https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 06 Apr 2026 20:22:37 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience/page/2#post-2501301 Mon, 21 Mar 2016 07:18:53 +0000 Modern Daisy 2501301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When DS won't play independently I make it clear that his choices are to play in his playroom alone or go to his room, which is childproofed so he can't get out. If he refuses to play then I put him in his room, which he hates so he is usually screaming the whole time, but I gave him a choice so I don't feel too bad. And it allows me to get some things done when I am really losing my patience or if he is really just getting in the way (like emptying out baskets of toys all over the floor I just cleaned on purpose to annoy me). Otherwise if he is being well behaved I do what mr. Bee does and I set him up with his own mini activity inside my activity. It's more work but can be fun for everyone instead of stressful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience/page/2#post-2501283 Mon, 21 Mar 2016 06:47:22 +0000 looch 2501283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mentally: I try to remember the good that my son does. Sometimes it's enough to reset me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience/page/2#post-2500804 Sun, 20 Mar 2016 08:03:29 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2500804@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: hurray! What a great realization and pro-active step :happy: Our son does most of his tantruming in the evenings &amp; is needy with my husband, so we started setting aside special Daddy &amp; F time for 5+ minutes right when we get home and it's been helping! I hope this ends up being a good routine for you guys.<br /> I also wanted to say I think it's totally okay to lose patience and even to express that to our kids. I tell my son when I've hit my limit. Mostly it's in the morning leaving the house and now he understands how important being on time is to me. It's hard for me to do without shouting, but taking a deep breath helps me steady my voice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500791 Sun, 20 Mar 2016 07:26:58 +0000 Mae 2500791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: we have a learning tower! She either reaches for me screaming UPPPPP or crawls onto the counter bc she knows that gets her picked up immediately. Lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500790 Sun, 20 Mar 2016 07:24:30 +0000 ShootingStar 2500790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: DS used to do this to me all the time. Pretty much the only time he'd beg to be picked up was when I was cooking. It drive me nuts. I started putting a chair in the kitchen for him to sit on and that had some success we got a learning tower and that helped a lot. He's still more clingy when I cook for whatever reason, but sometimes we can mitigate it a little. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500765 Sun, 20 Mar 2016 06:02:07 +0000 Cherrybee 2500765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So today has been a much better day. Reading through this thread again (at 4am, after E had woken up and then I couldn't get back to sleep), I realised that E tends to want aaaaalll the attention in the morning, then is happy to play on the tablet or watch TV in the afternoon. My problem is I'm not a morning person at all and I really resent waking up to the sound of someone needing me..... then I just want to be left alone to get on with household jobs because anything else drains me. So, at 4am, I planned some things for E &amp; I to do first thing, which she loved. It was hard to feign enthusiasm for Peppa stickers at 8am but much easier than hearing "mummy, mummy, I need this, I need that, I've weed in my pants" for three hours solid, while I try to do cleaning. Its 11am now and I've not run out of patience yet. I'm going to do some gardening this afternoon when she's tired and more willing to sit and watch TV (hopefully).</p> <p>Edit: Nope, I was wrong. Its 1pm, I've been her faithful servant all day, and she still wont let me walk upstairs (to get her something she asked for), without wailing "muuummy" after 5 seconds. Earlier, I tried to do a little bit of gardening. I took her out with me and said she could dig, but that lasted a few minutes before she wanted me to go inside to play tea parties with her.... Long story short, she started bothering DH (who is painting the kitchen), then wet herself, so DH called me in. I'm starting to feel a little impatient again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500696 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 21:03:09 +0000 Mae 2500696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I think my LO is somewhat similar in that she is freaking obsessed with me. She doesn't play independently much and she doesn't like tv so pretty much everything we do is active-type playing together. If I try to be productive there are some things she can help me with (unloading dishwasher, putting laundry on hangers) SOMETIMES but at least 60% of the time she just screams at me to pick her up. Cooking is basically out of the question because if I am standing up she is basically climbing my leg yelling UP UP UP UP and if I tell her no she throws herself onto the ground in a huge tantrum. I get most frustrated when I'm trying to get ready for the work week or trying to make dinner before my husband gets home from work and she is either demanding to be held or sobbing because I won't hold her. OR when my husband is finally home and he tries to take her and she wails for me. </p> <p>When I'm losing my patience I honestly just try to take a deep breath and put it in perspective. I'm trying to let go of what I think needs to be done. Sometimes laundry piles up. Sometimes dishes don't get put away promptly. Sometimes (often) dinner doesn't get made and LO gets PBJ. But I know this time in my life is short. And my biggest problem is my LO loves me so much she wants me to hold her all the time and engage with her all the time. In a decade she's going to think I"m boring and lame. (But that doesn't always make it less frustrating in the moment... it is just what I try to tell myself to calm down when I'm really frustrated). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500636 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 18:53:38 +0000 Foodnerd81 2500636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: yes! Give yourself a break. Being so pregnant and taking care of a spirited toddler is so hard. As @akcoffeebean: nicely puts it, I had a LOT of opportunities to show her how to apologize and that grown ups make mistakes too. I definitely put her in the crib several times and told her mommy needed a time out to calm down (yeah, her telling me to go to my room to calm down didn't come out of nowhere). And like you I couldn't walk much, for me because I had terrible sciatic pain. I couldn't bring her to the playground because I wouldn't be able to run and catch her if she did something dangerous. </p> <p>You only have a few more weeks like this, give yourself a break. Then after baby is born it will be hard in different ways but at least your body will start feeling better and more like your own. And you can roll over in bed without a forklift. (Ok maybe that's just how I felt??) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500610 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 17:31:00 +0000 akcoffeebean 2500610@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: 35 weeks pregnant with a toddler sucks. Even the good days are really effing hard because you hurt, there's all the anticipation building and anxiety about getting stuff done and the exhaustion is real. Don't judge yourself too much. You're getting done what needs to get done. </p> <p>When I fail at being as patient as I want/need to be with my toddler I try to see it as a chance to show him that 1) grown ups make mistakes too 2) how to apologize and make amends the right way and 3) how to move on. </p> <p>I figure that those things are important to learn about too. I just wish I didn't have to model it so often. </p> <p>Hope you get some rest, a break and that you feel better physically and emotionally soon. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500608 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 17:11:42 +0000 Cherrybee 2500608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: Dont worry, I didn't think you were implying it - I just worry sometimes that, because I sound so worn down and resentful, *I* might portray it that way. :happy: </p> <p>@Applesandbananas: Fab! :grin: </p> <p>So I think I may have been a bit hard on myself earlier. Its 10pm now, I've had a nice bath to soothe my aching back muscles and I realised that there's no wonder I'm feeling snappy and impatient when I hurt this much and I'm hardly getting any sleep because I'm so uncomfortable. All my usual coping mechanisms, like going to the park, are out because I cant physically manage it (walking gives me painful BH) and I'm taking on most of the toddler care because I want DH to finish a million jobs around the house! I cant expect to be Janet Lansbury all the time, right? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500605 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 16:58:24 +0000 Applesandbananas 2500605@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I hit this point a few minutes ago and I decided to blow off steam by telling LO I was going tickle him and that he'd better run! So he did and I caught him and tickled him and made him smile and we played that chasing/tickle game for a minute and he and I were both in a better mood afterward. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500565 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 15:58:52 +0000 Kemma 2500565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds basic but we go outside. Everything is better when we're outside! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500554 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 15:40:59 +0000 MamaCate 2500554@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: you have gotten a lot of good advice but I wanted to speak to the getting frustrated in the moment and how to cope. We all have days like this! What I try to do when I am losing my patience with DD is:<br /> 1. Breathe. Deep breaths a few times.<br /> 2. Check in with myself to see why I am getting frustrated--am I tired? Hungry? Sick of whining?<br /> 3. Acknowledge that to myself: "no wonder you are frustrated--you had a hard time sleeping last night. Give myself permission/grace to feel this feeling.<br /> 4. Shift the focus to DD. Try as much as possible to see her side.<br /> 5. Name/described her feelings to her: "you love feeling like a big girl when you help mama and you get so frustrated when you can't do everything like her. I know it is hard to wait until you get bigger!" (I try to say this in my most Sesame Street/Janet Lansbury/kind empathetic adult voice even if I don't feel it.)<br /> 6. Talk about how we could work together to help her.</p> <p>For me trying to keep DD's perspective, ridiculous as it sometimes is, in mind is themes because I see her for her and not as an annoyance/barrier to me getting stuff done.</p> <p>Sometimes I also try to reframe the interaction as a teaching moment: what do I want DD to learn from this? How can I explain/teach/show her what I need?</p> <p>Hugs and good luck! You are doing such a great job working hard to give your girl the best you can! (Sorry for the novel!) :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500538 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 15:13:08 +0000 Orchid 2500538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I'm in those moments, the only thing that helps me is prayer. I say a quick prayer asking for patience, love, and wisdom to do what's right. It usually helps. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500537 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 15:09:20 +0000 Cherrybee 2500537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Hahahahaha! :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500534 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 15:04:14 +0000 Foodnerd81 2500534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: don't get me wrong, an hour here and there helps. It's just it only helps while you are actually gone. Think of all that nice alone time you will have while in labor at the hospital. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500527 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 14:32:57 +0000 Cherrybee 2500527@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: I always think, when people say on here "go get a manicure" or "ask your DH to take her out for an hour", that it would take a fortnight in bed, followed by a month in the Bahamas, to make me feel human again! And yes, I'm sure he would take E to the park to give me a break if I didn't have a list as long as my arm of things I want him to do!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500523 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 14:25:57 +0000 Foodnerd81 2500523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: keep in mind that right now, even if you are laying on your side in bed, you are growing the new baby. So the "equal partnership" isn't exactly equal right now and maybe he should remember that! But I hear you. You want that crap done and only he can do it, which means you are with E. And it's easier to give in then leave her alone and deal with the aftermath (a giant mess or a pee or poop in her pants). And like I said, I yell way way too much so I got nothing. I went out a used a spa gift certificate this afternoon and was stressed two minutes after I walked back in the door. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500518 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 14:18:28 +0000 gingerbebe 2500518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: sorry I wasn't trying to imply your husband doesn't do his fair share. I was just suggesting that you can be equals while doing different things. My husband and I feel like we are very equal in terms of our parenting but we excel at different areas of it and so the work balance falls in line with those interests and tolerances. I have a really hard time with my sons meltdowns and while my husband doesn't like them either, he's way more patient than I am so he will grab DS and go to the park so I can decompress. In the same way DH has a hard time dealing with my son's finicky food issues so I am always in control of his food and menu and meals. I think if we expected each other to do the same amount of work in every aspect of childrearing we would go insane and that's how we help each other out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500494 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 13:21:23 +0000 Cherrybee 2500494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I know it doesn't sound like it, but my husband is very much an equal partner.... but on no planet ever will he ever agree to be an unequal partner. If he did something alone with E, he would expect the same from me! Throughout most of the situations I've mentioned in this thread, DH has been there, co-parenting - and he really doesn't see why it bothers me so much; he gets quite angry with me for getting stressed about it. But while I have delegated responsibility for E most of the time, he achieves other stuff (stuff I cant do pregnant, and things I do really want doing). Today, he has done loads of work in the garden (I did some too but, guess what, E was "helping"). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500486 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 13:01:30 +0000 Applesandbananas 2500486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: oh boy, I can imagine :( </p> <p>There was a meme on Facebook awhile back that said something along the lines of "Silence is golden... Unless you have a toddler, then it's suspicious." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500477 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 12:41:25 +0000 gingerbebe 2500477@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Hugs lady, I'm 32 weeks pregnant so I understand the exhaustion. I have been hiring a mommy's helper every other weekend for 3 hours in the morning when DH is out of town so I can just get a break. She's here right now and I'm just laying down in the other room while she plays with DS and takes him to the park. Can you do something like that?</p> <p>As to the co-parenting thing about your husband, can you guys work on that too? We have been making an effort to have DH do more things consistently with DS in preparation for the baby because he's been clingier to me as my pregnancy has progressed. I never take DS to the park anymore - its strictly a Daddy and me thing - and they have a few special errands only they do together, like going to the bank or post office. I also rarely put DS down for bed or give him baths anymore and I've been sending DH in there for MOTN wake ups unless DS is really sick and needs me. While I prep the breakfast plates the night before, DH handles getting up and feeding him breakfast most mornings so that Daddy is the first person DS sees most of the time. I sorta lounge in bed for 10-15 minutes and come out later, or I've already left for work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500475 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 12:38:21 +0000 Cherrybee 2500475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: Because he's the only one physically able to do the jobs we need doing - we've got so much decorating and gardening to do (and I'm the one who really, really wants it done before the baby comes). Our partnership works like a communist regime, everyone gives according to their ability, for the greater good of our glorious household. :silly: </p> <p>@Applesandbananas: Sometimes she's ok with it - but you can guarantee it will backfire and I will end up with even more to do. Like earlier, I cleaned the kitchen after making her dinner and she was quiet because I left her eating yoghurt. Only, she ran into the living room with the yoghurt and decided to eat it while jumping. You can imagine what I found when I went to find her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500471 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 12:19:18 +0000 Applesandbananas 2500471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: sometimes to cope mentally, I literally lock myself in the bathroom, even if LO is beating on the door, and I check Facebook or check HB and just have a few minutes to myself. </p> <p>Is there anything E will do solo? LO likes bandaids and sometimes I just give him a box and let him go nuts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500468 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 12:11:11 +0000 catomd00 2500468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know you said you can't get away, but kind of sounds like you need to. Is there a specific reason why DH can't take her out a few hours every weekend or why you can't get out and leave them home? If you're at the end of your rope by 9 am every day, it really sounds like staying at home in a different room where you can here her still isn't going to help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500466 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 12:02:25 +0000 Cherrybee 2500466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone. I appreciate all the input. I know that this is temporary, I know she will become more independent if I work on it (and I do work on it).... What nobody has been able to tell me is how to cope mentally with it right now. I'm so worn down by it all. Every minute of every day.....</p> <p>I'm just pregnant and grumpy and stressed. I'm struggling to sleep, I'm so uncomfortable and I just don't know how to stay patient right now. :crying: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500429 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 09:33:36 +0000 gingerbebe 2500429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @looch: that independent play is a learned skill, albeit much harder for some kids than others. I would explain to her with baby coming there are times when mommy has to help baby eat or go to sleep and so E will need to be a big sister helper by learning to do small tasks by herself and wait until mommy can finish. I would start incorporating 1-2 sessions, twice a day, preferably at predictable times, warn her the session is coming, and then pop her in her room or some designated space for 10 minutes while you are out of sight. Use an egg timer if you have to do she can see how much time is left and come back immediately when the timer goes off, cheer, and make a big stink out of it. Stickers, rewards, high fives, whatever. If she screams or craps herself, fine, deal with it in 10 minutes. Make it non-negotiable, and when 10 minutes goes over without issue, slowly increase in 5 minute increments and give her projects that seem to keep her busy. If she asks why the time is being adjusted, link it to discreet baby tasks. 10 minutes is a diaper and outfit change after baby goes poop all over the place. 15 minutes is baby's bath time. 20 minutes is how long it takes baby to eat. 30 is how long it takes baby to fall asleep. 45 mins - 1 hour is how long baby needs to nap and we have to stay very quiet and sometimes when baby is sick or upset she might need mama to hold her for the nap. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500409 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 08:19:02 +0000 Ms maths 2500409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel for you! My husband has to leave for work about 1 hr before daycare drop-off, so it's me with both kids. I was in the bathroom with LO1 while LO2 sobbed outside the bathroom door and--I don't even remember what happened--I was just at the end of my rope. All before 8AM! I raised my arms and shouted at the ceiling, and told LO1 I was frustrated. Which LO1 thought was hilarious and he proceeded to raise his arms and shout periodically for the rest of the morning, giggling about "futrated". I did not feel better :bummed: </p> <p>I don't have any real advice to offer beyond what you've already gotten. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500406 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 08:13:54 +0000 KayKay 2500406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with others who have suggested getting out/away in some capacity -- either going somewhere that she can/will play by herself (they have lots of "open gym" sorts of things around here) or something like the gym, where she can go to childcare even if I sit in the lounge and read, not workout! ;)</p> <p>On days when none of that is possible, I'd just throw on a movie or a Daniel Tiger for her to watch -- ideally while I get something else done. </p> <p>Sorry, mama, that's rough! We all have days like that, and I'm not even preg. I don't miss those days at all -- my patience was about zero EVERY day for the last couple weeks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-when-you-feel-yourself-losing-your-patience#post-2500405 Sat, 19 Mar 2016 08:11:25 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2500405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Staying calm and not snapping or losing patience makes me feel like I'm running an effing marathon! It takes so much effort! The good news is i think patience is like a muscle: with exercise it gets stronger. (I say this because when I started working with kids a long time ago I would always lose my shit and now I'm so much more patient, even with 2 kids at home). </p> <p>I have to have alone time when I start feeling stressed with my kids. In the short-term, can't-get-away moments I can get by with controlling my words with my son, but not always my tone and I do lots small walk-aways of like 30 seconds to do some deep breathing to get back in control. Lots - like 1 min with my kids and 30 seconds alone! But this only works for so long and then my husband had to take over. Having a parter to share the load is so important! Even at work, I have a co-teacher there to help manage the stress. (I also hate being able to hear my kids fuss or cry when DH has them, but I'm learning to tune it out).</p> <p>Like @looch: said, kids learning to play alone is a skill and something that's perhaps worth tackling before baby arrives? Am I correct in remembering that E's grandparents watch her during the day? Maybe you can come up with a plan together to help her gain independence?</p> <p>I have more ideas but this is already TL;DR :silly: </p>