Hellobee Boards Topic: What's the right way to handle this?

Hellobee Boards Topic: What's the right way to handle this? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 18 May 2026 09:09:52 +0000 Mrsbells on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2664224 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 13:01:27 +0000 Mrsbells 2664224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Cherrybee: I would have done the exact same thing. When DD acts up in the store I take something from the cart that is an extra treat for her and I put it back on the shelf and she was to wait a week til we come back to the store to hopefully get that treat again. I think eventually repeating things like that sinks in the message that negative behaviour leads to loss of privileges. looch on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2664124 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 11:17:05 +0000 looch 2664124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Cherrybee: I am impressed she didn't eat the chocolate! My son wouldn't have had that discipline at your daughter's age. My son just turned 6 and this is the first year we've not had issues with the advent calendar (and by issues I mean waiting to open each door). catomd00 on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2664116 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 11:09:41 +0000 catomd00 2664116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't actually think throwing it away is a natural consequence. Leaving it for her to attempt to use is. So she can go to open the door and see its ripped off and the natural consequence is that she ripped it so she can't open it today. But, she left the candy in and I personally would let her have it. I would probably have her help me tape the calendar back together if at all possible. Cherrybee on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2664084 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 09:41:16 +0000 Cherrybee 2664084@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @birdofafeather: yeah, I kept it. It works out approx half the remaining days are intact. birdofafeather on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2664073 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 09:19:44 +0000 birdofafeather 2664073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Cherrybee: that's good! Did you end up keeping it? After all is said and done, I would just let her open the days that are available. And if she mentions it again, I would try not to make a big show out of how she broke it, but just simply said something along the lines of, yes, it's open already but there are _ days until Christmas now. Cherrybee on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2664043 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 06:28:21 +0000 Cherrybee 2664043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ She came into our room this morning and announced that she wouldn't be able to open her advent calendar this morning because she broke it. She really understands. Tomorrow's window is intact so perhaps we can open tomorrow's window.... Truth Bombs on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663985 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 21:04:26 +0000 Truth Bombs 2663985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I would say throwing it out isn't really a natural consequence. The advent calendar is still usable (she gets the treats but most days won't get to open the door which is what she really enjoys). I feel like if you throw it out all together you're escalating the situation and punishing beyond the natural consequence. creativemomma15 on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663981 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 20:57:13 +0000 creativemomma15 2663981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm not sure exactly what I would have done.... Probably something very similar to what you did. I will say, we have gone to some counseling for some challenges with our 4 year old and our counselor told us that even our 4 year old cannot necessarily fully comprehend long term consequences like this. Yes, he can repeat back what the consequence is and why but that the brain development for truly understanding that isn't all there yet. I have a hard time sometimes remembering this so I am not at all saying what you did was or was not right. Sometimes it is so hard to take away something special when they've made a mistake and need a consequence. I am sorry that happened! Maybe still using this advent calendar but only on the "usable" days like some others suggested would be a good compromise? If she asks on a day that's ruined you can show her that it's broken/ruined from her actions and there's nothing to open for that day? littlejoy on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663976 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 20:35:51 +0000 littlejoy 2663976@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I absolutely think you did the right thing (but I also understand why you're questioning it). Our LO is the same age, very spirited, and we also use natural consequences. What if you made a new calendar (like paper chain links you can tear off each day)? Or just a simple calendar she can mark off the days? If she protests, I'd just remind her, "I know you want that advent calendar, but you tore all of the doors open already. I'm sorry. I know you're upset." travellingbee on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663968 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 19:46:41 +0000 travellingbee 2663968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Oh yes in that case, I would just let her use it as is. Her consequences that she doesn't have a pretty advent calendar anymore. MrsSRS on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663957 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 16:28:58 +0000 MrsSRS 2663957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'd keep it and let her use it as is. She can have any intact treats, open any intact doors, and on the days there isn't anything, bummer. Maysprout on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663955 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 15:51:26 +0000 Maysprout 2663955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'd probably just skip a day but save the chocolate and do what @erinbaderin: suggested. I think life seems so long for kids that a day or two is plenty at that age for a consequence to sit in. And at least for my kids it cements better when they have a chance to act right then. If I wait too long to let them try to fix their mistake and behave like I asked I feel like they've forgotten the consequences. Mrs. Lion on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663954 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 15:32:19 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2663954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Cherrybee: in that case i might be a softie on this one too... i love christmas too much to deal with a sad lo every day over one impulsive choice. like others have said, maybe let it simmer for for a few days as a consequence, then maybe santa could send a new one in the mail with a note about second chances and grace <3 SugarplumsMom on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663952 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 15:16:05 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2663952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Cherrybee: That's a tough one! If it was DD, I'd probably give her a second chance but not buy a new one. To be honest, I'd be impressed she didn't actually touch the chocolates. I'd make it a learning experience somehow. Even if she doesn't get a new one, remember that you're feeling way worse about it than she is. Don't beat yourself up - there isn't a right or wrong with these things. Cherrybee on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663951 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 14:58:49 +0000 Cherrybee 2663951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Mrs. Lion: it has been out of reach all month but, this morning, DH left it where she could get it after opening the window. :meh: @JoyfulKiwi: there are a few doors that are unopened around the edge. Perhaps we can open windows on those days. @SugarplumsMom: she left the chocolates all intact. She had ripped the foil open to reveal them but not a single chocolate had been eaten. She just wanted to open the windows (but ripped the front to bits in the process because the windows are hard to open). Thanks for the advice, everyone. :sad: Charm54 on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663949 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 14:42:00 +0000 Charm54 2663949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I probably would have bought another one a few days later to give her a second chance and let her show she can change her behaviour with it. But maybe I'm too much of a softie lol. If she was older I definitely wouldn't replace. I feel like at 3 though, they are still learning and offering second chances gives them the opportunity to demonstrate better choices. JoyfulKiwi on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663948 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 14:21:47 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2663948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Cherrybee: if it's broken, it's broken and there's no need to keep something that's unusable. If only parts of it were unusable, I'd probably keep it so she could access the "good" parts, but you're 100% right to not replace it. It feels sad, but this is how kids learn to control their impulses and regulate themselves. I do think an alternative advent could be nice, though. Maybe putting stickers on the regular calendar or coloring in each day's square? psw27 on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663945 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 13:45:44 +0000 psw27 2663945@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I would have thrown it out too if it wasn't salvageable! travelgirl1 on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663940 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 13:05:01 +0000 travelgirl1 2663940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I would have done the same thing. gingerbebe on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663938 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 12:59:06 +0000 gingerbebe 2663938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I would do the same thing but I would keep the mangled Advent calendar and show her every time she asked where it is or why she can't open a window. Perhaps you can turn it into a learning experience and make your own Advent calendar together. Especially if she tore the original for candy - perhaps you make a new one that doesn't have candy as the consequence but still has the fun of Advent. Maybe she can put a sticker on the calendar for each day or you can decorate envelopes together that you can later fill with a small prize (sticker, temporary tattoo, paper crown, etc) and hang them up on a string. I've seen cute ones where you have a green paper or felt tree and you decorate it each day with an ornament made of stickers or felt for each day of Advent. erinbaderin on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663935 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 12:36:30 +0000 erinbaderin 2663935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ If it had treats and she didn't eat all the treats I would put them away and every morning mark off a day on a regular calendar (or maybe make one out of paper and mark the days with stickers?) and still let her have the treat, but not buy a new one. Mrs. Lion on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663933 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 11:50:23 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2663933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think that is a lot of self control to expect out of a 3 year old, but i probably would have done the same thing as you. maybe next year remove the temptation by having one that only had one treat at a time? or keep it somewhere that she.cant get to and only get it out when its time? Madison43 on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663932 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 11:48:32 +0000 Madison43 2663932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @SugarplumsMom: agree. We have a cloth calendar with little pouches instead of doors - my 3 yo can't help sneaking a peek in the other pouches which is fine with me but if she ate any of the candy, she knows it would be gone. SugarplumsMom on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663931 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 11:27:32 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2663931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Cherrybee: Is it the type with candy in it? Did she eat all the candy? If it contained non-food items, did she play with them? I guess for me, it's all about the intent. If my LO knew she was only supposed to open one window a day, and she opened them all because she couldn't wait, there's no way she'd get another calendar. But if she was just trying to peek and accidentally tore it, then it would largely depend on what she did with the contents. wheres_c on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663930 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 11:26:47 +0000 wheres_c 2663930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I would have done the same thing :) yoursilverlining on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663929 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 11:23:19 +0000 yoursilverlining 2663929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Trailmix: I'm a softie too, so realistically I would likely buy another one - but not for at least a good solid week so that lo understands longer term consequences. coopsmama on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663928 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 11:20:03 +0000 coopsmama 2663928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Trailmix: my 3 year old absolutely does. We have had a similar situation like this before - not with an advent calendar, but similar. @Cherrybee: you did the right thing! Trailmix on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663927 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 11:15:27 +0000 Trailmix 2663927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm a softie. I'd probably make her skip another two days but then buy a new one for the remaining week or whatever. I don't think 3-year-olds have the capacity to understand long-term consequences. yoursilverlining on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663923 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 10:40:12 +0000 yoursilverlining 2663923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I would have done the same. T.H.O.U. on "What's the right way to handle this?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/whats-the-right-way-to-handle-this#post-2663920 Sun, 11 Dec 2016 10:26:54 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2663920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes. It's ruined so I would not replace it.