https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 14 May 2026 13:31:43 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2651094 Thu, 10 Nov 2016 22:32:03 +0000 sapphire 2651094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I sometimes resort to "I can't talk to you about this." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2651055 Thu, 10 Nov 2016 21:03:07 +0000 Iced Tea 2651055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I wouldn't go to all that trouble to visit them if that's how they make your husband feel. </p> <p>For us, it's just an hour drive. And the racist jokes mostly haven't bothered my husband. So we go. In your shoes, I wouldn't though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650951 Thu, 10 Nov 2016 17:33:38 +0000 Mama Bird 2650951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've got to see family very soon at some birthday parties. Totally my fault, I should have known to get out of that somehow. In any case, I asked DH for suggestions to avoid blowing a fuse, and he said he'll entertain them while I'm very very busy setting the table, prepping food and all that. Wise man. Just throwing the idea out there in case anyone needs it! It seems obvious in hindsight, but somehow I never thought of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650885 Thu, 10 Nov 2016 15:45:52 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2650885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I wouldn't interact with them, if it was me. If my husband wasn't comfortable, I'd tell them their values aren't acceptable to our family, so we won't be joining them for gatherings. It's sucky and would be really really hard to navigate, but I think being the "nice ones" who ignore hatefulness makes people think it's really okay after all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650736 Thu, 10 Nov 2016 11:48:14 +0000 BSB 2650736@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm debating about Thanksgiving dinner with DH's family. I'm waiting to hear if his uncle will apologize to me after offending and making an insulting remark on FB. </p> <p>Woke up this morning thinking that I might have the strength to go to T-giving dinner and I've already changed my mind about a few times already. </p> <p>This will be my internal struggle for the next few weeks.</p> <p>Oh, I already told DH that I won't be silent if they bring up conservative talk. It always happens after dinner and the ones that disagree usually silently walk out of the room. Being that I'll be the only one of color there, I won't be silent. So maybe it best I don't go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650726 Thu, 10 Nov 2016 11:31:28 +0000 cascademom 2650726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, not looking forward to the holidays with my inlaws. They're in the South and voted either for Trump or Johnson. I have a feeling that I'm going to be hearing some unsavory racist (at minimum) commentary during Christmas with them. My husband was crestfallen when Trump was elected, so he's squarely against his family, so it's going to be a tough holiday for us. What's going to be especially tough is that our 4 year old will hear it and pick up on it. If he starts spouting some Trump stuff, we'll shut it down fast. I have a feeling that won't go well with my husband at all. The inlaws have no filters or sense of good behavior, so our issues with it will be seen as strict parenting not common sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650724 Thu, 10 Nov 2016 11:22:31 +0000 yoursilverlining 2650724@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know it's hard - but I also don't believe that you have to always "play nice" with family just because they are family. We've (I mean my immediate family generally, not just my husband and I) cut a lot of ties with racist members of the family over the decades and haven't regretted it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650602 Thu, 10 Nov 2016 07:57:07 +0000 Ajsmommy 2650602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you have to do what you feel is right for you and your family. I am in a situation where the bulk of my family, even my DH do not see eye to eye with me. I'm going to continue my relationships with them bc in general I know they mean well, they are good people and they just have differing views about a few things than I do. (we ultimately agree on the BIG things, so that might help) My husband and I have been round and round these issues and ironically we "agree" but felt differently about which candidate would get us what we were looking for. I'm not a fan of politics tearing apart friends/families, it's quite sad to me. I hope we can all move past our differences in opinions and ultimately be ok. Could be wishful thinking... but that's what I am hoping. </p> <p>**also really hoping it doesn't come up over the holidays, but I can pretty much assure that it will...</p> <p>ETA: In your situation with your cousin, I'd avoid it.... sounds like lines have been crossed that can't be undone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650600 Thu, 10 Nov 2016 07:49:00 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2650600@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would skip. It's not worth the anxiety and tension. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650561 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 21:52:54 +0000 Anagram 2650561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: I wouldn't either. I don't blame you a bit. I feel similarly about these family members. Like..you grew up with me, yet you spew this stuff that is directly offensive to me and my family. Why should we be the "nice" ones? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650559 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 21:51:01 +0000 Anagram 2650559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: yes, we alternate.</p> <p>And for additional info: This isn't my immediate family. My mom, siblings and their spouses, even though many are republican and I am sure some of them voted Trump, they've at least managed to be polite. My husband is having an issue with one of my cousins in particular. He posts anti BLM stuff that is really hateful all the time, plus a lot of general "If you aren't Christian or love Trump, GTFO of our country" type stuff. And as my husband isn't either, I 100% understand why he isn't comfortable being around this cousin and I fully support him in that. And I don't want my non-white non Christian girls to be around him either. And this cousin we only see every other year for a big Christmas gathering in another state. So we have to spend the money to travel there, get a hotel, DH has to take the time off work. To feel disrespected. I won't ask him to do that.</p> <p>Same cousin is on the side of the family that wanted to do a huge family reunion at the Outer Banks. That was already problematic because when we went 2 years ago on a family vacay, there were a shocking number of confederate flags flying from people's cars and houses. And when you are a white person, you just think, "ugh. rednecks", and go about your vacation. But when you are with your non white husband and kids, it's a whole other ball game and it's very threatening and scary. KWIM? So I won't minimize my husband's feelings about that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650541 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 20:51:18 +0000 wrkbrk 2650541@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Same boat. We have two people on my side and two on DW's side who not only voted Trump but don't understand how a Jewish, fulltime working, same sex couple with a son would have a serious, non-trivial problem with this. It's not a matter of agreeing to disagree. Family members voted to directly undercut our rights. We aren't willing to brush that under the rug. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650494 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 17:53:20 +0000 Iced Tea 2650494@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, this is very hard. </p> <p>On my mom's side of the family, I expect things will still be okay. Even though they lean Republican, there's a mix and most everyone is kinder and more pragmatic. </p> <p>My dad's side will be a totally different story. I guess my sister and I will be changing the subject or leaving the room often. If it gets too bad, maybe we will leave. They are just totally surrounded on a daily basis with people who say the exact same things; it's groupthink. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650486 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 17:25:32 +0000 PawPrints 2650486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's fine and wonderful to celebrate holidays with just your immediate family. It doesn't always have to be time for extended family. That's a perfectly reasonable decision to make especially in this case. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650480 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 16:56:27 +0000 mrsrain 2650480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We don't talk politics with extended family. Period. But if they were making racist/bigoted comments I would address that sh*t right away. It's ok to have different political views, it's quite another to say/do things that make members of your family feel targeted. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650475 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 16:37:12 +0000 runnerd 2650475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have an answer, but I'm struggling with the same. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650471 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 16:31:55 +0000 Mama Bird 2650471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Same boat, it's my parents and to some extent extended family. The extended family are lifelong Republicans so fine, whatever, they could not rise above their party line just like the party leadership couldn't. Whatever. I only see them like twice a year anyway. My parents on the other hand... I don't see the excuse. It's going to be polite handshakes for all, and I'll treat them the same exact way I treat coworkers - very polite, but no personal chat or offers to hang out unless absolutely necessary.</p> <p>I'd like to add that there is a special place in hell for mass media that brainwashes a 93-year-old Holocaust survivor into exhorting votes for this man. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650462 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 16:11:00 +0000 Mrsbells 2650462@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I have a similar situation with a good friend who feels racism and islamophobia are just a minor difference of opinion. i cant overlook that and carry on as normal </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650429 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 14:49:52 +0000 codeitall 2650429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>While it may be hard, I don't think you should cut out your extended family based on their voting record.</p> <p>Sure, the guy they voted for has a racist, misogynistic persona. If that's the only reason they voted for him, you may have an uphill battle. But I'm going to continue to hope that there were other reasons he had supporters.</p> <p>We will always be more comfortable with people who are like us in our opinions and beliefs, but you will never grow and learn in that environment. And your family will never deliberately seek out opposing opinions or see the consequences of their voting or offensive posts/shares if they don't see it personally.</p> <p>Give them the opportunity to realize they are being hurtful and that it isn't abstract for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650428 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 14:49:28 +0000 catomd00 2650428@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just cancelled a flight home over the holidays. I can't face my mother or bring my daughters around her knowing that she is ok with the things she is. We have a complicated, strained relationship currently but have been working on it. The things I have seen her write and heard her say over the past few weeks make me wish I had never started trying to repair our relationship. It's so hard, though. If I were you, I couldn't be around them for the foreseeable future. It's one thing if you silently voted for Trump because you thought he was going to help the economy or health insurance or education. It's another thing to spew racist, xenophobic, sexist speech and support that behavior. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650427 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 14:49:08 +0000 looch 2650427@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you alternate, so the expectation is that next year you would be celebrating with them? </p> <p>I would absoultely skip it, because to me, it's more important that my nuclear family is together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650424 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 14:46:19 +0000 lamariniere 2650424@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Similar situation going on here. I have the benefit of distance as I live on a different continent from my dad, who is a Trump supporter. I decided last year not to ever again engage in political conversation with him. I shut it down immediately. I did not respond today when he sent a message about it. He and I won't change each other's minds, so it isn't worth the effort. On the rare occasion he is around my children and makes comments, I immediately step in and say I do not want my children exposed to racist, bigoted or otherwise vile commentary and if he wants to see my children, he needs to keep his political thoughts to himself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650409 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 14:27:56 +0000 periwinklebee 2650409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have I think a similar situation. However, my extended family were already pretty explicitly racist before the election so I don't think it's going to change anything. My husband is non-white, we don't have kids yet, so it's hypothetical, but when we do, we will still visit my family. Lots of people in the world are racist, my hypothetical kids would run into it anyways, and I hope it will be a learning opportunity. My relatives are not bad people but are a product of their environment, which reflects views similar to theirs.</p> <p>My parents and I recently had DNA testing done, turns out the part of my family that is racist, while majority European, also has a non-trivial share of Native American and West African blood. Kind of funny how that turned out too... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650406 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 14:18:28 +0000 catlady 2650406@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a tough situation. My immediate family members are Trump supporters and I'm not going to cut them out of our lives for that reason alone, but I refuse to talk politics with them anymore. If they bring up any racist or similar talk, I try to shut it down immediately. Sometimes I literally walk away from the conversation. It's hard but we have all mostly figured out that we need to keep to neutral topics. I definitely try to make them aware that I don't want to talk about certain things with them though, especially in front of my DD.</p> <p>If extended family were making offensive comments, I would probably try to just avoid talking with them at all. My SIL's ILs say extremely offensive things sometimes so when we see them at holidays at SIL's house now, our family just hangs out in a different room than theirs. That's a little easier since they are not my family though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650399 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 14:11:59 +0000 Madison43 2650399@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Same issue and I just don't know. We ended up part of a really ugly group chat last night with DH's family who turned out to be Trump supporters and had some pretty nasty things to say about HRC. I don't think we'll be able to recover. :sad: DH's last comment to the group was that as the father of daughters, he was ashamed to be part of his family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650394 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 14:08:48 +0000 LulaBee 2650394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's tough. I would avoid interacting with them at all, avoid family gatherings. I wouldn't want my kids around that, period. (I don't want my kids around that, period. I think my in-laws voted for Trump and I'm having a hard time reconciling that). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-about-extended-family-after-this-election#post-2650392 Wed, 09 Nov 2016 14:04:49 +0000 Anagram 2650392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This election has forever changed how I view some of the people in my life. Short version: I am not Christian (maybe agnostic, maybe atheist), my husband is a hindu immigrant, our children are biracial and not religous.....and of course 3/4 of my nuclear family are non white.</p> <p>And I have some family members who have posted extremely offensive stuff this election cycle. Terrible thinly-veiled racist trash. Very overt pro Christians-should-rule-all type stuff, too. They know me, and who my family is, so it's personal and it's a direct slap in the face to me.</p> <p>I can't get over it and bring my children and sit down for a Christmas dinner, you know? Anyone else commiserate? Luckily, this Christmas, we'd already decided to spend 1.5 weeks in Canada with DHs family, so I have more than a year till this is a real issue. But I'm not a sure a year will make me forget the racism and xenophobia that exists in these people's hearts.</p> <p>so...what do I do? Avoid extended family gatherings all together? Go and obviously (I fully support him) tell DH he is free to stay home with the girls? </p>