https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 02:16:44 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2875206 Wed, 06 Mar 2019 14:33:05 +0000 poppygirl15 2875206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am interested in one day being a foster parent. I haven't read all of the responses, but I wanted to say that one of my big hesitations is time. I am a FT working mom and I barely have time to handle the needs of my two kids. I would worry about the time commitment of court hearings and potential therapy, in addition to school obligations. If that were addressed, that might be helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2874449 Fri, 01 Mar 2019 09:23:20 +0000 Litebrite 2874449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: Yes, I think a mentorship program would be valuable.<br /> Or, what about soliciting help from the community in non-fostering ways? Such as asking for donations or tutors, etc? That could engage people and get them familiar with the system and other foster parents, and help encourage them to eventually foster. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2874447 Fri, 01 Mar 2019 09:14:27 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2874447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Blythe: We haven't, but I like your thinking! In our area our population is a bit too small, I think, for this to be effective. But I bet it would be a good strategy in a more populated area!<br /> @alphagam84: That makes sense, thanks!<br /> @Mrs. Lion: I love hearing about your experience. I'm so glad that age group has worked well for you. It's so good to hear the positive stories.<br /> @Litebrite: I think this is key. I've encouraged our agency to set up a mentorship program that matches current, seasoned foster parents with potential foster parents. So far, nothing formal has happened, but I really think this would help some of those people who would like to do it but are worried about support (or lack thereof). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2874437 Fri, 01 Mar 2019 07:29:41 +0000 Litebrite 2874437@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One big thing for me would be knowing other foster parents, and knowing that there is a network of support for new foster parents. Fostering is very mysterious to me. It's something I assume I'm not equipped to do, but maybe meeting other foster parents would help me realize I can do it.<br /> So could you empower your current foster parents and foster parent groups to act as ambassador in their every day lives? Set up table at town events to increase visibility? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2874369 Thu, 28 Feb 2019 16:16:05 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2874369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: Forgive me for not reading all of the comments, but I wanted to chime in as a foster mom who has older kiddos. </p> <p>For us, the 10/11 age group has been awesome, even with our littles. I do think that it has created a family separation that is unfortunate (we divide and conquer a lot and I think it makes the big kids feel like less of the family, even though it is because we are trying to provide them with opportunities to do things that they wouldn't be able to do if we all stayed together. </p> <p>We are very open to teens, but after this experience it will need to wait until our littles are closer in age. Not because of safety necessarily (I think this is always a concern with foster kids...it doesn't matter how old they are and birth order doesn't really matter either IMO). But rather, because it is harder to be a family unit when the kids are always doing different things. </p> <p>That said, our ideal situation would be taking pregnant teens or teen moms to model parenting for them and help them stay together with their baby. Most babies of teen foster moms end up in care themselves, but if you can be there as a support it is more likely that they will stay together and be successful. </p> <p>One day I want to be part of launching teens into the world, but I just think the littles need to be closer to their age...maybe when the littles are 10ish it would be okay. </p> <p>I would suggest targeting parents of older kids rather than parents of young kids just starting out. I think many people get into foster care with the intent of growing their family, often because they cannot have children. I think this population has a harder time taking teens because the time they have with them will be so short, and they are afraid. If you talk to people who already have older kids, or who will soon be empty-nesters, I think it's more likely you will find people who are willing/able to serve this population of kiddos well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2874330 Thu, 28 Feb 2019 13:30:07 +0000 alphagam84 2874330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really want to foster one day. What holds me back: no extra bedroom and not enough space for a third child in the home and our kids are 3 &amp; 6 months so too young in my opinion to have an unknown person come live with us. I'd like to when they're older and if we have a bigger house! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2874269 Thu, 28 Feb 2019 00:05:35 +0000 Blythe 2874269@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Random question, but do you guys target any of your marketing towards individuals who foster/adopt senior dogs? Kids and dogs are obviously very different, but I’ve been volunteering with a senior dog rescue and the skills and interests our foster families exhibit probably match the qualities you’re looking for. I won’t get into all the connection points because I’ll sound crazy, but I don’t think it would be hard to connect the dots between both missions, and there is probably a sub-set of folks who would be willing to use their experience to take on a bigger challenge. Just a thought. Hope I don’t sound too out there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2874268 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 22:56:54 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2874268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@krispi: Thank you! I'm glad you're planning to foster someday. I like the mentor program too, we've considered something like this in our area. It sounds like it could be a good intro to foster care for people who aren't 100% sure they want to commit to foster parenting.<br /> @DesertDreams88: Thank you! You always have valuable input about fostering. :)<br /> @Silva: I totally understand the concerns about taking in kids older than your own. I wouldn't want to do it right now either!<br /> @Dynamite: Thanks for your input.<br /> @Blythe: This is super helpful, thank you! I don't know the answers to all of your questions, but it's given me a lot to think about when I recruit families for teens. Great, specific questions! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2874261 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 22:35:06 +0000 Blythe 2874261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm hoping to foster someday and would definitely be open to fostering teens. My question builds on the topic of transition to adulthood that you've already touched on. As a potential foster parent, I'd want to know if teens in care are assessed at any point for life skill development deficits, and whether there are any specialized programs available to help them in any of their trouble areas. If there aren't programs existing, I'd be interested in online supports that might help me cover those bases myself before the teen moves to the transitional housing program. I'd also be interested in learning what options exist for the transition to adulthood beyond the transitional housing program. For example, if my DH and I really clicked with the foster child is there protocol for them continuing to live in our family home? Can they still access transitional supports without having to be part of the housing program? What if they are clearly not a candidate for transition to independence? Would we have a role to play as their advocate and what response could we expect from the system? From what I've read, the transition out of care is really tough, so anything I could do to prepare them for adulthood would really be my biggest concern. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2874258 Wed, 27 Feb 2019 21:59:01 +0000 Dynamite 2874258@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd love to foster, but my DH probably wouldn't be into it, and he's currently a SAHD. My folks thought about fostering at one point, but I think once we were out of the house they liked the disposable income and free time too much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2874014 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 19:25:31 +0000 Silva 2874014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we are considering fostering to adopt a fourth child in a few years, but we would only be open to infant or very young toddlers only, at this point. My husband is a pediatrician and I am a social worker, so I feel like our skills, knowledge and passions in life, plus our financial resources are very well suited and I feel a sense of moral obligation (not religious, just that we should do what we can to help where we are needed). In my career I have worked closely with biological parents whose kids are in foster care, and saw what a huge difference that good foster parents made for everyone involved. I think we could play that role for some families.</p> <p>I would consider taking in teenagers after my kids are grown. I wouldn't consider fostering kids older than or the same age as any other children in my home. I think having clear and quality options for respite care would help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2874005 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 18:14:41 +0000 DesertDreams88 2874005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>4 of my friends are foster families, 2 of which are extremely close to me (1 set of parents are our guardians). I would only consider fostering teens after my kids were grown and out of the house, for the reasons listed above. I wouldn't be interested in support from the agency, but definitely other foster parents / support groups. I'd also appreciate activities for the teens.</p> <p>I used to volunteer with a foster care group home for teenage girls. I went through 2 trainings. They involved an overview of the expectations, structure, statistics surrounding foster care, key legal rules, personal stories, Q &amp; A, etc </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873994 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 17:23:47 +0000 krispi 2873994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I are actually considering becoming foster parents at some point.</p> <p>As for why we're considering it, we feel we've been blessed with resources (both financial and time) and want to share those with a kid who needs them and can benefit from them. Our religious beliefs do come in to play, as we feel a sense of moral responsibility to give back in some way, especially since we do have extra resources. But it's not just obligation, but also a desire to help. Since becoming parents, we're more acutely aware that not all kids are lucky enough to be born into good situations, and hearing those stories pulls on our hearts a lot more than it did pre-kids. We have one biological daughter but aren't interested in any more kids biologically. We're both in our early 40s, and I had a difficult delivery and a not-so-great pregnancy.</p> <p>We recently signed up to mentor and spend time with a local family's foster kids. We're going through our church's program, and they have 3 different levels of involvement: supporting mentor (like a fun aunt/uncle), respite, then full foster care. We're committed to our family's kids until their current placement ends, but it's not as big of a commitment as becoming full-time foster parents right away. This was a way for us to learn more about fostering and see if it might be a good fit for us. We have friends in the same program who jumped straight into respite, so different levels may work for different families. We do anticipate that we'll probably foster down the road.</p> <p>For our family, we don't feel that teens are a good fit at this time. Our daughter is 3 years old, and we feel we need to respect birth order and only take in a child younger than her if/when we do foster. One reason is that she has a strong but very nurturing personality, and we feel she'd be better suited as an older sibling. Our other reasons are the safety and emotional concerns already mentioned above. We've been through the baby phase and are familiar with what that entails. And we don't want to expose our daughter to any potentially abusive or harmful situations.</p> <p>We have attended a training orientation session. I appreciated that they had agency representatives as well as a panel of current foster parents and mentors. I feel the people they picked were able to keep it real - they talked about the struggles as well as the rewards. They also talked about the different support systems that would be available. This is probably further down the road than what you're working on, but we also completed some really good online training that talked about the effects of trauma on early childhood development and some tangible tactics for how to respond. Basically, we just want to feel as equipped as possible (realizing you never know everything!) and go into this being realistic about what we can handle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873988 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 16:55:20 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2873988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@JennyPenny: That's helpful, thanks. FWIW, I think the risk of emotional attachment is what would make you WELL suited for foster care! We want parents who care, who get attached, and who love these kids like their own. And losing them is so hard on us, but not having that connection is even harder on the kids. It's a heartbreaking job, but well worth it! And sometimes littles continue the connection too-we have been able to with our little guy that went home a year and a half ago, and he was non-verbal when he went home. He still calls O his sister. :heart: </p> <p>As for teens, I know it varies from state to state but our agency has a "transitional housing program" where we help teens who are aging out of care find housing and a job and we help with a stipend as long as they are working or in school. It's a great way to do a gradual transition to full independence for kids that don't always have great life skills when they're 18. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873987 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 16:48:37 +0000 JennyPenny 2873987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like others I likely wouldn't consider it until my own children were much older, possibly out of the house. And then I'd really want to know what typical placement looks like, and for how long? I know one reason I don't feel like I'd be well suited for fostering young children is the strong emotional attachment that would be made and the risk of having that taken away. With teens that seems (and this is what I'd want confirmation of) like a less significant issue because if there is a strong connection, I'd assume they'd be in a place to maintain that connection (writing, calls, etc) if they felt it too. And then I'd wonder what happens if you have an older teen closer to "aging out" and what happens then? So having a few examples would be helpful but I'd for sure want to know what is typical. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873985 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 16:38:24 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2873985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@smuckers: No worries, I appreciate all of the thoughts! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873984 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 16:37:41 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2873984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hitchhiker: That makes sense. I'll have to talk to some of our more seasoned parents who take teens to see if I can get them involved in the presentation. I'm obviously a foster parent, but have only taken littles so I can't speak to the experience with teens directly.<br /> @youboots: Definitely an option for new families. Good idea! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873983 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 16:32:42 +0000 youboots 2873983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: I’d also introduce respite as an option as a way to try out or support foster care- or is this just more of an option for seasoned foster parents?</p> <p>This is something I have some interest in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873981 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 16:28:19 +0000 hitchhiker 2873981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: Ideally I'd like to hear from them myself, particularly because I imagine I would have a lot of follow up questions.</p> <p>ETA: For me it would be fine to hear from them in a group setting, perhaps with the option of follow up 1:1 time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873980 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 16:23:54 +0000 smuckers 2873980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Same as everyone else; I wouldn't want to have small children at home if I could help it. </p> <p>The idea of foster parenting a teen is very intimidating to me. I would just be so concerned that we couldn't offer the support that these kids would need to thrive. I'm not sure if the offer of activities would help; I think I'd just assume that the teen(s) would not enjoy going (because teens). </p> <p>I want to be helpful, so I'm trying to think about it would take for me to foster a teenager that actually could be accommodated, and I'm having trouble. Most of the things that I'd want have to do with helping the child be less of an unknown (a letter, or a meeting before placement), but logically I wouldn't want to traumatize them even more by making them "audition". Sorry I can't be more helpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873979 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 16:23:25 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2873979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: You shouldn't feel like a jerk. The fact is, that is occasionally an issue. Of course we also have a bunch of teens that are great and haven't had that issue, but the negative stories are always the ones you hear, and it's a real concern. We are hoping to figure out a way to target empty nesters, as they've been through that age range and don't have younger kids at home to worry about.</p> <p>@youboots: Totally agree. I've heard that too, and I think it all depends on the situation and the individual kids. Generally, I think it would be less of an issue with littles than with kids close in age with a new teen. It's hard to say what will work for individual families.</p> <p>@Lindsay05: Thanks. I would say most kids in foster care are high risk, but we have plenty of teens that have been great. </p> <p>@hitchhiker: Great point. Would you want to hear directly from them in a presentation? Would having testimonials be enough? Would you want a one on one meeting with them? We have options and haven't done this type of recruiting before so we are wide open to ideas. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873977 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 16:11:19 +0000 hitchhiker 2873977@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would want to hear from foster parents who have gone through this experience - what was it like? What was challenging? Rewarding? What surprised them? Have they fostered more than one teen? Did they do it while they had biological children at home? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873976 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 16:09:27 +0000 youboots 2873976@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: agreed. I did not have quite the right words. I also have read/heard that bringing in older children can create some birth order issues for biological children. No sure if this is factual or antidotal or about foster care or adoption. I don’t like to not have a source. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873973 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 16:03:25 +0000 Lindsay05 2873973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What kind of teens? High risk youth? I worked with high risk teens and it’s both rewarding and dangerous. I have considered fostering because I know how important it is however I’m worried about biological parents showing up unannounced. I would also want to know about compensation for things such as sports and extra curricular activities. Like PP have said, I would be more likely to foster teens once my kids are older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873972 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 15:56:56 +0000 Foodnerd81 2873972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@youboots: same- I would only feel comfortable fostering children/ teens younger than my own children. And since mine are 5 and 3, that will be a while. Partly because I’ll have had experience with kids of whatever age, and partly out of safety for my biological kids. Maybe that is something you could address - basically the fear of older foster children abusing or mistreating younger children in the house. Whether it’s true or not I think there is a stigma that teens in foster care have serious behavior issues which would probably give people pause.<br /> (I feel a little bit like a jerk posting this, but I think it is one of the reasons people hesitate and if it’s a bad reason, addressing it head on would be good, right?) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873968 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 15:46:56 +0000 youboots 2873968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I’d be much more likely to foster teens once my biological children were grown and out of the house. Once I’d had the experience raising a teen and I was not in the thick of it with small children.</p> <p>I’d also speak to groups that already have adults working with teens like FFA or 4H. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-make-you-want-to-become-a-foster-parent-what-would-make-you-decide-to-foster-teens#post-2873963 Tue, 26 Feb 2019 15:21:53 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2873963@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm hoping no one minds me using this forum for a work related question. I work as a recruiter for my foster family agency. We are REALLY in need of more homes for teens. I've been tasked with doing some research and thinking of new ways to market and recruit to find families for teens.</p> <p>I'm hoping to get some ideas from the moms here. If you were considering foster parenting, what would make you consider taking teens? Would it be the support the agency could offer? Activities for the teens? Support groups? </p> <p>Similarly, if you went to an informational presentation about foster care at your church, school or place of work, what would you want to hear in the presentation? What questions would you definitely want answered? </p>