https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 12:59:45 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-standards-for-politeness-rudeness#post-100300 Fri, 23 Mar 2012 13:26:11 +0000 daniellemybelle 100300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you for weighing in, everyone - I love hearing about different people's relationships. :)</p> <p>Those of you that pointed out how important tone is are definitely right. I know I have a habit of rolling my eyes, even if I am being very polite with my words. It's all in the delivery!</p> <p>@Adira: That is so weird! I don't know how offering someone something could ever be rude, either!</p> <p>@Crumbs: I think that's great that your husband gets that! It takes a lot of maturity to understand it's not about who's right, it's about making your partner feel loved and respected. I am still getting there :)</p> <p>@mediagirl: I'm kind of like your DH - it kind of grinds my gears when DH doesn't say thank you. He's just not big into niceties! He's trying to get better though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-standards-for-politeness-rudeness#post-99928 Fri, 23 Mar 2012 09:31:49 +0000 mediagirl 99928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We definitely see politeness and rudeness differently. He feels like if I don't thank him for doing something, it's rude of me. We're both polite people in general but every once in a while, we may say something rude like that - move - in the heat of the moment. It always simmers down later, though when we can talk about it. </p> <p>He's much more sensitive than I am, so I have had to work on what I say, don't say and what I should be saying. I don't mind, he's worth it. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-standards-for-politeness-rudeness#post-99054 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 11:22:08 +0000 SugarplumsMom 99054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. DH is nowhere near as sensitive as me. It's both good and bad because when I'm really angry, I tend to be really harsh and miraculously, it doesn't faze him. Our arguments rarely escalate because he doesn't add fire.</p> <p>But if he told me to "move" like that, even if I knew he didn't mean it, I would be pissed and would let him know. I think by now, he understands that just because "he" might not think something's rude doesn't excuse the fact that "I" think it's rude. What I love about him is he's never offended with my sensitivity - it's not a you vs. me thing (which I think most guys have a hard time with). </p> <p>Throughout the years we've adjusted on how we perceive things, him trying to be more thoughtful, me not taking things so seriously. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-standards-for-politeness-rudeness#post-99026 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 11:01:24 +0000 Lozza 99026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Oh man, DH and I have had SO many talks about his tone and how he comes across as condescending all the time without meaning to. One of our new rules is that DH is no longer allowed to say the words "of course," because the context and tone always make it sound like the questioner was an idiot for asking. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-standards-for-politeness-rudeness#post-99013 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 10:57:00 +0000 Alivoo01 99013@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hubby and I are pretty much on the same page as far are rudeness and politeness goes. However, there are always times when we're not in the mood or in your case a scenario that can make us short with each other. It happens, we're humans! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-standards-for-politeness-rudeness#post-98989 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 10:41:14 +0000 Mrs. Pen 98989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's opposite for us. DH tends to be the really polite one which stems mostly from personality than family upbringing. I like to think I have good manners and am polite, but I can be snappy a lot or unfairly just expect DH to do something and get upset when it's not done so then I don't end up asking in a very kind manner. I need to work on it.<br /> As far as our families though, my family was probably a little more intent on manners and his family tends to be more chaotic. But my husband's personality is so different from his family, he's very sensitive, thoughtful and sweet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-standards-for-politeness-rudeness#post-98960 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 10:19:51 +0000 heffalump 98960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think we're pretty on par with politeness/rudeness. We both have our moments when we'll say something stupid, but for the most part my husband knows my don't be a jerk rules and that there's no yelling at me. If you yell, there's no communicating with me, I shut down. If you talk like a normal person, we're fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-standards-for-politeness-rudeness#post-98926 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 09:38:20 +0000 Adira 98926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH and I definitely don't see rudeness/politeness in the same way AT ALL. I'm constantly having to point out to him that his tone is condescending or rude and that his off-handed comments are rude. He never sees it that way, but I'm constantly trying to educate him, haha.</p> <p>I think for me, tone plays a HUGE part in how a comment is perceived. If your DH said "Move" but his TONE was polite, this probably wouldn't have been a big deal to you. I'm betting it was his tone that threw you off. And I don't know about your DH, but MINE is very unaware of his tone and how he comes across. He often sounds very condescending, even when he doesn't mean to be. I'm constantly pointing out how his tone is being perceived.</p> <p>Another thing, and I don't know if this was how he was raised or what, but whenever I am getting something for myself (like a drink or a snack or whatever), I'll ask my DH if he wants some. He almost ALWAYS gets annoyed by this and has even told me that I'M the rude one for offering and that if he wanted whatever I was getting, he would've said something! I think I have FINALLY broken him of this attitude, but it took a while! I couldn't believe he thought my offering him things was RUDE!</p> <p>Good luck with your DH! I'm betting he needs to work on his tone, just like my hubs does! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-standards-for-politeness-rudeness#post-98923 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 09:37:13 +0000 Mrsbells 98923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think anyone can be snappy sometimes and not realize they are being snappy. Its hard to point it out because he could have asid "move" in a nice way or he could have said "please move" in a snappy way and sometimes its hard to prove the tone of voice they spoke with. I dont think it makes him less polite or anything just less gracious under pressure.<br /> When i am stressed out and DH is in my way I just stand there with this look on my face and he knows to just get out of my way lol but normally I would be patient or ask nicely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-are-your-standards-for-politeness-rudeness#post-98919 Thu, 22 Mar 2012 09:32:28 +0000 daniellemybelle 98919@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yesterday, DH &amp; I were busy getting the house ready for guests, which can put both of us on edge a little bit. He waiting for me to move to open the dishwasher, and I didn't realize this at first, so I turned to him to see what he needed. He looked at me and just said, "Move!" The way he said it, as opposed to, "Could you move?" or "Please move," really bothered me, but I tried to let it go in the moment because we were about to have people over.</p> <p>Later that evening, we were snuggling on the couch, and I said, "You know, it really bothers me when you get kind of snappy with me like you did earlier." He seemed totally puzzled by this, so I described the whole incident and told him that his tone and choice of words were rude. He seemed to think I was overreacting and told me, "I wasn't being rude at all - I just asked you to move." I tried to explain that *asking* me to move would have included a "please" or a question mark. He said he was sorry, but it's clear to me that he doesn't see it the same way.</p> <p>DH &amp; I have come a long way in communicating better with each other. One thing I have definitely learned is that the way I perceive something could be totally different than how he meant it. I think a lot of this comes from upbringing. I grew up with a lot of emphasis on speaking politely and respectfully at all times. Also, if your feelings were hurt, this was a big deal and always addressed. DH grew up in a somewhat chaotic household, and his mother and older siblings are rather brusque with each other, but they don't mean it disrespectfully at all. They also aren't really into feelings - there is definitely a "toughen up" mentality. </p> <p>While on the whole I think of DH as a more gentle, thoughtful person than the rest of his family, I think this difference in upbringing has definitely come into play for us. Do you and your SO see politeness / rudeness the same way? What is your personal standard? </p>