https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 00:36:26 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-544278 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 13:31:53 +0000 Dapple Grey 544278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think life stages play a big factor. </p> <p>Take for instance wedding forums, where everyone is self focused on their ring stone size, dress brands, big day details, the whole thing is somewhat vain and temporary.</p> <p>Then you have a child or prepare for one, and all of your life's priorities take a shift. When your 3 weeks into caring for a newborn, your engagement ring is probably the absolute last care in your world, that dress you wore one time means nothing. Motherhood instincts and survival kick in. </p> <p>HB is great because while your struggling , and trying to stay afloat in this whole new world &amp; mindset, someone can always offer you a word of advice, tell you your not alone, or crazy-whatever the issue is at hand. Having children whether through adoption, or any method possible is life changing! You will never be quite the same!</p> <p>And also having a tight knit, more exclusive community helps boat loads. If there were 5,000 members, I'm not sure it would look the same! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-544272 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 13:30:41 +0000 Maysprout 544272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: I agree ;) that it's an agreeing to disagree attitude. </p> <p>I love that there's lots of different opinions on this site and people explain their reasoning but for the most part don't aggressively push their reasoning if it's unsolicited. I like that I can say what we do and think and just because it's different than other peoples choices it's not seen as an attack. Bc I also like seeing what led other people to their choices.</p> <p>Mr and Mrs Bee also do a great job of moderating and showing that disagreeing isn't a personal attack and diffusing a situation when it does become personal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-544207 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 13:10:02 +0000 Anagram 544207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Tricycle: yup, some of the other boards are rough. I don't use other sites, except WB, but one of the girls on my birth month on WB mentioned that one of the other boards was awful, so then I HAD to go take a peek, of course...</p> <p>And sure enough, on my birth month on THAT site, there were a lot of "vent" posts about hating how everyone (on that particular month! Not even on the general board) posts about the same things. They said they didn't want to hear about anyone's utrasound worries or updates, didn't want to hear about baby naming quandaries, didn't want to hear about any more baby showers, didn't want to hear any more gender announcements, and didn't want to see any more "stupid questions" that had already been answered.</p> <p>I was like, what is a monthly birth board for, except for those things, specifically? yuuck....not fun.</p> <p>Edit: To clarify, not my birth month on WB--those girls are great, actually. It is another, well known site. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-544198 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 13:07:23 +0000 .twist. 544198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: Totally. I kind of think wedding planning might be more stressful. It's one day and you have to please possibly HUNDREDS of people!!! </p> <p>Having a baby is ultimately you and your SO happiness. Maybe? lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-544195 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 13:05:06 +0000 Mrsbells 544195@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree its the size, theres not so many members, we pretty much all seem to be familiar with the regular commenters and thread startes so its harder to be rude or mean to people that you feel like you "know" </p> <p>Also a lot of use knew each other from weddingbee, but the topics here are much less tense and stressful than the wedding planning at weddingbee </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-544193 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 13:04:42 +0000 Modern Daisy 544193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like we all have the agree to disagree attitude before there is even a disagreement. No one starts out a post saying "Since the best way to get a child to sleep is CIO, share your CIO methods" you know? We preemptively phrase things so that anyone with any view can comment and not feel bullied or marginalized. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-544183 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 12:59:58 +0000 fussygal 544183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's a number of factors, but ones that stand out to me are the smaller community/family size and the thoughtful ways that people ask questions. I can't remember ever seeing a post that started out with a negative tone, condemning others of their choices - instead posters always leave it open to input and honest curiosity, which I love. </p> <p>Also, that part on 30 Rock had me laughing so hard last night! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-544125 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 12:35:18 +0000 spaniellove 544125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tororojo: DH was alarmed because I was practically shrieking about how that's what mom sites are like! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-544121 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 12:33:20 +0000 Mrs. Tricycle 544121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tororojo: I agree -- I've always thought that HB users are a little more educated than those on other forums. Either you're all posting from iPhones with fantastic autocorrect, or you've got a pretty good handle on the English language. </p> <p>I remember when I first started TTC before I discovered HB. I was on some other forum (The Bump - maybe?), and I couldn't get over how snarky the whole thing was. It annoyed me that they were always getting mad at people who posted BFPs without "participating" in the community. It made them all sound old and bitter. </p> <p>I &lt;3 HB ! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-544116 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 12:31:52 +0000 tororojo 544116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: Bahaha...I thought that was pretty hilarious on 30 Rock. I think part of the reason Urban Baby is so snarky is that it's 1000% anonymous--no usernames or anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-544114 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 12:31:47 +0000 Bao 544114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the size has a lot to do with it. There does t seem to be people in and out as much as other sites. I love that it is drama free and hope it stays that way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-544108 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 12:28:56 +0000 spaniellove 544108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's the size of the site (i.e. intimacy and tight-knit, stable community), and the overall tone we set for each other. Also, a lot of conversations seem to foster bonding and positive interaction! </p> <p>It's probably more than education level, because I've been part of communities where parents were highly educated and yet very openly critical of each other (if anyone saw 30 Rock last night, the scene where Tina Fey's character asked about the bike kind of summed it up). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-544039 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 11:59:49 +0000 ladyfingers 544039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Size and age of the site, I think. But I think we're more civil on topics of parenthood because we know how touchy our own choices can be when criticized, so we tend not to criticize others. Plus we're all in the same boat of learning as we go, so we're more open to other opinions and experiences, reading material, etc.</p> <p>But I've seen a lot of that kind of fall apart on more political, non-parenthood-related topics. So I'm trying to steer away from those types of threads in general because things can get pretty snarky -- which I think is going to be the case anywhere when you're dealing with non-experiential controversial topics where people's minds cannot be changed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-543989 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 11:44:15 +0000 MsLipGloss 543989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PastaandPotato @SaraC: Every once in a while there is a post that is not really up to HB *standards* . . . but the responses are generally so supportive and kind that it defuses the situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-543980 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 11:40:34 +0000 PastaAndPotato 543980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sarac: i totally agree. i think that because everyone else acts in such a civilized and supportive manner, it's much harder for a single user to come in and be aggressive and nasty. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-543963 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 11:33:12 +0000 sarac 543963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's a lot of positive pressure at this point. I used to be a babycenter user, and things there are nasty. I never felt especially called to go out of my way to be polite because no one else did. But here, that's just the expectation, and there's a lot of, I don't know, peer pressure? doesn't really feel like the right word. Positive pressure to be friendly and supportive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-543904 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 11:14:23 +0000 JoJoGirl 543904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Size and level of education, agree. The mere lack of "text speak" on this site sets it apart from a lot of others, which I happen to think lends itself to things being more civil overall. Everyone seems relatively mature and educated and more likely to be able to engage in peaceful discourse. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-543897 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 11:12:51 +0000 Mrs. Pen 543897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think a huge part of it is that as parents we realize none of us have it together!! we plan and things go awry. When I was pregnant I was all gung-ho "Natural is best! It's the only way to birth a baby etc etc" then I had to be induced for medical reasons and had to grieve, but it opened my eyes and realized why people choose different things and how much of it is beyond our realm of control. As moms we respect that. We KNOW how hard it is and all we're looking for is a little support. Someone to say, "I know how you feel. <i>I get it</i>" You know? We're all kinda in the same position. We hear enough crap and judgment from well-meaning friends/family - we come here to be told we're normal and we're doing just fine!!</p> <p>I think it's a very mature outlook to have because there still are a lot of parents who do think their way is the only way and that's why HB is so amazing compared to other baby forums. Sure we have opinionated people here but we all try to support each other in this crazy journey of TTC, pregnancy and ultimately parenthood. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-543875 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 11:04:47 +0000 tysonja 543875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i think mr. and mrs. bee set a good tone and example for us :)<br /> they always have an encouraging and respectful way of commenting on even the most 'controversial' topics, while still giving their own personal opinion of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-543868 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 11:01:32 +0000 Alivoo01 543868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think our intimate size is a huge factor because we practically know everyone on here, and we're like a family vs an online community. I also believe we all understand the main reason for HB is a forum for all mommies to ask anything and everything and get personal experience responses because who hasn't thought, "oh man, this is a dumb question, but Google isn't helpful and I NEED to know!!!" Or needed morale support that can't be obtained elsewhere (e.g. TTC when your friends aren't or you're struggling to, the first couple months of bringing home a newborn, etc.). </p> <p>I also think we're all mature enough that when we don't like a particular topic or know that our comment will come out as snarky/rude no matter how we phrase it that we just don't respond because the drama isn't necessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-543860 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 10:57:32 +0000 tororojo 543860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think size, maturity level and education level play a big role. Posts on this site tend to be better spelled, worded and are in general more rational and researched than things I read on other baby/mom web sites, so I figure we all have better things to do than be inflammatory just for fun. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-543842 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 10:50:47 +0000 NerdBee 543842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think most posters who frequent HB are well read and open minded. A lot of people seem to know each other in real life so I'm sure that helps keep things civil. Mr. Bee also seems to know exactly when to step in with a gentle reminder when things get too heated or off topic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-543836 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 10:48:20 +0000 loveisstrange 543836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think size has a lot to do with it. It's a fairly small forum and the community feels close knit. I also think the members do a good job of policing each other and calling each other out when there is BS going on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-543829 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 10:45:55 +0000 lomom 543829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think when the topics that have potential for controversy are raised, it's done in a respectful manner. I don't see posts stated in an inflammatory tone like "You shouldn't formula feed!" it's always, from what I've seen, been a genuine desire to seek out the experiences of others, rather than to tell everyone why you're right and they're wrong. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-543826 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 10:44:30 +0000 .twist. 543826@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it has something to do with the size, possibly that a lot of the users originated from WB and came together and a lot of them knew each other and really set the tone? </p> <p>I also think that Mr./MrsBee have the whole "less is more" thing down when it comes to moderation. None of us feel like we're going to get scolded if we swear or state an opinion. As long as we state it politely we can pretty much say whatever we want. I think as adults it's nice to know we're trusted and not treated like children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-do-you-think-makes-hb-so-free-of-drama#post-543817 Fri, 01 Feb 2013 10:40:53 +0000 lovehoneybee 543817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Inspired by a post by @Mrs Pen yesterday.</p> <p>Obviously we're adults here, so it would be easy to say we're just acting like adults, but a lot of topics talked about on these boards are the basis of mommy-wars (EBF vs FF, natural vs medicated childbirth, CIO, co-sleeping, spanking, etc) but by and large even the most controversial of topics are always discussed calmly and respectfully. It's one of the things I love most about this site, it's like no place else on the internet. </p> <p>For as easy as it would be for drama to start, why do you think it generally stays drama-free? Do you think it's just because the community is relatively small or that HB just attracts tolerant, respectful users? Or something else? </p>