https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Apr 2026 17:18:24 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-866765 Wed, 19 Jun 2013 04:28:18 +0000 aprk 866765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will try really hard to not compare my children to each other. That was a hard habit to break, even into adulthood. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-866752 Wed, 19 Jun 2013 02:43:36 +0000 erinpye 866752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss @Banana: Those are major boundary issues and I totally agree with you it wasn't right of your mom to do that. I would never root through my child's private things. Trust is a really good thing to have between parent and child, and the child that cares about that trust will do her best not to disappoint the parent anyway, for the most part. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-866751 Wed, 19 Jun 2013 02:41:20 +0000 erinpye 866751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents fought a lot in front of us (which eventually led to divorce). They spanked us, which I will not do, and they were a bit overboard with being controlling (no "secular" music, no shoes with any kind of heel until 12, no PG-13 movies even when I was 13, without permission, etc.). They also didn't have a sex talk with us at all, except to give us each a Christian book on the topic to read alone and never discuss. I will definitely have those talks with my kids and not leave it up to a book. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-866470 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 20:14:11 +0000 marionberry 866470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh gosh I agree with so many that have already been said and have a million more I could add.</p> <p>One that's been really important to me in the past few years is to accept your kids for who they are and be supportive of their decisions...love your kids regardless of if you disagree with them. My sister is a lesbian and I married a man much older than me, so you can imagine that my parents were not very pleased with either situation. But in addition to not being pleased (as a very big understatement) I was called a whore (and worse) and treated horribly for a year until they were able to accept my choices. I will never do that to my kids. If I disagree with their decisions, I'll explain why, but also say that I love them and support them no matter what. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-866415 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 19:49:48 +0000 LovelyPlum 866415@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: very fair. I definitely see your point. Deception is no good. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-865366 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 12:37:34 +0000 Anagram 865366@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>hmm...</p> <p>I actually think my parents did a pretty great job, as far as parenting goes. Honestly, most days I just hope I do half as well as they did. I seriously don't know how they did it all.</p> <p>If anything, I'll be more open about religious beliefs than my parents were (but that's a given, as my DH and I are different religions). I hope I push my kids just a little harder academically. My mom was a teacher, so she didn't let us get away with anything behaviorally....but I think because she saw such a range of kids and their abilities, if we were doing mostly okay with grades, that was good enough for my parents--and I feel like I wasn't pushed hard enough at school. I pretty much always coasted through, putting in minimal effort, and still making A's and B's. That's been a hard habit to break in adulthood.</p> <p>Everything else though---again, I'll be happy if I'm half as good as a parent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-865229 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:44:31 +0000 littlek 865229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love my parents sooo much! But I really wish they would have told me no. They wanted me so much to be happy that they would get me whatever I wanted, which is a problem now because I still think I can have whatever I want, which is not financially smart. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-865220 Tue, 18 Jun 2013 11:41:53 +0000 MsLipGloss 865220@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LovelyPlum: I didn't have a problem with transparency, what I had a problem with was deception . . . My mom told me she trusted me, but would then go behind my back and read my diary, go through my drawers, etc., and then act like nothing happened. I would have had no problem giving her passwords, etc., because they were asked for upfront. It's not like your parents put a key logger on the computer to get your passwords so that they could check up on you. If that makes sense? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-864373 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 23:27:55 +0000 Cchoi4 864373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hope I don't ever think I know so much more than my kids that I brush their thoughts/opinions/decisions aside. My mother did that a lot. Anything that she didn't agree with or anything that she said that I took a stand on, she just either laughed at me or made me feel like I was being a bad daughter for not listening to her.</p> <p>I don't take her advice anymore at all.</p> <p>That and belittling my appearance...It might be an asian thing though... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-863735 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 16:32:01 +0000 sarac 863735@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a long list, but one is really high on it. Instead of using discipline, setting limits, etc, my mother just used shame and guilt to try to control my behavior. She still does it, to a point, when she isn't getting her way, and it's only very recently (I'll be 30 this year) that I've really started to understand how extremely terribly and damaging it has been for me. </p> <p>She had a very hard time being a parent, and not being a friend or a peer. I recognize that she had a really hard childhood, and that I shouldn't blame her for her failings. But it's very hard. She and my father both were never able to approach parenting from a standpoint of 'this is the parent I want to be, and I'm working hard to hit that mark'. For them it was always 'this is the best I can do, and I hope it is enough'. And it just wasn't, to be honest. In a lot of really important ways.</p> <p>I am working hard to be different for my daughter. At almost two, she already knows that when I say no, I mean no. There is no guilt and no shame in my house. The rules are the rules, there are consequences for breaking them, and it's all ok. </p> <p>I have so far been able to approach parenting very differently than they did, due to my life circumstances (stable income, a partner who isn't chronically ill, having sorted out my shit before reproducing). I hope to be able to continue. I know that my parents did their very best, but it isn't always enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-863667 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 16:05:13 +0000 keiki_mama 863667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rubies: My parents did that too!</p> <p>I will never chastise my LOs for something that is beyond their control. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-863648 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:59:30 +0000 .twist. 863648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LovelyPlum: haha, I only have that opinion now because I was such a brat on the internet when I was young! 13 years old and chatting with LOTS of men on ICQ. I could have gotten myself in a WHOLE world of trouble and my parents wouldn't have had any idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-863588 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:30:06 +0000 LovelyPlum 863588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: totally fair. I agree, I don't want to snoop, but there is a difference between snooping and being able to step in when need be. And I agree, I want my kids to be comfortable talking to me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-863581 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:26:34 +0000 .twist. 863581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LovelyPlum: I think internet privacy and your bedroom privacy are two different things. My parents had no idea about the programs I used on the internet when I was 13. They just weren't educated enough. However, I know the trouble I got in and I will not allow that to happen with my kids so they will, 100%, be handing over all internet activity information and passwords to me or DH. Now, that's not to say I'll go snooping around, but if there is any cause for concern at least I know how to get into it all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-863575 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:22:35 +0000 LovelyPlum 863575@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: we never used to, but we do all the time, now. May have been the age gap, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent/page/2#post-863571 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:21:07 +0000 LovelyPlum 863571@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't say for sure, because I'm.not a parent, and who knows what will happen. But, I would like to encourage my kids to exercise more than I did, and I would like to.fight less. </p> <p>I don't know how I feel about privacy, honestly. We had very little of it growing up, but I was ok with that. We had to give my mom copies of all of our passwords to anything we did online, like AIM, and we never had cell phones. Computer was in the living room, and that was that. I liked it, and I can see why my parents did, too. They trusted us, and we had very little to hide. I guess we will have to see-I suppose it will depend on the child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent#post-863560 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:17:36 +0000 LindsayInNY 863560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: @.twist.: Same! I don't talk about sex or anything with my sister either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent#post-863557 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:17:05 +0000 2PeasinaPod 863557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: The favoritism is big here!</p> <p>My mom always made it clear that she preferred both my older and younger brothers over me. She even shows it now with her grandkids. She prefers the two boys over the two girls and it's incredibly obvious. I swear up and down that I will never treat my kids that way and DH has to hold me to it. I never want my kids to grow up feeling like I did. And I almost don't want to have a girl in fear that my mother will treat her horribly and treat my son like gold. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent#post-863546 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:13:26 +0000 Foodnerd81 863546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: @.twist.: A doctor suspected I had endometriosis and BCP was the best treatment, so that is the only reason I could even infer to my mom that I was on the pill. But I still never talked about it to my mom-- none of my sisters do. We barely even talk about it with each other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent#post-863534 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:06:39 +0000 Cherrybee 863534@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mum served up adult sized meals and forced me to eat everything on my plate before leaving the table. She also equated feeding me with love and would buy packets of biscuits and then get upset with me for not eating them. Needless to say, I was a chubby kid. I know she had the best of intentions but its certainly not something I will repeat. When they're full, they're full. </p> <p>Im also going to try not to hog my children. My mum was very possessive and didnt like me having friends. I can already feel myself slipping into this and its something I need to stop because its destructive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent#post-863526 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:04:00 +0000 .twist. 863526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: haha! That is so hilarious, I thought I was the only one. :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent#post-863523 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:02:43 +0000 LindsayInNY 863523@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: Yep! I hid it from 17 on. I don't think it's ever been mentioned? Whenever I get pregnant, they'll probably think it was the immaculate conception v. 2! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent#post-863508 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:57:11 +0000 .twist. 863508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LindsayInNY: haha! I totally hid BC from my mom forever! I started it when I was 16 and never ended up telling her I was on it. Obviously she probably figured it out when I was an adult but she has no idea when I started. The most she's ever said to me about it was last summer when there was a recall on something and she called worried about which one I was on. First mention of BC in 10 years!</p> <p>I definitely feel the same and want my kids to be able to ask me/talk to me about ANYTHING. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent#post-863493 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:48:12 +0000 Vegmama 863493@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents never talked to me about sex, which I think would have had a really positive impact on my early relationships. </p> <p>They also had a lot of marital problems of their own, which meant they took so much of it out on me (never physically) ... they would just be short with me, and because I was an only child (until my mid teens), it was a bit isolating. </p> <p>I just know my children will always know how much they're loved ... and no matter how 'awkward' anything is to talk about, we will always be about communication. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent#post-863491 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:47:16 +0000 LindsayInNY 863491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm not very close emotionally with my parents and I don't want any future LOs to be that way. I want them to be comfortable asking me any questions and I want to be a parent and a friend. I hid BC for *years* from them for a lot of these reasons.</p> <p>I also will try to stick with the norm, when necessary - my parents always insisted I have a curfew earlier than all of my other friends which just made me defy them. If everyone else has a 10pm curfew, then my kid will too!</p> <p>And, like a lot of others mentioned, the fighting. It's normal to fight, I get that. But I want any LO to know how to apologize and forgive after. My parents hardly ever apologize and it took DH pointing it out for me to realize it. I also want any LO to be affectionate - my parents aren't really and that reflects on me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent#post-863456 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:34:49 +0000 nana87 863456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think all in all my parents were pretty wonderful, but I wish they'd valued physical exercise more. I took ballet classes for a long time (4-12) but other than that, and softball a few summers, they didn't really encourage me to be very active--I was much more of a nerdy, book-reading kind of kid, and it's been really hard to instill a work ethic in myself about exercising as an adult</p> <p>Also, I was pretty creative/crafty and they didn't really support that--they get overwhelmed by DIY stuff. like, they were absolutlely floored by the little projects i did for our wedding, and I wish I'd had more encouragement to take on more because I really do enjoy it when I do </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent#post-863429 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:22:02 +0000 Foodnerd81 863429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Corduroy: Oh yeah-- my mom especially was, and is, really weird about birth control and gyns in general. My little sister had horrible periods in high school and asked to go to the doctor about it. My mom felt like 'only married women' go to ob/gyns and was all upset about until my very conservative dad was like, look, if she wants to go to the doctor, take her to the doctor! She also seems to feel like only sluts would need birth control-- even at 30 and married I didn't want to tell her I was on it! Like you, I want that whole communication to be a lot more open.</p> <p>One other I remembered-- my dad worked long hours and had a long commute, so most nights of my childhood, he got home after we went to bed. I know he spent those long hours at work to provide for us, and I don't hold it against him in any way at all, but I don't want that for us. If it means a smaller house with a shorter commute, or DH coming home then working again after dinner, fine, but I don't want him missing bedtime every single week night. (He doesn't want that either). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent#post-863427 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:21:35 +0000 .twist. 863427@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: Yup. This was always one of my biggest issues. I never had to finish anything I didn't want to. I find that it had a big impact on who I am today. I'm not incredibly ambitious and I quit things if they "get too hard". I don't want my kids to grow up that way. </p> <p>Also, I was incredibly sheltered and while I feel like I understand the desire to shelter your children now more than I did then (because of my own kids), I still think it hindered me in ways. My parents, as a few others have mentioned, never talked to me about sex and it was an incredibly taboo subject. So much so that, now, well into my adult life, I'm very sexually insecure and it still feels... bad or wrong. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent#post-863416 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:18:22 +0000 lilteacherbee 863416@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I won't yell like my mom did/still does. My dad is super calm and quiet, but we knew when he meant business. My mom, on the other hand, yells and screams to get her point across. She still does and at this point, I just walk away and leave because I refuse to let her stress me out. Usually, she gets WAY worked up over small things and refuses to listen to anyone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-mistakes-did-your-parents-make-that-you-will-never-do-as-a-parent#post-863403 Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:13:46 +0000 Turd Ferguson 863403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wholeheartedly agree with the fighting thing--I can remember some of those fights like they happened yesterday! I think it's very hard to say that DH and I will NEVER fight in front of the kids, but I'd like to think we'll try hard to keep the horrible-awful fights away from them. </p>