https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 23 Apr 2026 13:37:15 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1928006 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 20:30:25 +0000 gilmoregirl 1928006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My ILs are just kind of old people, so it can be exhausting to have them visit. It's a lot of work. </p> <p>But honestly if anything really bothers me it's that my MIL puts her trash in my kitchen sink. It makes me crazy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927980 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 20:16:38 +0000 Raindrop 1927980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My ILs just left this morning! After visiting for a week.</p> <p>I actually really love my ILs... my MIL is great. </p> <p>My FIL is sometimes a bit of a challenge.<br /> 1. He doesn't like silence, he just can jabber jabber jabber.<br /> 2. He doesn't like anything I have to say, he just wants to talk at me instead of with me.<br /> 3. He has no respect for my plans and always causing use to be late or off schedule.<br /> 4. He also shows no interest in LO except for maybe interacting with him for 5 minutes a day.<br /> 5. He is also fairly old and we have to basically cater to him even though LO needs attention too!</p> <p>All in all my ILs are still 100x better than my parents. Haha. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927823 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 18:13:57 +0000 Astro Bee 1927823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Namaste: I'm sorry, those comments are just too priceless. Soooo sorry. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927816 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 18:07:35 +0000 illumina 1927816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>They don't visit much, but the only thing that is tough is making sure they are quiet when LO is sleeping! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927806 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 17:53:18 +0000 namaste 1927806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh my FIL is a narcissist who's only visited us once. My MIL was just here for my baby shower and literally everything she said to everyone was negative. She's just a holier than thou type who can do no wrong but feels the need to judge everyone.</p> <p>My favorite gem from yesterday was after my bff's mom congratulated her on being a first-time grandma. She responds "Well I guess it's my first real grandchild, but I've claimed many other children for years." :meh: OR there was the one about how none of my friends bought me a stroller or a carseat...after she bought a travel bottle warmer and a sound machine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927791 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 17:42:30 +0000 LuLu Mom 1927791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have great in laws and a great relationship with them. I would say my only complaint would be: </p> <p>MIL: LO has a strong preference for her (we all know it) so in her mind "grandma" can do no wrong and will take her from me when I'm trying to settle her down/she's throwing a fit. that bugs me since I'm trying to teach her that these episodes are not okay. </p> <p>FIL: he can be grumpy, not so much toward me but can be toward the kids if they are loud and he's crabby toward MIL sometimes, I don't like it because she does to everything (very classic roles.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927611 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 16:22:10 +0000 looch 1927611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rocker2014: Anything is possible, right?</p> <p>I think part of the problem is that her hair is curly, but she doesn't like curly, so she straightens it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927600 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 16:17:37 +0000 mlm2934 1927600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Torchwood: made me think about this quote that I adore </p> [attach=2888/14/nehf5d.500x375.image.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927594 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 16:13:18 +0000 Torchwood 1927594@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is where I am right now with pretty much everyone in both my family and DH's. </p> [attach=3674/14/nehey7.585x600.fbb344302be6837b856268ffb60436dc.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927565 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 16:00:55 +0000 AmandaB8 1927565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She talks. Constantly. I love my MIL, but she never shuts up. I need like 15 minutes in the morning and after I get off work to decompress - I feel like I never get that when she's in town. </p> <p>Also - my ILs drag out every toy DD owns, and change her outfit multiple times a day. Last time they were in town, DD went through 10 outfits over 2 days. DRIVES ME NUTS. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927561 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 15:58:00 +0000 Astro Bee 1927561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My ILs are pretty good, and my dad is awesome, it's my mom that makes us (mostly me) crazy. She lives on the other side of the country, so when she/they visit, it's for a couple of weeks. </p> <p>My biggest mom gripe is the insane Catholic guilt she heaps on me all the time. If I don't call enough, because I'm busy with work, or sick. The fact that I live so far away, and she doesn't get to "experience" my pregnancy with me. She's just really negative about a lot of things. </p> <p>@Looch, @Rocker2014: my mom is also always complaining about her terrible haircuts, but she goes to a local woman who never listens to what she wants. But she can't go somewhere else bc she'll hurt her feelings. Still, I'm the one who has to listen to it. </p> <p>She also constantly complains how she's overweight and can never find dresses to fit her (we have a huge family, so there is always a wedding to go to). </p> <p>Anyway, we will see if her craziness explodes when baby is born. MIL has been careful not to push too much advice on me. Although, she'll occasionally read something and call me up to ask if I knew it, like how I wasn't supposed to clean the cat's litter. In every case, I already know. But she words it in such a way that it doesn't come across judge-y. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927485 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 15:26:05 +0000 Torchwood 1927485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I went to the family board to start basically this thread, because I'm so annoyed with my in-laws right now! So I shall rant here, thank you. :)</p> <p>We went to dinner with FIL and his wife (SMIL) the other day, and it came up that DH hasn't raised his life insurance as high as our financial planner recommended yet. First the in-laws told us we didn't need that much (not their business!). When I explained that we wanted it to be enough for me to go get a degree and still be financially sound while doing it and possibly raising kids, SMIL immediately told me I should just go get a degree now. I tried to explain that it doesn't make sense right now, since we should (*fingers crossed SO hard*) have a baby this time next year, and I plan to be a stay at home mom *and* homeschool. So not only would I be trying to get a degree with a newborn/toddler/preschooler (and hopefully more than one), I wouldn't actually put it to use for at LEAST 7 years, possibly more depending on how long we homeschool (and we're open to doing it all the way through high school if that's what works for our family, though I doubt it will). Plus, I have no idea what I'd get a degree in, since there's nothing I'm interested in right now and I don't know what I might want to do later. AND DH's job could move us again at any time with little to no notice, which isn't great when in school. But SMIL insisted I should get a teaching degree, since I want to homeschool. I explained I don't want to be a teacher. She said I should anyway, and then when I reiterated that I don't want to, she decided I should get a business degree. Still completely disregarding all the reasons why we've decided that it doesn't make sense right now. Finally I just said that I don't want to rather emphatically and she let it go, but she and FIL clearly didn't agree.</p> <p>FIL is just the biggest workaholic I've ever met (manager of 5 restaurants, part-owner and manager of another, and works on the farm on his days off), and thinks anyone who isn't like him is useless. I already know they both view me as basically a lazy gold digger, since DH makes very good money and I don't work. Never mind that my only real job interest has been nannying, and hey, NOT all that interested in taking care of someone else's kids at this time in my life. Or working at all, when I'm trying to take care of myself emotionally after the last year and a half from hell. Plus, more importantly, DH works mandatory ridiculous hours (he does get paid for them, thankfully), and he likes coming home to a clean house and a fresh cooked meal and a happy wife. He likes being able to ask me to shine his shoes and pick up his dry cleaning and take the dogs to the vet and whatever else needs doing, and not having to worry about it because he knows I have the time (and enjoy doing it for him since his love language is acts of service). And hey, I'm not just sitting on my ass, I volunteer with the Nashville Humane Association, Nashville Cat Rescue, the library, and recently with the No on 1 TN campaign, in addition to all the aforementioned errands and chores and all that. And you know what, we're both completely happy with this arrangement, which is all that matters. </p> <p>Next time I'm just shutting it down immediately when (not if) it comes up again. I'm just sick of getting judged for something that is none of their business, especially when FIL's work habits are SO unhealthy. </p> <p>I'm so, so, SO dreading dealing with them when we actually have kids. SMIL told our niece to "stop acting like a baby" when she wasn't even 2 yet, because she cried when her grandmother (whom she loves dearly and rarely gets to see) left and she wanted her to stay. I know for a fact our positive parenting and refusal to spank and plans to extended breastfeed and gender neutral parenting and everything else will be *very* looked down upon.</p> <p>And as for MIL, she's a pill-popping alcoholic chainsmoker who stole money from DH from the time he started working at 14 until he could get his own account, and still expects money from us. She visited ONCE in the 5 years we lived in Denver (even my dad, who has major health issues, made it out there twice), even though she went to see DH's twin sister at least 15-20 time during the same period, and she never, ever answers the phone when DH calls, which really hurts his feelings. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927066 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 11:09:46 +0000 78h2o 1927066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chuckles: Thanks for the validation! :) Yes, so annoying! I'm sorry about your MIL... sounds like she makes a lot of negative comments like mine. I'd also be annoyed about the passive-aggressive comments about you not visiting enough when it's not like she is making less of an effort! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927058 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 11:03:43 +0000 SweetiePie 1927058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@twodoghouse: i don't know how you deal with them at all. Your stories are just...wow. I would go apeshit! I am so protective of his napping, I've finally realized how important it is - we're all miserable when he doesn't nap well!<br /> My IL's have never woken him up from a nap or prevented us from putting him down for one. Well, once my mil was watching him for me and she was so intent on getting a smile out of him that she kept him up way past the tired signs. But I nipped that in the bud.<br /> But they always come when he's sleeping and are all bummed and disappointed. Like, my mil has been on the verge of tears over it. People, he's 8 weeks (6weeks the last time they saw him). He naps. Are you really surprised by this? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927056 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 11:03:21 +0000 mlm2934 1927056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sera_87: I'm staying away from this thread, because I just don't want to go there, but YES YES - everything is "LO will talk early because DH did... He won't walk early because DH didn't..." Well MIL, if it matters at all, he's my kid too and not just your blood relative!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927053 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 10:59:16 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1927053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: Same. In the 14 years he has lived here, they have not come once. We even offered to pay for their tickets to our wedding and to come see LO when she was born. They wouldn't take us up on it either time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927043 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 10:55:03 +0000 luckypenny 1927043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Everything. FIL was here and dd1 got pneumonia his first day. So she was up every hour coughing and I was doing laundry and getting in the bath with her several times a night because she would throw up from coughing so hard. On the second day he looked at me and said "the trash really smells. You should take it out ". GRRRRR you take it out if it bothers you so much! I'm exhausted and am too busy taking care of my kid </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1927001 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 10:29:27 +0000 cascademom 1927001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Everything. We visit them instead of the other way around. My inlaws are horrible guests. There's make yourself at home and then there's take over someone's house and make the people who live there feel like their servants. I think this is part of the reason why DH is so bent on our next house being only 3 bedrooms. He doesn't want to make it possible for them to try to visit and put us through hell again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1926946 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 09:58:32 +0000 alohaorchid 1926946@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>MIL &amp; FIL are great, they never stay for too long and we always have fun when they are here.</p> <p>SIL and her family is a whole other issue! She's very high maintenance, self-centered and bossy. Very difficult to spend time with, and the only good side is she refuses to even set foot in our house (she is allergic/hates dogs) so at least we have a little breather from her whenever she comes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits/page/2#post-1926783 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 07:56:42 +0000 Rocker2014 1926783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: do I have a secret brother I don't know about?? Because my mother does the exact same thing as your MIL! She also talks about it every time we talk on.the phone - weekly hair status reports! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits#post-1926748 Mon, 03 Nov 2014 06:48:37 +0000 anonysquire 1926748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband's dad is fine, but my husband's mom always promises she will visit and never does. Even though I don't get along with her it bugs me so bad. What's going to happen when Zuma I'd older and sees that she puts zero effort into a relationship. It's interesting how she has "no money" yet is able to make it to the bar every night. Whatever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits#post-1926394 Sun, 02 Nov 2014 17:20:43 +0000 looch 1926394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is great, but she's crazy about her hair. She spends hours styling it and then complains about how bad it looks. After two weeks, I am done hearing about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits#post-1926393 Sun, 02 Nov 2014 17:18:35 +0000 Maysprout 1926393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Trying to get the kids to do things their way aka the right and only way to parent. We have our older LO say please and thank you. They want her to say please or thank you followed by their name so theyre constantly correcting her and telling us how it's impolite not to say someone's name. MIL wants them to shower in the morning not the night, she wants them to eat dinner and be in bed before we eat dinner. All those things are fine but they're not how we do things so it messes everything up when she insists and complains and rolls her eyes till we try things her way. So the kids are more whiney and frustrated and then we look like even worse parents </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits#post-1926344 Sun, 02 Nov 2014 16:19:11 +0000 Chuckles 1926344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@78H2O: That is insane and so obnoxious! I hate the whole, they must be acting crazy because they had one bite of candy, not because our visit is disrupting everything </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits#post-1926342 Sun, 02 Nov 2014 16:17:31 +0000 Chuckles 1926342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've been composing my rant in my head since seeing this thread :happy:<br /> Visiting us: We live a 6 hour drive from my MIL (FIL passed away 17 years ago) and she almost never comes to visit us. My husband has lived in our city since he came here for college, 22 years ago, and MIL has been here about 6 times. And that includes our wedding and the birth of her first grandchild, our LO (when she visited for about 4 hours). And yet when we visit her (3 times a year), she makes passive-aggressive comments about how we don't visit enough. She is also a needy and self-centered guest, but that's a rant for another time :)<br /> Visiting MIL: She mostly likes to sit around with the lights down and watch old movies and TV. It's SOO boring. And she tells the same negative stories about friends and family over and over. "Let me tell you about how So and So is fat. Let me tell you this story you've heard 30 times about how this cousin is dumb." It's really obnoxious, but I think it's just because she has nothing else to talk about. She also gives us a hard time about LO napping in terms of the whole - let him stay up, oh now he's refusing to nap because he's overtired, it must be because she was right and he wasn't tired in the first place. There's more, but I won't write a novel. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits#post-1926262 Sun, 02 Nov 2014 14:35:16 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1926262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Referring to our home as my husband's as if he bought it and I just live there.</p> <p>Asking about "his house" as if he runs it and then gets irritated when he has to defer to me for answers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits#post-1926241 Sun, 02 Nov 2014 14:00:01 +0000 lamariniere 1926241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Food, spoiling the kids, and questioning/comparing everything to how my BIL's kids are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits#post-1926210 Sun, 02 Nov 2014 13:20:18 +0000 sera_87 1926210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The only thing that super bugs me about my MIL is whenever ds2 does something totally normal for a baby to do &amp; she immediately goes "oh SO was <i>exactly</i> like that too!"</p> <p>Uh, pretty sure 99% of all babies do that &amp; good god, there's half me in there too you know. I wasn't just an incubator for your precious grandson &gt;_&lt; </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits#post-1926110 Sun, 02 Nov 2014 10:40:53 +0000 youboots 1926110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No visiting from "FIL" have not seen him since our wedding 8 years ago.</p> <p>MIL is moving in with us next month. :) she sold her house and is staying with us until she finds something else. I have few gripes with her. The main one is that she is really wasteful with food. Overbuying, makes huge dinner spreads that we can only eat 1/2 of, it's wasteful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-bothers-you-about-your-il-visits#post-1926027 Sun, 02 Nov 2014 09:10:24 +0000 Mae 1926027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@twodoghouse: omg yes. This routine drives. me. nuts. I &lt;3 my mom and 99% of what she does related to LO I love and is great-- but she never put me or my brother down for naps (we "just napped whenever we were tired!") and she doesn't really understand the putting down for naps/nap schedule/overtired babies are bad thing. And I feel like there is constant doubt when I say LO is tired. She tells me she's not tired just bored. But then I let her stay up and then she's a bear to get down. And then if nap fails due to over tiredness its "she just didn't want to sleep!" gah. And I think she gets annoyed just how much my LO sleeps during the day. And it is unfortunate because it makes planning impossible and visits challenging when ppl want to see the baby. But there is really nothing I can do about it. If I want a happy baby who sleeps well at night, I need to follow HER schedule which is very restrictive and requires a lot of sleep. </p>