https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 06 Jun 2026 12:30:17 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873231 Thu, 21 Feb 2019 02:22:28 +0000 Amorini 2873231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ndepet: I am sorry that you have someone screaming in your face to the point where you question yourself and your decisions. Unfortunately it’s something I’m familiar with. And I hear that you find it hard to extricate yourself even though it seems so obvious. Life is freaking complicated.</p> <p>Knowing you’re scared and need support to deal with him, I think it’s more about mentally and emotionally preparing yourself than having a script. I would get clear on the simple truth: what you want your life to look like and how you’ve tried but it’s just the end of the road. And whatever you want the co-parenting situation to be (research options, speak with an attorney). If it were me, I would probably have an ally in the room. In this case, it sounds like that’s your mom. And I’d prep her and ask her to just be there and let you do the talking. I think there is more power in this 100% coming from your mouth. And when he talks, hold onto your truth and let him say whatever he’s going to say. You don’t need any comebacks or explanations. You already know he’ll get nasty, manipulative and it’ll be messy, but hang on to your truth and don’t go down the rabbit holes with him.</p> <p>Hugs lady. And, if I may, please find a good therapist to help you recover from the abuse you’ve been dealing with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873211 Wed, 20 Feb 2019 22:59:38 +0000 DesertDreams88 2873211@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with pp, lawyer up and get him out of your life. You, your son, and your potential kid all deserve better. </p> <p>To me it sounds like you're willing and interested in carrying to term, and it SOUNDS like the main reason why abortion is being considered is bc the bio dad wants it to happen. To me, based on his previous actions, he doesnt get a say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873180 Wed, 20 Feb 2019 21:08:06 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2873180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ndepet: I would say his words are meant to be weapons and you have to go into the conversation 100% certain that you wont let the abuse change your mind. Keep it simple. Tell him he needs to leave and a deadline for leaving. If he is abusive or violent contact the police and get a restraining order. You may want to go ahead and talk to a lawyer about your son, since there may be custody to work out. You can tell him you will only talk with your lawyer present.</p> <p>Also, hugs. This sounds really hard. Lean on your support network. Maybe have them there with you when you talk to him for moral support and safety if you feel unsafe. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873167 Wed, 20 Feb 2019 20:44:25 +0000 ndepet 2873167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>thank you so much to everyone who offered words of encouragement. you know how to make an scared mama feel nice.</p> <p>my next question is -</p> <p>what would you say to him? knowing that youre going to get yelled at? knowing that youre going to get blamed? knowing that he will use your child as a pawn and say have you thought about him? like you dont always, already put your child first no matter what. knowing that he will prey on your character as a person and tell you that this is your fault and that these are YOUR consequences for the situation you got us in?</p> <p>i need words. sample things. concrete things to say that do the best to not prove what he is saying. things that he cant twist and manipulate </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873131 Wed, 20 Feb 2019 18:00:53 +0000 JennyPenny 2873131@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with the other posters. Whether or not you choose to have this baby is a highly personal decision that only you can make. I do think it’s time to end the relationship though. I would recommend finding the appropriate professional to work out a legally binding custody agreement so that there are no questions about how that aspect of your relationship will play out in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873128 Wed, 20 Feb 2019 17:45:07 +0000 codeitall 2873128@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, sounds like you know what you need to do and were already doing it. Life threw you a curveball, but you have it covered. He... probably wouldn't ever have been ready. He doesn't sound very mature. I'm with your mom.</p> <p>I also want to point out that most people don't pick when they have children. You can try for months/years without having one or get pregnant on the first try or on accident. You already knew you wanted another, so my guess is that you've already thought about the impact to your son and decided it would be worth it. Maybe the timing could have been better, maybe not.</p> <p>In your shoes, I'd kick him out ASAP. You don't want to be fighting with him that whole time and honestly, I don't think he deserves to be part of any of those decisions with his reactions. It sounds like you have everything going for you... except him. So cut him out. Don't let him bring you down. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873126 Wed, 20 Feb 2019 17:35:23 +0000 ndepet 2873126@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: hes a good father. i dont always love his parenting style but we are all learning. hes open to constructive criticism and hears me when i say i dont love something and i think he should try a different approach </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873115 Wed, 20 Feb 2019 16:27:28 +0000 psw27 2873115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am sorry you are dealing with this long term stress in your life. If you want to keep the baby, keep the baby. If you want child support from him for your children, sue him for child support through the department of revenue child support enforcement division. I would not be with anyone who screams in my face or blames me for creating a baby. It takes 2 to tango. I hope you find the strength and support to end this relationship once and for all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873112 Wed, 20 Feb 2019 16:06:28 +0000 smuckers 2873112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>First things first: soft internet hugs, if you want them. I'm so sorry that you are going through this and that he is being an asshat (because he is). </p> <p>No one here can tell you what the "right" answer is regarding termination. You know your own heart, and your own situation. </p> <p>Full agreement with PP, though. Regardless of this baby, this relationship (as you've described it) seems volatile. Think of it this way: is this the relationship you want your son to model his relationships from? Is how your partner is treating you how you want your son to treat a future partner? Is this how you want your son to be treated? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873110 Wed, 20 Feb 2019 16:05:43 +0000 josina 2873110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like you have wanted and do want this baby. HE is the one being selfish in this relationship, and I would end it with him and try and establish a healthy co-parenting relationship.<br /> Is he a good father to your current child? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873109 Wed, 20 Feb 2019 16:05:16 +0000 Sams Mom 2873109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry if this sounds harsh.</p> <p>You need to lose him. He's verbally abusive, doesn't contribute, knows how pregnancy happens yet takes none of the birth control responsibility on himself. I know I don't know him, but he sounds like a total dick. An abortion is not your "penance" for not being on birth control. </p> <p>I'm not saying it will be the easiest thing to be a single mom to 2, but it sounds like you have 2 of the hardest parts covered (financial and family support). It's always nice to have a sounding board outside of your family, but it sounds like your mom is a great support system. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873106 Wed, 20 Feb 2019 16:00:43 +0000 Lahela017 2873106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with PP. Totally separate from whether or not you keep the baby, it doesn't seem like this is a relationship you should want to continue.</p> <p>Whether or not you keep the baby is up to you. I don't think there is ever a "right" or "wrong" choice. You should do what's best for you personally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873102 Wed, 20 Feb 2019 15:53:35 +0000 karenbme 2873102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OMG, I am so sorry you're going through this! You need to do what's right for you no matter how you got into the situation you're in. It sounds like you have a stable household with or without him and know that having the baby is the right decision for you. You deserve so much better than to be bullied into something you don't want to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873099 Wed, 20 Feb 2019 15:45:52 +0000 Mommy Finger 2873099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Whether or not you keep this baby is a decision only you can make. However, to me, it sounds like this is not a healthy relationship and I encourage you to question why you're still staying in it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-would-you-do-63#post-2873098 Wed, 20 Feb 2019 15:39:45 +0000 ndepet 2873098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Let me start by saying if you make it to the end of this very long post I applaud and appreciate you. i'm on the what to expect board so if this is cross over i'm sorry. additionally, please know that i know how lucky i am to be pregnant and that so many families want babies and are struggling to have them. i know what a privilege this is and i'm so grateful for it.</p> <p>i'm looking for support thats not my mothers (who supports me no matter i whatever i think is best), some sort of validation because i think i'm making the right decision and opinions on what you yourself would do if you were in this situation. please, please be kind. we are all hormonal moms just trying to make it to bed time.</p> <p>finally, i'm not religious in any way. So please spare the "God wont give you more than you can handle" comments. While i support, respect and honor your beliefs, they just don't match up to mine and aren't applicable for me in this situation.</p> <p>My boyfriend and i have been together on and off for some time. when we were dating in 2013, i got pregnant and he wanted me to have an abortion. I said I would then changed my mind. He said that i was going back on my word and that i lied to him - which i know now, is not true. that its complicated and its my choice but i dont like when someone calls me a liar - so i went through with the abortion. It destroyed me and i had to go on anti depressants after for a bit. while i dont regret it, i also cant imagine doing that again.</p> <p>the following year, i got pregnant again and this time I said i'm having this baby. he threw a massive fit and told me i was ruining his life and threatened to kill himself. we fought so much that i eventually told him the stress wasn't healthy fo the pregnancy and cut him off. I moved back in with my mom to save money. we live in Los Angeles where its very expensive and at the time I was making about 50,000 a year. I let him come back around before I had my son in early 2015.</p> <p>from then on we took some space and co parented 100%. we decided to give it another shot. I made it clear that eventually i wanted another baby however i remained on the pill. while this was happening, i switched jobs and i'm now making a 6 figure salary. I support myself, my son 100% and his father for the most part but we still live with my mom. Part of the reason why we do this is that my mother has a massive house with lots of space for my son. I could move and get an apartment but i think its silly to spend 2500 a month on an apartment to put him in a box. at my moms, he has a yard, a pool, a play room and room to run. we pay her rent to help cover her house bills and utilities.</p> <p>My boyfriend and my mom do not get along. He works at a bar 3 days a week and basically covers his cellphone payment, his rent and his car insurance. he does not contribute to our sons finances. This (obviously) frustrates my mother. She is of an old school mind that you work to help support your family regardless if you're in a job that you hate. He doesnt want to work a corporate job. He also spent alot of his earlier life as a touring musician so his experience in the work force is very limited. Its been hard for him to find a job outside of bartending.</p> <p>Fast forward to end of summer 2018, I found out he was cheating on me. I told him he had to leave and that we needed space. he begged me to stay and asked if we could work it out. we took some space the best we could while living in the same house and stopped sleeping together.</p> <p>in the late fall of 2018 my mom kicked him out of the house. she was sick of his bad attitude and the way he would speak to me when he was mad. she was sick of him not pulling his weight. originally she said he had to be out by FEB 1. then with the holidays and our sons birthday, she has now said APRIL 15</p> <p>Shortly after we decided to take some space, i went off birth control. I was bleeding all the time and i couldn't take it. I did not tell him and we were not sleeping together for months while this was going on. On november 24th, we did sleep together and i got pregnant. when i found out, he asked me if i was on the pill. i told him no and my reasons.</p> <p>i struggled about whether i wanted to move forward with this pregnancy however ultimately, i could not imagine having an abortion. i told my boyfriend and he is very upset. he says just because i "cant" have an abortion, i'm willing to change everyone elses lives. he says i'm a selfish person and that any person who looked at this situation objectively would tell me to abort. that its not a good situation to bring a baby into. he says how will WE pay for a baby - however remember- i pay for everything now as it is. he says i will change my sons life. he likes to scream at me and get in my face and say things that will make me question my character. he knows that i value being a good human who does the right thing, so he consistently tells me its the wrong decision. he says that i dont have to worry because i have family support and he doesnt so i'm not thinking about him. one thing he keeps saying is that this is MY FAULT. that i put us in this situation, so i should have the abortion to get us out. that those are my consequences. he makes me think maybe terminating is the right option</p> <p>i havent really talked to anyone about the situation because i'm scared and sad and embarrassed but also excited. </p> <p>I make more than enough money to support another baby so thats not really a concern for me.</p> <p>okay i think ive covered all bases here. if any one has questions im happy to answer and if i think of anything i've left out, i will add additional messages.</p> <p>so what would you do? </p>