Hellobee Boards Topic: What forms of discipline will you use?

Hellobee Boards Topic: What forms of discipline will you use? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 07:04:33 +0000 Mrs. Lion on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use/page/2#post-2375342 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 10:00:02 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2375342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Maysprout: I agree with you, to an extent. I think that forcing an apology when a child is angry and not ready to move out of impulsive mode is counterproductive. But I do like the idea of teaching that apologizing is one thing you can do when you have made a mistake. So when the child has moved from being angry and is ready to move on, I would just say "I think Jane might feel better if you told her you were sorry for using those hurtful words", and then let them decide if they want to do so. Then you have the modeling and teaching aspect, but the apology is genuine. looch on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use/page/2#post-2375338 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 09:58:10 +0000 looch 2375338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Lion: I heard about it later, but it happened after school, in the presence of my mom, who relayed it to me. I think he acted out of frustration, but what is weird to me is that they had already agreed they would go to play together. So I don't know if she had possibly changed her mind? Thanks for weighing in. travellingbee on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use/page/2#post-2375337 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 09:57:50 +0000 travellingbee 2375337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Lion: liked that article-- thanks for sharing Maysprout on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use/page/2#post-2375324 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 09:52:24 +0000 Maysprout 2375324@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Lion: good article. I liked most of it except for the apologizing part. Even if kids aren't actually sorry I think having them say it to the person helps them start making a link that their actions affected someone else and also sets up a bit of accountability that they can refer back to If they do it again. Mrs. Lion on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use/page/2#post-2375320 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 09:50:41 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2375320@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @looch: Did it happen in your presence, or did you hear about it later? If you heard about it later, I think what you said is fine and plenty. Consequences after the fact don't really help with young kids. If it happened while you were listening, I would probably say "I can't let you speak that way to your classmate. It is hurtful when you call people names. If you use hurtful words again you will need to play by yourself for a little while." I don't know if that is the official "RIE" response, but that is probably how I would have handled it. I think getting to the heart of why he is calling the bad names though is the most effective solution going forward. Was she taking something of his? Is he tired? Does he need some space? Then trying to meet that need as a means of prevention. looch on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use/page/2#post-2375306 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 09:44:31 +0000 looch 2375306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Lion: That's a good article, thank you for sharing! I am wondering though, if you have any advice as to what to do in a situation where a child calls another child a bad name (in my son's case, he called a girl in his class a "stupid head." I struggled with what an appropriate response was, other than to explain that words hurt and the result would be that she didn't want to play with him. I felt that wasn't enough, but maybe it was? Mrs. Lion on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375302 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 09:37:34 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2375302@https://boards.hellobee.com/ For anybody interested, this is a really great Janet Lansbury article about what makes an effective consequence, and why punishment really doesn't work if your goal is relationship and trust as opposed to just obedience. I've used these strategies (not perfectly...definitely not perfectly) with my students from age 1-10, and with my own toddler and they really work well. <a href="http://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/07/truths-about-consequences/" rel="nofollow">http://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/07/truths-about-consequences/</a> Mrs. Lion on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375279 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 09:20:48 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2375279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Logical and natural consequences. I am not big on punishment...and anything that would make my kiddos feel embarrassed (any public shaming etc.) is completely out. I don't really get the whole soap in the mouth or manual labor thing...my parents did that kind of stuff with my brother and I and all it did was "scare" us into submission. I feel pretty strongly that those methods just hurt the relationship between parent and child and don't really teach them anything. Maysprout on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375242 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 08:52:00 +0000 Maysprout 2375242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We do timeouts/ cool downs and consequences/ rewards. if I've asked them what they want to drink and they don't answer or say nothing and then I sit down to eat, I'm not going to stop my dinner and get up again just bc they now decided. Or if they're too tired (what my oldest says) to eat then they're too tired for dessert. Mrs. Oatmeal on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375230 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 08:39:21 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 2375230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I got bar soap in my mouth a few times, I think I was spanked once (and cried so long/hard that my parents couldn't do it again), and was sent to my room. So far we use timeouts, and taking away privileges. For the most part, we try to redirect and explain things, but she gets a timeout when she flat out doesn't listen. travellingbee on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375225 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 08:35:47 +0000 travellingbee 2375225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @farawayyama: ditto- we will use Love and Logic techniques with logical consequences. ms.line on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375224 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 08:34:10 +0000 ms.line 2375224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Eko: Omg yes, pulling weeds and picking up sticks in the yard - my brother and I *hated* that! Eko on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375218 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 08:29:38 +0000 Eko 2375218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ All the punishment techniques my parents used I won't. I'll probably do time outs and take away of items. One thing I might do as LO is older is physical activity around the house. My aunt watched me for a while over the summer and she would make me pull weeds and do push ups. Lol. Pulling weeds was a nightmare so I might do something similar. looch on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375153 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 07:21:05 +0000 looch 2375153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Right now, I try to use consequences that fit the crime, so to speak. It works well for physical things, like throwing toys around/removing the toys, but I find it more challenging for things like using hurtful words to others. farawayyama on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375138 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 06:17:29 +0000 farawayyama 2375138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I hope to use gentle methods and logical consequences - I'm big into the "you break it, you fix it" (objects, environments, feelings) and having children come up with their own consequences to fix what they have done. I also plan to use a cool down spot time out. I have one in my classroom and it works really well. It isn't presented as a punishment but as a place to go when our feelings get too big. The kids respond really well to it - they know it's a place to help them and that they're not in trouble. I'll typically send them with an iPad (we work a lot on iPads) and they can take as long or as little as they feel they need before joining us. Because I only use it when kids are super emotional/angry/crying, they usually stay there a good 15 or 20 minutes because they appreciate the solitude. Mrs. Lemon-Lime on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375116 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 04:20:21 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2375116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Synchronicity: @Purpledaisy: that happened in my husband's house growing up and will be something we would do too. As a teen my bro thought we were robbed when my mom removed all of his electronics from his room. At that point, my parents were older, and found removing things was easier to manage than grounding. I also like the ideas of extra chores as punishment, but I didn't experience that at all. I had to help my dad in the yard even when I was an angel. lamariniere on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375115 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 04:19:27 +0000 lamariniere 2375115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Time outs have been our go to and work the vast majority of the time. Occasionally they lose toys or privileges. As they get older, I think it will evolve into losing more privileges or having to give up something. HLK208 on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375104 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 01:19:56 +0000 HLK208 2375104@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Usually losing privileges, warning/timeout or as a last resort, getting sent to their rooms. Purpledaisy on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375103 Wed, 02 Dec 2015 01:11:58 +0000 Purpledaisy 2375103@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Synchronicity: haha! My parents took away my door for slamming it too many times too! Awesome punishment, very effective!(I didn't think so at the time of course :silly: ) @Turd Ferguson: ok that made me actually lol catomd00 on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375059 Tue, 01 Dec 2015 23:06:38 +0000 catomd00 2375059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ To discipline means to teach, Not to punish so i won't be using punishment. I believe in gentle, positive parenting using natural consequences. I'll switch up my techniques as needed as my kids get older. Synchronicity on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375041 Tue, 01 Dec 2015 22:39:29 +0000 Synchronicity 2375041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My favourite punishment (lol) looking back was when I had my bedroom door removed for a week after I slammed it too many times. Coming home from school to no door was a shock, and I will absolutely use that on my kids. We had things taken away a lot (electronics, or even just going-out privileges). Effective, and I'll likely do the same. fancyfunction on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2375036 Tue, 01 Dec 2015 22:34:15 +0000 fancyfunction 2375036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I've gotten soap in the mouth and threats of the wooden spoon (which seems to be an Italian thing) ;) I remember being spanked once or twice. I won't do that but right now, taking away privlidges seems to work. I'll threaten a time out and the bad behavior usually stops. sleepybear on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2374774 Tue, 01 Dec 2015 18:53:29 +0000 sleepybear 2374774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ All of this talk about soap makes me think of the soap poisoning scene from A Christmas Story! We'll probably try time out for as long as it works and move into taking away privileges/grounding. MoonMoon on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2374773 Tue, 01 Dec 2015 18:52:59 +0000 MoonMoon 2374773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Turd Ferguson: but only if you use it as a first resort! And start 'em young! And lower your voice! /dark humor anonysquire on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2374767 Tue, 01 Dec 2015 18:49:27 +0000 anonysquire 2374767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ So far I can still reason with my toddler. I'm not so naive to think this is how things will always be. But for now she's really behaved and a simple "we don't do that, that's not nice" has worked. I have no idea what we will do but I do know we won't be spanking. Turd Ferguson on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2374755 Tue, 01 Dec 2015 18:42:59 +0000 Turd Ferguson 2374755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I've heard spanking into submission is pretty effective. Maybe I'll look into that. gingerbebe on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2374750 Tue, 01 Dec 2015 18:32:28 +0000 gingerbebe 2374750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents definitely used corporal punishment - spanking and things like holding our hands up over our heads for periods of time to cause pain and discomfort. Pretty common for Korean households. They also IMMEDIATELY took away/threw away/broke anything my brother and I fought over - they had a zero tolerance policy for fighting over things. We never had money and my parents were super strict as a matter of course, so every day was like being grounded. Of all those things, I will probably treat the fighting over things issue similarly. If you fight over it, its gone. DH and I generally don't think we will need to resort to physical punishment, but I don't think I can say for sure that I would never, ever spank, which I know has been a hot button issue on the Bee lately. I was a natural rule follower, so it didn't come up that much for me, but my brother always pushed against prohibited behavior so spanking and physical punishment was something my parents had to use a lot more for him because he was always doing life-threatening things like playing around with fire or really dangerous Jackass-like stunts as a young child (as in before the age of 10). I don't exactly know how I would handle a kid like my brother in a panicked moment like that because he literally set our house on fire once. But yeah, in general, DH and I believe talking and having thinking time to reflect on actions is more effective. I don't know about timeouts yet, because we're not there. My mom was a screamer and both my parents were really big into guilt and emotional manipulation so I really want to NOT use those things, because for someone emotionally sensitive like me, it created a lot of resentment and insecurity - way more than any spanking I got. Mrs. Cheesecake on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2374709 Tue, 01 Dec 2015 17:36:41 +0000 Mrs. Cheesecake 2374709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We use time-outs and warnings for DS. They seem to work pretty well. DD is still too young to understand what's going on! Freckles on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2374702 Tue, 01 Dec 2015 17:31:35 +0000 Freckles 2374702@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @sandy: haha my dad would say "in school we had to hold chairs over our heads!" sandy on "What forms of discipline will you use?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-forms-of-discipline-will-you-use#post-2374700 Tue, 01 Dec 2015 17:27:37 +0000 sandy 2374700@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Freckles: haha! We totally had to hold our arms up!