https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 08 Apr 2026 18:31:00 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2579290 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 20:09:40 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2579290@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I totally agree with the idea of talking about it early. I definitely concede that porn viewing is normal, but I do want to be one of the first people who discusses sex with my children, which probably means talking about it quite young. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2579261 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 19:45:35 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2579261@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TrailRunner: I also grew up in the Internet porn age so I understand porn being normal but at the same time I can recall being with partners and thinking "oh good grief it's so painfully obvious that this person thinks sex is supposed to be like porn." Lol! I don't judge adults who watch it, but with my kids it is different. I can respect a kids privacy, not make it a power struggle, but also express myself and not enable the behavior. I think there's a difference between saying "you're wrong for watching that!" and "you do you, but personally I think porn is problematic for xyz reasons, and some of them are scientifically valid." As far as restricting screen time admittedly I would likely do that even if porn were not a thing that existed in the world. I do think it is probably inevitable for teens to have all the tech, but do I have to bankroll it? Perhaps that is a separate issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2579236 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 19:19:16 +0000 gingerbebe 2579236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We will probably start talking about body positivity, the specialness of bodies, bodily autonomy, and why we keep certain aspects of our bodies private very young. This would include ways to help our kids identify inappropriate touching or advances and keep open lines of communication with us so they can troubleshoot body and touching issues from an early age. </p> <p>This will move into a discussion of why over sexualized things are dangerous as they grow older. Naked/ripped men and women everywhere being idealized is not healthy for anyone's conceptualization and developing sexuality, and porn takes that even further. We are also going to talk about how improper development of sexual triggers has horrible consequences in the world - like human trafficking and child trafficking, prostitution, etc. </p> <p>Practically we will monitor devices and limit access but I find doing it without a full explanation of why often backfires for children. So a long history of communication is key in developing that sort of respect and limitation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2579230 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 19:14:48 +0000 TrailRunner 2579230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: I see your point, but I think watching porn is normal to me. I mean sure we will make sure he knows that he shouldnt expect sex to be like porn, but my husband started watching it around 12 and has a healthy and normal view of sex. If there are issues resulting from it then we will address it, but at this point I just don't think it's a big deal at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2579214 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 19:01:24 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2579214@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TrailRunner: I don't think being sex positive precludes being wary of porn. There's a lot of good, non-biased research that indicates that our earliest sexual experiences imprint our future experiences, also that the experience of orgasm releases dopamine and can lead people to become attached to the experience. Literally people can attach to porn the way babies attach to their mothers. I'm not completely porn negative. However I will say I was sexually active prior to watching porn (and not particularly late in life either), which I think helped me to develop realistic ideas about what sex really is like. If kids have access to porn starting at 12, they could have 4 years of watching hardcore porn before they lost their virginity at a "normal" age. To me that's hard to wrap my brain around. I asked my husband if he would rather have a porn obsessed 16 year old or a sexually active 16 year old. He said porn obsessed, I said sexually active because to me sexual activity at 16 or so is "normal" but having access to millions of pages of hardcore porn is definitely not normal for humans. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2579176 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 18:10:35 +0000 DesertDreams88 2579176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Whatever I do for my son(s), I will also do for my daughter(s). Porn isn't only a "guy" thing.</p> <p>Probably monitoring, public screens, and honest conversations to the point that teenage embarrassment will allow ;)</p> <p>For what it's worth, both DH and I have monitoring programs on our devices. So it's standard to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2579168 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 18:01:01 +0000 TrailRunner 2579168@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will have my DH just tell my son to make sure to throw away any tissue he uses to clean up and to not hoard or flush any crusty socks in an attempt to hide it. I have watched it and I know my DH watches it currently, so I don't expect to try and keep my son from it. I don't want my son to ever feel that his sexuality is wrong or anything like that, so we will be open about it all as long as he doesn't feel embarrassed talking to us about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2579163 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 17:55:31 +0000 periwinklebee 2579163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: Yeah, it's pretty awful... And good point, having your daughter (or son) post inappropriate selfies would be much worse than clicking on an inappropriate website. </p> <p>TBH, the thought of parenting teens is super intimidating. I really hope I gain (a lot) more parenting insights that will be helpful between now and then! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2579144 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 17:21:48 +0000 stiletto_mom 2579144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a little bit more open in that I would be okay with it because it's part of developing a healthy sexuality imo. As with any other forms of media and text, I would talk to my child about being mindful that porn is based on fantasy, stereotypes and exaggeration. </p> <p>However, this conversation will obviously be tweaked to accommodate future technology and responsible use. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2579094 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 16:24:48 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2579094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: I agree with my rules/my house but to me that starts at the point of access. If a kid has access to a computer he or she can typically find a way to get to what he/she wants. Im sure tech will change but I was definitely deleting chat and browser history when I was in high school so my parents really could only control it at the source. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2579035 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 15:48:16 +0000 daniellemybelle 2579035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: 7th!?! That kind of breaks my heart.</p> <p>I have no idea. I'm less worried about commercialized porn actually with a daughter and more worried about her essentially making her own porn (inappropriate selfies, sexting) because that's the "thing" now and it starts so young. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2579012 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 15:36:39 +0000 periwinklebee 2579012@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: Hah, I'm just thinking hypothetically. Not sure how old your kids are, but in 10 or 15 years I wonder if technology will be so different that tablets and computer monitors aren't a thing anymore - kinda like landlines - and kids just do their homework using virtual reality headsets (in which case, since it's a headset, you'd have no idea what's going on!) I guess I find it hard to think about a technological solution since technology may look really different, but obviously that's less an issue for people with kids that are already a bit older. </p> <p>Agree with other posters that the most important thing is that they understand that porn is not a realistic description of sex. The extent of my exposure to porn was using the computers at the public library to look up information about applying to college and being horrified at what the person next to me was looking at; I was semi-horrified when DH told me that his first exposure to porn was at some kid's 7th birthday slumber party :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2578977 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 15:02:00 +0000 mediagirl 2578977@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: woah! I want to foster an open relationship with our daughter and hope she will feel comfortable coming to us. But I'm sorry (to her), my house, my roof, my rules when it come to technology. The iPad thing is scary. I think I would (right now.....) confiscate it when she is home with it unless she was at the kitchen table doing homework on it. I don't know, though. I'm not there yet. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2578965 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 14:56:08 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2578965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: my thoughts on this are so unformed. As a kid I had a TV in my room at FIVE and I look back and am like what the heck were my parents thinking? Buy also we never had the $$ for any more than one family computer and it wasn't expected for me to do schoolwork on the computer so my parents never had to consider getting one for me. In my county all the kids get iPads...apple donated them. Parents have to deal with them! That makes me furious. But once the technology is in the home, it becomes a complicated issue... privacy issues is complex for me. If I provide my kid with something, do I get to police how they use it? I'm too old to have had a cell while I was living with my mother, but for example I kept a journal and one time my mother went through my stuff, found it, and used the material against me and it was awful. Another friend of mine had a dad who was a PhD candidate in psychology. He gave his kids a wooden box with a lock and told them they could put anything inside and he would never snoop. At the time I thought that was crazy, but I do see how creating an environment of trust would open the lines of communication. Certainly more than my mother's approach (she had become a lot more jaded by the time she had my brothers and was like porn...meh). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2578949 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 14:46:22 +0000 avivoca 2578949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I will go the route my parents did: Screens only in public areas (we had one TV and one computer; no smartphones), talk to them about the dangers of porn and how that is not how relationships function, and I also plan to implement external parental controls on our technology. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2578943 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 14:44:46 +0000 mediagirl 2578943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Sketchbook: I think a big thing is screening what kids are watching/doing on the computer. In our house we will have a no technology in your room rule. I see 8 year olds with computers and TVs in their rooms and I just don't trust it. I worry about sending my kids to other people's houses who have less strict rules than we do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2578938 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 14:42:45 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2578938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@peaches1038: the only thing I question about my mom's approach was not limiting screen time in any meaningful way. I have two teenage brothers that I rarely see...not saying they're always watching porn, but seriously they are like ghosts in the house! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2578931 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 14:41:08 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2578931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: very interesting! But how can a kid hide a headset or afford one? Screens are very discreet comparatively! And lots of kids have screens for school and safety reasons (phones, tablets).</p> <p>I think the idea of first person porn was big a few decades ago, maybe this would signal a return to that idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2578907 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 14:28:31 +0000 peaches1038 2578907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I'll have a similar approach as your mom! I'd obviously prefer that my children didn't watch it but more importantly, I want to make it clear to them that porn is not an accurate, reasonable or realistic example of sex. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2578879 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 14:13:40 +0000 periwinklebee 2578879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>By the time many people on these boards have kids old enough to be interested in porn, technology will probably be mostly virtual reality, so no screens, just headsets... I'll keep my fingers crossed for an improvement in blocking technology :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/what-wouldwill-you-do-about-porn#post-2578771 Thu, 30 Jun 2016 13:17:58 +0000 Mrs. Sketchbook 2578771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know for many of us this is a ways off but this hypothetical conversation came up between my husband and me over the weekend: what will we do when we catch our kids watching porn? </p> <p>Studies show that most 12 year olds have seen it or are watching regularly. </p> <p>When my mom caught my brother she told him, "OK whatever but just know no girlfriend is gonna do all that stuff for you!" </p> <p>As for me, I think I will try to monitor use by limiting the screens in the house to ones in public spaces and once they are old enough, have my kids earn any personal screens. I don't know if I would use a monitoring program because most kids can get around it anyway, so that's a whole new power struggle to engage. I think I would just tell them I personally don't love porn, and the evidence suggests that it can mess up your brain, and I'm not gonna give you screens to access it on, but what you manage to access at your friends house or on the personal device you have earned is your business. </p> <p>This is one of the reasons I am terrified of allowing my kid to have a screen of his own! Obviously my kid won't be seeking porn out for some time but I'm deathly afraid of pop ups, viruses, and Google. I've actually googled something in front of my boss and had the search return with porn sites just because the terms I used were porny in nature. </p>