https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 14:45:52 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-learn-from-your-loss-if-anything#post-2883745 Wed, 08 May 2019 15:51:45 +0000 Kemma 2883745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is just my experience but for me I learnt that losing our third pregnancy wasn’t the end of the world (ours was a missed miscarriage that completed at 9-10 weeks).</p> <p>Miscarriage is such a shitty thing to experience however you feel but I felt like I’d lost a pregnancy rather than a baby and because of that I felt like a bit of an outlier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-learn-from-your-loss-if-anything#post-2883709 Wed, 08 May 2019 12:45:48 +0000 poppygirl15 2883709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry you're going through this.</p> <p>I agree with @shantuck. </p> <p>Also, I think it's important to remember that everyone grieves differently and I realized it was okay to go through my own process. For me, I bought a ring with what would have been my lost baby's birth stone. I wore it for a year after I lost my baby and it was very healing for me. My DS is also named after the baby I lost. </p> <p>I was also so incredibly grateful that I had two friends who had been through MC before me and told me. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have someone to turn to who knew what I was going through. It made me feel it was important to be open about my MC because I might be able to help someone down the road.</p> <p>I won't lie, though. I was nervous throughout my whole pregnancy after MC. But, I tried to turn my anxiety to gratefulness for that moment, as much as I could, knowing that I could not control the future, just my present.</p> <p>Best of luck!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-learn-from-your-loss-if-anything#post-2883691 Wed, 08 May 2019 11:15:24 +0000 Autumnmama79 2883691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shantuck: Agreed! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-learn-from-your-loss-if-anything#post-2883680 Wed, 08 May 2019 08:58:38 +0000 Shantuck 2883680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I learned that you really can't ever know what other people are going through so I think it is helped make me a more compassionate person. While I talk about my losses and am not secretive about it, there were still a lot of people in my life that had no idea. I realize that there may be so many other people suffering that I see every day and have no idea about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-learn-from-your-loss-if-anything#post-2883676 Wed, 08 May 2019 08:43:56 +0000 Chuckles 2883676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I learned some similar things to other people here. For the positives, it wasn't exactly something learned, but my relationship with my husband is stronger now. He didn't totally get what I was going through, but he was extremely supportive and gave me space/time/support whenever I needed it. I also learned that I can handle something very difficult even if other people around me don't exactly know how to be supportive. I also learned to give up control about the whole TTC/pregnancy process. I'm 12 weeks pregnant now. And in some ways I'm more anxious because I have a more real sense of how things can go wrong. But I think mostly I've realized that there's not much I can do to control the outcome of this pregnancy. And that's more relaxing. </p> <p>The one negative thing I learned is how little the medical establishment respects the experiences of women. When I went in for my first ultrasound at 8 weeks and there was only a gestational sac, I was shocked that my young female OB didn't trust that I understood my cycle, when I had gotten a positive pregnancy test, how my symptoms had been lessening, etc. She kept saying, early pregnancy is mysterious, maybe your dates are really off. Even when I was certain that the pregnancy wasn't viable. That was extremely frustrating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-learn-from-your-loss-if-anything#post-2883673 Wed, 08 May 2019 07:53:01 +0000 pachamama 2883673@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss. I was shocked at how hard it was for me when I MMC at 12 weeks then had a d&amp;c. Luckily the d&amp;c was uneventful.<br /> I would say the positive is it changed my perspective on what humans and especially women go through. I became much more empathetic towards people's struggles. I am not the same person- it was like a little light went out within me. And this humbled me, I think in a good way. Life can be horrifically sad and also incredibly beautiful.<br /> Kind of contrary to what you wrote, I just gave up control. I am very type A and controlling and I realized no amount of worrying or chart checking or OPK obsessing was going to get me pregnant. So in that way, I learned a valuable lesson- In life, sometimes we have little control over things and our babies will come to us when they're ready. I got pregnant 9 cycles after the MC and have a perfectly fat, happy 4 month old. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-learn-from-your-loss-if-anything#post-2883667 Wed, 08 May 2019 05:46:58 +0000 CatyLady 2883667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry for your loss.</p> <p>I again understood to trust in my body with the way it dealt with it. It also brought home the fact of some things you can’t control. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-learn-from-your-loss-if-anything#post-2883607 Tue, 07 May 2019 16:12:50 +0000 periwinklebee 2883607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ditto, that I have to accept not being in control over outcomes, and also that I have very little knowledge of what's going on inside my own body and that things will take place on their own timeline. </p> <p>I'm sorry that you're going through this :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-learn-from-your-loss-if-anything#post-2883604 Tue, 07 May 2019 15:38:54 +0000 Autumnmama79 2883604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@breakouttheicecream: I truly learned that there are some things I simply cannot control. I found peace and freedom in that. It took three miscarriages to get there but for this pregnancy, I’m there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-learn-from-your-loss-if-anything#post-2883602 Tue, 07 May 2019 15:16:09 +0000 Mrs. Cereal 2883602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I learned how to say what I needed. I was largely unable to advocate for myself prior to this but something clicked and I just didn't care if the doctors and providers thought that I was annoying or wasting their time. I knew what I needed to have to be comfortable or at least to be able to survive my pregnancy without completely losing my mind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-learn-from-your-loss-if-anything#post-2883599 Tue, 07 May 2019 14:59:40 +0000 karenbme 2883599@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So sorry you're in this position. :heart: </p> <p>I was already a pretty strong advocate for myself before my losses, but they definitely made me feel more confident in asking hard questions and saying no to medical procedures I didn't want when there were other options available, and making a case that was convincing enough to get a reticent doctor on my side.</p> <p>As others have said, it definitely shows you how resilient you can be. After my first loss in particular, I went to a really dark place. And a lot of the support I thought would be there for DH and I just didn't show up, which meant we did the hard part almost entirely on our own. </p> <p>But I would also say that the losses have really strengthened my relationship. We were lucky before these past couple of years and didn't have a lot of up hill battles. My husband especially led a pretty charmed life for his first 30 years. But having to go through our losses has brought us closer and made us know and care for each other better. I feel really lucky that we both chose to put in the work to face this together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-learn-from-your-loss-if-anything#post-2883587 Tue, 07 May 2019 13:59:48 +0000 runnerd 2883587@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had life stopping obsessive anxiety with the health of my babies after miscarrying first pregnancy. Every pregnancy after that, I felt the same way, but I wasn’t afraid to just tell the doctors that and was lucky to have doctors who took my need to know the baby was ok seriously. I got many many more ultrasounds than the average person because of that and is probably the only thing that kept me sane until the baby is old enough to feel movement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-learn-from-your-loss-if-anything#post-2883578 Tue, 07 May 2019 13:40:49 +0000 bhbee 2883578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m so sorry you’re in this place. :heart: </p> <p>I had the hardest time with my last loss. Truthfully it changed the entire year for me, perhaps more because we didn’t get pregnant again quickly and faced the ttc rollercoaster. And a lot of it just sucked. I felt sad, isolated - very alone in how I felt. My family didn’t understand, DH didn’t understand really, and I kept a lot to myself. </p> <p>I did learn how to keep going from that hard place. I found solace in writing in a journal, in the community here. I learned how to keep showing up as a parent even when you’re sad inside and struggling. I learned how much I wanted another baby, but also I learned to make peace with the idea of not having one as it didn’t seem like it was going to work out. </p> <p>In the moment it was really hard. Now we have that third baby but I can look forward and see that we are going to need that same resilience for other things. Our parents getting older is a big one. Other unexpected life changes with health or jobs or whatever. Certainly, pregnancy after loss is different than before, much more anxiety, but still worth it. </p> <p>Sending lots of hugs your way. It’s just hard :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-learn-from-your-loss-if-anything#post-2883568 Tue, 07 May 2019 13:13:45 +0000 breakouttheicecream 2883568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If this isn't too much to ask: Did you learn anything from your interactions with doctors--or your body--that was useful moving forward?</p> <p>For instance, were you able to regain a sense of control, or find a way to be proactive as you moved forward? Did you learn something about how you handle stress? Did you take up a practice that helped you later? Did you change doctors or hospitals? Did you learn something about advocating for yourself?</p> <p>My greatest hesitation in TTC after a loss is becoming a patient again. I felt so small and powerless by the end of the whole thing, probably because it was bad news compounded over weeks, tests, and facilities.</p> <p>If there's any upside, I'd love to hear about it. Were you able to channel some experiences around your loss, or challenges related to TTC, into something positive? (If the answer is no, that's valid, too!) </p>