https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 12 May 2026 03:49:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-your-3-year-old-continues-to-lie#post-2855179 Tue, 06 Nov 2018 10:45:47 +0000 Anagram 2855179@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I read once not to ask your child questions you know the answer to. It shames them and then they don’t want to get in trouble/don’t want to upset you and will lie. The parent is unknowingly opening an opportunity to lie and incentivizing the lie.</p> <p>If even my spouse can to me and said in an aggrieved tone, “who took out the trash last, was it you?” I would immediately deduce something was done wrong with the trash and I would probably feel like lying, haha. </p> <p>Try “I notice your fingers have icing on them and the cupcakes have icing scraped off. I feel sad knowing that my cupcakes are messed up and I bet you feel pretty bad, too.” And see what they say. </p> <p>The rock situation....I don’t know. Any possibility she’s trying to confess something that didn’t happen to appease you? She knows she’s supposed to confess something, so she makes something up because you keep pressing her about why she looks guilty? </p> <p>Lying is developmentally normal. An adult that can’t lie probably has no real world social skills “how was that presentation, was it okay?” “I’m pretty sure that was the worst single presentation I’ve ever sat through in my entire life” wouldn’t win a lot of friends or influence people. Studies have shown early liars have higher IQ (google it) and its an actual skill that all humans with average or higher cognitive levels pick up eventually. Obviously as a parent, you want to encourage open communication but you also don’t want to set up “gotcha” moments for a 3 years old and you don’t want to punish or they just learn to lie more effectively until you can’t tell the difference.</p> <p>It’s a tough balance to strike. I fail at this all the time and am always asking my kids question to things I already know, but I’m working on it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-your-3-year-old-continues-to-lie#post-2854936 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 12:40:54 +0000 Mama Bird 2854936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think they can really think through the implications of lying at that age. I'd just encourage not lying, by not punishing and by being clear that I'm not going to punish, I just want to know what really happened (or maybe, that I already know what really happened...)</p> <p>I mean, in the unlikely event that a kid fed my dog a rock (would the dog really eat that???) they would get an earful about how that's mean and a bad idea, but I'd try to say all of that calmly and I don't think of that as punishment. More as prevention of future rock-feeding incidents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-your-3-year-old-continues-to-lie#post-2854886 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 10:37:32 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2854886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The only advice I can give, which only addresses part of the issue is instead of asking her questions about things you know are fact just state them as so. My son has not started lying, but I save him the headache of having to remember things correctly when I know he did something like “this morning you played with the giraffe toy” instead of “what did you play with this morning?” Or “did you play with the giraffe toy? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-your-3-year-old-continues-to-lie#post-2854874 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 10:20:17 +0000 snowjewelz 2854874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just commiserating! I have an almost 4 year old and she has definitely flat out lied and we do the same as others; just keep re-iterating why telling the truth is important. So far nothing of grave consequence yet so we haven't had to cross that bridge...</p> <p>I lied a lot too when I was young (whatever I could remember), I swear I'm a good/honest person now :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-your-3-year-old-continues-to-lie#post-2854870 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 10:10:42 +0000 Iced Tea 2854870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's developmentally appropriate. I know it's frustrating, but it doesn't mean your child is in danger of becoming a bad person. Not at all! </p> <p>My three year old has started to lie too. It isn't malicious. I think it mostly comes down to this--she's experimenting with cause and effect in regards to communication. Example: I told her to put away the ipad and come eat her snack. So she says, "I'm not hungry". Why? Because she wants to keep using the ipad. A few minutes later she will tell me she's starving! Lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-your-3-year-old-continues-to-lie#post-2854841 Mon, 05 Nov 2018 07:39:24 +0000 LadyDi 2854841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just wanted to follow/commiserate. My 3yo recently started fibbing a lot more. Usually related to food. Like if he's eating dinner and says he's done I ask him if he's finished everything he says "yes" and then tries to cover the rest of the food with his hand. I don't have any good advice. Right now I am trying not to make a big deal of it, but tell him that when we ask him a question that he needs to tell us the truth (then he asked me what "truth" meant). I am sure it's developmentally normal around this age, but still very frustrating! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-your-3-year-old-continues-to-lie#post-2854798 Sun, 04 Nov 2018 22:00:06 +0000 Foodnerd81 2854798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’m still dealing with really similar issues with my 5 year old. There were times last year where she would say her teacher was lying- like teacher saw her do something with her own two eyes, would gently correct her, and she would deny it and flat out say, no I didn’t, you’re lying! </p> <p>We really focus a lot on the lying and telling the truth and that every time she lies to us, it breaks our trust and we don’t know when we can believe her. When she lies then eventually does tell us the truth, we *try* to focus on the positive of having eventually told the truth, not the thing she did wrong and the subsequent lie about it. But honestly I feel like these conversations are only recently getting through to her, like since she turned five. It’s so so very frustrating a and potentially dangerous like in the situation with your dog. </p> <p>All I could say is to keep telling her why the truth is so important, why being able to trust her is important, how she wouldn’t like it if you and daddy lied to her all the time, or if you didn’t believe her when she was telling the truth because you didn’t k ow when you could trust her or not. It probably won’t sink in for a while but maybe some of it will? It’s infuriating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-your-3-year-old-continues-to-lie#post-2854797 Sun, 04 Nov 2018 22:00:04 +0000 DesertDreams88 2854797@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>NurtureShock has an awesome chapter on all the research on this topic. May be good to check it out of the library? It's one of my favorite parenting books. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-do-when-your-3-year-old-continues-to-lie#post-2854795 Sun, 04 Nov 2018 21:49:51 +0000 CatchAFallingStar 2854795@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our 3-yr-Old DD has been lying a lot lately. The other day, her baby sister had ink on her arm and I asked her over and over if she did it and she said no. I knew she did because how else would it get there?! She finally admitted it. I was far more upset about the lying than the ink, although both are punishable. I didn’t punish her. I didn’t even tell Daddy, who I know would take some toys away or take away some other privilege. I know I probably should have.</p> <p>Today, our dog is acting really weird (drooling and licking his lips a lot). We asked her if she knew if he has eaten anything weird. She said no but her face completely gave away that she was lying. It’s very obvious. After about an hour she told me that she put a rock in his food. I don’t know if this is true or a made up story. It’s hard to tell what she’s lying about, but something is not the truth. </p> <p>What should we do? She is very intelligent and imaginative. Both can be to her detriment at times like these. </p> <p>What kind of punishment would you use? Or not punish at all? I’m at a loss. :sad: </p>