https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 11:02:38 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-121328 Fri, 13 Apr 2012 13:34:41 +0000 mrsjyw 121328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both of our parents live 20 min away (as we're from the same hometown). </p> <p>When my maternity leave is up. My mom will be the primary caretaker. It's something she's been looking forward to doing and like others mentioned previously, she calls her grandbabies her retirement plan! :)</p> <p>She won't take money outright, but will take it on our insistence, so we plan on paying her weekly. </p> <p>For social aspects, I'd want to join gymboree groups and playdates until LO is old enough for preschool. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-104606 Thu, 29 Mar 2012 00:50:21 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 104606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We live very close to both of our parents. My mom and dad live about 15 minutes away from us, and my in-laws live a couple blocks away.<br /> It's funny, because my mom has already stated she WANTS baby at least once a week. She has already made a nursery for our baby in her house, and asked how soon we will be willing to let my mom take her. I am not super keen on this, because this is my first baby and I am not going to let my mom take her for the day just for the heck of it.<br /> My husband's mom is much different. She runs an in home day care, so everyone (extended fam) assumed that she would watch our daughter as part of her job. However, she has explicitly stated that she has absolutely no desire to watch our child. She said she has been doing daycare her whole life and does not want watching her first granddaughter to become her "job." I understand her point, but it seems weird that living two blocks away, she has no interest whatsoever in helping us out with childcare.</p> <p>I don't plan on needing child care much because I am going to stay home til 6 months or so, so we will just need help when mom and dad want a date night or quick getaway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-104365 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 18:00:28 +0000 banana 104365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom watches our LO every day but we give her some money for it. I can't even imagine not having her take care of him. She's SO good with him and I actually learn about childrearing and discipline through her. So she's the best person to watch my LO in my eyes. My MIL has totally different viewpoints on childrearing (different from mine at least) so I would not feel comfortable having her raise our kids. She is anti-discipline and that is definitely not the way I want to raise my kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-104342 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 17:26:46 +0000 jennylynn 104342@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our parents are going to watch our LO in the evenings when my husband goes to work at 3 until I get home around 10, 3 days a week. But they want to. I don't expect them to, but I'm so glad they are! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-104102 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 13:47:55 +0000 mediagirl 104102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are going to watch our LO for one month when I go back to work. They live an extremely active lifestyle and I would not want to stop them from doing that, so I would never ask them to watch the LO full time. They also don't live close - about 2 hours away - so watching LO full time is not feasible. I'm just excited Mom wants to watch LO for a month! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-104097 Wed, 28 Mar 2012 13:46:11 +0000 daniellemybelle 104097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I see both sides. I think it can be problematic when a grandparent watches a child on a regular basis, because you don't want to abuse them by having them do it for free, but if you pay them, then they are your "employee" and have to do as you say, which is an awkward dynamic. If you and the grandparent are both easygoing and great at communicating, and you are both thrilled about all aspects of the arrangement, then and only then do I think it will work.</p> <p>Having said that, as I waffle back and forth about wanting to be a working mom vs a SAHM, I really wish my mom wanted to watch our kids. She's made it clear that she doesn't because she doesn't want her grandkids to be her "job", and I think she's right. Still, grandma is second best to mom - a nanny or daycare can't come close! Depending on my work situation, I might see if my mom wants to watch our LO once a week, but I honestly don't think she'd agree to that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-97306 Tue, 20 Mar 2012 09:07:02 +0000 PearlBee 97306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I was growing up, my grandma came over and watched me instead of daycare, so I guess it's kind of a norm in our family. Because of that, I'd expect that my parents will want to watch my kids when we have them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-97219 Tue, 20 Mar 2012 03:37:35 +0000 looch 97219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought about this a lot over the last few months, as I plan to go back to work (eventually) and will need childcare. It will be around the time when my son will be going to preschool, so it won't be a full time thing. I fully intend to have my parents take care of my son. My dad is retiring in 2 weeks and my mom can retire at any time.<br /> I've had an easy time explaining how we do things and what my expectations are when they take care of our son. Granted we live over 3000 miles away now, but in the few times I've left my son with them, they've followed our lead. We have the kind of relationship where I can say, "Mom, back off, you're being xyz and I'd prefer if you did this instead." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96739 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 17:53:22 +0000 Rubies 96739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@chopsuey119: I know, right? :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96661 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:42:06 +0000 heffalump 96661@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@chopsuey119: neither my mom or mil would ever except money to watch lo. </p> <p>I know my mom would love to watch lo, but I'm not so sure about my mil. Doesn't matter for us though because all of our parents work and I don't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96660 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:39:31 +0000 Andrea 96660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both sets of grandparents do not live close by and no one is retired yet so it is not an option for us. I think having daycare is so stress free. I love it. They are paid to do what I tell them to and there is no conflict. I can't say that would be the case if grandparents were babysitting so daycare is the best option for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96650 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:30:43 +0000 chopsuey 96650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rubies: dang. mom can't watch LO 2 days? haha. :P I'm sure MIL is over the moon excited. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96648 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:29:43 +0000 chopsuey 96648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's fine for grandparents to watch their grandkids ONLY if they're getting paid and only if they want to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96638 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:24:04 +0000 yoursilverlining 96638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not ask my parents or in-laws to watch LO in lieu of daycare/nanny if they lived close. If grandparents truly WANT to watch the kids, that’s cool, but I hate the view some people have that grandparents are built in free babysitters. Just because they are grandparents doesn’t mean they are automatic babysitters, especially full time. Older folks have lives too; and I don’t think it’s fair to assume they want to always take care of a baby, even if that baby is their grandchild. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96637 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:23:58 +0000 regberadaisy 96637@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bree72:<br /> It's funny with my mom I feel there is no boundary, I guess because she's my mom. But with MIL def yes. Which is why I would NEVER ask them to watch our baby unless they bring it up.<br /> @Rubies:<br /> So funny the differences in culture! My mom did the same thing. When my brothers got married she told them flat out if you have kids I will quit my job to watch the grandkids. hahaha. And that's exactly what she did. She watched 2 newborns born within 2 weeks of each other all day long. She's a super woman.<br /> @HabesBabe:<br /> Totally agree. I think that's the biggest difference between my BIL and us. He expects that his parents should watch his kids. He gets upset that they want him to pick up the kids by 1130pm when they babysit. Like what the $hit? That's way past their bedtime anyway. The way we look at it when they move back if they offer to watch our baby once every long while so we can have adult dinner out we would be SO grateful even for that!! We will operate without the expectation of them watching the kids. If they offer to babysit every once in a while then it's a bonus! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96620 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:16:05 +0000 HabesBabe 96620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom will watch out LOs while we're at work and whenever we want to go on vacation or a date night. My mom doesn't work and has been waiting for us to have children because she can't wait to watch them. We're due in July, so we'll see how everything goes in a few months!</p> <p>I don't think that grandparents SHOULD watch their grandkids (out of obligation)-- like anyone else who wants to watch your children for free/out of the kindness of their own hearts, it's not something that you should expect, regardless of what your relationship is with that person.</p> <p>That's also why I think these crazy step-by-step guides for someone who is watching your children is a little too much for me. Our parents raised us and we turned out great-- so I'm not going to sweat the small stuff, especially since my mom will be watching the baby 9-10 hours a day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96615 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:11:54 +0000 Rubies 96615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For context: I'm Korean, my husband is Chinese</p> <p>I'm going back to work in September so we are now actively deciding what to do with LO. All my life, I naively assumed my mom would *want* to take care of LO - she is the only person I 100% trust with my daughter. But, both my parents are retired and are loving their lives, travelling and golfing, and just enjoying themselves and now, I wouldn't want my mother to look after LO full-time. My mom (and dad) have their own lives to live! My MIL, on the other hand, offered to retire this year just so that she CAN babysit LO full-time and I told my husband, "Over my dead body." I love my MIL but she doesn't like to follow the routines I have in place for LO - it has gotten to the point where I do not allow her to babysit anymore. Aaanyway, as it stands, we will be putting LO in daycare for 3days/week...My mom will watch her for 1 day, and my MIL (sigh) will watch her for 1 day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96614 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:10:55 +0000 BananaPancakes 96614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL would loooooove to be the everyday caregiver for our child instead of a nanny or daycare, but my husband is very leery about it. He's big into boundaries with family, and all she can talk about is how much she will be spoiling this kid. Not ok for someone who is watching your child 8 hours a say. Perfect for weekends with Grandma, though. </p> <p>That said, if a grandparents really wants to watch your baby, and you feel that they will not try to undermine your own wishes, I think it is an awesome thing. I would never bring it up, though, unless there was absolutely no way I could afford anything otherwise. Again, we're just very careful in dealing with family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96609 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:06:25 +0000 Adira 96609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our parents really can't watch our future kids because we all live too far from each other, but even if we lived close by, I think it'd be a lot to ask someone to do. I guess if they offered, we would take them up on it, but it definitely wouldn't be expected. Plus all our parents still work, so they don't have time to do it anyway.</p> <p>I'm sure our parents will watch our future kids occasionally though so we can have date nights and little vacations! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96606 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:04:57 +0000 Lozza 96606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My two grandmothers used to fight over who got to watch me and my sister when we were babies, so it's certainly been kind of a standard in my family. My mom would love to continue that tradition if she lived closer and always talks about wanting to move near us so she can watch our kid(s).<br /> I do think that it's good for LO to have exposure to school/daycare, and for my mom to have some time off, so I think if she were to move up here, we'd probably switch from doing full-time daycare to part-time, and ask my mom to watch LO two or three days a week. That's probably my ideal situation, and that's only because my mom LOVES babies and small kids and I know that she would definitely want to take on this task. She worked when her kids were really little so I think the idea of getting to experience this time with her grandkids is really appealing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96599 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 15:01:32 +0000 LuLu Mom 96599@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When our baby arrives, our mother's will be the babysitters for nights out or over night stays, however our day to day care will be provided by someone else as they both work during the days. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96593 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 14:58:27 +0000 emahlee 96593@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I were just discussing this yesterday. Our preference is to bring our kid(s) to daycare or hire a nanny. We feel like their child rearing days is past our parent's time and we want them to take things easy. Plus, our child rearing expectations and requirements are different than theirs. The grandparents can babysit whenever they like, but it won't be a full time/regular thing.</p> <p>My mum doesn't intend on watching her grandchildren full time. My parents still have 15 years to retirement so it doesn't really make sense either. </p> <p>My in-laws are retiring and might like like to watch their grandchildren (they haven't offered, but I can see them wanting the responsibility), but my husband and I have such different ideas of child rearing from them that we won't be comfortable having them watch our kids full time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96567 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 14:39:06 +0000 Pipers Mommy 96567@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL watches our daughter daily, she is doing a great job. I get daily reports on food, # of diapers, etc. We'll send LO to daycare a few days a week next winter when she is a little older and will benefit from regular playgroups, etc. We are very fortunate that we have family right down the street that can do this for us. My mom and dad would love it to be them but it just isn't an option at this point. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96564 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 14:37:29 +0000 runsyellowlites 96564@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom watches DS quite frequently.... but many of the times it's their "movie date" days. She LOVES that she's here &amp; available to get to be part of DS's life like she is.</p> <p>With this next one I'm sure she'll be just as involved. Don't know about MIL though.... she hasn't done very much to be involved with DS (her step-grandson) &amp; with that DH and I both want to make sure that he's just as accepted as this one, so yea, we'll see how this one goes! =/</p> <p>Really though DH and I thought alot about how involved we wanted the grandparents. While we love them all we both know that they don't all uphold the same expectancy of character that we do. Ie. We know that while my mom &amp; DS will have fun, she's not going to let him act just however or be ugly just b/c she's having a bad day.... My dad &amp; DH's family on the other hand aren't exactly the same &amp; we aren't comfortable with the kiddos spending alot of time in their environment with them. =/ Hopefully that will change as we all grow!</p> <p>I would say that you do whatever you're most comfortable with!</p> <p>ETA: My mom used to watch DS while I worked and was in school... she was GREAT! Upheld the rules we I had for DS &amp; still managed to be grandma with extra playtime &amp; fun. This was until I re-married last year (age 2-6) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-is-your-opinion-on-grandparents-watching-grandkids#post-96559 Mon, 19 Mar 2012 14:29:21 +0000 regberadaisy 96559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Question:<br /> What is your opinion on grandparents watching grandkids?</p> <p>Do you think that grandparents should? Should want to? Is it cultural for you?</p> <p>My mom is the kind of grandma that watched my nieces and nephews. Up until my brother #2 moved out for the first year of their life she watched niece #1 and nephew #1 all day. She now watches niece #1 daily, drops her off at school and picks her up etc. Even though brother #2 has moved out he drops both nephews off often on weekends and she has no qualms watching them all day. They also sleepover often.</p> <p>She feels HORRIBLE that she can not do the same for our daughter. But she is coming when baby arrives for 2-3 months to help out. Which we are SO appreciative of! But this was something that came with the decision of staying upstate in lieu of moving back to NYC, where my family is.<br /> We're Chinese and even though culturally grandmas watch grandkids I think in this generation it is not the case any more. My mom is truly a gem!</p> <p>She is convinced that my ILs will want to watch our baby!!! She was shocked to hear that my MIL will not be coming to stay with us to watch the baby for us since she is retired. And that we will be putting baby in daycare. She thinks that we should ask my ILs when they move back if they want to watch their granddaughter.</p> <p>Here's the thing. My MIL while a wonderful woman is not cut from the same cloth as my mom. I'm not sure she would want to watch our baby. Not because she doesn't love her but I think that's just too much work for her! Even now living literally 5 mins away from BIL she does not watch their other two granddaughters. Even though that was their whole plan when they decided to move down there.<br /> Granted our (my husband and I's) relationship with my ILs are very different than BIL and his ex-wife's with my ILs. As in much better. For this same reason my mom thinks that they will want to watch our child even though they do not watch their other two granddaughters. We can gander a guess as to why they are not watching their kids.</p> <p>So this long winded post is to ask what are your feelings on grandparents watching grandkids if they lived nearby?<br /> Would you ever ask your parents or ILs to watch your kids in lieu of sending them to daycare/nanny?</p> <p>My husband and I both agree we would NOT ask them to watch baby unless they bring it up! Even though my mom thinks we should bring it up because what if they want to but don't want to bring it up in case they think we do not want them to watch baby? haha. </p>