https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 14 May 2026 11:57:17 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875460 Fri, 08 Mar 2019 09:04:11 +0000 Adira 2875460@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My understanding of bullying is that it is <b>targeted</b> and <b>repeated</b>. If someone is just mean to everyone all the time, that's not really bullying (though that person's probably a jerk). But if they are mean to a specific person (or specific people) over and over again, that IS bullying.</p> <p>I agree that you can bring up the issue though without labeling it as bullying! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875458 Fri, 08 Mar 2019 08:59:35 +0000 foodiebee 2875458@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree! Just because adults find the words/things kids are saying to each other to be trivial doesn't mean that they are to the child, and those child's feelings deserve respect. I had two instances of repeated things said to me around that age that my parents never thought were big deals and as an adult looking back on it, I totally get why they saw it that way! One thing was a silly name too. But it was a name that struck at a chord for me, so what they didn't understand was how *I* interpreted what was being said to me (and I wasn't able to articulate why it bothered me!). Looking at it now, I can see that calling me this name made me associate myself with qualities I found negative, and not stopping it when I disliked it made me feel powerless. You've gotten great advice here, and I hope it gets better asap!!</p> <p>ETA Even thinking on my own situation, it's hard for me to say if it was bullying, but for me at least, I think it's the repeated part of it that makes it feel like it becomes bullying? Not stopping when distress is expressed again and again, maybe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875447 Fri, 08 Mar 2019 08:04:20 +0000 Anagram 2875447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kiddo went through some things in public pre-k that I totally would not call bullying (the other kids were only 4 and 5), but that still called for some frequent conversation at home and a check in or two with the teacher.</p> <p>I think I posted here about it. It was the "you're not my friend" game. I think a 4 or 5 year old doesn't understand how exclusionary that can feel, and the group of kiddos saying it to my oldest DD were second or third children, and I'm sure they'd been introduced to the "you're not my friend" concept from their older siblings. I think saying "you're not my friend" all the time as a way to manipulate is a really common and normal stage, but my oldest DD had not experienced it at all yet, since she was our oldest. And she would be really hurt by it, since she felt like the kids were her friends. And it happened fairly often for a few months there. We talked a lot about it at home, how sometimes people don't feel like playing and we can find something else fun to do. How sometimes other kids don't understand how their words can hurt others. We checked in with the teacher and she had a couple of talks about it and encouraged the class to all play together without excluding anyone. I remember posting back then that my husband was really up in arms about it. But we just kept talking it out, working through it, and after about 3 months it all blew over. My DDs self esteem was none to worse for wear, she does really well emotionally now in K, I don't think the other kiddos are little monsters or badly raised. I think they were just going through a normal stage, that unfortunately hurt my kiddos feelings.</p> <p>Interestingly, my youngest learned the "I'm not your friend" game much earlier (I'm sure from my oldest DD), and she has been saying that all the time to me at home this year *(she's only 3) and I am certain she says it to her classmates at school.</p> <p>All this to say, I'm not sure if your situation is bullying, but I agree with PPs that it doesn't need a label for you to address it at home and with the teacher if you want. As long as you don't come at it from a "if you were doing your job better, this wouldn't be happning" angle, I think teachers are normally really receptive to knowing about this stuff and addressing it in school.</p> <p>Good luck--keep us posted! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875441 Fri, 08 Mar 2019 01:08:51 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2875441@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: I think if you mention how your kid is stressed about school (that's the important bit) - it should highlight how difficult it is for her to cope with the behavior. Every child should feel safe at school(!) and it's hard to expect a child that young to understand between levels of mean. Mean is just mean at that age, so it doesn't really matter what this is all about, the fact that it's making her feel bad enough to be stressed out is enough for the adults to intervene. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875435 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 22:01:11 +0000 PinkElephant 2875435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cam: Oh wow, I really like this one! It's something kids can definitely understand. I'd say IMO, we're at the "mean" phase - I know the girl has continued to make fun of DD in the same way on at least 3-4 separate days now, but I'm not clear on how (if at all) DD is letting her know she doesn't like it...I'm going to chat with DD in the morning about better ways to make it clear to that she's not ok with what's being said. Thanks for sharing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875434 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 21:58:19 +0000 PinkElephant 2875434@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Kaohinani: LOL at "I don't like you today, but may tomorrow" :silly: I totally was not expecting this much girl drama this early on! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875433 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 21:57:20 +0000 PinkElephant 2875433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: Super good point - I think part of my hesitation to say anything at all to her teacher is that in my mind, it's probably overkill to call it bullying - but it's super annoying, it bugs my kid to the point that it's the first thing she tells me about her school day many days, so it needs to stop. </p> <p>@Ms. RV: Thanks! That's a really good way of putting it for ANY age group. I feel like a lot of anti-bullying material is targeted at teens/tweens (social media, trashing one's reputation, etc.), and isn't super relevant to the way younger children pick on each other.</p> <p>@Lindsay05: Thanks! I'm not too worried about what's actually being said (I mean, how horrible of insults can six year olds really hurl at each other?! :silly: - from an adult perspective, the particular insult she keeps using is pretty trivial), but I do worry about how it's making DD feel. I agree that she, like your daughter, is just having to learn a tricky lesson about dealing with people who are unpleasant. I may call the teacher into it just so she's not the one getting into trouble for speaking out when she tries to defend herself.</p> <p>@Kaohinani: Thanks, and VERY good point about finding out what the teacher is seeing - I'll probably begin with that approach. As a mom of three kids close in age, I often hear three VERY different versions of "what happened" from my daughters, so I'm all too aware that there is likely another side to this story as well. :)</p> <p>@meganmp: Thanks - that's a good definition. I guess where I get torn is that I, as an adult, can recognize that the insults this girl is using are silly and meaningless - they're six, after all! :) She's not body shaming my child, or questioning her sexual orientation, or slandering her reputation on social media.....she's just calling her a silly name and making fun of her snack choices/developing academic skills. As an adult, I know that it doesn't matter, and can laugh at it, but it's become very clear that from a six year old's perspective, it's hurtful. So SHOULD what's happening meet the definition of bullying? No, not really...but does it feel like it to a child that young? It sure seems like it does....Anyhow, the advice here to just feel out the situation with the teacher without a need to label the behavior as bullying seems like a good approach!</p> <p>@Kemma: Haha, yeah, this. :happy: I've watched the kid in class firsthand - she's just not a particularly nice kid at this phase of her life. I imagine she's got other stuff going on, so a big part of me wants to avoid more "everyone dump on "GirlX" for her behavior" unless I'm sure something needs to be done, you know? </p> <p>@lamariniere: Thank you - similar to your situation, this kid will be out of the picture in a few months since the schools split at second grade. So no matter what, at least she won't be in my daughter's school life long term. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875424 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 19:59:27 +0000 cam 2875424@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've seen this poster in one form or another online before and I think it sums up pretty well what I feel bullying is. I don't think it has to be something physical, but is unrelenting. </p> [attach=6393/19/po0w33.423x600.9ed159f50bf3b8b0a07ea3e84cc2970a.jpg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875421 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 19:37:31 +0000 Kaohinani 2875421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms. RV: That is a PERFECT way for young children to define and conceptualize "bullying" vs. "I don't agree with you" or I don't like you today but I may tomorrow " Thank you for the visual (I wish that was up at more schools!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875418 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 19:34:33 +0000 Ms. RV 2875418@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This poster is hanging at daycare, and it pretty much perfectly sums up what bullying is in my eyes, except it has to be deliberate because all of these things could be accidental </p> [attach=5855/19/po0uxl.190x265.images.jpeg] https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875414 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 19:18:37 +0000 Lindsay05 2875414@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 6 year old daughter comes home often from school saying this one girl is always so mean to her. I ask her what she is saying and lots of times she can’t even come up with anything. Sometimes she says that she tells my daughter “that doesn’t even make sense” or “stop wasting so much paper”. My daughter does not take criticism very well so she thinks these kid of statements are so mean. My daughter is very sensitive and emotional. We aren’t too worried and just tell her that she needs to either ignore this girl or tell her politely to shove it. This particular girl is known for saying things quite abruptly. But we also tell our daughter that there will be people like this when she is older too so she has to learn to deal with it. </p> <p>I think if it were more physical or blatant name calling then I would be having a talk to the teacher. If it disrupted my daughters school work then I would ask for this girl or my daughter to be moved away from each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875408 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 18:54:05 +0000 Kaohinani 2875408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In every school I have taught, bullying has been defined as a threatening behavior (from one or more students to a singular student) which is based on interests, sex, color, ethnicity, language, gender, physicality, exceptionality (whether gifted or developmentally stunted due to anything), and age. It can include, but is not limited to constant name calling/teasing, threats, taunting over physical appearance, physical abuse, sexual abuse (or advances), online/digital bullying, and anything that causes one "deep emotional harm." (* which is undefined.). I have taught 2nd and 4th grade before moving into the field of Special Education (* not to offend anyone, but my degree was listed at such as were most positions I worked) before I began to educate at a collegiate level. I was hired to educate all over the U.S. (Note - We traveled a lot due to DH's career) and, I will state that most statements (made in the student handbook) on bullying were similar to what I have included. I will say that MOST educators are very compassionate and involved when bullying (or the threat) is brought to his/her attention. I would call, email, or meet with your DD's educator to discuss what he/she sees during class versus what is emotional affecting your DD.<br /> Best of luck and, please, keep us updated. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875407 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 18:52:56 +0000 lamariniere 2875407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would raise your concern with the teacher. Maybe not label it as others have said, but email the teacher that your daughter appears to be having difficulties with a particular student and you are concerned about what she is telling you. </p> <p>FWIW, my son was briefly bullied back in daycare. One child was targeting him every day. My son mentioned it and one of the daycare teachers even mentioned it and they made efforts to keep a close eye on them and intervene when necessary. Fortunately, the child in question changed daycares not long after it started. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875402 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 18:39:36 +0000 Kemma 2875402@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Some kids are just arseholes but I think behaviour crosses the line into bullying when it’s deliberate, targeted and prolonged. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875401 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 18:37:54 +0000 meganmp 2875401@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What's helped me when looking at behavior like this in school (I'm a teacher) is to use the definition of bullying from our Social Emotional Learning curriculum: "Bullying is when one or more people repeatedly harm, harass, intimidate, or exclude others. Bullying is unfair and one-sided." Perhaps using that will help you frame it with the teacher? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875395 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 18:19:59 +0000 pinkb 2875395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would agree that if it is affecting your child i would address it but not label it. So far we have had to talk to DD about how to handle other kids that aren't so nice to her. She now tells us when she sticks up for herself so it hasn't escalated to talking to the teacher yet and she is in k. </p> <p>But as someone who was picked on a lot in school, like everyday from 4th grade til my jr yr in high school and even frequently before the 4 th grade, I dislike the way we throw around the word bullying now. To me it a next level kind of thing, I would even say physical touch is where I differentiate. Even a poke or whatever. But words even harsh mean words and picking I have a hard time labeling as bullying. And no I don't think all the crap I went thru made me stronger and that's why I feel this way. It was wrong and horrible and made me hate going to certain classes most days. but it did make me learn not to take other people's crap and to choose my friends wisely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875394 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 18:18:58 +0000 bhbee 2875394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree about not labeling for now ... depending on how you feel about the teacher I think you could even tell her what’s being said and how often, how it’s making LO feel, and ask for the teacher’s suggestions or thoughts on what might help. I do think teachers sometimes have to come off as more strict to the overall class to keep order but are usually willing to help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875393 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 18:08:07 +0000 gotkimchi 2875393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you can bring up a situation to the teacher and not call it bullying. Just say hey this keeps happening, it’s repeated and needs to stop. I don’t think labels necessary matter or perhaps it doesn’t need to be labeled unless the teacher doesn’t address it </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-constitutes-bullying-first-grade#post-2875391 Thu, 07 Mar 2019 17:56:36 +0000 PinkElephant 2875391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In your mind, what is really "bullying" at this age (six-seven years old, and girls, if that matters)? And what warrants a discussion with someone at the school? Is it exactly WHAT is being said? How many times someone says it? More than one person jumping onboard? I'm curious - what sort of thing goes beyond little kids being kids and would make you feel the need to kid involved?</p> <p>I'm avoiding specifics of the situation right now, because I'd like to see what other people say first. It's not anything horrific....but it comes from one child, is repeated, and makes my kid feel crummy - though she bounces back quickly at home, she definitely stresses about school because of it. And she herself is referring to it as "bullying", which obviously raises my inner mama-bear instinct a little bit.</p> <p>My daughter doesn't want to bring it up to the teacher herself- she says the teacher "will say it's nonsense." I've noticed that the teacher is sometimes (understandably - 20 first graders have a lot of needs!) a bit dismissive of kids coming to her with problems at what she views as inappropriate times - but per my daughter, she hasn't really given them a good way to catch her if they want/need to talk to her alone....so I'm feeling like it may be time for me to say something to the teacher. That said, I have two more children to come up through this school, and I know I need to pick my battles carefully - I feel like the term "bullying" can get thrown around too casually, and I don't want to create needless drama. </p>