https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 05:11:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2829001 Mon, 18 Jun 2018 11:22:20 +0000 Modern Daisy 2829001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: I feel exactly the same way. We are already stretched so thin I barely see “real” friends anymore. Any extra time we might be able to scrape together needs to be used for self care or we’d go insane. It’s still shocking to me though that they wouldn’t understand this but maybe being empty nesters they’ve lost touch with the reality of having small kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828489 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 13:08:28 +0000 autumnleaves 2828489@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't know all our immediate neighbors but ideally we would - not necessarily hang out but it would be nice to know each other enough to be able to call on each other for help when needed. It looks like someone is moving in next door and we definitely will introduce ourselves and bring something over but I do not expect them to want to interact with us a bunch. It would be nice to do have neighbors who we want to do things with and vice versa but it is not an expectation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828478 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 12:27:10 +0000 snarkybiochemist 2828478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We wave to our neighbors and very occasionally make small talk but its rare. I am very introverted and don't do small talk well, my husband can small talk but has a demanding job and is often ready to be home and have alone time at the end of the day. While I like our neighborhood and we choose it for a number of reasons I don't need to be great friends with our neighbors, its the same reason why in grad school my requirements for roommate were essentially, not a serial killer, will pay their half of the bills on time, and won't take up too much time in the bathroom/kitchen. I would have a very hard time stopping to chat with various neighbors everyday, most of the time I have to remind myself to wave hello. I don't think you have to be friends with your neighbors and for them to demand otherwise is their problem not yours. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828470 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 12:02:58 +0000 ElbieKay 2828470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There is nothing wrong with being "private", and people are not entitled to your time just because you live near them.</p> <p>My husband and I both work fairly intense, full time jobs. I personally need some down time during the week, and neither of us really like small talk. Time is a zero sum game, and our evenings and weekends are pretty focused on our nuclear family and maintaining our household because the rest of the week is shot by our jobs.</p> <p>There is some time I can spare beyond myself, my husband, my twin pregnancy, my 4yo, my job, and my household. But that is usually taken up by old, longstanding friends and family.</p> <p>But I live in an area where this is true for most families, so my mom friends understand that we are busy. There is no sense of entitlement. My MIL is a different story, haha....! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828466 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 11:47:30 +0000 Mama Bird 2828466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Awww, poor neighbors, they didn't get to be nosy, so disappointing! Anyway, if they wanted to get to know you better, they could have taken the initiative and invited you over for a BBQ or something. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828465 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 11:40:11 +0000 Sams Mom 2828465@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At our first house, we had a nice old lady that lived next door. Her sons didn't live in state, so my husband would help her with some things around the house. I think he would have helped her no matter what, but the fact that one of her sons was a cop and so is my husband, he helped her a lot. Te neighbors that lived directly behind us was one of my husbands coworkers that I happened to get along great with his gf, so we did halloween parties and cook outs. The other neighbors we would wave at, but that was the extent of our interactions.</p> <p>At our new house, the neighbors across from us brought cookies over to us when we moved in, we wave when we pass each other but that is about it. The neighbor next to us is a widowed older lady that was nice enough when we met her, but her daughter is a rip and constantly has something to complain about with our yard (crappy builder didn't sod or hydroseed, but her mom has sod), it has been an uphill battle with our lawn, and is getting better, but she has unrealistic expectations for it. I told her she was more than welcome to pay to sod my yard, but if she isn't going to she will have to deal with the growing pains that is our budget and combating weeds and seeding grass. </p> <p>We have friends that live at the bottom of the hill and we have befriended the lady that lives diagonal to us. She is more the age of our parents, but she has the same alma mater as my husband, she has to german shepherds which he loves and she has twin granddaughters our son's age that get along well. </p> <p>So all of that to say, I chose to live in a neighborhood based on schools, cost, and area in general. I don't mind being friendly, but I'm not a talker. When I get home I have to make dinner, clean, do dishes, take care of the pets and still be involved with my son and husband. I'm sure it will be great as my son gets older that there are so many kids in the neighborhood and the school is less than a block from our front door, but he's too young to run around on his own with other kids, so I just have exerted the effort to meet everyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828459 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 11:22:47 +0000 808love 2828459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A part of me is sad to read a lot of what is expressed here sounds like a rejection of those who want a sense of community. I don’t think it is has been like that in the past, in general...but perhaps on occasion. I just don’t like the idea that it is trending and hope it is just a show of support of the OP being taken aback by their neighbor’s (interpreted) negative comments. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828452 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 11:02:12 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2828452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: This is bizarre to me. That’s like saying if I take the bus or train somewhere instead of driving, I’m choosing to socialize with everyone beside me. To me, choosing to live in a community has way more to do with proximity to amenities, schools, work commutes, etc. Than it does wanting to form relationships to random neighbours who just happen to live around you... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828421 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 10:18:07 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2828421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is crazy. We used to live in the middle of a townhouse complex and I felt pressure to have conversations with the neighbours on either side. There was some animosity with the one we shared a driveway with due to snow shovelling (we got a service to do ours which she didn’t like) and the other always had her daycare kids on the shared lawn with giant plastic crap toys. One of them acknowledged when we sold the house and we said goodbye, the other we didnt’ see again. I would always wave and say hi as I was going in but the one with the daycare always seemed busy like us. We moved to a transitioning neighbourhood 2 yrs ago to a huge corner lot home. The mostly elderly neighbours all came around and introduced themselves and gave us wine, some small gifts, phone numbers in case we needed anything. It was so nice! But I haven’t gone out of my way to socialize. I’ll wave and say hi and if it’s the weekend and the grannies want to say hi to my kid, I’ll chat for a minute in our driveway. When we get home, I want to enjoy our family and our yard and not make small talk. I talk all day to my patients and don’t want to be stressed about neighbours popping by. You are totally right to feel this was super weird. They could have come over if they really wanted a relationship! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828419 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 10:16:45 +0000 Modern Daisy 2828419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: to your point actually our other (closer) neighbor was a single, kid free retired man who was very mean and went from dominating our time whenever we came outside with endless chit-chat to harassing anyone who came to our house (yelled at lawn service, called cops on realtor taking drone footage). Now HE seemed like someone who maybe should have bought in the woods because he clearly wasn’t into the friendly neighborhood vibe at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828411 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 09:34:04 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2828411@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: hmm, that’s an interesting take on choosing to live in a neighborhood. We chose to live in a suburb as opposed to rural area because of the amenities and access to the highway. It’s important to me that grocery stores, dry cleaners, choice of schools, certain clothing stores, restaurants are all nearby. We also wanted to see faces that look like ours so diversity was a factor even in choosing our suburban city. In terms of why we picked our neighborhood out of the homes we saw it was the best fit for us. Almost all of the homes we looked at were in newer subdivisions because we didn’t want a lot of property to maintain or older style homes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828409 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 09:20:24 +0000 wrkbrk 2828409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: Agreed, that's weird that they would say something.</p> <p>I know our neighbors think something similar about us. They are all always hanging out and having drinks and parties and activities and we rarely participate. It's not that we are private so much as overextended and busy. Lol. I am sure they think we are super unfriendly although like you, I make sure I always wave. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828408 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 09:13:15 +0000 Mrs. Carrot 2828408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: Same here! We've been in our condo for 9 years, kiddo is 5, and we really don't know any of our neighbors, except by sight. We are always friendly, but we haven't socialized with anyone at all (though mostly it's because most of our neighbors are of the same ethnic group and tend to cluster together due to language issues and such, so we're kind of outsiders anyway). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828407 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 09:10:24 +0000 Modern Daisy 2828407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: not really? I mean they gave us a pointsetta when we moved in and we gave them a Christmas card thanking them and all interactions after that were waves or a quick conversation (since we both work outside the home and just wanted to get inside already after a long day away). </p> <p>@808love: that is very insightful and sounds spot-onto me! I think it’s actually made me paranoid now about being more present to our new neighbors so we don’t disappoint in the same way.</p> <p>Yeah I agree with a lot of you that I didn’t even see my neighbors with kids! Our boys are little and not old enough to hop the fence and play with friends alone or anything but I also never got offended when I saw kid parties being thrown 2 doors down with no invite thrown our way. I get it - e aren’t close and you have other friends/family to prioritize we are all adults here lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828395 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 08:45:22 +0000 808love 2828395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the problem is thinking of others as weird when we all have our own personal preferences and expectations. Expressing disappointment when someone is moving is an ineffective solution but probably brings closure to your neighbor who was bothered. Now you are left with being bothered by the confrontation/conversation and must wrestle with self-doubt and ultimately affirm your values. I remember the adage ‘Good fences make good neighbors’ and understand this is what it is like for some people. And that is ok! Others like to be closer and that is ok too.</p> <p>Also to answer OP question, I give Christmas cards and gifts but we rarely have conversations, only wave sometimes. Our kids play together and I know the kids better. I feel like if we needed help we could ask but we generally mind our own business. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828390 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 08:38:47 +0000 avivoca 2828390@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our old neighborhood was in transition. When we moved in, everyone was older without kids or with kids who were grown. We were the only ones with a baby. When we left, there were more kids, but no one really played with one another. Our new neighborhood is similar to our old one. There are a lot of kids but you don't see them out playing with one another, and ours are the youngest on the block. Most of the people on our particular street are older and have kids in middle/high school. So it's kind of weird. I hope someone else with small kids moves into the house that's for sale. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828387 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 08:35:26 +0000 Mrsbells 2828387@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: it depends if we have anything in common. We are close with some of the children that go to the same elementary schoold and ride the same bus. There is no requirement to be less private though. I wonder if they felt they made an effort to be friends and it wasn't returned?<br /> I will add that we have lives in areas previously where all the neighbours wanted to have constant dinners and lunches and gettogethers so i think it can be cultural depending on the area </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828386 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 08:35:18 +0000 PinkElephant 2828386@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: if you were the new neighbors when you moved in (they were already there), then it was totally their job to come say hi and invite you over if they wanted to socialize! We are the new family on our cul de sac and are out allll the time with our kids...there is one family that has never int induced themselves to us in 18 months. They live diagonal to us, and I think it’s a little weird they haven’t come out to say hi, but I’d never confront them!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828383 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 08:30:28 +0000 Becky 2828383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it depends on the neighborhood. We are the newest family on my block and the old family used to have bonfires and bbqs at their house and go to ones hosted at the others. I am very socially awkward and find it hard to strike up more than superficial conversations with my neighbors, but I do try. I’ve also told them I feel bad that it seems like I’m alwags rushing by but it’s hard with the kids and my husband working a lot. If we didn’t want to be social though, we would have chosen to live in a rural area. I grew up in the middle of the woods and always wanted neighbors, and always thought people chose to live in neighborhoods because they wanted neighbors. We made a conscious decision between rural and village when thinking of where we wanted to raise our kids. For me I’m curious to know why people who want a more private lifestyle choose to live in neighborhoods or villages that are set up to be communities. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828378 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 08:26:17 +0000 psw27 2828378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: They sound like weirdos. Criticizing someone for being "private" is nonsense. If they had been so interested in a relationship they could have trotted over from across the street. Perhaps they have forgotten what being parents to young children is like. The grind is enough to keep me busy, I don't have time to socialize just for the sake of socializing... I barely see my actual friends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828370 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 08:13:13 +0000 Jennibenni 2828370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: It’s so weird to me that they would have those expectations and then also wait until you’re moving to share them. </p> <p>We are neighbors who like to wave and say hello to everyone and not much beyond that. I’m an introverted person and socializing is exhausting for me, so I don’t want my home to be a social hub, I want it to be a sanctuary. If people have some sort of bizarre entitlement to an intimate social relationship that’s their problem. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828366 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 08:07:26 +0000 Ajsmommy 2828366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: they are bonkers! LOL. the man thinks he owns the cul de sac and gets really irritated when others park there. IT was especially awkward when we'd be outside and DD, being only 1-2 yo would wave to them and I'd blatantly ignore them (after the name calling incident... ) I'm sorry, I'm holding a grudge!! HA </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828356 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 07:56:22 +0000 periwinklebee 2828356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We live in a condo and barely know any of our neighbors, except one guy who is honestly a bit strange (but I don't want to be rude) and a retired lady who goes out of the way to give unsolicited - but I'm sure well-meaning - parenting advice if she sees me walking into the building. I'm barely keeping life together now between work and LO, so socializing with the neighbors is way down my list of priorities. If that rubs someone with more leisure time the wrong way, sorry...it's not about them, it's about us and our priorities... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828351 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 07:41:05 +0000 Grace 2828351@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Neighbours can be such weirdos. I had one neighbour tell my mom (who was visiting), that she STILL hasn’t met the baby ( who was 8 mo) at the time. Meanwhile, she never initiates a wave or conversation with me. So strange. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828348 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 07:33:03 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2828348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ajsmommy: @Modern Daisy: ha ha, we barely invite our friends over to come into our actual home. No way do I want to entertain my neighbors. One of my coworkers has become so chummy with his neighbors that the wives va action together and the husband’s work on each other’s diy projects. Different strokes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828347 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 07:32:03 +0000 MaryM 2828347@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: Our neighborhood is a mix of original owners (the houses were built in 1973...so people in their 70s) and families with teenagers. We're the only people with tiny kids on our street. </p> <p>But yeah. The older people really do enjoy being included. They're the ones that are home the most, and they're DYING for grandkids already. I wouldn't have gone out of my way to meet neighbors if it wasn't for DH being so outgoing, but I have to say knowing the older folks was a blessing when I was on maternity leave! I had another adult to talk to when I'd take the baby out for a walk. And they've offered to help if we need it, and it's good to know they wouldn't have to figure out what to do with their own kids if we needed a ride somewhere or someone to come by to watch the baby for a bit.</p> <p>ETA: Not saying you have to befriend people...just sharing some value I've found in it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828345 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 07:26:49 +0000 Modern Daisy 2828345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ajsmommy: wow your neighbors sound bonkers too!! Yeah ours also rambled about not being invited over to which I was shocked since they are like 20 years older than us without small kids so I was like really? You would have wanted to come to one of our loud messy pizza play dates?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828344 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 07:17:18 +0000 Modern Daisy 2828344@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A lot of cul du sac’ers here! Our new house is on a cul du sac which is one of the reasons we moved. We are def the youngest family here though and after that confrontation I’m now paranoid we will be making new neighbors mad if we don’t come out and socialize.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828343 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 07:14:03 +0000 Ajsmommy 2828343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, I totally agree with you on this. We live in a cul de sac and we stay to ourselves however we never really see anyone outside anyway. We are probably outside more than anyone else bc of our kids. When I see our next door neighbors we are friendly but not overly so. I think we are normal as are you.....</p> <p>however, there was a dispute over parking in our cul de sac last year and we were called our for being "non social" by one of the neighbors. I was shocked! They went on to say that we had never invited them over for dinner or drinks....... well...... they had never invited us over either!!! And we said after their behavior regarding the parking (leaving nasty notes and blocking people in on purpose) we don't want to get to know them anyway so we'll continue on being "non social" :silly: </p> <p>So I agree with you 100% and they are cray cray </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-so-wrong-with-being-private-anyway#post-2828340 Thu, 14 Jun 2018 07:00:44 +0000 MaryM 2828340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm introverted (I wouldn't necessarily say private, I just don't go out of my way to meet people). </p> <p>I lived in my old townhouse for two years before I married DH. I knew my next door neighbor only because I moved in the fall before a massive snowstorm and didn't own a shovel. My neighbor (a seriously private person! He was one of those people you could image ends up being a serial killer and they interview the neighbors and they say "I never would have suspected! He was a nice man who just kept to himself) was willing to leave his shovel outside his front door so I could help myself to it. And I had a TINY front yard so he offered to mow (it took two seconds) when he did his. I was cordial with neighbors, but we didn't hang out or anything. </p> <p>DH moved in and suddenly there were block parties and we were going to hookah bars together. When we moved, DH talked to the neighbors before we put in an offer. </p> <p>There are some people in our new cul de sac who are just private (but we still chit chat if they're out and about), but I do have to say it's weird we haven't even seen one neighbor after living there for three years. </p>