https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 00:13:57 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo/page/2#post-1857494 Thu, 11 Sep 2014 07:48:35 +0000 lizzywiz 1857494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinpye: so true. And letting go of parent blame (when appropriate) can be so liberating.<br /> Now, I get to make all of my own mistakes, yikes. But damn it, they won't be the same ones- new and different ways to ruin my child, lol :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo/page/2#post-1857459 Thu, 11 Sep 2014 06:53:21 +0000 Ajsmommy 1857459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My number one thing is to lose the vanity... I was raised by a mother who wouldn't leave the house without her "face" on and I was pressured to wear make up and get contacts and "do' my hair and it took me a LONG time to be comfortable leaving my house with no makeup and my hair in a ponytail!! My daughter will feel beautiful with or without make up and with or without her hair done, that is one of my goals! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo/page/2#post-1857373 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 23:32:23 +0000 erinpye 1857373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'll do my best to raise my children in a more functional home environment, but I'm sure they'll still fault me for something - who doesn't blame their parents/ upbringing for anything? :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1857307 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 22:06:09 +0000 mrsjazz 1857307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just have two that we both agree on: no hitting and we won't be raising our daughter in the Christian faith. </p> <p>The other one I want is to not have my LO be super afraid of me. I was so afraid of my mom that if something really bad was to happen I would have been too scared to tell her. I want LO to know that although I am her parent and not her friend, she can always come to me with any problem. Like if she got drunk at a party and needed a ride home or if she's ready for sex she can come talk to me about birth control, condoms, etc. I want her to feel comfortable coming to me or her dad when she's in trouble. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1857268 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 21:26:36 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1857268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have the greatest relationship with physical activity and food that I REALLY don't want to pass on to LO. </p> <p>DH (and his family/majority of culture) is pretty homophobic and I don't want LO to have that attitude either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856954 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 17:11:40 +0000 farawayyama 1856954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I chose to leave the evangelical Christianity I was brought up with. My family (Dad's sid) are extremely devout, so it kind of permeated a lot of how we lived.</p> <p>Differences we plan on:</p> <p>*No discrimination or dnegration of LGBT people<br /> *No teaching a child they will go to hell unless they believe XYZ<br /> *You own your own sexuality, not others. If you choose to have sex only after marriage, that is your choice, but it is no reflection of who you are as a person, and especially not of how "pure" you are. If you choose to wait, it is because you chose to, not because your religion says so (DH was raised Mormon and also feels this way)</p> <p>From my Mum/Step father's side (they broke up though, and my mother is a different person):<br /> *The house does not need to look perfect all of the time<br /> *Children are not second-class citizens (They would serve themselves steaks and us sausages because "kid's can't appreciate steak". This was throughout my teen years).<br /> *I agre with them that it is good to be good with money, but that could often be to the point of stingey - they paid of a mortgage on quite a nice house in 3 years on a middle class salary, which is a huge achievement, but it would mean we would feel unable to ask for money for things, even if they were reasonable.</p> <p>We also don't plan on spanking. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856833 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 15:49:43 +0000 blackbird 1856833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>WHERE DO I BEGIN!??!</p> <p>I'll leave it at that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856815 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 15:41:50 +0000 Bubbles 1856815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am pretty comfortable with most of the values I was brought up with, and DHs family are very similar in this way. However I think my mum was always very hard on herself - not so much in terms of looks/appearance, but about herself as a person. She was generally happy and always positive about us - but she'd often describe herself in negative terms, and I think this rubbed off on my siblings and I - we are all now very prone to judging ourselves very harshly. I would really love not to pass this on to my kids, and for them to have self confidence and peace in themselves - like DH does. It's really hard though when something is so ingrained in you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856808 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 15:37:14 +0000 makemake 1856808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>From my family's issues:</p> <p>- frustration towards people with differing political views, or the different view itself. My dad especially gets SO frustrated when he starts talking "politics" (in quotes because he isn't an expert by any means). This rubbed off on me some, and I also find myself getting hot under the collar when certain subjects are discussed. I really want my kids to know that a) some people have views that you won't agree with, but that b) it's nothing to get upset about!!</p> <p>I'm lucky because other than that I really admire my parents for raising us the way they did. </p> <p>From my husband's family:</p> <p>- money is everything. This comes from his dad. </p> <p>- partying/fun is everything. This comes from his sister.</p> <p>- kids are everything, they define their parents' identities. This is his mom and it REALLY bothers me. She will flat out tell her kids that she wishes they both lived at home (they're 27 &amp; 29), that she wishes they had never grown up, and that they are ALL that matters to her. It's weird because she actually does have a lot of hobbies and is super active with a thriving social life... But the way she talks creeps me out! My kids will be SO important to me. Of course. And I hope they know it. But..... yeah.</p> <p>- there's also a general vibe with his parents that staying "young" is really important. They're both very "midlife crisis-y" in their own ways. I don't want to model to my kids that getting older is something to be ashamed of. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856795 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 15:27:50 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1856795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Quitting is not ok. I want to teach my children once they make a commitment they have to stick with it. I was allowed to just try things out and once it got too tough or boring or whatever my parents didn't push me to continue. </p> <p>Being a snob is not cool. My dad once said, "we don't eat charity" when my summer camp served punch and cake on the last day. Mind you this camp program was designed primarily for low income students that were smart to bridge the achievement gap between well-off and low-low-income students over the summer. The program was really competitive and my parents had no problem taking a poor kid's spot for me to get instead of them paying for tutors or sending me to a tuition based educational summer camp. But, they had a problem breaking bread with these other parents and kids.</p> <p>Be generous and thoughtful. I had very loving parents, bbut they didn't show or tell me how to be kind to others. To this day, I am blown away by acts of kindness. I feel that no one owes me anything nor I in return. So when the little things happen like being treated for lunch or an unexpected bday e-card I am both uncomfortable and appreciative. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856766 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 15:13:12 +0000 MrsMccarthy 1856766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents don't have a good work ethic or value hard work. Growing up I always thought they were right and that life was meant for having fun! Then I joinined the real world and realized that when you want something or believe in something you have to be willing to work hard for it.<br /> I also hate how both of my parents focused on the importance of looks, particularly my mother. She is a model beautiful woman so it's not surprising but it makes me really sad. Particularly now that I know I am going to have a daughter I feel like I need to be extra careful not to place the highest value on her looks or looks in general.<br /> Better with money. My parents never had a savings account and still don't. They are the worst with money. It's really bad and I think it's another of many reasons we grew up in such poverty.<br /> Watching too much television and never having family sit down dinners or enough family outings. I always wanted more of that during my childhood but my father was always glued to the tv while my mother served him. We used to eat thanksgiving dinner in our room watching our tv while my dad watched his shows in the living room. Occasionally we would watch home alone or something fun together but more often then not we didn't and we never say at a table together EVER! I have to get better about enforcing this actually but it means so much to me. </p> <p>There are a lot of wonderful things I would like to pass down too but these are the things I want to see end! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856747 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 15:01:35 +0000 AmandaB8 1856747@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>- Not being afraid to spend money if you have it - you can't take it with you. My parents are savers to a fault.<br /> - Not being afraid of your body (and taking care of yourself - my parents are terrible about that)<br /> - Not being afraid to talk to me or DH about ANYTHING </p> <p>I am thankful that both of our parents never talk about racism or anything of the sort. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856708 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 14:39:52 +0000 hummusgirl 1856708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want to raise my kid(s) with a better sense of perspective - not compare themselves with others who have more. Yes the neighbors may have a nicer house and go on fabulous vacations, but we have are lucky to have a better quality of life than 95% of the world and we should be grateful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856680 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 14:20:34 +0000 Tanjowen 1856680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the encouragement the other day on my post when I was struggling with this same thing! A few things I want to NEVER leave my children:</p> <p>- Women and men are unequal in politics, jobs &amp; marriage.<br /> * I want my child to know instead that men &amp; women are different, but equal.</p> <p>- Your future is what we decide is right for you.<br /> * I want my child to know they are a world of possibilities. Anything they set their mind to accomplish, they can do, and the world is their oyster.</p> <p>- Discrimination is okay as long as you are nice about it.<br /> * Just no. Never.</p> <p>- Don't worry about saving for the future because God will take care of you. Worrying is a sin (I have heard this SO much growing up).<br /> * Plan, plan, plan. Have fun too, but be smart and money is not evil and neither is preparing for retirement!</p> <p>So many, but these eat at me. I am almost relieved I didn't have a baby girl so I don't have to battle my family full force on the sexism (sad). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856639 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 14:01:17 +0000 artsyfartsy 1856639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Discrimination. Never okay. Race, sexuality, nationality, religion, and sexsm have all been an issue when I was raised. </p> <p>Spanking. I was spanked as a child and I don't want to do that to my children. </p> <p>Nutrition!! I'm still working on breakig my own bad habits but I had Cheetos and pop when I came out of the womb basically. Not for my children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856561 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 13:32:59 +0000 JennyD 1856561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me:</p> <p>- Money - don't be afraid of it, it's not magic, it doesn't need to define you. I hope we teach my LO that she needs to take care of herself as best as possible, when she's ready and be financially responsible, but that we'll never let her go without.</p> <p>- What women can and can't do - women CAN have opinions, and some men actually respect that about women and appreciate it! Women CAN have careers. Should have careers, if that's what they want. </p> <p>- What me can and can't do - they can be respectful of women, they ought to be. And they can cook, clean, change diapers and "babysit" their children. </p> <p>- Nutrition - my dad recently told my brother that he was going on a diet - rather than two pop tarts for breakfast, he was cutting down to one. 'Nuff said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856542 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 13:26:50 +0000 JennyD 1856542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@simplyfelicity: OMG! I hear you about the money thing! One of the only fights my DH and I EVER had was over who was paying for dog food! It was my dog and I was broke and the dog needed food and he was like, cool, I'll pick some up on my way home from work and I FREAKED OUT! I was afraid if he bought a bag of dog food, if we ever broke up he would try to take my dog with him! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856427 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 12:41:55 +0000 immabeetoo 1856427@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not too many but definitely the idea that if someone is poor or receiving assistance, it's their own fault or a result of their own choices. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856329 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 12:13:09 +0000 Mrs. Detour 1856329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Attachment to things, especially photo albums/heirlooms. So many of my relatives and DH's relatives are so obsessed with documenting holidays that they no longer spend time catching up with others. Instead of running around and sneaking eggnog, the kids are constantly being corralled for photos. Then, whenever there is a birthday or we visit off-holiday we have to spend most of the visit looking at pictures of prior happy times--often starting with ancient vacation photos dating to when xyz relative was conceived/took first steps. There is a lot of depression in the family and it feels like we're always looking back on golden days that neither DH nor I remember existing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856308 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 12:06:21 +0000 alohaorchid 1856308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have kids but there's a lot that I feel strongly about:</p> <p>- don't be judgemental of other people<br /> - money is not everything<br /> - jealousy almost always does more harm than good<br /> - you are who you are, nothing should ever change that<br /> - homework needs to be done! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856293 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 11:56:23 +0000 sandy 1856293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: how could I forget this! My inlaws are always dieting and have an unhealthy relationship with food </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856292 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 11:55:56 +0000 yellowbird 1856292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@simplyfelicity: my dad acted the same way throughout my childhood and it really made me feel guilty and terrible. I feel the same way. I won't let my children worry even if we are on our last $5! I will teach them to work hard for money but it isn't the most important and I won't let it stress them so much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856283 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 11:52:12 +0000 ShootingStar 1856283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents have some unhealthy behaviors surrounding eating. I really want to teach DS to have a healthy relationship with food. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856257 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 11:39:10 +0000 sandy 1856257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@stiletto_mom: I agree with you about the whole "you do everything for family" concept - it needs to be a healthy, respectful relationship. Just bc you're family doeS NOT mean you can abuse the relationship and expect love and forgiveness without question. Family will of course be emphasized but not that you OWE something to your family even when people are being abusive</p> <p>So many things from both sides - domestic violence, verbal abuse, entitlement, alcohol and drug addiction, lying bc you think you know better or can get away with it </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856217 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 11:21:49 +0000 stiletto_mom 1856217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Racism, sexism and homophobic attitudes are the big ones.</p> <p>However, I will also be ending the notion (from my side) that nuclear families and "blood is thicker than water" attitudes. Healthy relationships are forged and nurtured. You do not get to be loved by default through blood. Nor should you "stick it out" in unhealthy relationships if problems are irreconcilable.</p> <p>I will be stopping the ridiculous sense of entitlement from his side. Work ethic, evidence to support claims, and just basic common sense is something that escapes them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856194 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 11:14:32 +0000 Mrs. Lion 1856194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So so so many.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856190 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 11:13:19 +0000 aegie 1856190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@simplyfelicity: my SIL struggles financially and you can see how it weighs on their children. I don't want to spoil my kids, but I definitely do not want them to feel like they have to "watch our for the family" by sacrificing. If they want to save up for something or give something up that should be because they wanted to.</p> <p>@Mae: My parents live in Korea, land of plastic surgery and stick skinny girls. You have to add your picture to your resume in Korea .... so they way you look is heavily stressed. So what if I wear yoga pants to target! Who cares if I don't put on makeup everyday! Ugh.</p> <p>I want to teach my kids that their profession or the way they look does not define them or give them their worth. You don't have to earn $250k+ to be successful. I was pushed my entire life to "be successful" and you know what?? I'm not all that happy in the end with my "successful" career. I could have gone a completely different route professionally and I probably would have earned less but would be significantly happier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856187 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 11:10:35 +0000 nana87 1856187@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>there's not really anything from my family that I want to protect lo from, but dh's family, especially his mom and sister, are very materialistic. like, his mom already thinks it's super cute to tell lo (who's only 5 months) that when she's older they're going to go shopping and get mani/pedis together. umm, what? that wouldn't be a big deal but it's like the only thing mil does for fun. and they're very brand-conscious in a way that makes me really uncomfortable. growing up dh always had whatever was super trendy and I think that's just so unnecessary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856127 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 10:48:06 +0000 youboots 1856127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents raised me in a very religious home and my Mom did a 180 in the last 10 years and now believes in the power of crystals, the occult, a pending apocalypse, aliens, etc. It's been really hard on me. I don't attend church regularly anymore. </p> <p>I intend to raise my child with a core value system that is based on being kind to others, working hard, self worth and community involvement. I have rather middle of the road beliefs and I want to encourage my child and see what they are interested in. I want to be fundamentally the same person that they can count on and trust, and never wonder who I am, I know we all evolve but adult children need stability too.</p> <p>I also echo some of the general themes about racism and discrimination and general slurs.</p> <p>@simplyfelicity my heart hurts so badly for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-opinions-or-beliefs-from-your-upbringing-are-you-hoping-not-to-pass-down-to-your-lo#post-1856123 Wed, 10 Sep 2014 10:44:06 +0000 Mae 1856123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think both of our families are too obsessed with weight. I really hope I can teach my LO to care about being healthy and strong, and not care what a scale says. </p> <p>Other than that not really. I don't think DH's family has been terribly supportive but I don't think thats a value. </p>