating/page/2#post-2635048 Tue, 11 Oct 2016 08:44:56 +0000 petitenoisette 2635048@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I apologize for my word choice. I just think it is highly unrealistic to tell a teenager that they cannot have a relationship. I come to that conclusion both due to personal experience but also interacting with teenagers everyday. Yes, teenagers are not always going to make the best decisions for themselves, romantically or otherwise, but making mistakes is part of their path to adulthood. </p> <p>I don't agree that you can either be strict or totally lenient with no rules. I hope to strike a balance between the two. So for me that would mean allowing socialization and relationships with whomever but providing the appropriate supervision based on age. </p> <p>Lastly as icky as it may be to think about, I realize at some point my daughter and other future kids will become sexual beings and I want them to be able to explore that side safely. And I don't think it will be realistic of me to think that won't happen until college (it would also be hypocritical of me to think that!). I'm not sure when that will happen but it will certainly be something I hope to navigate openly and respectfully with my kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating/page/2#post-2635042 Tue, 11 Oct 2016 08:33:57 +0000 looch 2635042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@petitenoisette: why is it hilarious? To me, that comes across as though you think it's a joke. </p> <p>I believe there are two schools of thought related to teenagers. One is that they can and should be given strict guidance, the other is that teens will be teens and therefore you shouldn't try to control them. I was raised by immigrant parents, my dad worked three jobs so that my mother could stay at home with the kids. I knew that nothing was guaranteed in this world and that if I wanted something, I had to work for it. I also understood that the burden could be greater if I made certain choices. I didn't grow up with a lot of immigrant families, but as I have gotten older, I have met many more people with the same experience as mine and we all come back to the same thing, that we were raised in a different way. I am not saying one is better than the other, just different. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating/page/2#post-2635026 Tue, 11 Oct 2016 08:05:01 +0000 yoursilverlining 2635026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I won't be making rules about parties based on gender lines because I think when you do, you are reinforcing the message that 1) girls/boys or men/women can't be platonic friends and 2) you don't trust your child or their friends to be just friends. </p> <p>I had a bunch of boys in my "core group" at that age and none of us in the group were more than friends. It would have been humiliating had a parent suggested that with blanket gender rules. </p> <p>Dating - I'm not sure about yet. I'll be honest and say I can't imagine fostering or being supportive of a young teen semi or serious relationship because I think that's ridiculous. 14 year old girls should be focusing on themselves, there's plenty of time to focus your time and energy on boys (or girls) later. But, I know strict rules done poorly will likely have horrendous results, so again, not sure yet how I will approach. No hard "one size fits all" rules. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634980 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 21:27:53 +0000 youboots 2634980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I started dating my husband at 15. I don't think we will have strict rules- it depends on the kid/situation. I think coed parties where the parents are home and checking in is fine whenever as long as we know the parents- I went to my first party like this in 6th grade. I was pretty boy crazy and lied to my parents about where I was regularly so I will check with parents to confirm sleep overs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634963 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 20:15:14 +0000 dc yoga bee 2634963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My in-laws were super lenient, let the kids drink wine at like 12, and smoke cigarettes. They let the kids date at 13, and my mil came home<br /> To sil having an orgy in the home :shocked: . She also dabbled in cocaine, and is a heavy drinker. I have two military parents, and was not allowed to go to unsupervised parties or have a serious boyfriend. I didn't go to college and rebel. Not saying one way or the other is better or worse, but I think children are not always mature enough nor is it developmentally appropriate for children to be unsupervised. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634960 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 20:08:13 +0000 lilteacherbee 2634960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@petitenoisette: Agree. My experience with my high school boyfriend was very similar, except we did end up together. DH and I started dating at 16. His parents were much more supportive of the relationship than mine (well mostly my mom was the one who was unsupportive), so we hung out at his house 90% of the time. I think that's one reason I'm really close to his parents to this day. We didn't sneak around because we didn't need to. We were both good, trustworthy kids who got good grades. DH partied a little in college (never really my scene), but we were very "good" kids in high school. If I had a different personality as a teenager, I could see how my mom's strict ways could push me into making some not great decisions.</p> <p>I guess it depends a lot on the kid, but I lean against setting a hard and fast age rule. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634957 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 19:52:40 +0000 petitenoisette 2634957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: agreed. Sorry to sound flippant, but the idea that parents could successfully enforce that their child can't date until 18 (or 15 or whatever) age is kind of hilarious. Wouldn't you rather let your child have a relationship openly where you can get to know the bf/gf rather than pushing them to do so secretly and perhaps more unsafely? </p> <p>I had a high school boyfriend beginning partway through my sophomore year and it was a totally healthy great experience. It didn't work out but we are very good friends to this day and he is basically considered a member of my family. I can't imagine it would have been a positive thing if our parents had forbidden us to date. </p> <p>@looch: it sounds like your parents methods worked for you and the prospect of going away to college was good motivation for you, but I can assure you not all teenagers are that rational (high school teacher here :silly: ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634950 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 19:28:06 +0000 LemonJack 2634950@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the limits we set on our children will be dependent upon their maturity and temperament. If I knew and trusted the parents, I think I would be comfortable sending a 7th grader over to a party where parents were present, but not in the same room. I don't know that I would okay with it if I didn't know the parents though. As far as dating, I'll keep an open dialogue, but won't prevent dating because I've seen first hand how that can cause kids to sneak around, which I feel is so much more dangerous. I had a serious relationship for a couple of years in high school, and it was a really positive experience, but we both had supportive parents who knew what was going on and communicated (occasionally) with each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634938 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 18:41:33 +0000 erinbaderin 2634938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Growing up, I was going to co-ed sleepover parties (boys and girls in different rooms, parents were home) at 15 and having unsupervised parties at my house at 16 (although now that I think about it, my parents may not have known about that). I had a boyfriend at 15 who was 18, which my parents were not real happy about, but they trusted me. I was allowed to go (with friends) to visit my boyfriend at university overnight when I was 16. That being said, I didn't have sex until I was 21 which I think my parents would probably be surprised to hear. I really think it depends on the kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634935 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 18:34:02 +0000 catomd00 2634935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: agreed! I was beginning to think I was some weird kid for having a boyfriend in 8th-9th grade! Our parents dropped us off places and picked us up after. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634927 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 17:50:51 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2634927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm skeptical that it would be possible to limit these things. I had my first boyfriend at 15 and became sexually active at 16. When we couldn't find a house....we found other places. If our parents had said no to dating we would have just kept it on the DL, met at the movies etc. As far as parties are concerned we lived in the suburbs and no one really had unsupervised parties, no sure why, maybe helicopter parents or perhaps suburban parents had nowhere to go? Anyway I probably wouldn't encourage unchaperoned parties but let's be honest, they will find a way to go if that's what they want to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634924 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 17:41:52 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2634924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hummusgirl: @Anagram: on one of my college breaks I went home with a friend and her parents called the parents of a friend of mine that threw a house party. I didn't care. Whatever it took for them to let us go I was okay with it. We were sophomores. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634922 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 17:26:57 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2634922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: I would be fine with that and would likely want to speak with the parents about the event before agreeing to it. </p> <p>@LindsayLou: interesting. You think not discussing sex at home led to becoming a very young parent? My parents discussed the consequences of an unwanted pregnancy (abortion), but I learned about safe sex (&amp; consequences) at school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634918 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 17:14:10 +0000 LindsayLou 2634918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@808love: To be clear, I don't believe in no rules and no limits. I just think it's important to give kids responsibility, and trust them to make their own choices (as age appropriate obviously). I think setting a hard and fast age boundary without room for flexibility is asking for trouble. </p> <p>My parents parented their three teens how I hope to someday parent my teens. Supportive, but clear on rules and expectations. They have us freedom and responsibility, but kept an open dialogue about what was going on. They were open and honest about talking about drinking and sex. My dad had a super strict upbringing and rebelled as a kid. My mom had a very lax upbringing, and had nobody keeping track of her. </p> <p>My husband grew up in a family where nothing was discussed openly. He ended up having his first kid at 20. His parents, ironically, had a very similar upbringing, and had their first kid at 18 and 19.</p> <p>I'd rather trust my kid and have them talk to me about the issues they're facing than try and dictate what they're allowed to do and have them hide things from me, </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634916 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 17:04:24 +0000 hummusgirl 2634916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: That's what my parents did. It was embarrassing but I was grateful to get to go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634900 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 16:17:41 +0000 Anagram 2634900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: In the second example, I would just call the boy's parents and confirm the details--yes, they are hosting a party, yes they will be there, yes there will be no underage drinking. Then let her go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634890 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 15:47:38 +0000 josina 2634890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: unsupervised as in parents in the home.</p> <p>She has been to boy/girl parties that her girlfriends hosted (pool party/campfire), but DH wasn't comfortable with her going to a boy-hosted party. (We also do not know the boy or the parents). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634883 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 15:25:20 +0000 caterw 2634883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@808love: I don't think the responses are about putting "no limits" on teen dating- I read them more as basing rules on the individual kids involved and not setting a firm age limit arbitrarily. There is no possible way that I can make realistic guidelines about my daughters dating today when one is not quite 3 and the other one is a fetus since I won't know what kid of teenager in getting for at least a decade.</p> <p>DH and I were both raised in very conservative Christian households with strict rules.. We are Christian also, considerably more liberal than both of our sets of parents. Our parents just banned things without allowing for discussion of uncomfortable topics and never made us feel as though we could come to them with social problems. From both of our personal experience, we agree that a little more freedom and open communication would have served us well in making good choices rather than wanting to experiment and push back against rules that seemed pretty arbitrary at 15/16 years old. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634877 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 15:11:05 +0000 808love 2634877@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just curious about the personal background re: how you were raised of people responding that they wouldn't put limits on their kids social interactions regarding dating and partying. (Totally skewered the grammar there. ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634860 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 14:40:14 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2634860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: how unsupervised is this 12/13 yr old party? I would want an adult in the house even if they weren't in the room. I went to co-ed parties as a tween, but the parents were always home. Those were fun and harmless.</p> <p>As for dating, I remember classmates going through bf/gf like underpants and some that were serious and had sex very early. I plan to instill in my LO to make smart choices about sex- hold out for the right person when he is able to handle the consequences of sex. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634855 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 14:34:36 +0000 Mamas2k13 2634855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son is only 3 so I won't be dealing with this for awhile, but I do see it firsthand as I have a lot of teenage nieces and nephews. Personally, I'd say I'd probably be ok with a house party- parents home at 13. I think it's fine to have crushes in middle school, but actually dating more like age 15/16 and that's only if I felt they were mature enough to handle it. Sometimes kids think they're older than they are and they are just not ready to handle dating, it can be way too emotionally draining for them</p> <p>all that being said, I probably won't have hard and fast rules. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634852 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 14:25:22 +0000 LindsayLou 2634852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We try to teach our kids to make safe, healthy choices. I hope that we are able to teach them good judgement, how to deal with difficult situations, and the confidence to do what is right for them. We will have rules, guidelines, and expectations, but we will not try to control our teenagers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634844 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 14:18:31 +0000 Ajsmommy 2634844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me I'd say around 13 for the party. As long as parents are on the premises. Serious dating more like 14-15. </p> <p>When I was younger we had bf's/gf's starting in 3rd grade but real dating didn't start until 14-15. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634838 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 14:05:35 +0000 looch 2634838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Meh, my parents had strict rules, I didn't try to fight them on it, I was too focused on getting out of my town and going away to college. I had to prove that I could be trusted to do what I was supposed to, which is go to class, get decent grades, graduate on time. With that kind of potential reward of going away to the college of my choice, why would I want to ruin it by sneaking around with some guy or hiding cans of beer at the beach? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634834 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 14:01:25 +0000 Silva 2634834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We won't have rules about this. I think it's developmentally appropriate for middle schoolers to have romantic feelings for peers and wouldn't want my kid to be ashamed of that or feel like it's weird. I won't encourage them to have a serious partner but if my 13 or 14 year old asked to go see a movie with a same age romantic interest I'd let her. And if she decided she wanted to be in a relationship I'd support her and do my best to keep communication open. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-age-for-an-unsupervised-boygirl-party-for-dating#post-2634830 Mon, 10 Oct 2016 13:56:47 +0000 caterw 2634830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: Same. I feel like putting such sweeping restriction on teen dating is almost asking for your kids to push the boundary and break the rules. DH and I plan to base our decision about our girls dating on their behavior and that of the potential boyfriend (or girlfriend if that's what they are into). Parties will be based on the kids going and their parents. </p> <p>That being said, I definitely think middle school is too soon to go to an unsupervised party of any kind. </p>