https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 09 May 2026 04:58:14 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-we-doing-wrong#post-2276023 Fri, 28 Aug 2015 13:48:25 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2276023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@creativemomma15: I'm glad that seemed helpful! I hear you on trying to stay calm. We had a rough night/tantrumy wake-up and I had to send my son to his room to scream while I hid in my closet to calm down. It's so hard to be cool and collected, especially when the kids act so irrationally. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-we-doing-wrong#post-2275622 Fri, 28 Aug 2015 07:38:01 +0000 creativemomma15 2275622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lovehoneybee: Thanks for the ideas and explaining what you guys do! It's been hard because it does spark strong feelings in me and it's hard to remain calm. The "plus" is that he only hits DH &amp; I so I'm at least glad he doesn't react this way with others at this point. I think DH and I need to sit down and decide on our plan to stay consistent and try to adjust our methods. And yes, let's get together soon!</p> <p> @JoyfulKiwi: Great tips! Thanks for all the detail. I do need to be more intentional with DS and get a better plan in place. He seems really excited about the baby but maybe there are some fears he isn't talking about. He only does this with DH and I and hasn't really ever hit DD so that's good. Thanks again for all the info. I am wondering if time outs aren't working but I know I need to work on keeping my cool then because it's hard not to get upset! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-we-doing-wrong#post-2273829 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 14:07:26 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2273829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh hitting is so rough. It brings out so many strong emotions in the adult, as well as the kid! I work in early childhood and see a lot of kids who are aggressive. In my experience, kids don't really want to hurt anyone, they are just out of control &amp; feeling a lot of pent up emotion. Here's what has worked for me most of the time:<br /> 1) be hyper-vigilant of situations that may upset your son. Look for patterns and try to be there to stop the hit before it happens. (I gently catch hands or bear-hug when I see a hit coming) This is really key, it's easier to deal with the anger if there was no hitting. If your too late, keep calm &amp; have your son sit close, but address the person who was hit first.<br /> 2) no time-outs, even if the hit landed. Talking right away creates a better connection for what to do instead. So, I say something like "I can tell your very mad about X, but I won't let you hit/hitting is hurtful." I try to talk to them about whatever happened, help them calm down (sometimes they are raging and I have them sit in a spot close to me until they are calm), and help them think of a solution to whatever is happening.<br /> 3) Connect more during the day. I try to spend lots of time doing positive things with the kids who are aggressive in my class. </p> <p>Habitual hitting usually stems more from unresolved fears (maybe he is concerned deep down about the new baby?) and isn't so much about the immediate anger of a situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-we-doing-wrong#post-2273657 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 11:22:32 +0000 lovehoneybee 2273657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@creativemomma15: Oh man, I'm sorry!</p> <p>We have a 2 strike rule with hitting (and kicking). First time he hits we grab his hands, look him in the eye and are very clear and concise "No hitting. Hands are not for hitting. You're hurting mommy/daddy/whomever when you hit. You need to sit on the step". If he's looking away/screaming/not listening I will keep saying things like "look in my eyes, look at my nose" whatever to get him to focus on me until he listens, and I make him repeat "no hitting" to me. </p> <p>If he hits a second time, it's right onto the step (a stool at our old apartment, or on the staircase here). I like this better than putting him in his room* because he can still see us, but we generally ignore his tantrum. If he's crying or screaming I calmly tell him he needs to turn off his tears, and mommy can't listen to him until he's calm, then I pretty much ignore him until he's calm again. After that, I'll sit with him and reinforce that he was put on the step because he hit and hitting hurts and that he hurt whomever. </p> <p>We did have some trouble keeping him on the step at the beginning, so one of us would be close by and if he tried to get up would sit him back down, or sit next to him. </p> <p>I hope you find something that works! </p> <p>PS we should make a playdate soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-we-doing-wrong#post-2273643 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 11:07:02 +0000 creativemomma15 2273643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@reverie: @MrsSRS: @BandDmommy: @regberadaisy: Thanks for all of your input... We've used that book before but maybe not as consistently. The one thing I wish was that it taught an alternative.... Like helps show them what to do instead of hitting. We also have calm down time which is good. Maybe we need to explore something instead of time outs... The toy thing might be good. Today he lost watching any Daniel Tiger and it seemed to really sink in with that and he's been good since. It's hard because he is a very physically active kid who goes 0-60 fast. And he always wakes up with a plan for the day and a mission and he needs to know why, how things work, etc... All that to describe him a little. Oh and he's not in daycare, we use grandma care 1-2 days a week. He's the oldest and I don't know where he ever got it from. He's been a little snotty today so I'm sure that's not helping. Oh and Daniel Tiger has a song about not getting what you want but they teach to "stomp 3 times".... I haven't tried to teach him that but wasn't sure if teaching stomping is really going to help with the whole hitting/kicking thing. </p> <p>Eta: he only gets one 20ish minute episode of Daniel Tiger every day and sometimes none because we are doing other things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-we-doing-wrong#post-2273524 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 09:28:58 +0000 regberadaisy 2273524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is he in daycare? Is there a friend that hits? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-we-doing-wrong#post-2273403 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 08:08:00 +0000 BandDmommy 2273403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you tried the books? Hands are not for hitting, etc... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-we-doing-wrong#post-2273391 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 08:00:34 +0000 MrsSRS 2273391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@reverie: Yeah I second the book and maybe a show about what to do when you don't get what you want. Maybe Daniel Tiger has one? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-we-doing-wrong#post-2273389 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 07:59:11 +0000 MrsSRS 2273389@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a big believer in time out, but if it isn't working maybe it is time to switch to something else. How about immediate loss of a favorite toy? Hit=favorite toy goes on a top shelf with no discussion, just a simple "no hitting. you may have this toy back tomorrow." Then if he throws a fit, that gets a removal to his room with "you need to have your own space until you are calm" and no mention of the hitting. Then every morning take a minute to give back the toys he lost. Ask him why he lost the toys and what he can do today to keep it from happening again. Brainstorm some other things he can do if he is frustrated about not getting what he wants, but keep the whole toy giving back and conversation less than three minutes long to keep his attention focused. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-we-doing-wrong#post-2273383 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 07:53:35 +0000 reverie 2273383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We went through a hitting phase that we seem to be mostly out of a little earlier. We got the book "hands are not for hitting' and read it every day. He seems to respond well to reading....</p> <p>Of course now when he is angry with other kids he "strong arms" them or pulls their shirts.... I guess I need to get "hands are not for strong arming or pulling clothing" next. It's so much less dramatic now though and I haven't been smacked in the face in a few months now so I'll consider it a half victory. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-we-doing-wrong#post-2273358 Wed, 26 Aug 2015 07:32:36 +0000 creativemomma15 2273358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our 3 yr old DS is in a serious hitting phase with us. If he doesn't get what he wants, he will come and hit us and then that lands him in his room for a time out... But, nothing is improving. As soon as he hits it's like a switch goes off and he loses control. We usually have to carry him kicking and screaming to his room. But I'm pregnant and I can't keep this up. We always talk after he's calmed down about what he should do differently and talking about how we need to use words to talk about our feelings. I just feel at a loss and don't know what we are doing wrong! (As I type this he is in his room crying because he hit me after his sister got to pick which Daniel Tiger episode to watch today and now he can't watch.) </p> <p>Any advice!?! I just don't know what else to do! </p>