https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 13:15:33 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-2489445 Wed, 09 Mar 2016 23:50:11 +0000 stiletto_mom 2489445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a thoughtful thread. Thanks everyone. It's passed for me, but I don't think there is much I could contribute. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1776797 Wed, 23 Jul 2014 16:24:05 +0000 drea101 1776797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know this thread is a few months old but reading through each and every post does help. I had a natural miscarriage at 7 weeks. This happened just 2 weeks ago. </p> <p>This has been such a horrible life experience to go through, emotionally and physically. At this point Im trying to come to terms with what has happened. Things happen for a reason although I cant understand it. I dont think I will ever understand it. One thing for sure is that I will never forget this. Its so hard to start thinking of all the firsts that could have been. The due date... So sad.</p> <p>I have had support with my Fiance and my family. A good amount of family members have shared their miscarriage experiences with me. Its so crazy to me how as soon as this happened to me I learned that my grandma and so many of my aunts have gone through this as well. I do understand that though... during a pregnancy thats the last thing someone wants to hear about. That helps me as well. I have learned to be more aware. </p> <p>I feel like I have recovered physically. Emotionally...who knows. After reading some of these posts I guess Im one of the lucky ones... my miscarriage was like a bad 2 week period. My little bean probably was super little. I wasnt in too much physical pain. Im still hurting in a different way. Baby Dust and hugs to all :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1599442 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 12:14:17 +0000 LovelyPlum 1599442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PawPrints: oh no :( I'm really sorry. I'm glad this has been helpful, though. Hugs :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1599421 Tue, 29 Apr 2014 12:08:13 +0000 PawPrints 1599421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This thread has been really helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1574313 Thu, 17 Apr 2014 07:45:42 +0000 Mrs. Chocolate 1574313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didnt know how attached I could be to a baby I had only learned about for a week and who wasn't any more than an idea, a thought </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1504052 Wed, 19 Mar 2014 10:45:34 +0000 LovelyPlum 1504052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsk: oh no, I am so sorry. My losses were early, so I don't have any advice on the D&amp;C. But I do know the feeling of having lost a second one and just wondering why and how it could happen again. Please know that we are here for you :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1503756 Wed, 19 Mar 2014 09:37:42 +0000 T.H.O.U. 1503756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsk: Im so sorry you are here. I would talk to your doctor if the pills don't start things. That emotional toll of feeling like a ticking time bomb is the worst. Obviously no one wants surgery but you have to take your emotional aspect into consideration. </p> <p>I am on my third pregnancy after two prior losses and everything is looking great. There doesn't seem to be a reason for the first two losses. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1503745 Wed, 19 Mar 2014 09:31:53 +0000 mlm2934 1503745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsk: I'm so sorry lady. I hope your body takes charge and the process is over for you quickly.</p> <p>I ultimately opted for a D&amp;C but had to wait a week and I remember that feeling and fear of what would happen during the week while I waited - and just wanting to heal and move forward. </p> <p>Thinking of you!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1503711 Wed, 19 Mar 2014 09:19:44 +0000 mfa_lady 1503711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsk: Thinking of you, lady. I had a missed miscarriage as well and I waited for the process to happen naturally. As you're saying about taking the medicine, the waiting is so strange and disconcerting. I am glad you have found comfort in this thread, and I wish you so much peace in the future. Let me know if there's anything I can do! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1503615 Wed, 19 Mar 2014 08:53:45 +0000 Mrsk 1503615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've just been going back and reading this thread again and finding comfort in it, thanks @torchwood: for starting it. I'm wondering if you ever wrote that blog post, I'd love to read it.</p> <p>One thing I didn't realize is how safe I would feel getting pregant again, sure I was nervous at first. But once I passed the date when I had my previous miscarriage I thought everything was fine, I was thinking a second miscarriage just wouldn't happen to me, it just couldn't, the odds of having two in a row just have to be less than just having one, the world just couldn't be that cruel. </p> <p>And then having it happen again, and the total dispair I feel now and the doubt that I will ever be able to have a babyand tHe feeling of just wanting to give up.</p> <p>Also since I've had a missed miscarriage, I'm off work, sitting at home, taking meds to start the miscarriage, and just waiting, wondering every time when I go to the bathroom will this be it, and kinda hoping not, as I think I would prefer a d&amp;c but my dr wants me to do the meds first. I hate taking the drugs, every time I swallow one I feel so wrong. I have no idea what to expect, if I will pass something or just blood? will it gush out? will I be at home when this happens? I'm terrified to leave the house in case it happens while I'm out.</p> <p>I also didn't think that a place like HB would be the place I find comfort, somehow reading about what everyone else experienced it so helpful. Thanks HB.</p> <p>Sorry this was so long, just feels so therapeutic to get this off my chest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1397127 Tue, 04 Feb 2014 07:13:12 +0000 delight 1397127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was surprised by how painful it was after my doctor said "Don't worry, it'll just be like a bad period." I remember lying in bed, screaming with the pain and DH just didn't know how to comfort me at all. In actual fact, my mc was more painful than giving birth but I suspect that was partly because I was losing something instead of gaining my daughter. However, you insensitive doctor, it didn't feel like just a "bad period". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1397040 Tue, 04 Feb 2014 02:15:57 +0000 KatieBklyn 1397040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a D&amp;C after a missed miscarriage at 11 weeks and I wished I'd known more about the actual process. I had the surgery at the hospital where my OB delivers, and I went in early in the morning, five days after the miscarriage was diagnosed. My husband was able to come with me into the pre-surgical area. I changed into a hospital gown and robe, filled out lots of paperwork, had an IV port put in and spoke with the anesthesiologist about whether I'd be getting sedation or general anesthesia. (I went for general; no regrets there.) When it was time, they walked me to the operating room, I laid down on the table and talked to the nurses while they prepped everything, then went under. </p> <p>When I woke up, they were wheeling me out of the OR and I was sobbing hysterically. It felt so awful to know that it was finally 100% over. I spent about half an hour in the recovery room, where DH and my mom came to sit with me and the nurse brought me apple juice and walked me to the bathroom. And then they kept me in the second recovery room for long enough to make sure I could eat something, walk around a bit and pee. After performing all three tasks, they let me change back into my clothes, peel off all the EKG stickers and leave. The whole shebang was about six hours beginning to end, including two hours of pre-surgery testing. </p> <p>My physical recovery was really easy. I had a bit of bleeding - somewhere between spotting and a light period day - for a few days then spotted for another ten. My cramping was gone by the time we got home from the hospital. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1393712 Sun, 02 Feb 2014 14:37:48 +0000 Pancakes 1393712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SAHM0811: Yes, that surprised me too; I had to go in for draws even AFTER my D&amp;C, and the tech kept making comments to me about being pregnant, and even when I said, no, I'm sure I'm not, he kept on about it (I guess he assumed, looking at which tests were ordered? Seems like they should know not to make assumptions). All those draws just kept prolonging when I could have the whole experience over with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1393620 Sun, 02 Feb 2014 13:14:49 +0000 mrsmenow 1393620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: Completely agree about how graphic it is.</p> <p>I will warn others mine is very emotional/graphic, so please don't read if it will make you feel worse:</p> <p>I passed everything naturally at home. I wiped and actually caught everything on my toilet paper. The decision of what to do with the remains was so hard for me. No one tells you that you have to decide what to do with it if this happens. I was very traumatized over deciding whether to burry, flush, etc. To this day it is painful for me to go back to that moment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1393616 Sun, 02 Feb 2014 13:07:58 +0000 Kate6214 1393616@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Most of what I would say has already been said. </p> <p> I think coming from the perspective of having a second miscarriage I was not expecting people who the first time were very supportive (I'm sorry for your loss) who now think they can give me advice. For example one person started lecturing me about how I'm too stressed right now and I should wait until I'm off in the summer. Another said that they think I should wait to give my body a break. Neither is a medical professional. I was so taken aback I didn't know how to respond. Thinking about it now. I would just say I appreciate your thoughts, but I'm going to listen to my doctor and my husband and I will decide if and when we are ready again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1392942 Sat, 01 Feb 2014 23:10:56 +0000 xInfinity 1392942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@swedishfish: I can't even imagine what that would be like. I'm sorry that you felt like you couldn't mourn the loss of one baby because the other one was still with you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1391162 Fri, 31 Jan 2014 17:22:18 +0000 MaryM 1391162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you for this. I'm really appreciating reading everyone else validating the feelings that I've had that I didn't even know how to put into words. </p> <p>That being said, I didn't know how totally and utterly alone I would feel. DH has been to every doctors appointment with me and has been ready and willing to talk with me and cry with me and hold me for two hours while I bawled after our last sonogram confirmed there was no baby in me, and yet, I'm not sure I've ever felt so alone. As much as he wants to understand and be there for me, he's ready to admit that he has no idea what pain and grief I'm going through. </p> <p>The limbo/waiting for me was also the hardest part. It's been a two week process of doctor's appointments saying you may be losing your baby or you may be bad at math (I'm actually very good at math thank you very much). And it will be nearly another week before a follow up to confirm if everything is "over" or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1389210 Thu, 30 Jan 2014 21:43:20 +0000 spaniellove 1389210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't realize how graphic the whole process would be. The doctor made it sound like it was only slightly painful and no big deal. So I was totally shocked when I went to the bathroom and passed everything intact, including a cord. Why couldn't they have warned me about that? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1389187 Thu, 30 Jan 2014 21:26:19 +0000 Crystal 1389187@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LovelyPlum: your post is making me tear up!!!! All of those are so very true. </p> <p>I didn't realize it could take so long for your hCG levels to drop. Mine had a huge drop initially, then slowed down to the point that it took weeks to finally be completely gone. </p> <p>I didn't realize that however much your husband is wonderful and supportive, he will never truly understand what you are going through, and it will be much more emotionally draining and difficult on you. </p> <p>I didn't know how you would always think about how far along you would have been during significant dates (ie- It's christmas, I would be announcing to my family right know). </p> <p>I didn't know how long I would be upset, and it still catches me by surprise months later. I didn't know how much I would *feel* and that it's ok to do so. </p> <p>I didn't know how much I would equally be terrified and anxious to try again. </p> <p>I didn't realize how much it felt like being in limbo, not pregnant, but not yet not pregnant. Those 6 weeks were awful. </p> <p>I didn't realize I would always have to say I had 1 pregnancy but no children on dr forms, and how difficult it would be to see it written down. </p> <p>I am a very private person in general and don't like sharing my personal life. I didn't realize I would feel an urge to tell everyone what happened, though no one even knew we had been trying or that I was pregnant initially. I didn't, and because of that, I'm terrified I'll forget it ever happened. </p> <p>I didn't realize how certain terms can make your experience feel invalidated. Chemical Pregnancy and Blighted Ovum just don't capture the situation you go through, or how devastating it feels. </p> <p>I didn't realize how hard the first holiday after it happened would be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1389094 Thu, 30 Jan 2014 20:32:51 +0000 swedishfish 1389094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't know how common vanishing twin syndrome is until I went through it. It was such a strange place to be in - mourning the loss of one baby while pregnant with the surviving twin. I felt like I almost wasn't allowed to be sad about it because I was still pregnant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1389078 Thu, 30 Jan 2014 20:22:42 +0000 xInfinity 1389078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't really know that I still had to be concerned about losing my baby at 21 weeks. Everybody talks about the first trimester and the safe zone, well that means sh*t to me now.</p> <p>I was "lucky" and had a D&amp;E instead of being induced because baby was measuring small for age. My doctor said it was a missed miscarriage and had probably been a couple weeks already and she was worried about infection. The surgery was quick and easy for me, getting the IV in beforehand was the worst as I have terrible veins. I woke up afterwards and immediately started crying my eyes out when I realised my baby was actually gone now. I had very light bleeding (but no cramping) for a couple days and then nothing after that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1388746 Thu, 30 Jan 2014 17:42:16 +0000 Mrsk 1388746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't know that ttc after a miscarriage was going to be eve harder emotionally. It took 7 months to get my BFP, and I thought it was so hard emotionally then, and after the mc it has been sooo much harder....</p> <p>I also didn't know how long I would grieve. I honestly thought I would be feeling better in a month, it was 3-4 months before I didn't cry at some point during the day...and still now, 8 months later I cry often...possibly getting worse as I approach my previous due date. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1388483 Thu, 30 Jan 2014 16:13:56 +0000 mrskc 1388483@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't know how common miscarriages were</p> <p>I didn't know how taboo the subject can be. No one really talks about it! </p> <p>I didn't know people would avoid me &amp; the subject like I was the plague. I think a lot of people didn't know what to say to me, so they didn't say anything at all, and acted like it didn't happen. That hurt me a lot. And my best friend never even said she was sorry for my loss and that hurt me a lot. And as @LovelyPlum: said, made me realize that I may have been that insensitive person to others. </p> <p>On the other hand, I was surprised by the love and support I got from certain people. </p> <p>I didn't realize it would put a strain on DH and I's relationship. But in the end it made us grow as a couple and become closer and stronger. </p> <p>I had a D&amp;C and overall had a fine experience with it. I had a blighted ovum that I didn't find out about until I was, what would have been, 12 weeks along. I think I lost the baby around 6 weeks. Ultrasound tech saw strange tissue so they were worried about a molar pregnancy so wanted me to do a D&amp;C so they could have the tissue tested (hello run on sentence). The procure was quick and painless. I felt pretty normal physically after it happened. I had light bleeding at first but then had really heavy bleeding after a couple of days that lasted for about a week. About 10 days after my D&amp;C, I passed some clots that were pretty painful. I think I bled for about 2 weeks. Then it took a total of 8 weeks to get my period back. That wait was so excruciatingly long. I was so anxious to start trying again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1388433 Thu, 30 Jan 2014 15:59:40 +0000 mfa_lady 1388433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Weagle: +1 about the other pregnant people! I absolutely did not expect to feel such deep emotion about the pregnancies of other people. I've remained blissfully happy for the people who were pregnant before I was, and have had a much harder time than expected stomaching those who have announced since my loss. Especially when there's a due date close to when mine would have been. On that same note, I have found being around and loving on babies (of friends, family members, etc) to be so comforting. My MIL said that after her loss, she couldn't stand to be around other people's babies. I'm grateful that I haven't had that reaction. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1388393 Thu, 30 Jan 2014 15:50:38 +0000 LovelyPlum 1388393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't know how much the second one would hurt-until I passed the clot, it hurt a lot. I was really, really scared, too-I didn't know how afraid I would be.</p> <p>I didn't know that you don't always know right away that you're miscarrying, and that sometimes, the waiting is the absolute worst part.</p> <p>I also didn't know how bleeding so heavily would wipe me out, especially physically. I also didn't realize how much taking vitamins and iron supplements would help, because my body was SO depleted.</p> <p>I didn't know how much it would affect my depression, and that it would bring out new anxieties. I've never been socially anxious before in my life, but I could not handle people. </p> <p>I didn't realize how insensitive I had accidentally been to people with losses before my own. It breaks my heart to think that I might have hurt them even more when their own hearts were already shattered.</p> <p>@stine_ciro: this! I had no idea how supportive even random people would be. That helped so, so much. I also didn't know that support groups existed for people who had lost pregnancies. I needed them, and I am so glad that I had them.</p> <p>@mfa_lady: yes. A thousand times, yes. My angels are still my babies, and they always will be. Several times in the last few weeks, I've accidentally caught myself saying, "this is my third pregnancy, but my first child" and I hate that with the passion of a thousand suns. Every time I have slipped, it makes me want to cry, because that's not how I think of it. And you're right, it is so personal. You don't choose to have this happen to you, but once it does, it never leaves you-at least, not for me.</p> <p>@Torchwood: your title scared the crap out of me at first! Thanks for the disclaimer :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1388380 Thu, 30 Jan 2014 15:47:47 +0000 Weagle 1388380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't know how irrationally angry I would be when certain people announced their pregnancies, but how blissfully happy I would be for others. It was weird. </p> <p>I had a D&amp;C, and overall it was a good experience. My OB told us that waiting for the miscarriage to occur naturally as well as inducing it is often very painful and lonely. So, we chose the D&amp;C. I would do it again if faced with the option. However, it was totally bizarre to be put under knowing there's a baby inside me (though not alive) and then wake up and realize it's gone. It was incredibly emotional. Anesthesia tends to make me emotional anyway, but just waking up with the realization that it's completely over, and the emotions that came with that realization still haunts me today. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1388327 Thu, 30 Jan 2014 15:35:09 +0000 mfa_lady 1388327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, and also, how intensely a part of you the whole process becomes. Our families know (and DH has a huge family), but lots of my friends don't. So often I find myself about to say "before I was pregnant" or something of the sort, since I kind of see the world in those before/during/after terms now....because I've dealt with it so personally for so long. But I can't, unless I want to open a whole new--and surprising for my friends--can of worms. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1388321 Thu, 30 Jan 2014 15:33:15 +0000 mfa_lady 1388321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't know that by NOT electing to have the D&amp;C (missed miscarriage), I'd be looking at three solid months of on and off bleeding, severe cramping, and more doctor visits/hcg tests than I could imagine. Even one ER trip. The "natural" way, while still the very best decision for my husband and me, felt at times really drawn out and overwhelming. Even sometimes scary (ie: not knowing what to expect, all the waiting, etc.). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1388281 Thu, 30 Jan 2014 15:18:50 +0000 Torchwood 1388281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@stine_ciro: Yes, the platitudes especially were not awesome at all.</p> <p>@SAHM0811: I had forgotten that. I had to go back a ton for blood draws, and it was definitely unpleasant. </p> <p>If anyone has had a d&amp;c, and would be willing to share what that's like, that would be helpful. I did not have one, and if I were to have to, I know I'd like to know what to expect going in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-did-you-not-expectwish-you-knew#post-1386680 Thu, 30 Jan 2014 00:42:43 +0000 SAHM0811 1386680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't know how many times I'd have to go back to the doctor for HCG blood draws. My doc wanted to see the level down to zero, and it took bi-weekly/weekly draws for a month for that to happen. Had no idea... and it was tough every time to go in and have that reminder of why I was there. </p>