https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 08:28:52 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2590614 Fri, 22 Jul 2016 10:53:22 +0000 atoz 2590614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Chillybear: I like your way of looking at it..."its just numbers, its like a puzzle you have to let the emotions of it go and work to a solution". That could help me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2590598 Fri, 22 Jul 2016 10:32:00 +0000 MrsKoala 2590598@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Family issues and mental health for both of us (anxiety issues for me and depression for him). These are just topics we tend to avoid unless we are really struggling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2590596 Fri, 22 Jul 2016 10:25:16 +0000 Iced Tea 2590596@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For us, it's money. He doesn't understand budgeting and is not at all realistic about what he needs to save for the future. </p> <p>He is starting to make more, which I envisioned helping our savings, but instead he has been on a spending spree. </p> <p>I know sometimes I make this conversation even harder due to my anxiety about financial security. I grew up in a household that was very financially insecure, and I've been determined to forge a better path for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2590582 Fri, 22 Jul 2016 10:05:52 +0000 Chillybear 2590582@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For a long time it was money. Growing up my parents were very open and honest with us kids about what they make, what things cost, making a budget, saving for rainy days, comparison shopping. My husbands family on the other hand always had money, but were very frugal and never discussed money management in their household. My husband always seemed like the saver and I was the spender until i got a hold of his credit card statement and realized he had absolutely no handle on his finances. He always would help me pay the bills but would then put everything else on credit with no way of paying anything but the minimum. We had lots of hard conversations, I took over as CFO, revamped our budget, worked a few career moves and after 3 years were finally able to pay off his debt. I remember saying to him many times - its just numbers, its like a puzzle you have to let the emotions of it go and work to a solution. </p> <p>Right now it probably more family... his family is a little salty that we're moving from 10 minutes to 45-60 minutes away. We're living with my parents until we make settlement so thats been rough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2590551 Fri, 22 Jul 2016 09:29:49 +0000 Mommy Finger 2590551@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: I think that's the part that I struggle with the most. . . .he's not going to do anything until he decides to do it. I can't make him do it. But I don't understand truly what's holding him back. I'm at a complete loss. But this might require a whole separate post. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2590543 Fri, 22 Jul 2016 09:23:53 +0000 Mama Bird 2590543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@avivoca: we're struggling with the same. Exact. Thing. DH is very talented as a teacher and had a side job as an adjunct lecturer until recently. He'd be so much happier in that career but he has to get a Ph D to have a shot at being a full time professor. And he won't walk away from his horrible job because it pays money (not that it even pays a lot). I mean, he did put himself through school twice and worked his way up from minimum wage dead end jobs, and he feels like he's paid his dues and doesn't want to go back to being entry level anything... but what can you do when life hands you lemons? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2590525 Fri, 22 Jul 2016 09:09:46 +0000 atoz 2590525@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So ladies, I have to thank you! After seeing so many of you having a tough time with the same topics, I brought it up with DH and we had a brief but honest conversation, defenses down. We're giving ourselves some homework in the love life arena and taking on a bit of a challenge for the next month to see if it can help us restore that part of our relationship back to where we want it to be. It was the best conversation we've had in a while. Thanks all for sharing. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2590083 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 15:30:22 +0000 avivoca 2590083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MUI831: This. All of it. I go through this with my husband. He's not content at all with his job but he's terrified of being poor or having a job that brings in less money. I think he'd do great in an academic role and honestly, getting a PhD would just be 4-5 rough years for us that could make everything better. But he's stubborn and feels that it would be unfair to me and the kids (even though I'm the one that says, "I'd rather you be happy than for us to be rich) and he's not going to do anything about it until he decides to. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2590065 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 15:18:08 +0000 Mommy Finger 2590065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Other than ones previously mentioned, I would say DH's job. He hates it but I don't see him doing enough to change his situation. He lacks confidence when it comes to work so his self worth is pretty low. I get frustrated that he keeps making excuses about why he's not working to better his situation (no time!) but doesn't understand that when he's constantly pissed off, it's affecting our home life. Maybe our kids don't see it but I do. All I can do is encourage him to think about what he really wants to do and then figure out what needs to done to get there. Need to go back to school? We'll make it work. I think he's scared and doesn't understand that a rough couple of years followed by being happy with what you're doing is far more beneficial than being miserable for the next 30+ years doing exactly what you're doing. It's hard for us to talk about b/c he feels like I don't know what he's going through b/c I make more money than him and am pretty happy at my job. He doesn't understand how hard I had to work to get where I am. I'm tired of having the same conversations with him and always have to be careful with how I word things or he'll shut down. I mean, maybe you could do research on what you want to do with your life rather than watch tv for a few hours every night. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2590057 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 15:11:52 +0000 nana87 2590057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@futuremama: I think we'll end up doing something similar-- fil's name (Eliot) would actually work well for either sex (just adding an l/t to feminize) but I think we'll prob go with variations (Eli or Eleanor) so that we're honoring him but not using the exact name bc it's still too fresh for dh. Plus my due date is right around fil's bday...</p> <p>For all of those saying talking about sex is hard-- dh and I recently found a fun app that's a good ice breaker called "pls pls me"-- you both download it on your phone, and it asks you a series of qs and then you can compare answers (some "decks" of question cards are free and then you have to buy more). Some of the decks are about actual sex, others are date ideas. Definitely a conversation starter and fun! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2590043 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 15:01:29 +0000 futuremama 2590043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have trouble discussing our sex life. When I'm interested, he's not and vice versa. We never seem to be on the same page, but it's tough to discuss without one of us getting frustrated or upset. </p> <p>@nana87: DH and I went through the same thing after his father passed. My FIL's name didn't translate well to little girl names so we used his initials instead. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2590040 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 14:57:55 +0000 youboots 2590040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think his demanding travel schedule/career. It's such a paradox. He's great at his job and loves to work and does so to support us but I solo parent a lot. It's hard to be at home and know he is enjoying fluffy hotels and fancy dinners- I know he would truly rather be here but it's a topic we both get defensive about. It's just the season of our lives right now. I quit working last year to SAH. It's all just difficult sometimes. Ultimately I'm really proud of him, and I know he appreciates me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2590020 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 14:44:43 +0000 mrsrain 2590020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sex. We've only done it 1.5 times since DS was born over 4 months ago. Once on his birthday, and the other time was interrupted by crying baby.</p> <p>We also have a hard time talking about our anxieties. He struggles from clinical anxiety and I'm a postpartum mama, so there's a lot of that going around lately! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2590007 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 14:38:35 +0000 travellingbee 2590007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Only intimacy. Everything else is so easy for us to talk about. But sex.... Interestingly, we used to find it easier to talk about. 😕 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2589993 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 14:34:00 +0000 avivoca 2589993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Religion (I'm religious, he is not and doesn't really respect my religion), our love life (or lack there of now that I'm pregnant), and changing our circumstances in general (he is very much a debbie downer and doesn't want to brainstorm ways to change things). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2589988 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 14:31:45 +0000 Mama Bird 2589988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Things that upset me but have nothing to do with us personally. DH says that it's stupid to get upset about other people's problems. Maybe it is but really... I'm supposed to just not care about the state of the world because I personally am not starving? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2589863 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 13:17:47 +0000 tofuwad 2589863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely the same. It literally took me almost a year to get my normal libido back. I would occasionally be in the mood but I mostly was intimate for his sake because I loved him. He was also respectful of me and my needs. It got to the point where I had a lot of anxiety around sex because I wanted to be "on" for him but just wasn't feeling it and couldn't even explain why. Around six month pp we had a very frank discussion that alleviated a lot of my anxiety. Now I know it was all related to nursing hormones. </p> <p>My DD has started to nurse basically 5x per day/night instead of 9-12 and I think that has made a huge impact on my hormones. there were many times this past year I thought I'd never get my pre-baby libido back but I have and it's great. I never thought it would take this long.</p> <p>I worry that my husband isn't truthful about my social anxiety. He's made a few remarks that he is sad his family doesn't know the "real" me. I try to be more sociable around them but we have almost nothing in common so it's hard. And they tend to have very large family gatherings (usually 30+ people) and that many people just makes my brain shut down because there's so much activity and noise and I absolutely have so much trouble relaxing around that many people. </p> <p>They also are giving us grief for having a "small" 1st birthday party for my daughter (it's just my siblings and parents, plus my ILs and DH's siblings and their kids). It's a total of 14 adults and five kids. If we invite the whole family, that's a minimum of 40 adults and 11 kids (plus two babies). They do potluck dinners for this many people every single week and so they think it's not a big deal. to me it sounds like a migraine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2589859 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 13:12:54 +0000 nana87 2589859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like other people, family can be really awkward-- I really try not to complain first about his family. Lately he's been upset with them as well so it's a little easier, and he's trying to set former boundaries, but still it's really sensitive</p> <p>Sort of related, his father passed away last winter and it's really hard to talk about. The most recent iteration is that I'm pregnant and want to talk about names so badly but dh needs to decide whether he wants to name our baby after his dad and he keeps going back and forth... It drives me crazy that it's hard for us to talk about names right now!! But I'm trying hard not to push... Too much at least... I love talking about names lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2589853 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 13:08:30 +0000 atoz 2589853@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: yes, exactly this!</p> <p>@lulu mom: Ditto on the romance/sex distinction. It's a touchy topic, but I would love to get past it. It's been our main issue for years now... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2589834 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:58:54 +0000 LuLu Mom 2589834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Family is a big one, although getting better. We both have great relationships with both our families, however anytime something "negative" comes up we both get defensive. </p> <p>I'd say intimacy is another that is "hard" for us to talk about. I need more romance, he needs sexual relationship more...it's such a weird thing to talk about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2589825 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:55:47 +0000 catlady 2589825@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Anything negative about his family. He is so loyal, almost to a fault. He doesn't like to hear me criticize them, unless he's the one talking and I'm agreeing with him. Right now we are having mild issues because his dad wants to see us more often now that we have a child. We had zero relationship with him before that (DH didn't even invite FIL to our wedding). I said something like "I thought seeing him once this summer was enough" and DH got annoyed. The irony is, he doesn't even like visiting his dad. But he doesn't like me complaining about it.</p> <p>I try to see it as a positive though. No one can complain about me or our children to him without him getting upset either. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2589812 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:47:26 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 2589812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our love life is a hard thing for us to discuss as well. Like you, my libido just isn't what it used to be. When I am in the mood things are amazing but he gets really upset with me when I'm not. It's hard to put into words why I'm not in the mood as often or what needs to align for it to happen and he takes it as me not finding him attractive or not loving him. So then I feel a loss for words as to how to explain it to him or talk it through because he gets hurt regardless. It's hard! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-topics-are-tough-for-you-amp-your-so-to-talk-about#post-2589789 Thu, 21 Jul 2016 12:28:23 +0000 atoz 2589789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What topics are tough conversations for you and your SO to have? </p> <p> Confession: For us it's our love life. DH would be thrilled to get it on every day of the week, but after giving birth 2 months ago, I have ZERO interest. It's always been a tough conversation for us, and I always feel guilty about it and end up getting really defensive. </p> <p> Also, his family. He moved here from abroad when we got married, and his family is absolutely wonderful. But because of cultural differences, it's sometimes a little awkward for me to navigate. His mother is coming to stay with us for a month this fall, and it will be her first time to the US. DH will be working the whole time &amp; I'm SAH right now, so I'm kind of dreading it...and then feeling really guilty for feeling that way! </p>