https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 10:27:56 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553900 Sat, 21 May 2016 21:12:23 +0000 Eko 2553900@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hb3233: I totally thought the same thing, lol. </p> <p>No rules but we haven't had to have any. I have friendships that were established prior to meeting DH and those aren't an issue. I work in a female dominated work environment and DH works in a male dominated environment. So, we don't have much opportunity to make new friends where this situation could come up. I think for us, since we are so busy and rarely have time for anything, and DH doesn't have many close friends (none of them are women) I would probably not be ok with it. Not because I'm not ok with the idea that men can't be alone with women but because it is out of characteristic for us. Sometimes these things are dependent upon the situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553804 Sat, 21 May 2016 16:06:24 +0000 PawPrints 2553804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Such a weird concept to me. Like, it kind of seems like saying the only thing stopping you from cheating on your spouse is a rule explicitly forbidding you from doing so? We don't need rules, we are faithful because we want to be faithful. That's like the definition of marriage, to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553801 Sat, 21 May 2016 16:02:13 +0000 Torchwood 2553801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: We've never discussed our vows. I don't even know what we said! DH says I promised to obey, and we did get married in the church so that's a possibility. He's not dumb enough to try to enforce that though! Beyond that, really, we've never discussed what "in good times and in bad" means to us. I mean, we discuss finances, but that's just something that comes up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553800 Sat, 21 May 2016 15:59:30 +0000 Torchwood 2553800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in the camp of do not care one bit. I was raised conservative and it was a HUGE no-no to be alone with someone of the opposite sex, but now that I've moved away from that mindset it just seems really silly. The only time I wouldn't want to be alone with a man is if he gave me a bad vibe/creeped me out. And I don't care who DH is with at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553785 Sat, 21 May 2016 15:12:56 +0000 Truth Bombs 2553785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don't have sex with them. Does that count?</p> <p>We trust each other completely. And our marriage is pretty kick ass. Neither of us has anything to worry about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553779 Sat, 21 May 2016 14:40:06 +0000 Maysprout 2553779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: I think expectations are a type of rule. Different couples have different definitions of flirting and cheating and what makes them jealous and most couples I think have discussed those things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553775 Sat, 21 May 2016 14:28:15 +0000 Meowkers 2553775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No rules. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553774 Sat, 21 May 2016 14:27:04 +0000 hb3233 2553774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lol, when I read the OP I thought it was referring to kids, like no way am I letting my 13 year old hang out with a boy without adult supervision! I had lots of rules like that as a kid, I guess that should be a separate thread :silly: </p> <p>We don't have any rules, I think DH would see it as controlling, he is very independent and hates it when I tell him what to do. And I completely trust him. But I have no issues with those who do have rules - whatever works best for the specific situation! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553772 Sat, 21 May 2016 14:20:43 +0000 catomd00 2553772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: I guess I see a difference between discussing vows and making rules. We had plenty of conversations about hypothetical situations to make sure we were on the same page. But none of that feels to me like making rules about what we can or cannot do. Idk for me, It would be a total red flag if my husband ever came to me and told me he wasn't comfortable with me having friends of the opposite sex. To each their own and everyone does what works for them, I just can't wrap my head around it. I've had exes say just that and they were actually the ones being unfaithful, so maybe that's why I just don't buy into "rules" protecting relationships. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553769 Sat, 21 May 2016 14:12:31 +0000 Maysprout 2553769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: have you not had any conversations about your vows? I thought most people discussed situations of sickness, and finances and basic marriage expectations surrounding 'in good times and in bad'. Why is it bad to discuss your vows - I honestly thought that was a normal thing most people did prior to marriage. But I guess whether it's typical or not I think it's a healthy thing to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553761 Sat, 21 May 2016 13:54:01 +0000 MrsSCB 2553761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: good point! I would much rather my husband say, "I'm not going to cheat because I respect my wife and I don't want to" than "I won't cheat because my wife told me not to be alone with another woman." If the second one were the case, we'd still have problems to deal with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553758 Sat, 21 May 2016 13:36:30 +0000 catomd00 2553758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: totally agree re: divorce. Most of the people I know who are divorced never should have gotten married in the first place because their relationship was totally dysfunctional beforehand. I don't think looking at divorce rates is really relevant to the conversation of whether or not opposite friends are okay. If someone's going to cheat, the rule isn't going to stop them. I'd much prefer my husband doesn't do anything shady because he respects me and our marriage, not because we made a rule about it. I don't know explicit rules as adults just seems so out there and controlling to me. I thought that's kind of what our vows were for?! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553751 Sat, 21 May 2016 13:14:53 +0000 MrsSCB 2553751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: agreed, and I'd be willing to bet the largest reason the divorce rate is so much higher these days is the simple fact that divorce is far more acceptable. I doubt there's a significantly larger number cheating these days, people just didn't get divorced over it in previous generations.</p> <p>We don't have any rules, I trust my husband, even if someone were to hit on him. Takes two to tango. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553746 Sat, 21 May 2016 13:11:01 +0000 erinbaderin 2553746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Orchid: I don't think assuming men and women can have platonic relationships is hip or politically correct. I'm pretty sure divorce is not caused having friends of the opposite sex. I don't think my husband having female friends has the slightest potential to endanger our marriage because we love each other, he doesn't love them. </p> <p>@Anagram: I guess I don't even see the problem with having opposite sex friends who would be interested in something more. When I was in university I had a good male friend that yeah, I totally had a crush on. But I also really liked him as a person. He had a girlfriend. I knew that, and never would have tried anything. He didn't know I liked him (or at least I never told him) but as long as I respected his relationship and he respected his relationship, I don't see the problem of still being friends. If somebody is ONLY friends with you because they're hoping for something more, that's different. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553742 Sat, 21 May 2016 12:48:22 +0000 Orchid 2553742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our rule is not to develop close friendships with members of the opposite sex. My husband does have work friends (this is unavoidable) but the level of closeness is one I'm comfortable with. There's no calling or texting or meeting outside the work context. </p> <p>It seems like it's either politically correct or hip to say that these types of friendships are all good, but the fact is that close to 50% of marriages end in divorce. Why would anyone want to indulge in behaviors that have even the slightest potential to endanger their marriage. It is basic human psychology to like what one is familiar with, the mere-exposure effect we all studied about in psych 101. Tons of studies on interpersonal relationships highlight that attraction/liking increase with familiarity. There's a close circle around my husband and I and around our family and I guard it carefully. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553733 Sat, 21 May 2016 12:40:01 +0000 BrandNewMom 2553733@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: Haha, that's awesome! I would sure hate if DH had a similar moment :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553727 Sat, 21 May 2016 12:27:01 +0000 Anagram 2553727@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't have any set rules, because neither of us have any close opposite friends right now. But in the country where DH grew up, having a close opposite sex friend just isn't done (groups are fine, but hanging out alone when not dating doesn't really happen), so he was very confused when he and I started dating and I had a lot of male friends.</p> <p>As Maysprout has pointed out, once I started dating DH more seriously and I saw some of my friends through his lens, I realized some of them may be holding on to the idea of something in the future with me, and I really had to move those friends to the category of never hanging out alone. I do have a couple of male friends where I'm confident they did NOT have romantic feelings for me, nor I for them, so I would be comfortable hanging out with them alone. I think DH would be uneasy, due to his upbringing.</p> <p>We had a pretty big clash a year into us dating where I planned a solo trip for myself in another country (I traveled solo something like 5 summers in a row), and DH got really freaked out about it. He just couldn't understand why I wouldn't want to go WITH someone (like a female friend, or him) and we really hit a stalemate for a while and had to work out our varied expectations. What helped me during that time was having two married friends saying that if their husbands wanted to travel in another country or 3 weeks solo, it wouldn't fly with them. And it make me rethink my priorities a little. I did end up going on that trip, because I dug in my heels, but now that we've been married and we have children, I wouldn't do it again and I wouldn't want him to do it.</p> <p>Something somewhere along the line has changed, I guess. It's not about trust, because my husband is the most trustworthy guy I've ever met. I guess now I just see the value in guarding your relationship a bit and learning to lean on each other first, and put friends second. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553726 Sat, 21 May 2016 12:26:15 +0000 Astro Bee 2553726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: Same with DH and I! Only happily married with one sweet little boy. I don't particularly remember our drinks of choice at the time, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553724 Sat, 21 May 2016 12:15:51 +0000 Maysprout 2553724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: they were people I'd considered friends and hadn't ever done or implied anything more than friendship with. And yes, there were people as dh and I got more serious that laid their cards on the table and made it more obvious to say ok this person wants more but not everyone makes it that obvious. Heck two of DH friends, who I also had become friends with tried to kiss me. Drinking was involved and dh and I weren't married yet but still, people who should have been pretty countable to not make a move. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553709 Sat, 21 May 2016 11:54:01 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2553709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't have set rules. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends/page/2#post-2553707 Sat, 21 May 2016 11:52:49 +0000 catomd00 2553707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: I wouldn't really call those people true friends though. They clearly didn't have an interest in solely being friends with you if there was no reciprocal romantic feelings... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends#post-2553698 Sat, 21 May 2016 11:40:06 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2553698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BrandNewMom: I have! DH and I went from friends to more than friends due to liquid courage. :wink: happily married with three gorgeous girls because of my old friend margarita! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends#post-2553687 Sat, 21 May 2016 10:47:59 +0000 Maysprout 2553687@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sapphire: why would either of you be offended? we had to do pre marriage counseling bc of the church we got married in. And the priest just said look this statistically happens frequently in marriages, even strong ones, you need to have more than superficial conversations about it and he brought up good questions. Any workplace I've ever been in I've seen male/female friendships cross a line bc one person has hit a rough point in their relationship for whatever reason. For such a common hurdle in marriages it seems like an odd topic to be offended about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends#post-2553685 Sat, 21 May 2016 10:44:05 +0000 BrandNewMom 2553685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No excessive drinking (more than 3 drinks) or overly intimate conversation (sex, our relationship details, etc), excessive touching<br /> Role of thumb: If you could mistaken for being on a date, you've gone too far. Don't pick the darkest booth in the bar canoodling on one bench talking about your childhood and deepest fears.<br /> No one has ever woken up in the morning and said "I made a really good decision thanks to the alcohol I consumed last night!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends#post-2553680 Sat, 21 May 2016 10:23:12 +0000 sapphire 2553680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No rules. Both DH and I have opposite sex friends and coworkers that we spend time with independently. We've never discussed it and I think both of us would be offended if it came up. We're secure in our marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends#post-2553667 Sat, 21 May 2016 09:06:50 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 2553667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope, no rules. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends#post-2553665 Sat, 21 May 2016 09:05:17 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2553665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: i get what you mean. For me though, I dont believe most people set out to cheat....i think its a gradual thing that ends with a bad decision and leaves a lot of destruction thats really hard to recover from. For us we didnt give up any important friendships, we just choose not to cultivate new ones. It really isnt a sacrifice so for us it makes sense. If we had preexisting important friendships that would probably be an exception. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends#post-2553662 Sat, 21 May 2016 08:57:52 +0000 ineebee 2553662@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't made or enforced any rules for the both of us, but generally speaking, if there's the potential for me to spend any time alone with a guy friend, I'll run it by my husband and see if he's comfortable with it. He does the same with me. No issues so far, but it's important to us to keep the lines of communication open and to be sensitive to the other. We've felt and seen the effects of cheating in both of our families, so we just want to take precautions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends#post-2553656 Sat, 21 May 2016 08:52:26 +0000 looch 2553656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lion: And the issue that I take with that line of reasoning is that it implies (to me) that men and women can not be trusted to act appropriately. It implies (again, to me) that people are inherently going to do the wrong thing, as opposed to being able to compartmentalize their feelings for people.</p> <p>Oh and one other thing, you don' have to be friends with someone to have sex with them. There's an entire thriving sex industry in this country. It's there because there is a demand. So, having the rule doesn't mean there are no ways around it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-rules-or-guidelines-for-opposite-sex-friends#post-2553650 Sat, 21 May 2016 08:46:39 +0000 Maysprout 2553650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I guess I left off a few words. Don't be naive about the other persons intentions </p> <p>When we started dating we both had a significant number of opposite sex friends and Id say over half of them the other person was hoping for more. We started pointing out to each other the 'friends' flirtatious behavior (and we met when we were 23 so some of it was just being younger and more flirty in general) or how a 'friend' was really not pleasant or acted like they were trying to compete with the other. I encountered only what I can call temper tantrums from guys I considered friends when dh and I started dating. And I just realized some of this was bc while I wasn't interested I was ignoring obv signs they were interested, and it wasn't fair to DH to just claim that I was naive. And same for him. We weeded through and still have good opposite sex friends. But when we make new friends it's something we consider. </p>