https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 30 Apr 2026 17:55:52 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-486671 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 16:21:04 +0000 blackbird 486671@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Dude, i hear you. We hot boxed in the car numerous times. My dad has now had 2 heart attacks and continues to smoke. It breaks my heart, but I am at a loss as to what to do. I'm sorry about your father :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-486642 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 16:10:38 +0000 Cherrybee 486642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: That "I smoked when I was pregnant with you and it didn't do you any harm" argument makes me furious!! Why is it that smokers outright refuse to accept that their habit is dangerous??? They hide behind this pretend belief that everybody else is over-reacting..... My dad used to smoke when I was a child - in the house, in the car - and when I used to cough and wind the car windows down he'd tell me not to be so stupid, a bit of smoke wouldn't hurt me. Well guess what? He died of lung cancer. Smoking is so dangerous. I really, really feel for you - good luck having this conversation with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-486583 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 15:45:58 +0000 blackbird 486583@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks so much for all the suggestions. DH and I talked and are leaning towards this rule:</p> <p>You wear smokers clothes outside. You’ll have a non-smoking outfit for inside. You have to wash your hands and face after smoking and wipe down arms with a baby wipe. No perfume to cover it all up!</p> <p>If it causes too much drama, you'll all find out in a week's time when i have a follow up post about it, ha. I'm sorry so many of us are in this situation. It's so very frustrating! Especially when there are so many resources out there to help you quit. Which is useless if you have parents like mine, who LIKE smoking and just don't want to quit because they enjoy it. </p> <p>My parents will probably only see the baby about 4x/year, so I want to be realistic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-486488 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 15:13:15 +0000 fussygal 486488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a great thread and something that we'll have to deal with. My stepdad is a heavy smoker (IN the house) and it's always grossed me out. I remember smelling like smoke in high school and people always mentioning it - blech. I think bringing it up to my mom to talk to him about will be best since he can be pretty sensitive about it. I'm still nervous about bringing a LO into their house though. It makes me sad because I want my family to be close with our future kiddos. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-486478 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 15:08:38 +0000 mrsjyw 486478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dad is a smoker and was also on the "I'll quit by baby" train. Obvi, that didn't happen, but he did cut down majorly to smoking a quarter pack a day!</p> <p>Anyway, he himself refused to hold the baby and didn't do so until Christmas day (LO was 1 month) when he came over freshly showered, dressed, and hadn't smoke since the previous day. </p> <p>My parents also stayed with us on/off the first month. My dad always smoked outside (if he did at all) and washed up/changed when he was done. And he really only saw the baby from afar... or on days he hadn't smoked!</p> <p>The only time I got really peeved and yelled at him was when he had smoked half of a cigarette and put it back in his cig box and I smelled it when he came by to pick something up on New Years day.</p> <p>I honestly don't have any qualms about saying something and don't think that you or your dh should have to accomodate their smoking habits. If they want to smoke while they're staying in your home, they should oblige to follow the protocol (washing, changing clothes, etc.) whatever is necessary for you to feel comfortable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-486463 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 14:58:44 +0000 blackbird 486463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents don't actually smoke in their house. But they live ~5 hours away so we plan to go down for 4th of July and Christmas this year, that's it. That will help. </p> <p>Dh thinks they should be completely showered before they come over and then be gone for the day when they have to smoke. Can I put a smoking cap on their heads, too? ha. Honestly, I think my parents will lie to me. They will say "oh we didn't smoke before we came over" but my mom has lied to me in the past about having quit, and then I caught her smoking. So...I just don't trust them to actually not smoke. </p> <p>I totally thought about issuing an ultimatum and say they could patch it up or wear nothing, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't smoke later and still have residue in their hair. </p> <p>For one positive thing, we are having them stay in a hotel when they come visit us. So they will not be in our home. </p> <p>Having special non-smoking clothes is a good idea, though. Definitely going to have to go with that. </p> <p>I can't wait to get this discussion over with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-486238 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 13:48:38 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 486238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a family member who smokes and he still to this day has not held my daughter.<br /> But this is what I would do if I were you:</p> <p>They see baby at your house. You don't take her into theirs.</p> <p>They have a shirt/jacket (basically scrubs) that they keep at your house and wear when they hold baby. They also wash their hands before holding her.</p> <p>The smoke on their clothes and skin is no joke. Youre not overreacting! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-486185 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 13:34:18 +0000 doxielove 486185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think about this topic all.the.time...and I'm not even pregnant yet!!</p> <p>MIL is a chain smoker - and I don't just mean cigarettes, unfortunately. Yikes!! Anyways, if and when we have kids I absolutely do not want to bring the kids over to her house because of the smoke issue. When DH go to her house to visit, even for 10 minutes, we come out reeking of smoke. It's disgusting. I can't imagine bringing a child into that environment (who wants their newborn smelling like an ashtray!?) What's worse is MIL doesn't have a car or drive so we'd always have to be the ones to go to her house (she lives with 5 smokers, herself included. All smoke in the house). Bottom line is she doesn't see the harm in smoking. She thinks that because she raised 3 kids in a smoking home that it's a complete non-issue. *rolls eyes*</p> <p>I know this issue will cause a huge rift in my relationship with MIL. I joke with DH that maybe we should forget to mention to her that I'm pregnant, when that happens (I only see her maybe once a year even though she lives ~20 mins away...) Too bad I'm only 50% kidding about not telling her LOL...oh man I feel like a horrible person... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-486144 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 13:23:41 +0000 Mrs. Pen 486144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry :( my parents went through the same thing with my moms parents. I remember whenever we went over there we'd smell disgusting after only an hour of being there. Eventually it was the death of her, grandma died at only 63 because of her "vice". Because of that, and seeing how it completely tore apart my moms family, I think smoking is sooo selfish and I have no tolerance for it. Thankfully my family thinks the same and none of my immediate family smokes. I have an aunt who we are close with who smokes but she is very courteous about it- she only smokes outside away from doors/windows and never asks to hold our babies. </p> <p>I'm really sorry- this is a tough situation and I have no advice. I wish they could/would quit- but it's an addiction and its so hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-486118 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 13:18:51 +0000 ShootingStar 486118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@boiledpnut: No, you're not nuts! Maybe I am though, haha. I have no shame when it comes to telling people around me that I can't tolerate the smell of smoke. I even got in an argument with a huge guy outside Panera smoking next to a no smoking sign! I also wouldn't go to my grandmother's at Thanksgiving because my uncle was staying there and smokes in the house. My lungs can't take the smoke, there's just no way I'd expose a delicate newborn (or any child, really) to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-486096 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 13:12:47 +0000 boiledpnut 486096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsCB: I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I was beginning to think I was nuts! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-486085 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 13:10:32 +0000 ShootingStar 486085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm lucky that none of our parents smoke, but I do have some other family that does. I have asthma and can not stand to be around any smoke at all. I can't stand when I catch a whiff of someone smoking on the street.</p> <p>Personally I would not let anyone in the house that smells like smoke, much less hold my newborn. This is one thing I absolutely would not budge on. If it was my house they could either wear a nicotine patch, or shower/brush teeth, put on clean (and not cigarette smelling clothes) and not smoke the entire time they're in my house. No exceptions, and I wouldn't care who got offended, because I am offended by people who smell like smoke around me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-486081 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 13:08:48 +0000 Silva 486081@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At work we have a lot of moms who smoke. We try to help them quit, but if they aren't interested we advise them to have "smoking clothes" that they only wear when they go out to smoke. Before holding their baby or another person's baby, they should wash hands and change clothes. Doesn't get rid of everything, but its the best they can do if they aren't going to quit.<br /> Sorry you are in this situation- its a tough one. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-486033 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 12:52:11 +0000 ladyfingers 486033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so nervous about this. My stepmom smokes and my FIL likes to smoke cigars. We're not sure if my MIL smokes but she'll be coming to visit for a week when LO is 4 weeks old (she's staying at a hotel). I'm not OK with anybody holding the baby if they smell like smoke, but I also don't know how to broach the topic without offending them or eliciting the eyeroll "oh get out of here everybody is so cautious today" response, which will piss me off and cause me to fight.</p> <p>I'm hoping that they will at least have the presence of mind not to smoke when they're visiting our house (usually they do but they go outside), but if they do and come back in and want to hold the baby, I'm thinking of saying, "Do you mind if you use this blanket to cover up your clothes when you hold him, and just wash your hands really quick? I don't want to be an overreactive first-time mom but our doctor said to be careful about him even breathing in smoke that lingers on people and I'd rather be safe than sorry." I feel like I can do the apologetic approach really well and people have no problem with it, and then hopefully will think twice about doing it again next time they're over. It's not that I actually feel bad about keeping my baby's safety in mind, but I want to come off that way so it cuts down on the arguments. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485881 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 12:12:50 +0000 T.H.O.U. 485881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MRS. LEMON-LIME: The sleep overs are a big issue for us too. I don't mind them seeing LO if I can be there to supervise but I really don't trust them to watch her overnight. They have babysat once or twice but it was at our house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485811 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:53:26 +0000 Amelieisme 485811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So happy I don't have to deal with this. I despise cigarette smoke and don't even want to be in the room myself with anyone that smokes. </p> <p>My sister's MIL smokes and she wouldn't let her hold the baby, which caused a rift between MIL and my sister. Her husband is caught in the crossfire and I think it has contributed to some of their marital issues (contributed because there are LOTS of issues there)/</p> <p>I would have them wash their hands and let them hold her. Maybe I would try to limit contact and prefer for them to come to my house to see her. It probably wouldn't be worth it to me to cause all the drama that it would if I wouldn't let them hold her at all. BUT that's coming from someone who doesn't have to deal with it and I always say you never know what you would do until you are in the situation yourself! So sorry you have to deal with this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485781 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:43:24 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 485781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both my parents smoke too. Perfume and change of clothes will not mitigate the harmful effects of second hand smoke. The smoke is their hair, skin, on their breath. Yuck!</p> <p>No kids yet, but I will be firm about how much holding they do and definitely no sleepovers. I don't trust my mom to wash her hands frequently or brush her teeth often if I am not there especially when I saw her smoke while pregnant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485746 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:32:51 +0000 prettylizy 485746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have any good advice, this is such a tough subject. I'm just so glad my dad quite smoking before LO was born. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485733 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:28:09 +0000 blackbird 485733@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jojo, I know...I have to keep reminding myself that, ha. Ironically, they smoked around us when we were little, but wouldn't let my dad's mom hold me when I was born unless she didn't wear face makeup, hairspray, or perfume, so there's some irony there. </p> <p>@thehistoryofus, my mom wears a LOT of perfume, so I'm going to ask her to not. She likes to spray it on a few times, so she "smells good all day" but damn, it's intense!!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485721 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:23:47 +0000 Modern Daisy 485721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, I'm going to have to deal with this too. DH's mom and step dad are chain smokers and refuse to quit or even slow down even though they've both had heart attacks. They smoke in the house while we're visiting and do not stop when DH's older brother brings his two babies to stay with them. </p> <p>We can't stay in a hotel since there are none nearby, but what I think I"ll do is just limit the total amount of time we're there to only 2 or 3 days at a time and keep the baby in our bedroom most of it. I won't stop them from holding the baby, but I'll just limit it as much as I can. </p> <p>So I think you should do whatever you can without completely severing ties! They are the grand parents after all, so you have to bend a little if you can possibly stand to. Maybe they'll get the hint that you don't spend a lot of time with them and finally clean up their act? Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but good luck either way! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485711 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:20:52 +0000 T.H.O.U. 485711@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a few issues with my IL's that smoke. Even outside they like to come inside and then see/hold the baby. </p> <p>They were better when she was younger about washing their hands after a smoke before they held her, but that has worn off now that she is older. </p> <p>I actually wish I had been more strict about it when she was younger and done the jacket/tshirt idea. </p> <p>Also, FIL puts on a TON of cologne (cheap kind) when he comes over to mask the smell but then my poor baby always stinks from him holding her. Ugh... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485710 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:20:49 +0000 JoJoGirl 485710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: And don't for a SECOND let them make you feel like you are overreacting. Your baby, your rules. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485694 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:18:12 +0000 Bookish 485694@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bao: Same. I don't get why my in-laws couldn't make more of an effort. Thankfully DH is pretty much on board with me...but I'll have to bring up the washing clothes/hands thing.... agghh I hate this topic, I get so mad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485684 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:15:30 +0000 blackbird 485684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bao, your post got me thinking about it EVEN MORE! But DH and i have been talking about it forever, it seems. </p> <p>He's also in the "once they shower and put on clean clothes, they shouldn't smoke, but they can hold her" category. I'm sure going an hour or two without a cigarette will be tough, but it's their choice. Their choices just have consequences. "clean" is a relative term, though, as most of their stuff does smell! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485683 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:15:07 +0000 boiledpnut 485683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a huge source of drama with my FIL and SIL right now. We aren't allowing any smoking at our house, even outside. We won't let anyone hold him if they smell like smoke even in the slightest bit. We aren't taking him to anyone's house that smokes either. This isn't forever of course, but at least until the SIDS risk goes down. My mom quit smoking so she could come stay with us. FIL and SIL refuse to come see our son since they can't smoke here. Their loss! My son's health is more important than their nasty habit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485677 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:13:03 +0000 autumnlove 485677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One of my BILs is a smoker and we made him wash his hands before holding her when she was a newborn. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485661 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:11:11 +0000 loveisstrange 485661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: its still dangerous because the baby can still breathe in all those toxins. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485651 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:09:13 +0000 Bao 485651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have the same issue (as you saw my post yesterday). I voted to have them change clothes/wash up because my pediatrician said to tell them that! She said that doesn't even take care of it all because I smoker always has those toxins on them. Ugh I'm so sorry this topic really gets me heated. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485649 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:09:09 +0000 JoJoGirl 485649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>oh man. I feel for you. I have absolutely no advice (as the daughter of a lung doctor, this is not something that I've ever thought about...) but hopefully others in the same situation will :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-about-smokersspecifically-family#post-485645 Mon, 07 Jan 2013 11:06:31 +0000 blackbird 485645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>my parents also live far away, so i feel especially guilty! i was reading that i should make them change clothes every time. Which means that whatever they bring to our house has to be washed at our house. Because their stuff all smells! They'll be staying at a hotel, so that's obviously a HUGE pain in the butt. I could see my mom not wanting to wash her face because she wears makeup, but I don't want her smoking and then putting her face all over my newborn, either, and giving her smokey kisses. </p> <p>Ugh it grosses me out thinking about it. When my mom hugs me, she just smells so smokey!</p> <p>@zippylef, I wonder if they'd even consider it second hand smoke if they don't smoke around her? I keep reading about "thirdhand smoke" which is the particles left behind. </p>