https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 29 Apr 2026 17:58:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3/page/2#post-2770275 Mon, 28 Aug 2017 14:09:49 +0000 Shree1990 2770275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caterw: No problem. I am glad you will speak your mind. My mom once told me that I will be able to get whatever I want in life except approval from everyone. I have seen this play out just the way she told me. That is why I always listen to my self. It is beneficial for everyone, far more than pretending to like something we ablsolutely do not. No one is that special in the world that you would be forced to do what you really can't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770246 Mon, 28 Aug 2017 13:22:16 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2770246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that as long as you're making it out to see her the weekend before, you should be ok. If you were waiting to see her "later in the fall" I would say you need to get to that birthday party. My grandmother made it to 91 and was in amazing health, but her heart just gave out one day. I think it's important that you get to see her sooner rather than later. </p> <p>As for your FIL, I'd let your DH deal with him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770240 Mon, 28 Aug 2017 13:09:43 +0000 snowjewelz 2770240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caterw: I think it's perfectly fine not to go as long as your grandma understands plus you just said you're going the weekend before to celebrate. I'd def make it super duper special and go all out to spoil her! Every family's different. If this was my family, first of all we don't have big parties like that, and second we would never guilt trip anyone who genuine can't make it for whatever reasons. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770233 Mon, 28 Aug 2017 12:51:18 +0000 caterw 2770233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Shree1990: thank you! I don't that we can move it back to the original location since Grandma just absolutely can't make the drive. We are just going to call Grandma directly and explain- she will get it (even if the ILs don't).</p> <p>@Trailmix: Your kids might survive staying in one room for a weekend. Mine absolutely will not sleep- they will be so cranky that we may as well not go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770222 Mon, 28 Aug 2017 12:25:58 +0000 yoursilverlining 2770222@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Trailmix: I'm with you 100%. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770205 Mon, 28 Aug 2017 11:36:12 +0000 kiddosc 2770205@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Trailmix: I'm with you. </p> <p>You should go and stay in a local hotel. One night all in the same room will be rough, but you'll all survive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770146 Mon, 28 Aug 2017 03:06:50 +0000 Shree1990 2770146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would explain it to them just like you explained it to us. You are not unreasonable at all. It is expensive and travelling with children is not a joke. Explain to them what kinda spot they have put you in and also let them know that you are indeed disappointed that you can't go. They won't not listen, so just speak and see what solutions they have to offer. As a family that is our duty, to make life easier for one another. For all you know they may try to adjust things around for you or realise that it indeed is a bad plan and perhaps move it back to the original location. If none of this happens at least you know you tried and so will they. So no bad feelings. It is just the matter of convenience and of course a large chunk of hard earned money. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770136 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 22:54:10 +0000 birdofafeather 2770136@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yeah, i would also do everything to be there for a grandparent's 90th! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770130 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 21:28:02 +0000 jhd 2770130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would definitely do whatever I could to make it to the official birthday party. This is a very special event for Grandma and the rest of the family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770126 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 21:11:29 +0000 Trailmix 2770126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Im so shocked at all the responses saying they wouldn't go. It would not even be a question for us- a 90th birthday is a big deal. I would never ever miss it. If money is an issue, then just sleep in the same room for one night, everyone will survive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770123 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 20:45:07 +0000 winter_wonder 2770123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not attend. The traveling part sounds so stressful that far away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770115 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 19:08:19 +0000 QBbride 2770115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yup, I would definitely attend! It's a 90th birthday! Lots of people aren't even lucky enough to even see age 90. I would never expect a 90 year old to travel to celebrate her own birthday. You never know, this might be her last big celebration! Go for it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770113 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 19:00:12 +0000 erinbaderin 2770113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I like your plan of going the weekend before - this way your grandma will get to spend more time with the kids, too, instead of having to socialize with everybody at the party. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770109 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 17:03:04 +0000 youboots 2770109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Under these circumstances I would likely not go. I'd go another time for quality 1x1 time. I think your plan is a good one.</p> <p>That said I can't remember a time that I ever missed my grandmas birthday. I've been the only grandchild of 6 that always has been living near her. This year is the first birthday I'm missing and she's fallen into poor health but I'm not canceling my vacation and one of my cousins moved here recently and I will send flowers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770085 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 09:30:13 +0000 Charm54 2770085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would go. My grandmothers 90th birthday was 4 hours away in the peak of tourist season, it meant renting a $$ hotel and dealing with a cranky baby who wouldn't sleep, but I don't for one minute regret going. 90 is a pretty big deal and my grandmother talks about that weekend and the memories we all made often. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770082 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 08:54:41 +0000 babypugs 2770082@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would make every possible effort to go. 90 is a pretty big deal, and that party will be part of family memories for many years. But if that's not possible, I think your compromise is a good one </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770081 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 08:38:32 +0000 pinkb 2770081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would go. My parents and grandma live 3-5 hours away depending on traffic. We have done it quite a bit with our 2 kids. And we usually stay at my moms. The kids and DH sleep in the bedroom and I sleep in the living room. Although we have all stayed in the bedroom together many times. It's just a what you do to see family. It's a small sacrifice to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770079 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 08:01:29 +0000 Alba4 2770079@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We no longer have living grandparents, but I'm not sure we would attend. The distance is a lot with two young children and my husband usually works one weekend day. Then again, if you are very close with this grandma, then try to go. If not, skip it.</p> <p>We have bailed on numerous family reunion events on my husband's' side, but I always leave those decisions up to him. He doesn't feel close to his cousins and doesn't want to attempt to make close relationships at this point in his life, especially since most live 4+ hours away. My in-laws give him/us a hard time about our decision to skip these events. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770078 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 07:49:59 +0000 MaryM 2770078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd suck it up and go to the party. Or, if that was completely impossible, make sure there were concrete plans to see grandma and the family very soon after. </p> <p>If it was a regular birthday, no big deal. But people don't often turn 90. The last few 90th birthday parties I've been to for family ended up being the last time I saw those people. And it's not like they were sickly. It wasn't ideal to travel for them, but I'm glad I did. </p> <p>And some family came out for those parties that we don't often see, so it was meaningful to be there to see them too </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770077 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 07:49:24 +0000 caterw 2770077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Littlebit7: I love the idea of sending flowers on the day of the party too! I think that along with a visit the weekend beforehand will be perfect for Grandma </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770075 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 07:48:12 +0000 caterw 2770075@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well DH and I talked about it and I think we are going to go out the weekend before the party. We do want to celebrate Grandma of course and I would feel bad if she passed before we made a trip out later in the year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770072 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 07:42:47 +0000 Littlebit7 2770072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The only person/people who really matter and factor in to this decision is grandma (and your family unit). So I'd give grandma a personal call ( maybe schedule another visit with her?). You could briefly say why you can't attend. Send her a plant, flower, whatever she enjoys along with a pic of the kids or her with the kids. Stuff happens...with my grandparents, they just cared about being thought of..they could have cared less about parties. In fact, they hated them </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770070 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 07:07:36 +0000 Reese 2770070@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Given that it is a month away, and her 90th birthday, I would try and go. My family would have the same reaction and I would really want to be there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770069 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 07:03:17 +0000 Shantuck 2770069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd personally try to go as well. You probably can't get around the costly rental but you can probably figure out solutions to the majority of the other impediments. You can put one kid down to sleep while the other is walking around the hotel with the other parent. Once kid #1 is down, sneak in with kid #2 and make sure everything is ready beforehand to just crawl into bed. Also, if you just send your husband, you mentioned you wouldn't have a car to use at home. Could you just make do without being able to go anywhere for 24 hours? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770066 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 06:48:23 +0000 ChitownRo 2770066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Bc I'm a sucker for big family gatherings and wish I still had living grandparents, I would go (but be irritated by that guilt trip). At a minimum, send DH in his truck or rental car </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770064 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 06:42:17 +0000 caterw 2770064@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: We are going to go visit this fall, just that particular date doesn't work for my family. If we went a different weekend, we could stay with Grandma instead of a hotel, and we wouldn't have a conflict with my daughter's school event. If it was going to be like a year before we could make it out there, I would definitely go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770062 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 06:27:34 +0000 gotkimchi 2770062@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caterw: I get it, however how would you feel if she dies soon and you didn't go or don't get to see her? My husbands grandma was planning a big 85 birthday and one set of family members couldn't make any dates work so they decided to postpone until 86. She ended up dying shortly after she turned 85 and I wish we could have done that for her. In the big picture I don't think it matters but I think a lot of family members feel badly about it. So I would say do what's right for you guys but keep in mind there are no guarantees about how long we'll have people. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770061 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 06:08:59 +0000 caterw 2770061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FaithFertility: that's the other thing that bothers me... Grandma is not pushing this, it's my ILs who want to see the kids specifically. The guilt trip turned into a lot of "You neeeeeever visit us" but we plan all visits with us going to them every single time and we always ask about holiday plans (and often host as well when they have nothing planned). And yet they go visit Grandma and other relatives often. I feel like they only really care that we are coming so they can act like we are all close, when we are not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770059 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 05:57:58 +0000 caterw 2770059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@My Only Sunshine: I can't send DH by himself becausenoir second car is super old and doesn't hold car seats (it's just his work truck). Otherwise I think this would be a good compromise.</p> <p>@Corduroy: That was our plan! We were originally going to go out at some point this summer, but cancelled that trip when we found out Grandma was going to come here. We will definitely go there at some point this fall but not on a weekend when we are already committed to something at home.</p> <p>@Truth Bombs: It's a month away. I could usually get a trip together but it is in a HUGE football town (think nationally televised, lots of players get drafted to the NFL type) and so hotels, AirBnB, etc. get booked way way way in advance.</p> <p>@bees_knees: I don't think Grandma is pushing this- she is always really understanding about traveling with kids and whatnot. She would be happy with a visit whenever </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-i-do-3#post-2770058 Sun, 27 Aug 2017 05:53:43 +0000 FaithFertility 2770058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@caterw: I think you have to do what is best for you and your family! Every family has seasons where it is easy or hard to travel/make these decisions </p> <p>Maybe just send DH?! But I know it is probably the kids they want to see! </p>