https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 04:06:18 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1981628 Fri, 12 Dec 2014 02:51:14 +0000 SweetMamaM 1981628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with what's being said by some of the others. I lost both my grandmother and mother to cancer and the important thing in the end was that I spent time with them and we said everything we wanted and needed to say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1981063 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 19:38:51 +0000 Mrs. Coral 1981063@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Send her notes in the mail on the days you can't see her! Nothing crazy, just go stock up on a variety of beautiful notecards and pop a sweet message in the mail everyday. </p> <p>Get pictures of your LO(s) with her. Do generational photos if you haven't already. </p> <p>Tell her you love her. </p> <p>Be the rock for your parent who is your grandmothers child if he/she is still with us.</p> <p>My grandma passed away a month ago, and even though I miss her like crazy and it's still so painful, I have no regrets. Of course I would always want more time with her, but the time we did have was precious. I sent her lots of notes and I like to think they brightened her days. </p> <p>Good luck @Mae, the days and months you have left with her will be beautiful, no doubt--but very emotional. Thinking of you!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980973 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 18:02:17 +0000 Iced Tea 1980973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with the suggestions to visit and write more. Another: if you feel like having a heart-to-heart talk, do it sooner rather than later. When my mom was sick, the cancer eventually spread to her brain and then she had no idea what anyone was talking about. After that, we got fewer visitors because people just didn't know what to do or say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980914 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 17:10:28 +0000 skipra 1980914@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. My dad passed away from cancer 3 years ago. It was only a few months from diagnosis until we lost him. During that time I visited pretty much every weekend and whenever he was in the hospital. He had surgery because the cancer got to his bones and his arm broke so I was there for that. I think it's important to just be there as much as possible and tell her how much you love her. Talk about special memories, etc. Also be there for your mom or dad because that is their mother and despite age, it will be very difficult to watch her get so sick. Sending lots of hugs.</p> <p>Eta: i meant to say after his surgery he was in a nursing home/rehab facility and we gave him an old tv and things to watch. I think he appreciated that. Also lots of cards and photos. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980811 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 16:10:23 +0000 Tanjowen 1980811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry. With my great-grandfather, we videotaped him telling his life story and how he met our great-grandmother. He was born in 1908, so it was pretty neat to hear his life experiences, and we all have a CD of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980778 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 15:46:11 +0000 Raindrop 1980778@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Big hugs! This is tough. I agree with others... just try your best to spend time with her if you can. All the things you are already doing is great too... I'm sure she really appreciates the effort you are putting in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980758 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 15:37:05 +0000 edelweiss 1980758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i'm very sorry to hear this. i visited and emailed my loved one as often as i could, and most importantly for me i wrote a long letter telling her how i felt about her. she was too weak to read it herself so i read it out loud to her. her family has the letter now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980754 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 15:35:38 +0000 jetsa 1980754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My grandma died when I was 18 and it always boils down to the time. I'd go see her as much as you can; I understand how hard that can be my kid hates the car and my only grandfather is 6 hours away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980745 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 15:29:27 +0000 cait 1980745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you're going through this. I lost my grandmother last year and it was a difficult time. For me, I struggled with wanting to do things, and the strangeness that is caring for someone without the goal being them getting better, so I understand your feelings. But, like others have said, now is really just the time to speak with and see her as often as you can, tell her anything you feel you need to, distract her from any worries or pain she may have when possible. Wishing you and your family peace. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980682 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 14:50:18 +0000 bunnylove08 1980682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you can, I would suggest going to see her. When my mother got really sick, I wanted to retreat and hide but my family encouraged me to go everyday and spend time with her. It was the best thing I could do for her and for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980663 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 14:39:01 +0000 2PeasinaPod 1980663@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I love the idea of letters. Since you're not sure how much time she has left, sending a little note once/day might be really nice for her to receive. Especially if it's inclusive of a picture of LO. Aside from seeing her as often as you can, just reminiscing about fond memories with her will remind her that she's lived a very full life and will be very remembered in your hearts. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980648 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 14:30:04 +0000 loki 1980648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. i know how tough it must be.</p> <p>i was in a similar situation last year... i had never really experienced a close death. my aunt was admitted to the hospital... actually a year ago today. she passed away on boxing day. it was horrible. </p> <p>the #1 thing i am so grateful for is that i really showed her how much i cared and i feel like i left nothing unsaid/undone.. we had no idea how fast it would be and she was actually supposed to start chemo the monday after she passed. so i made up a huge care basket of stuff she loved, stuff she would be able to use during chemo, stuff to make her feel better... even if she didn't get a chance to actually use it, she knew how much i loved her and was thinking of her with those little gestures.</p> <p>i know it's a bit different if your grandma isn't seeking treatment but maybe just some care packages with her favourite homemade snacks or books she loves or even just DVDs if she's tired. </p> <p>in my aunt's last days my dad brought all their family photo albums to the hospital and they LOVED reminiscing together and my dad always says he is so grateful for that time. maybe you can visit and bring photo albums and just spend time looking through them and chatting about them. </p> <p>time is the biggest asset i think and if i were you i would try to visit as much as possible, chat as much as possible and just show her how much you care. you will be so glad you did in the long run!</p> <p>so sorry you're going through this, :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980637 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 14:25:07 +0000 Mae 1980637@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: Letters are a great idea. I love getting letters, I'm sure she does too!</p> <p>@MaryM: that's so sweet that you did all those things for your dad. I'm really lucky that I was the photographer for my cousin's wedding this fall and my grandma was able to go so we got a lot of photos of her with the whole family then!</p> <p>@Anagram: My grandma actually did that for us for christmas a few years ago and I LOVE it. It is all about her whole life from growing up, and about what she remembers from her mother's life and my grandpa's too. I also learned some amazing things, like the fact that my grandparents struggled with IF for 5 years and assumed they would never have children, when she suddenly got pregnant and then had 3 kids in 5 years! She also wrote all about her "courtship" to my grandpa and how they got married 1 week after her 18th birthday because that was as early as her mother would allow it. It was such a great gift! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980636 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 14:25:04 +0000 mrs. bird 1980636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i'm so sorry. </p> <p>when my grandfather was nearing the end of his life, we rented a massive house on the beach and all of his children, grandchildren, and other various family members spent whatever portion of the wks they could there with him. we had a photographer come and do family portraits. we had to rent a hospital bed for him and set up a room on the main floor and find a place that was handicap accessible (he was in a wheelchair,paralyzed on one side, so he wasn't able to get anywhere himself, i do have many people in my family that are in the medical field, so they were very comfortable caring for him). it was such a special time, there was no TV or internet or other distractions, we all just enjoyed spending time together. we played games and did puzzles, we talked and cooked big meals. i'm so glad i have those pictures and memories and he found so much peace while we were there. i don't know if that would be something that your family would enjoy, but it was really healing for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980629 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 14:20:42 +0000 Anagram 1980629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just see her as much as possible, and say the things you want to say to each other. Another thing thing is that grandparents are our last link to that generation---so maybe (if she hasn't already) get her to tell you stories about growing up, about being a mother, about your mom (or dad) growing up, etc.</p> <p>My grandparents on my mom's side both wrote and "published" (just had it spiral bound) their personal stories for us all to have/keep and I learned so much about them I never knew--like that my grandmother taught for 5 years in a 1 room school house in her early 20's! And that her dad would not pay for all 4 years of college, so she worked in the school cafeteria to pay her tuition (this was the early 30's) and that her college roommate was a "flapper" from NYC.</p> <p>Maybe a family member can help her write her personal history...it doesn't have to be long. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980628 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 14:19:05 +0000 MaryM 1980628@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We did plan some things with my dad when he was sick. </p> <p>We had family photos taken before he lost his hair (he had fabulous hair!). My sister and I both went on vacations with him to visit his family. His cousins had a huge party when he was there (it wasn't officially like a goodbye thing...but they all pretty much knew it was). </p> <p>Share her favorite things with her and do what you can. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980623 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 14:17:25 +0000 avivoca 1980623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry that your family is going through this. Looking back, I wish I had spent more time with my Nana. She passed away when I was 17 and we didn't get to see her for 4 years before she passed. I wish I had written more letters, called her more often, and insisted that we go visit during the summer. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-someone-you-love-is-dying-sorry-for-the-depressing-post#post-1980615 Thu, 11 Dec 2014 14:12:33 +0000 Mae 1980615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So my grandmother found out this week that she has cancer. They don't know what kind yet so there isn't really a timeline, but it has already been decided that she won't be pursuing treatment because she's too old/fragile to undergo surgery or chemo/radiation. She and my family have pretty quickly aligned to a mindset of hoping that she stays feeling good for as long as possible and that the doctors are able to make her comfortable when things get worse and just hoping that she doesn't linger in pain. </p> <p>I've always been pretty close to my grandmother, she's my only grandparent left. I live a few hours away now but I still call about once per month to catch up and go see her whenever I'm home. </p> <p>I'm feeling like I should be doing something though..? I've lost other people in my life but most of them were when I was very young, or the deaths were entirely sudden/unexpected. I've never been in a situation of knowing that someone I love is dying, probably in the next year or so. And I keep thinking that once she is gone I'll look back and wish I'd done something more. But beyond seeing her when I can, calling her when I can, sending her a thousand pics of LO... I just can't think of anything else to do. </p> <p>If you've been in this situation-- did you do anything? Did you have a bucket list of sorts? Anything you wish you would have done? </p> <p>Taking her out places is out of the question because she isn't mobile enough for that. </p> <p>Anyways. Sorry for the super depressing post. I'm just processing. And feeling sort of helpless that I can't think of something more to DO in the time we have left. </p>