https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 14:56:20 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707805 Thu, 09 Mar 2017 11:00:22 +0000 Madison43 2707805@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: totally agree - I "solo parent" regularly because my husband travels for work and when I work late and miss dinner and bedtime he "solo parents" during that time. There is zero implication that either of us are single parents or that the other is not involved. It literally is just an expression meaning that either he or I is the only parent on the scene for that period, no different than "I took the kids to the zoo solo today".... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707780 Thu, 09 Mar 2017 10:32:55 +0000 Anagram 2707780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The term solo parenting literally means parenting solo (unaccompanied, alone). I don't feel the amount of hours/days changes the literal definition of a word....kwim? There's no vocabulary sliding scale where once you pass a certain amount, the word becomes true. </p> <p>I guess I'm trying to figure out why for some people, there's an extra layer of meaning that is fraught with secondary implications into the term "solo parenting". It's just a term people choose to use to self describe their particular parenting situation. I have a coworker whose husband works on an oil platform and is gone 3 weeks of every month. Is she not solo parenting during that time? My sister's husband is career military and has had 6 deployments over the time they've had kids. Isn't she solo parenting during that time? I also have a friend whose husband is a police officer who has been on night shifts for a few years, so she solo parents at night.</p> <p>Heck, even if I have a friend say they want to meet up for a mommy happy hour, I might respond, "Dh is working late, so I'm solo parenting tonight and can't make it", literally using the definition of parenting unaccompanied by another adult.</p> <p>I feel the same about the term "single parenting". I have 3 single parent friends. One had a baby on her own through donor sperm and IVF and doesn't even have family help. The other two both had oopsie babies outside of a relationship, but they were older and wanted kids, so they've built a life being a single mom. One had a newly divorced mom who immediately moved in with her, provided all childcare until the kiddo was in school, cooked dinners, etc. Her mom was basically a SAHW for her. The 3rd lived on her own, but her parents bought her a place on their block and the retired parents provided childcare. In my eyes, they are all single parents, regardless of the amount of help they get and from whom. Single just means not in a relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707540 Wed, 08 Mar 2017 15:55:45 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2707540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>"Solo parenting" isn't a real life term in my circle either. I only use the term on HB. My husbands work days I usually am on my own morning til night, except when he's on nights then I see him an hour or two but he's doing other stuff. He does several days alone every month too. But I dunno, we always just say "I have the kids today" or "I have the kids this week" or whatever.. other parents seem to get it without a term. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707538 Wed, 08 Mar 2017 15:55:33 +0000 agold 2707538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: @Smurfette: I understand what you girls are saying. My husband works long night shifts, so most weeks I go 3-4 days without seeing him. I have a 6 month old baby. So I do "solo parent" 3 or 4 days a week. But I was raised by a single mom and I would never in a million years think that I have it tough and I never would have thought up the term "solo parent." Because I'm not a solo parent. My baby has two very much involved parents. Just because he isn't there for bath time, he's taking care of so much else. My little single mom had to literally take care of everything herself. But I understand the challenge and you all should use the term "solo parent" all you want. I just won't use it for myself. </p> <p>@skipra: Agree with all you said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707501 Wed, 08 Mar 2017 14:49:57 +0000 Truth Bombs 2707501@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Smurfette: :heart: :heart: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707496 Wed, 08 Mar 2017 14:36:45 +0000 Smurfette 2707496@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: thank you for defending solo parenting. @agold: I'm a solo parent most weeks and while yes I have my DHs support but he isn't here for support at the same time. Solo parenting is real and super hard and not cringe worthy. It is extremely isolating and lonely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707323 Wed, 08 Mar 2017 10:48:29 +0000 Truth Bombs 2707323@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pwnstar: 👏🏼👏🏼 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707322 Wed, 08 Mar 2017 10:48:08 +0000 Truth Bombs 2707322@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: I think if you knew anyone who solo parents on a regular basis you'd have a different opinion. My husband works long hours, but tries to make it home for bath and bed and that's a huge help when I have two kids to wrangle. My very dear friend has a husband who travels for work 4 days out of most weeks. That means that for 4 full days she's juggling every aspect of two kids. When they are both hungry or screaming or need attention she never has some else to jump in. She never gets to say "mommy needs a break" and take five minutes to herself because there's no one else there. When the kids are finally asleep she doesn't have another adult to talk to about her day or how she's feeling or give her a hug. She's a champ, and she gets a term. Because what she does is a hell of a lot different than what I do every week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707320 Wed, 08 Mar 2017 10:44:11 +0000 Truth Bombs 2707320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: sounds like the SAHM needs to find a hobby because she's got way too much time on her hands if this is what she's concerning herself with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707307 Wed, 08 Mar 2017 10:30:30 +0000 sauerkraut 2707307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a single mom. I know plenty of other single moms. Most of us get child support. Honestly, I considered it "doing right by my child" when I took her father to court for support - it's not her fault we split and she's legally entitled to the financial support of two parents. I don't see how that somehow makes me or someone else in the same position not a single mom.</p> <p>I will say there is a lot of stigma attached to being a single parent, and single mother especially. If someone wants to mitigate that somehow and define themselves differently, fine. But seriously, if you're an un-partnered mama, no matter what the situation, chances are you're doing the lion's share of caring for your children, financially, physically, mentally, and in every other way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707305 Wed, 08 Mar 2017 10:28:42 +0000 pwnstar 2707305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Your *friend* needs to just stop. FFS. Who the fuck cares if single parents want (well-deserved) accolades. I do too--what parent doesn't?!-- and I'm not a single parent under any definition. The only thing your *friend* is pointing out is what a judgmental jerk (basic bitch!) she is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707297 Wed, 08 Mar 2017 10:21:09 +0000 Mrs. Blue 2707297@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'll be really honest that I have never really considered the distinction before, but I think if you are not living with a spouse/co-parent, I would call you a single mom. That said, I can see how someone who is raising their child(ren) alone and with little or no financial support might feel like they are in a whole different class than a mom who is not living with a partner but gets child support, alimony, etc. and the other parent does keep the kids per the custody agreement. They are definitely different situations, but I guess I class them all under the umbrella of "single mom/dad."</p> <p>I always say that DH was raised by a single mom. His bio father paid child support but DH has never even met him. I think there are just too many variations of the situations you can be in to really try to break down who is or isn't a single mom beyond the point of "single as in not in a permanent relationship." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707293 Wed, 08 Mar 2017 10:12:27 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2707293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@azjax: I had to read the meme a couple times myself and try to see the point of it. What I took from it is that dads are doing the best they can too. </p> <p>@Truth Bombs: Well, I checked back to see the additional comments and the married, SAH mom was trying to point out sometimes single moms do not want the dads involved yet they want the accolades of being a single mom. </p> <p>I feel like there are ways to describe a parent's involvement in their child's life and the label the parent gives them self, single mom/ married mom/ mom doesn't necessarily express or discount the other parent's level of involvement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707286 Wed, 08 Mar 2017 09:54:42 +0000 Truth Bombs 2707286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Why was a married SAHM even posting a meme about the definition of a single mom? Why does there need to be a definition? This seems like baiting for a ridiculous mommy war that helps no one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707195 Wed, 08 Mar 2017 02:29:46 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2707195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@skipra: I completely agree! </p> <p>If you're mostly raising your child by yourself, then you are a single parent. If you happen to have a significant other that offers no help at all, then you can rightly claim to be married, but feel like a single mom. Single moms have it tough enough. Why make it tougher on them? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707186 Wed, 08 Mar 2017 00:17:09 +0000 Corduroy 2707186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With housing prices where I am I know a few divorcing couples that still cohabitate (and will for a while). I wonder if they consider themselves single parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707154 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 20:58:44 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2707154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: I think of them as the same thing. As far as responsibilities go, some single parents have way more responsibility than not-single parents but some have way more help (like those who live with their parents and/or whose parents babysit daily).. I don't think being a "single mom" or a "single dad" is necessarily always more difficult so I think it's kind of useless to argue over. Just my two cents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707138 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 20:23:05 +0000 SweetCaroline 2707138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@skipra: This. For the love of God. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707130 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 19:38:06 +0000 erinbaderin 2707130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: This. If you're not married, you have children, and you spend time with those children then you're a single parent. To try to find a difference between being a single mom and a single woman with kids is ridiculous - a woman with kids is a mom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707116 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 18:59:07 +0000 skipra 2707116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Omg this screams of ridiculous mommy wars and needs to stop. Is a mom whose husband works just a married woman with kids? Is a widow who received a hefty life insurance payment a widow with kids? I mean, if you have kids, you are a mom. People need to just stop one upping other moms for who has it best/worst. It is not a competition! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707109 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 18:44:15 +0000 Mrs. Oreo 2707109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As soon as my parents divorced and my Dad moved out, I considered my mom a single mom and him a single dad (even though we saw him on the weekends). So to echo others, single parent is no longer in a cohabitating relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707107 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 18:39:39 +0000 Mrs. Pen 2707107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@azjax: yup, I agree.</p> <p>Single parent is no longer in a cohabitating relationship. The woman is a single mom and the dad is a single dad, regardless of shared custody/child support/etc. </p> <p>The only time I wouldn't consider a mom or dad a single parent is if they're no longer involved in their child's life at all. You can't see your kid once or twice a year and lament that you're a single parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707105 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 18:32:03 +0000 azjax 2707105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think that child support or alimony have any bearing on whether or not a person is a single parent. I would consider a person a single parent if they are not in a cohabiting relationship and are parenting. That means that the mom with primary custody would be a single mom, and the dad with weekend visits would be a single dad. </p> <p>Also, that meme sounds really crass. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707099 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 18:21:40 +0000 agold 2707099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I consider a single mom to be a girl who is raising her kids without being married or having the dad in the house. I think that some single moms have it much harder than others; but they are all single moms nonetheless. I don't think there needs to be different terms to differentiate amongst the hierarchy of single-momness. I say this as a girl raised by a single mom.</p> <p>ETA: I've always cringe at the term "solo parenting". If you have support from your husband, then I see no need to coin a term for yourself when he works. But I get it to a degree - and I have mad respect for military wives. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707096 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 18:02:37 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2707096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: @daniellemybelle: @Knittylady: I definitely think there is a difference between solo and single parenting. When I solo parent it's hard, but I can't imagine if it was just me all the time for everything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707095 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 18:00:03 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2707095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I don't think it helped that the mom who posted the meme is married and stays at home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707094 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 17:59:41 +0000 daniellemybelle 2707094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: @knittylady: Totally. I solo parent a lot and it's not easy but I could never compare my situation to an actual single parent. It's not the same at all, both practically and emotionally. And I think the emotional part is just as important actually. Even when DH is not around, I know I can always text him something funny LO did or send him an SOS if I need to. He may not be physically present at all times but I am not actually single parenting really ever.</p> <p>But, that's a tangent because in the case @Mrs. Lemon-Lime: was outlining, this wasn't even an example brought up - just different "levels" of real single parenting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707093 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 17:51:15 +0000 Anagram 2707093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like a single mom is a mother who is single--ie, unmarried. Isn't that the very definition? Sounds like your friends were having a pissing contest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707090 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 17:34:57 +0000 knittylady 2707090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: all.of.this. DH is a doctor and lots of SO's in the medical community refer to themselves as single parents only half joking. There certainly is a huge amount of solo parenting, but c'mon. Talk about first world problems. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-consider-a-single-parent#post-2707086 Tue, 07 Mar 2017 17:16:24 +0000 youboots 2707086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: this is a huge pet peeve of mine. DH travels often for work overnight- usually 8-10 nights a month and people will make little comments about me being a single parent. I correct it and call it solo parenting. I feel it is hugely disrespectful to my husband to call me a single parent - he's away from home to support our family and loves his job. </p>