https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 08:39:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65465 Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:32:24 +0000 Kemma 65465@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and I have just found out we're expecting and we're now working out our plan for releasing the news.</p> <p>In some ways I think it's kind of sad that some people frown on people telling before a certain point in time, it's such exciting news and an expentant parents should be able to share their news with whoever they choose, whenever they choose.</p> <p>That said it's also kind of nice that we have this really great secret that nobody else knows!</p> <p>For us we plan on telling our parents and brothers and sisters this weekend on our first wedding anniversary, we'll probably tell our close friends as we see them any time from about 6/7 weeks along and we'll make some sort of general announcement to our wider families at around 10-12 weeks.</p> <p>I'm hoping to be able to keep it under wraps at work till I'm around ten weeks along, gossip spreads very fast at my work and the girls in the office are already watching me like a hawke! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65371 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:53:20 +0000 pastemoo 65371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: THIS is exactly why we waited to tell. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65339 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:00:18 +0000 eeh 65339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We told our parents and siblings right away and then slowly started telling just a handful of people. For me personally I wasn't overly eager to start hearing everyone's opinions/advice/stories/etc. I have felt like crap the entire first trimester and don't really want to talk about it. I also hate complaining so my thinking was that if I kept it a secret I also would be able to complain to very many people. Complaining usually makes me feel worse so it's nice to not talk about it. My husband knows I feel like crap..no need to discuss it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65279 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 19:33:49 +0000 sorrycharlie 65279@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: ohh thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65259 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 19:11:08 +0000 cupcakemama 65259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't really get keeping it from your parents/siblings - presumably you will tell them if you have a mc. We told immediate family and a few close friends at 5/6 weeks. Basically the people we told were ones that we would want to know about it if the worst happened.</p> <p>We held off telling all and sundry until the second trimester. As pp have said it's not that you want to keep a mc secret you just don't want to have to explain your personal business to the random at work that you talk to once every 3 weeks. My fear would be that the fact that I have had a mc won't get around to all the people who knew I was pregnant and I would end up in that awful position of having to tell people. Over and over again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65255 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 18:59:30 +0000 mamimami 65255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In Mexico it's common to tell people right away. It was hard convincing my MiL to keep the secret. She had a miscarriage herself, but she still didn't understand waiting. When I mentioned having to tell people if you have a m/c, she just said, "I just told them I lost the baby!" like duh.... So I did wait to tell people besides closest friends and parents, but sometimes I do think waiting is overblown. Like going to great lengths to keep it quiet when oftentimes people will suspect it anyway! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65221 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:58:21 +0000 mrskc 65221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TJBee: Opposite happened to me. I told my very best friend looking for support, and she shrugged it off like no big deal. She just didn't understand, but it hurt a lot. Sometimes you just never know who will end up being a great support and who wont. My coworker was a great support for me, and that was unexpected.</p> <p>Next time around, I'm still going to tell my mom and my coworker and that's it. It was too hard telling a bunch of people about the miscarriage. Most awkward one was my mom's housekeeper. My mom was just so excited. She told everyone she knew, but she promised to keep a tight lip next time around. </p> <p>It's just a personal preference like everyone else said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65204 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 17:44:18 +0000 twinmama 65204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's definitely something that's different for everyone and their dynamic with their friends and family. I think it's great that you have the support system you do, and that you'd feel comfortable sharing early. There's nothing wrong with that. But there's nothing wrong with waiting either. There's plenty of people that I haven't intentionally hid my pregnancy from, but I haven't gone out of my way to expressly announce that I'm pregnant to certain groups of people.</p> <p>While thankfully I've never had to go through a miscarriage, it did take us a long time to conceive, and keeping the news close, is really just a self defense mechanism for me. Now at 15 weeks it's finally feeling more real and certain to me, so I feel more comfortable sharing it. I was so nervous about the pregnancy in the first 2 months, that it was kind of difficult to talk about sometimes. Even talking to my own sister, whom I'm very close with, was hard sometimes, because she was so excited, and just talking as if everything would be perfect, and I just wasn't quite there yet.</p> <p>My sister had a miscarriage before she told us, and a rather medically traumatic one at that, but none of us hold it against her that we didn't know yet. We were just there for her at the time, and that was the right thing to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65128 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 16:29:33 +0000 Adira 65128@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with what many of the others have said. I think you should do what feels right for you, but for me, I don't think I'd want to have to deal with the questions after having a miscarriage, especially from my husband's family. They've been pressuring us enough as is to have children, so I think if we were to tell them we're pregnant and then that we lost it, it would just be horrible. I'm sure they'd be supportive, but I think my husband's mom would actually blame me (although she'd never be so rude as to say it).</p> <p>I'll definitely be telling my two best friends who I share EVERYTHING with, but other than them, I probably wouldn't tell anyone (including family) until 9-12 weeks. But that's just me. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65114 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 16:22:21 +0000 tequiero21 65114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>it really depends. i don't want to have to explain to every random (or not so random) person that i won't be having the baby afterall. even with family members. i would only want my immediate family to know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65112 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 16:18:27 +0000 Mrs.KMM 65112@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We'll probably tell our families immediately but not friends and co-workers. The more people you tell, the more people they tell and the information just continues to spread.</p> <p>I know we would need the support of family if we miscarried but I wouldn't want to deal with the "how's the pregnancy going" questions from others when I'm grieving.</p> <p>If I really needed or wanted a particular friend's support after a miscarriage, I'd tell them that I was pregnant but lost the baby. No need for them to know earlier to be able to still get their support. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65087 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:48:37 +0000 jennylynn 65087@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We told our parents and one close friend each in the beginning. Just a few people to support us if something did go wrong. I don't view miscarriage as something to be ashamed or embarrassed by, but we didn't want to have to go through the heartbreak of having everyone excited for us in the beginning, and then have to go back and tell everyone we miscarried. It would've been too upsetting for us I think. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65086 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:47:47 +0000 Mrsbells 65086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@TJBee: Everybody is different. If you want to share the news of your pregnancy right away, you are free to do so, but not everyone wants to do it that way and with good reason. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65080 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:40:00 +0000 heffalump 65080@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: We told everyone all of that as soon as we knew. But for the next we'll be team green so we won't know to be able to tell people. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65078 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:38:32 +0000 DillonLion 65078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: Not pregnant yet, but I don't plan on following all of it. I suck at keeping secrets and I like to blog, so I expect I'll be leaking the news rather early. I would like to keep the name/sex a secret until the baby is born though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65077 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:37:01 +0000 heffalump 65077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@highwire: Did you follow all of that? My grandma wasn't very happy with me when I said I was having a baby shower. And my MIL freaked my husband out so much about putting the nursery together before she came that he didn't want to do it. But I'm a huge planner so I would be so anxious without a room ready. We compromised and didn't put the crib up until after she came, since she slept in a bassinet at first anyway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65021 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:53:07 +0000 TJBee 65021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: The thing is, I DID have someone very close to me (a few actually, but one in particular) who had a miscarriage. I found out accidentally that she was pregnant, and when she called me 2 weeks later to say she miscarried, I was there to support her and I was so happy to be able to be there for her through such a traumatic time. </p> <p>Now she is pregnant again and she called me right away because she realized how important it was for her to have my love and support, even if things didn't turn out well again.</p> <p>I also know that having people ask "how's the pregnancy going" and then having to tell them "we lost the baby" is heartbreaking, but if it's from people you love, I feel like it would be comforting to be open and honest about the loss. </p> <p>I'm not saying I would tell EVERYONE that I was pregnant very early, but I couldn't imagine keeping it from close family and friends, that's all... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65020 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:51:36 +0000 mrs. tictactoe 65020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With our first pregnancy, we lost the baby very early, but we had already told some people because we were so excited. The problem is, you tell a few people you are close to, who you wouldn't mind telling if you had a miscarriage, but then they might tell a few people and so on. The risky part is not remembering who you told about the pregnancy and after miscarrying, dealing with people asking you about the pregnancy and being forced to tell them about the miscarraige - something that is very emotional and difficult to talk about. </p> <p>Granted, we still told our friends and family about our second (and current) pregnancy before 12 weeks, but I didn't not tell people at work until after that because I didn't want to have to talk about another miscarraige with people if they asked about my pregnancy, not knowing what had happened.</p> <p>The weight of this issue is hard to understand unless you've gone through it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-65001 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:36:14 +0000 MsMini 65001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We ended up telling our parents right away, I was so incredibly sick from hyper-emesis that it was impossible to hide. I also really needed support from my Mom who also suffered from hyper-emesis during that time. Co-workers of mine, and my boss ended up finding out early (I managed somehow to hide it until after we saw the heart beat at 7 weeks), but it is hard to hide vomiting hourly while you are at work (and I work at the hospital, so vomiting usually means being sent home). I knew if something happened it would be hard to tell everyone, but sometimes you just get stuck between a rock and a hard place. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-64991 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:28:38 +0000 leelee 64991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We told my parents and siblings right away. His we waited until after our dr appointment at 8wks because they are not very good at keeping secrets. We didn't tell everyone else until after 12 weeks because in the case that something bad did happen I know it would've been much harder for us if everyone knew. </p> <p>My friend told everyone early on and it was so heartbreaking when she miscarried and everyone kept asking her how her pregnancy was going.</p> <p>Its Definitely a personal choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-64987 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:26:30 +0000 mrbee 64987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sorrycharlie: It's one of those old Internet sayings, from back when the interwebs was just a single interweb:</p> <p><a href="http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/your_mileage_may_vary" rel="nofollow">http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/your_mileage_may_vary</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-64986 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:26:06 +0000 Mrs. Bee 64986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you know how you're going to feel until you miscarry. Some people handle it well, others not so well, and the last thing you might want after you miscarry is everyone asking you how the pregnancy is and you having to explain. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-64984 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:25:06 +0000 sorrycharlie 64984@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: what does YMMV mean? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-64977 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:22:22 +0000 DillonLion 64977@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There are also religious reasons that some people opt out of telling. I'm Jewish, and many of the Jewish people I've known have been very private about the details of their pregnancy, no baby showers, no naming of the baby before it is born, etc... My understanding is it has a lot to do with protecting the privacy of the family and avoiding shame/embarrassment if something goes wrong. (Obviously its never anyone's fault if there is a M/C, but some women feel really emotional and upset about it and still feel ashamed anyway) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-64969 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:12:07 +0000 mrbee 64969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We told everyone after we heard the heartbeat because the odds were on our side, and then we lost the baby. Then everyone asked how the pregnancy was going for the next few months. Made it much harder for us. YMMV. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-64967 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:10:52 +0000 Mrsbells 64967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Its easy to easy "miscarriages are a natural part of life" until you have actually been through one or seen someone close go through it and have to deal with the sadness that comes with it. You dont want everyone asking you excitedly about pregnancy updates and then you have to sadly tell them that you miscarried. Ofcourse people still can have late term miscarriages or still births but the chances of it happening are much less than in the 1st tri </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-64965 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:09:45 +0000 yoursilverlining 64965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We told our parents right away, and I’m glad that we did. We had a scare early on where I was told by Urgent Care I would definitely have a miscarriage, following bleeding I had and U/S performed (follow up U/S by my own OB proved this diagnosis wrong). I was really, really glad we had told our parents because for those couple of days where I was basically waiting to miscarry, I had my mom and MIL to lean on, and had their love and support. I was thankful I could go to them, instead of having to feel like I had to keep the bad news to myself, and then make sure not to slip up and tell them at some point I had miscarried and risk having their feelings hurt that they couldn’t support me while I was grieving. I’m a very private person, but it just felt right to tell them. And luckily, I didn’t miscarry! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-64956 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 14:00:18 +0000 LuLu Mom 64956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am 5 weeks and have told my mom and 3 best friends and a coworker. We will tell my in laws and then wait until after my 8 week appointment to tell siblings and close family. Its going to be really hard to keep it from my sisters! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-64950 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 13:46:28 +0000 daniellemybelle 64950@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For what its worth, some friends of ours didn't tell anyone until she started showing - about 4.5 months. They said it was so exciting and fun for the two of them to have their own little secret. I think DH &amp; I would enjoy that aspect too, though maybe not for as long! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-so-bad-about-telling-people-early#post-64944 Wed, 01 Feb 2012 13:36:43 +0000 mrsjazz 64944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ditto to what previous posters have said--it depends on the person.</p> <p>I'm an open person, so when we found out we told our parents, siblings, and close friends--which are people I normally lean on for support and would've confided in anyway if I'd had a miscarriage. </p>