https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 23 Apr 2026 08:59:07 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2568207 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 15:33:30 +0000 gingerbebe 2568207@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I've literally had to snap at my folks, put my hand up and say "I am NOT talking about this anymore." If they bring it up I just repeat "NO, I am DONE talking about this. This issue is closed. Period." They think I'm a total dick about it and totally disrespectful because of the Asian culture thing, and then they start going off on me about what a terrible person I am for being disrespectful, but at least we're not talking about the issue I want to close anymore. There are a handful of things that I'm just D-O-N-E talking about (like my son's schedule) and its just a closed ass topic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2568201 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 15:28:33 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2568201@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Eat what you're fed or don't eat. That being said that generally applies only to dinner time. I definitely don't make things I know she would hate but I go the extra mile to make sure breakfast and lunch is one of the same 2 or 3 meals that I know she loves. It SUCKS throwing good food out but I've learned not to serve her very much, just enough for a taste. If she eats it, great she may certainly have more, if she doesn't eat it, I'm not tossing much food. I </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2568175 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 15:09:29 +0000 youboots 2568175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm on team don't stress myself out. I tend to give her similar items- say berries then refrigerate what she does not eat. Then give foods she likes more like meat and cheese. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2568162 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 15:01:17 +0000 PawPrints 2568162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Janet Lansbury just re-posted this and it's super relevant, so I thought I'd share:<br /> <a href="http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/06/toddler-eating-issues-or-stuff-your-worries-not-your-toddler/" rel="nofollow">http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/06/toddler-eating-issues-or-stuff-your-worries-not-your-toddler/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2568091 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 14:08:28 +0000 irene 2568091@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anonysquire: I don't either! But nothing stops them from nagging for hours each time I see or talk to them. Which is basically the entire time I see/talk to them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2568088 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 14:06:23 +0000 anonysquire 2568088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: oh for sure. I don't let my parents or inlaws make parenting choices for me though!! I know best. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2568068 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 13:52:27 +0000 irene 2568068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: No, DH is germophobic and he wouldn't eat half eaten food from DS. I am not eating his leftovers because his food has a ton of carbs and I am cutting carbs....</p> <p>@anonysquire: Good for you! You need to write a book about it ;-) I don't know if I'd have the guts to do BLW if I were to go back and to do it all over again... I think my mom and in-laws would have a heart attack. With my luck I am guessing it will be the same outcome (that he'd eat a few things and leave). He is just not a good eater since the beginning of his days on earth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2568026 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 13:31:09 +0000 anonysquire 2568026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: honestly I think it has a bit to do with the fact that I've never forced my kids to eat or try something new or gotten mad if they don't eat. They try everything on their own. I fill up a plate for them with whatever we are eating and thy eat the whole thing. Could also be attributed to BLW? I don't know. But giving them normal adult table food at 6 months hasn't been wrong for us yet. 2/2! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2567299 Wed, 15 Jun 2016 01:03:19 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2567299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: DH has a co-worker that packs half-eaten food. The guy either has it for lunch or breakfast. If you're concerned about waste, it's an option. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2567284 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 22:52:32 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2567284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I will very occasionally let my nearly 4 year old sit in my lap at dinner and feed him, but it's always a "game" and he always initiates it. I'd encourage you to put yourself in your son's shoes sometimes - how would you feel if someone shoved broccoli in your mouth after you said you were full? And, even if there's "always something" to throw away, giving smaller portions would still mean less food tossed overall. (Or perhaps serve yourself smaller portions and then take your "seconds" from his uneaten portions?) Honestly, the bottom line is you cannot, no matter what you do, force your son to eat. It's a losing proposition from the beginning and the best you can do is structure your own expectations/reactions to make meals pleasant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2567282 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 22:39:34 +0000 irene 2567282@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: Hey I wrote on your wall ;-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2567277 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 22:26:45 +0000 gingerbebe 2567277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: My brother is like 5'10" now, but because he's got broad shoulders and is pretty muscular, he actually looks bigger/taller than he is. He really did grow into his body once he hit like 16-17 years old, especially once he started more sports and weight training.</p> <p>I get the stress from the Asian parents/inlaws thing because its not so much about your kid being small, but their implication (or possibly blunt assessment) that you're just a shitty mom who's too lazy and not dedicated enough to chase your kid around to eat. My mom says crap like that to me all the time and also makes up stuff that isn't true, like how she made all my brother's baby food and meals from scratch (uh, not unless you count bologna sandwiches and buying sour cream and onion Pringles by the truckload as "making food from scratch"). She STILL wanders the house feeding my son with a spoon for hours when she visits and it drives me up the wall because I've repeatedly told her I do NOT want that to happen in my house. If you think offering a bowl of rice will help or shut people up, fine, but let your son eat the damn rice himself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2567272 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 22:14:26 +0000 irene 2567272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: thank you for sharing your story! Is your little brother taller now? His story cracks me up :) And kudos to you for staying sane!!</p> <p>@sunny: I am actually guilty of that too. When he claims he is done and I still see a big portion hanging there, I do pick up a piece of broccoli and give it to him. I usually prefer to let him hold it and eat it himself but sometimes I'd just shove it in his mouth....</p> <p>@Truth Bombs: No I don't spend any time with kids at all! Yes i know I have an issue. But this is really helping.</p> <p>@anonysquire: Wait when does the card board phase hit? I would like that very much! Where do i get kids like that again????</p> <p>@looch: hahahaa</p> <p>@Mrs. Pickle: The smaller i give him, the less he eats. So there is always something to throw away. Truth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2567042 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 13:45:39 +0000 ShootingStar 2567042@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For dinner we don't really have much to throw away as I don't make any more for him than I would for the two of us. Unless we grill hot dogs or make baked beans, he'll eat about 3 bites and be done. </p> <p>Other meals can be hit or miss with throwing stuff away. Sometimes he begs for another banana or pouch, and eats one bite of it. If I can, I save it for later, but it doesn't always get eaten. As others have pointed out, that's just life with a toddler/preschooler. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2567033 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 13:41:31 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 2567033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you should give him smaller portions of throwing away food makes you angry. I think it sounds like you expect him to act older than he is sometimes. It sounds like normal preschooler behavior to want to play than eat. I would offer him dinner and if he doesn't eat it then oh well. I wouldn't cook another meal or give a snack. As long as he's hitting milestones I wouldn't worry about his size or stress about meals. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2567015 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 13:28:23 +0000 looch 2567015@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am on team "it depends." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2567012 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 13:27:08 +0000 anonysquire 2567012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What age does this phase hit?</p> <p>I'm on team "I could feed my kids cardboard and they would eat it" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2567004 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 13:23:16 +0000 Truth Bombs 2567004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I think the fact that you get so mad about having to throw away food is something you really need to work through, as it seems to be the driving force behind your desire to change the way meal time works at your house. Do you spend a lot of time around other 4 year olds? Because as you can see from these posts, most of us with similarly aged kids deal with the same issues, so this isn't specific to your child or unusual. You've posted a few times about getting very mad at your son for things that are really very typical behavior (not finishing meals, not getting excited about something you planned and thought he would enjoy, not giving you space when you weren't feeling well), and gone so far as to give him the silent treatment. When others have pointed out to you that this is unhealthy behavior, you have become very defensive. But this dinner problem is just one more symptom of the greater issue of coming to terms with and accepting what's a normal part of life when you are a mother to a preschooler. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you/page/2#post-2566913 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 11:46:58 +0000 sunny 2566913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I occasionally still spoon feed my 3.5 year old because she gets bored or just wants attention at the dinner table. She doesn't leave because she knows she isn't allowed to, but she will ask "can I be all done?" If she hasn't eaten a "decent amount" we ask her to eat 3-4 more bites and then she can be all done. This is when she asks us to spoon feed her. Occasionally if we tell her that after dinner we have a favorite fruit or dessert she will be motivated enough to finish on her own. I totally get you on the growth concerns though. I'm 5'0, husband is over 6' but my daughter is very petite. We thought she might be more average sized due to my husband being tall but I think because she's not the greatest eater she's trending small. We mostly focus on protein because we think that will give her the most bang for bite--not sure how true that is though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you#post-2566880 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 11:17:38 +0000 gingerbebe 2566880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: So I am of two minds about this. I know people who were chased around and spoonfed and they turned out just fine. I also know people who let their lean kinds have total control over their eating (or non-eating) and none have starved to death. So I feel like there's no one right way to handle children's nutrition, so I guess I kind of take a middle road.</p> <p>I'm Korean and my little brother was like COMPLETELY tiny and emaciated looking growing up. He was born tiny and he literally looked like a starving waif when he was a young child - you could see every rib, every knob in his spine, etc. People used to call him Bangladesh as a nickname and my mother was UNBELIEVABLY stressed about his weight gain his entire childhood. She basically followed him around and spoon fed him every meal and he only ate like 10 things. She let him eat whatever junk food or garbage he wanted because in her mind it was calories, so he ate a LOT of chips and sugary snacks and bologna and hot dogs and a handful of Korean dishes. He stayed thin and lean until high school when he started working out and playing sports and he gained some muscle. Once he got to college, he almost overnight decided that he wanted to explore more foods and he literally became a foodie. He goes out to fancy restaurants and eats EVERYTHING - foie gras, oysters, etc. And he's perfectly healthy and a totally normal weight. </p> <p>On the flip side, I didn't want to chase after my kind like my mom. My son had weight gain issues his entire first year and then after he turned 1, he had those toddler days where he would literally eat like 5 puffs, water, and air. Add that to starting daycare where he was nonstop sick for 4-5 months (and my son eats nothing when he's sick), his weight kept dropping. I worked HARD to get him enough calories, but I didn't want to follow my kid around like my mom and drive myself nuts. I too am a bit more lax about fattier foods and snacking, but I wanted DS to sit in his highchair (or at the very least stand at his Learning Tower) for his meals and not be a wandering grazer. </p> <p>So I aim to offer my son balanced meals, we try very hard to have at least one parent, but preferably both parents, sitting at the table for dinner, and for the most part try to let him eat what he wants. We enforce rules about manners and throwing and we do a combination of giving him his own utensils (he's only 21 months so he's still learning) and spoonfeeding him bites so he doesn't get frustrated. </p> <p>Its getting easier to let go as he gets older because you notice rhythms. He has 3-4 days a month where he has a growth spurt and he eats everything and I feel like less of a crazy person and try to take advantage of those days by offering lots of veggies and good quality protein. On bad days, I may try to coax him a bit or distract him with an YouTube video to get him to take a few bites of something, but I try to keep meals a pleasant experience.</p> <p>If he flat refuses dinner, he USUALLY drinks a lot more milk, so I will let him wander the house with a straw cup of milk. And I offer him 2 plain "belly filling" foods that he will usually always eat - sticky rice (with or without nori, depending on what he wants) and/or banana. If he wont eat those foods either, then I know he's just not hungry. </p> <p>As to food waste, I just try to offer 50-75% of what a "normal" portion is supposed to be like because I figure my kid is typically going to eat a bit less. If he wants more, he can obviously have more. And then I just accept that we're throwing stuff out. If its something we can eat (like blueberries) we might eat it ourselves, but generally we don't eat his leftovers, especially with all the kid germs running around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you#post-2566726 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 09:21:08 +0000 erinbaderin 2566726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm team let my kids decide how much they want to eat. We do dinner right before bed so he's not asking for snacks. Sometimes he ruins his dinner with a snack before dinner, but I figure either way he's eaten. We don't have dessert every night anyway so we definitely don't have it if he hasn't eaten well. If he's eaten almost nothing I'll sometimes offer an alternative - cheese and crackers or toast - but not always. He's never woken up hungry in the night, he'll just eat a better breakfast. He generally eats a good bowl of cereal at lunch, two snacks and lunch at daycare, so I'm not worried. We don't give giant portions anyway so with leftovers we either eat them, save them, or throw them out, depending on how much food is left and what it is. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you#post-2566709 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 09:11:24 +0000 catlady 2566709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I feel like you need to choose your battles. I agree with @JoyfulKiwi, it seems like you are actually working through three different issues. Specifically for each of them, this is what we do:</p> <p>1. Throwing away food - Just deal with it. Refrigerate what we can, but otherwise just toss. DH and I HATE to waste food (pre-LO, we would literally buy exactly what we needed every week at the grocery store, never too much or too little, and we got it down to an art) but we are over it. Kids waste food, and that's that. We always give LO a full portion and she can choose to eat it all or not.</p> <p>2. How much they eat - I try my hardest not to control this, and I've noticed that my LO goes through spurts where she will eat a ton and some where she will barely eat anything. She is very small, but so am I, and I am not concerned. DH was so small as a child that his parents had to take him to see specialists and do tons of tests. He was a late bloomer and also ended up being much shorter than his father. We try not to worry about growth, as hard as that sounds. As long as she does not wake up hungry (which she does not), we assume she is getting enough.</p> <p>3. Respecting mealtimes - We always make sure to eat our meals as a family and sit at the table, but I am a grazer and so is LO and we recognize that sometimes she just prefers to eat snacks instead of meals. We just tend to give her healthy snacks and if she won't eat dinner, I will allow her to finish a snack from earlier (for ex. cut up veggies and a cheese stick). We don't usually do dessert, or if we do, we stick to fruit. So that means if she is hungry after diner, she might eat some carrot sticks. I'm ok with that.</p> <p>In terms of forcing a child to eat, I am not OK with that. There are multiple people in both DH's and my family with eating disorders (one immediate family member is extremely obese, another is anorexic and in and out of hospitals all the time). I will do everything in my power to keep my child from ending up like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you#post-2566698 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 08:58:19 +0000 Anagram 2566698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I do understand your pain. I like the whole "division of responsibility" that others have talked about here, but I am really imperfect in this area and sometimes I do cajole LO1 to eat more. She had feeding issues as a baby and even though she's totally fine now, we still have days where she doesn't eat much and my husband proclaims she's getting too skinny and then he and I both pressure her to eat more. And then other days we are more zen. </p> <p>In general, I'm more zen than he is--it is very much his culture to hand feed until a kid is like...10-15. Truly, in his family, a child is never too old to be fed by hand by their parents. My husband's sister/parents/brother in law all hand feed their oldest kids who are now 6 and 9 years old. For every meal. My dh has stories where aunties were feeding him when he was a teenager. Anyway, so we also have a certain amount of cultural pressure to make sure the kid eats a lot at meals.</p> <p>My mom is the opposite, maybe to the other extreme. She's 70 and tiny and barely eats--I get that it's a metabolism thing. But she will visit and proclaim that LO1 eats "SO MUCH" and eats more than an adult, and so if LO wants to just eat 2 carrot sticks and 4 grapes and call it a day, my mom is totally fine with that. </p> <p>Also--my child DOES wake up at night crying saying she's hungry. She was MSPI and never really took to hemp or almond milks after I weaned at 13 months, so she only drinks water--so her only calories are from her food intake. Although her weight is okay (she's 10-15% for weight and 70% for height), she has been known to barely eat dinner and then wake up at 3 am screaming for food. And my husband is not one to let her cry in the middle of the night out of hunger to teach her a lesson. He would just never, in a million years do that.</p> <p>What we do now is TRY to have her taste a bite of everything and then TRY to be calm about what she eats in total. And then if she asks for a pouch right before bed, we let her have it.</p> <p>Generally speaking, she's a good eater. But my husband and I have to really work at letting her eat how much she wants to eat. We don't let her get up from the table, though. I generally don't allow TV or toys at the table, but my husband does allow those things if I'm not there, so she's getting mixed messages on that, but I can't get DH on board with totally focusing on eating, so I'm choosing my battles there.</p> <p>Anyway, parenting is a work in progress. You can take baby steps now to work towards being more zen about your son's eating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you#post-2566670 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 08:03:44 +0000 snowjewelz 2566670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm Chinese but we're pretty relaxed on her eating. DD is 18 months, and we've definitely had cycles of great eating and then being picky. We usually will try to have at least one thing she'll usually always eat. Thankfully my mom who watches her the most goes with the flow and doesn't contradict our parenting! I try to look at her food consumption throughout the whole day and also in a week and try not to worry about individual meals as much. She has always been growing along her curve just fine! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you#post-2566664 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 07:57:43 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2566664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm team eat however much you want from what is offered. </p> <p>@irene: I have heard that at the toddler/ young kid age kids will eat better if they have some stake in the meal. Perhaps your son can help with menu planning, grocery shopping, meal prep &amp; cooking. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you#post-2566638 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 07:23:23 +0000 irene 2566638@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi all... Thanks for this! I haven't read everything yet and will later today... But I started another thread and hopefully you can show me photos of your child's meal portions. This way maybe I can accept how much/little they should eat. Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you#post-2566626 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 07:09:15 +0000 regberadaisy 2566626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: #1: stop beating yourself up. You are not a failure. I do not spoon feed my child and she still gets up during meals and it drives DH &amp; I both crazy. If they get up too many times, then dinner is over. If they don't finish or eat "most" of their dinner, there is no snack after dinner.<br /> My niece is 12 and my nephew is 4 and my mom lives with them and is grandma care. She never spoon fed my niece until she was 4! But she is still spoon feeding her brother, my nephew, at 4. And he goes ALL over the house while eating and she follows him around, spoon feeding him. Feeding him literally takes an hour. It's the most frustrating thing to watch. He will be starting PreK in the Fall and is in for a rude awakening!</p> <p>I *hate* throwing food away. I just don't fill up their plate as much. If they eat it all and want more I can refill. My BIL likes to fill his daughters plate to adult portions and they have never finished the whole plate. Everything goes into the trash and it drives DH and I crazy because it's so wasteful. Certain things aren't worth saving to reheat but a lot are! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you#post-2566617 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 06:48:14 +0000 SweetiePie 2566617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't force him but we do try. He's not even two yet so there's not really a lot we can do besides ask him a few times to try it, ask if he's hungry, etc and we truly believe that if he's not eating it, it's because he's not hungry. </p> <p>Throwing away food used to really bother me too. But here's how I got over it:<br /> 1) I accept that he's a toddler. Food being wasted because he doesn't eat it, it goes on the floor, etc is part of the territory.<br /> 2) I put less on his plate. If your son isn't a big eater, don't put a big portion on his plate. I used to load up his plate and it was hit or miss. Now I put a much smaller amount. I'd rather have to add more than throw away a bunch.<br /> 3) if he didn't touch it at all we either save it for lunch the next day or my husband just eats it. </p> <p>Also, fwiw, I asked my ped about nights he doesn't seem to want dinner. She said to listen to him. I said I was worried he'd wake up hungry in the night. She said that 1) it's not likely to happen and 2) if he does and we don't give in, he will learn that not eating dinner means hungry later.<br /> So, I try to be consistent as much as it might be hard sometimes. MAYBE I'll still offer him fruit because he rarely passes that up. It just depends how he ate the rest of the day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you#post-2566609 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 06:28:51 +0000 catomd00 2566609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm on team my child knows her body best and she needs to listen to her hunger/full cuss and decide how much and usually what to eat (within reason.) I don't want food to become a control thing so we offer healthy choices and she gets to decide what and how much she eats. She's growing and healthy so I see no reason to force anything on her. As for throwing food away, we just give small portions (the size of her fist approximately) and she gets more if requested. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-team-are-you#post-2566601 Tue, 14 Jun 2016 05:26:10 +0000 MrsRcCar 2566601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My oldest has struggled with growing properly. In fact we headed to see a specialist soon because he is losing weight again and stopped growing. 😢 Meal times are so hard for me sometimes. I try to just make sure he eats two good meals and a snack everyday. Sometimes this makes dinner a battle if he hasn't eaten well all day. I try to serve calorie and nutrient dense foods for him. Obviously it doesn't always work for us. My other go to is making him protein shakes. I know I can always get him to drink his milk. </p>