https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Jul 2026 09:51:14 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1709017 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:38:04 +0000 Grace 1709017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know if any of this works long-haul, but here's what I do with my 9-month old.<br /> -when I leave the room, I hold up one finger and say "1 minute. Be right back". I don't sneak away. If she complains, I say "come on" and she follows me, sometimes whimpering all the way. Then she gets distracted in the new room and everything is ok.<br /> -I let her cry for naps. She usually stops in under 5 min. Also, I think she's often not tired enough. I'm going to start trying longer waketimes.<br /> -the second LO tries to stand in the bath, I take her out. Every time. It's my non-negotiable.<br /> -i do elevate or hide most things. Some thing (like clean shoes, remotes), I've given up on. She'll survive. I do have a floor plant that she isn't supposed to touch. It's the practise in saying no. At first I had to say no and redirect her but now I think she knows she's not supposed to touch it, so she stops when I say "don't touch it" (and then I give lots of clapping and yea!!!s)<br /> She had a mega meltdown this weekend, but she had missed a nap, so I think being tired really makes her less patient. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708967 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:25:25 +0000 catlady 1708967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LO is 8 months and just started doing similar stuff. I have no idea if our tactics will work out in the end, but we are just trying to be consistent in our reactions and we are picking our battles. For example, she tries to stand up in the tub pretty often now, and I will usually sit her back down, but when she persists, we tell her that bath time ends when she stands up, and we take her out. She doesn't understand it now, but I'm hoping she will eventually. The spoon thing is really annoying but we are ok with some BLW so when she gets too grabby with the spoon, I usually take it away and give her something she can eat by herself (like a piece of melon or something). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708964 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:23:34 +0000 illumina 1708964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: I'm glad you started this thread because S displays a lot of the behavior talked about here and I just thought she was being super difficult...I actually thought about starting a thread last week about it to find out if my baby was more of a PITA than most! Anyway! What I've found works is that the screaming because she didn't get her way thing is pretty short lived and I don't really need to do much about it besides ignoring it and moving on after taking the evasive action to do/stop her doing something. Sometimes if she's being particularly fussy and I know there's nothing wrong I walk out of the room and come back in a few minutes and she's happily playing by herself again. I think it's worse when I'm in the same room but I can't give her my full attention for whatever reason. As for the saying no thing, like @Charm54: said, S thinks me saying no is funny and will often make a "hmph" or "no" noise in response and smile. At 9 months she definitely understands that no means stop what you're doing because she does stop and listen. I also spent most of the past couple of months saying no and taking my hair out of her hands when she grabbed it and she doesn't do that anymore so I don't know if it's sunk in? Also she has bit me a couple of times in the past few days and when that happens I put her down and walk out of the room for a moment. The nappy changing is also a bit of a pain now because if she isn't holding something she'll try and grab her legs/crotch! A toy she hasn't seen all day usually helps! </p> <p>You are not alone though! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708957 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:19:12 +0000 lamariniere 1708957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with others that this kind of behavior is normal at that age. I also agree with @looch: though. Figure out how you want to react and what you want to react to, and always be consistent. This worked really well with my little guy who is almost 3.5, but I started gently "disciplining" my son maybe around 11 months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708921 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:03:34 +0000 Pepper 1708921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: You're definitely not being lazy! If anything you're being proactive by even thinking about this kind of stuff.</p> <p>I agree with @hilsy85: that this is all developmentally normal. My LO is *almost* 12 months old, and he does everything you listed. In fact, I was up with him at 5 AM, because he woke up upset and screamed whenever I would leave the room after calming him down. Eventually he fell back asleep after several rocking sessions and back patting. I think that kind of behavior is typical for his age... he just wants mama to stay with him and gets upset when I leave! </p> <p>Same with putting everything in his mouth. EVERY. THING. goes in his mouth. I tell him "don't eat!" when he grabs something he shouldn't eat, but he doesn't get it. In his head, since he's allowed to eat and mouth certain things, why can't he eat and mouth all the things? I'm hoping this clicks once he gets a little older, because I'm always worried he's going to find something and eat it before I notice!</p> <p>For the spoon thing, we have that issue sometimes... I give him a spoon to hold, and then I feed him off of another spoon. That usually works!</p> <p>Basically, I wouldn't stress, because you're definitely not alone :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708855 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 08:38:40 +0000 Modern Daisy 1708855@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you so much everyone!! Sorry I can't respond to everyone individually as work block HB and my 3g is very slow. These points are all extremely helpful, i guess i need reassurance that I'm not being "lazy" by letting him get away with these things. And diaper changes - woah! I think his current diaper is only half on because I would have needed 4 strong adults to help me hold him down he was wiggling so much.</p> <p>Keep the advice coming! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708724 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 07:23:48 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1708724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>M LO is 9 months &amp; I have no idea if what I do with her is "helpful" but when she cries while I need to finish dinner or something but she just wants to be with me, I set her up in her exersaucer or just on the floor with toys &amp; talk to her. I tell her she is okay, mommy is finishing (dinner, laundry, going potty, whatever) &amp; we can play when I'm done. When I catch her putting something her mouth she shouldn't I tell her "no we don't put that in our mouth it's yucky/dangerous". She is definitely understanding the meaning of no &amp; is generally a good listener for someone that doesn't really understand the world or consequences. We have wiggle problems at diaper changes that I haven't found a solution to yet.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708712 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 07:07:47 +0000 looch 1708712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always say begin as you mean to carry on. It's more for you to establish your reactions, than anything else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708710 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 07:04:04 +0000 hilsy85 1708710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: totally agree with heading off tired/hungry meltdowns--that is usually when LO loses it, so preparing for that by getting him to sleep on time or having food handy is always helpful at this age (20 months). And yes re: managing your emotions too--I often have to take a deep breath and count to 10 so I don't lose it when he is really just being a toddler! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708708 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 07:00:21 +0000 Silva 1708708@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think @hilsy85: 's comment is spot on. </p> <p>At that age (and, really still at 14 months) we just try to be careful about the battles we pick. Do I really care if she is checking on the remote, or carrying a wet washcloth around the house? No? then just let it go. Because I don't want to end up in a situation where I redirect her, and then change my mind to avoid a melt down.<br /> Also, the most important thing for us has been creating and following a predictable rhythm for our days. This helps for two big reasons:<br /> One: she knows what comes next. For example, After breakfast she has to play by herself while I do the dishes and sweep. Sometimes this is hard for her, but I keep bringing her back to her room and offering her a book or a toy. And I just repeat "mama is doing the dishes, we can play soon." She doesn't like having her teeth brushed, but she knows that we do it after nursing before bed, and she points to the bathroom and gestures to her mouth when she is done nursing.<br /> The second way this helps us is that it avoids hunger/tired meltdowns, which so far account for about 90% of her big meltdowns. She eats three meals and two snacks, with the afternoon snack being fairly substantial (I started doing this because she loses her shit between 5 and 6, which is when I'm cooking dinner, and it just becomes a bad situation). It means she eats less dinner, but if she ate a healthy snack with protein and veggies, I"m not as worried about dinner. I work hard to protect her nap times (although I am somewhat flexible about the afternoon nap at this age, because there are things like socializing with other babies, that I think are equally important). We also have worked really hard on night time sleep to try to get her to a place where she is well rested.</p> <p>I try to remind myself that she really doesn't have a lot of ways of expressing herself, and she is still very young, so being hungry does feel like a disaster. Also, as others have mentioned, being a monkey is kind of par for the course. Babies are messy, they like to climb- we've tried to baby proof as much as we can so that she can just explore and get into whatever she wants. Making messes is good for them, too, I think! Its how they learn and explore and make sense of the world.</p> <p>Oh- and diaper changes! We always sing the same rhyme and play a tickle game. She still sometimes flips around, so I just wait. I say "Its hard to take a break from playing to have a diaper change. I will wait until you are ready." and I just kind of stand there, with a hand on her. If she goes to stand up I hold her and let her, and then lay her back down. Eventually she stops flipping around and lays there, but sometimes it takes a while. But hey- what else do I have to do? And it can be a positive interaction / time for play, if I try to be patient. </p> <p>Sorry for the novel. I do not have this figured out, at all- hope I don' t sound like a know it all! Last night I very nearly yelled because she was just crying and holding my legs while I tried to make stir fry (so dangerous!). I knew it was because she was hungry, but I didn't have time to make a snack. So I just kept singing the same song, to keep myself from flipping out, and to maybe distract her! It didn't work on her, but I stayed pretty calm.<br /> Managing my emotions has been the most challenging part of this stage so far! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708701 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 06:46:28 +0000 Charm54 1708701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My dd is also 9 months and has started doing some of the same things (crying when I leave the room, being a distractible monkey during diaper changes/bottles/meals, pulling hair, grabbing faces).... BUT i think they are developmentally normal behaviours and her way of exploring &amp; learning about the world. I don't think this young that they are doing it to misbehave, so I'm just trying to ride out the storm. No help , I know... But I can sympathize !! :)</p> <p>ETA: distractions are my best friend...a high quality toy during diaper changes, silly voices during meals, my phone (whatever works!). For some reason she finds the word "no" hilarious and laughs her head off while trying again, lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708699 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 06:41:33 +0000 skipper2010 1708699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think, and I'm by no means an expert, that this is all normal. At 9 months babies can't verbally communicate their needs so they have to express themselves in other ways. Separation anxiety also seems to be big around this age so he probably is truly upset when you leave the room and that's why he screams. All normal. I currently have my 10 month old wrapped around my leg as I type this. lol I'm sure you're doing all the right things. This too shall pass. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708696 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 06:35:19 +0000 Adira 1708696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, Xander's only 15 months, so I can't say whether anything I'm doing will actually pay off in the long run, but my biggest piece of advice is to just not give in.</p> <p>For example, last night Xander was having a FIT at dinner. He wanted the spoon, so I gave him one (he's practicing using one), but then he ended up throwing it and half his food all over the floor and having a meltdown. So I just cleaned him up and said we were all done. I put him on the floor, where he threw himself to the ground and cried for a good 10 minutes while I finished cleaning up. I knew he was still hungry, but I wasn't willing to give into whatever demands he was making, so I took him for a walk instead, and then tried dinner again once we got home and he had calmed down.</p> <p>So... basically, just don't give in. If he screams and you do whatever he wants, he'll know that that tactic works. If he screams and you don't give in, he'll eventually learn that that doesn't work. As far as putting things in his mouth, I just have to watch Xander and take things away from him when I see him do stuff like that and then I'll give him something else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708695 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 06:33:59 +0000 hilsy85 1708695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, a lot of what you're describing is developmentally normal, and NOT AT ALL signs of "bad behavior". He is still SO young--I wouldn't even worry about creating bad behavioral habits until he's at least 12-15 months. He might be going through a clingy phase...can you baby wear? Of course there are times when you won't be able to pick him up immediately, and at those times I always tried to distract and if all else failed then he just had to cry for a little bit in a safe space while I did what I needed to do. As for puttiing stuff in his mouth--so normal! If it's dangerous, just take it away and replace with something safe. ANd I honestly loosened up a lot about what I was ok with--is it ideal for LO to be mouthing tv remotes and (sealed)bottles of shampoo, etc? No, but it doesn't really do any harm, and it's more of a battle to keep taking it away at that age than to just let him do it. In a few months when you say no, he'll actually understand listen, but at 9 months I think he's still really too little. For actual dangerous stuff (small stuff, stuff he could swallow), I of course take it away and usually redirect him to something else. </p> <p>As LO gets older, I thikn the most important thing is consistency--that's how they learn to trust you, they learn boundaries and rules, and they learn that you are serious. I also really like the idea of natural consequences of undesired behavior. So if LO hits me while I'm holding him, I put him down and walk away. A lot of what you're describing sounds like a natural move toward him wanting more independence/wanting to control his surroundings--which is good and normal!! I would try to find ways to encourage that. LIke let him hold a spoon while you feed with another. Or give him a loaded spoon to get into his mouth. Might be messier but I bet he'd love it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708691 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 06:23:54 +0000 Modern Daisy 1708691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh and he throws a FIT if we don't give him the spoon when we're feeding him. I don't know what to do other than not feed him foods that require a spoon! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-should-we-be-doing-at-9-months-to-lay-good-behavior-foundation#post-1708690 Thu, 19 Jun 2014 06:23:09 +0000 Modern Daisy 1708690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What are your best tips for early behavior lessons? I'm not sure the best way to phrase this at 7am, lol.</p> <p>For example, LO is already screaming to get his way. He screams when we leave the room and he'll scream at the door when we put him down for naps hoping we'll come back in (not every time). He won't sit still in the bath, tries to climb all over the place. And what do you do when he puts something in his mouth that he shouldn't? I can't elevate and hide everything. </p> <p>I know there will only be more, so what are your tips that worked for you this early on? </p>