https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 06 Apr 2026 05:14:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621479 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 14:47:34 +0000 daniellemybelle 2621479@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: I really like that. Two birds, one stone: no hitting/grabbing and more confident stance!</p> <p>When LO reports things that happen to her either in my presence or without me at school, I tell her, "You can say, 'XYZ,' and if they don't stop you can go play somewhere else. If they keep bothering you, ask the teacher for help." </p> <p>Phrases I've given her are: "Please stop," "No, thank you," "I don't like that," etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621473 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 14:37:11 +0000 mediagirl 2621473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JoyfulKiwi: this was a really great, thoughtful response. Thank you. I'm definitely going to try role play with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621469 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 14:31:15 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2621469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's sounds like a few things are at play here. 1) if I had been there, I would have told my daughter to say exactly what she didn't like to the other girl, instead of a blanket "mean". I'd make the other girl do the same and help them talk it out.<br /> 2) for when she's on her own, I'd do role play games with my daughter how to vocalize/advocate for herself. 4 year olds are good at this! Teach her to be specific (I don't like when you scream at me, please stop), use a firm voice (not yelling or mumbling), and get a teacher if that doesn't work.<br /> 3) Teachers aren't surpervising and/or aiding in developing kids' problem solving skills. I think this is common at many playgrounds, but it doesn't mean it's okay. I'd talk to the director one more time about the safety concern of not actively watching the children and about how teachers are helping kids learn to resolve conflicts. Then I'd probably report to state if the director was "whatever" about proper supervision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621435 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 13:56:24 +0000 Mama Bird 2621435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We dealt with something similar recently. It didn't sound that bad (DS said this kid was poking him) but it bothered DS enough that he started telling me he doesn't want to go to day care. I first suggested that he tell the other boy to stop it, or stick an arm out to physically keep him at a distance. That didn't seem to help a whole lot, so after DS threw a huge tantrum at dropoff (which he hasn't done for months) I talked to the teacher. She raised her eyebrows at me complaining about poking, but really, it's not that out there for me to ask her to just say something if one of the kids is upsetting another every single day. I assume she did, because things got better after that. </p> <p>I'm sure things will be different in school, what with the class sizes and teachers having other things on their plate. But while he's still little and not in the public school system, I want to give him a shot at resolving things himself but don't mind stepping in after that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621420 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 13:41:06 +0000 looch 2621420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always tell my son to ask for help from an adult in those situations, because what tends to happen is my son reacts, someone sees that and he gets reprimanded. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621399 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 13:19:13 +0000 yoursilverlining 2621399@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PinkElephant: I have done this as well. There is one girl in LO's class (they have been in both preschool and now pre- room together) who is well, a jerk. She also LOVES to push teachers, children and parents' buttons (the teachers have been open with me about this, it's across the board), so I have zero issue telling her nicely that I saw what happened - if that happens to be the case, or that we should be nice to friends, etc. </p> <p>@mediagirl: We've told LO in situations like this to stand up for herself, but that if that doesn't work, to tell a teacher. Maybe I'm molding her into a tattle-tale, but that's also partly the teacher's job. Example #1 is harder because the kid could easily have been playing with the toy first and no one realizes. For example #2, see what I said to pinkelephant above. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621398 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 13:18:44 +0000 littlebug 2621398@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We echo what his teachers tell him - tell the other child, "No thank you, I don't like that." If it persists, walk away and tell the teacher. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621397 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 13:18:00 +0000 hilsy85 2621397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: if i were there when these things were happening I would intervene when they happened--so if I felt that the little girl was likely to come up to my LO and do something mean, I would be right there, ready to step in if necessary. Are they in the same class? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621393 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 13:15:38 +0000 mediagirl 2621393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: I like the hands on the hips tip. It also gives the child a bit of a presence like "take me seriously". Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621390 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 13:13:41 +0000 Maysprout 2621390@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I taught my daughter to stick her hands on her hips (so not tempted to hit) and say 'i don't like that' or 'please stop' or 'I'm playing with that right now'. I think at 4 they are capable of handling a lot of stuff themselves if they're given the right tools. If the other child were to run over to me I'd probably tell them to ask her about it and suggest she might want to play more quietly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621381 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 13:04:16 +0000 mediagirl 2621381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: she has told us that this has happened before. She is not a fan of this little girl but tries so hard to be nice to her. </p> <p>@PinkElephant: @lamariniere: thanks. We definitely work with her on vocalizing her feelings and walking away if someone won't stop what she asked them to stop doing. She tends to run away and cry when someone does something she doesn't like so I think that eggs on the kids who are treating her this way.</p> <p>@Truth Bombs: yes, I have seen other children do this, as well but this kid is beyond the extreme. I don't typically label kids and knew someone would flame me on here for doing so but in this case, knowing the parents of this child and the much older sibling of this child, I feel strongly about this child. It's not her fault that she is completely ignored at home and that is why she is the way she is but I still feel ok calling a spade a spade. I also think the playground needs to be supervised better and have reached out to the director for an appointment to discuss the lack of supervision on the playground. Unfortunately the director knows how the playground is run and it seems it is okay with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621372 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 12:48:52 +0000 Truth Bombs 2621372@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think for the most part we can't control our kids surroundings forever and we have to realize that they will encounter friends/classmates that they don't get along with and teach them the best ways to deal with that on their own. I will say your example number one seems pretty typical for a 4 year old. I have certainly seen my child abandon a toy, and then later when she sees someone else playing with it she wants to claim it back, and I don't think my kid is "jerky"... I think she's just a preschooler who is still learning how to share. I would tell my child to ask the other child to stop doing what they are doing, and if that doesn't work to walk away, and if that doesn't work to find a teacher to help them. If you truly feel the children are not supervised when they are on the playground, that needs to be addressed with the director of your school until it changes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621370 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 12:46:57 +0000 erinbaderin 2621370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does your child complain about this happening other times when you aren't there? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621369 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 12:45:31 +0000 Finfan 2621369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would call the teachers over and tell them what happened. Does the school have a discipline philosophy? Ours use conscious discipline. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621365 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 12:41:16 +0000 PinkElephant 2621365@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hmmm....it might not make me a very popular parent, but if the other child approached me and accused my child of being mean - and I was VERY sure of what had just transpired - I would tell that child that actually, I saw what happened and it looked like that when they did xyz, it upset your child. If the behavior continued, I would also ask the child which grown up is in charge of them (I've done this at a park when kids were playing really nasty).</p> <p>In general, making sure that your child knows how to vocalize that she doesn't like the way someone is playing, and teaching her to walk away (and if necessary, to go stand by a teacher/other adult who can help) are probably the best ways to help her defend herself. I wish I had something more insightful to add.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621363 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 12:35:23 +0000 lamariniere 2621363@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've had issues like this a couple of times with DS. I've told DS he should tell the offending child to stop whatever it is he is doing saying "please stop, that's not nice" or "you need to share" or something like that. If the child doesn't stop, then DS should leave the vicinity (even if he was there first). If the child continues to bother him, he should find the teacher. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-to-say-to-a-4-year-old-who-has-to-deal-with-a-jerky-classmate#post-2621358 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 12:30:01 +0000 mediagirl 2621358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you don't want to read the whole saga, answering this question should suffice:<br /> How would you handle a situation where your 4 year old is constantly badgered and annoyed by another 4 year old in her class? Two times you have seen this occur is when you are at pickup and they are on the playground. What do you say to your child to help her deal with the mean kid?</p> <p>Example 1: Your child and another child are playing nicely together. This child rushes into the area where they are playing and takes things from them and says she was playing with them first.</p> <p>Example 2: Your child and another child are playing together. This other child rushes over and starts yelling in your child's face, "RED LIGHT, GREEN LIGHT". Your child doesn't know what that means, says something to the child but the child ignores her and keeps screaming in her face. Your child and runs over to you saying that child is mean. That child runs over and says your child is being mean.</p> <p>How do you handle this with your child? What do you say to them/how do you help them deal with the mean kid?</p> <p>**At drop off, we let her play with her friends before leaving, which is why we see some of these things happening. The teachers do not watch the kids on the playground, they spend outside time socializing so it's each kid for himself on that damn playground.</p> <p>**edited out the word "jerky" so people don't get offended. </p>