https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 09:56:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-close-friend-or-family-member-has-infertility-issues#post-50622 Wed, 11 Jan 2012 20:25:29 +0000 heffalump 50622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for all the advice! I have already talked to her a lot about everything, asked lots of questions, and asked if there's anything I can do. The sad thing is I ended up crying and she had to comfort me. I just feel so awful.... I had a miscarriage so I understand how it feels to think that you might not ever have babies. And I hate that she's feeling that. Especially because I have my LO now, and she's so amazing and wonderful and I want her to be able to have all of that too. I also sent her a card recently saying that I'm thinking of her, and if there's anything I can do, and I suggested a girls night. I think I'll also get her a gift certificate for a massage or accupuncture... something relaxing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-close-friend-or-family-member-has-infertility-issues#post-50088 Tue, 10 Jan 2012 21:09:22 +0000 CarrieLouWho 50088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You should check out Resolve.org for some additional resources on what you can do to help. I agree with the comments above that just letting her know that you are thinking about her and are available if she needs to chat, get a mani/pedi, a drink, whatever... just that you are available when/if she needs you. Also be sure that you don't say things like - "it'll happen", "just relax", or compare her situation to others (I know this girl that decided to adopt &amp; bam, she got pregnant naturally!). You don't mean harm by saying that, but it does hurt. Also, learning some basic info on IVF is a great idea, just so you know what she's going through. She'll appreciate it so much that you took the time to look into it.<br /> We've been TTC for 15 months and have not told any friends or family yet. I'm going on a girls trip with 3 of my closest gal pals and I'm going to tell them then b/c I'm finally at a point where I need to talk about it. I'm going to put together something to give them so they kind of understand what I'm going through. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-close-friend-or-family-member-has-infertility-issues#post-48783 Sat, 07 Jan 2012 19:29:23 +0000 twinmama 48783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd just let her know that you're praying for them, and wishing them the best. Having been in her shoes, just having a few friends and family members to talk to about the process with was really nice. And when my support people took the time to learn a little bit about IVF, or just ask questions about how it all works, was kind of nice too - it was a way of showing they genuinely were interested and nonjudgemental about it.</p> <p>Care packages are great. Cozy/fun socks are great, nail polish, pjs, and funny books or movies are great. I made sure to surround myself with as much happy, positive, funny energy during IVF and I honestly think it played a part in the success. </p> <p>I think also offering to take her out to lunch, or bring take out or ice cream or something to her at home, could be nice. She might be bloated or uncomfortable from the shots and procedures, so she might want to stay home. Having some girl time to just talk about the process, or talk about anything else, if that's what she wants, might help. </p> <p>And since you mentioned prayer, here's an article link that I love. They show that IVF success rates were higher with intercessory prayer, even when the patients didn't know they were being prayed for. I really appreciated prayer on our behalf.</p> <p><a href="http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/EMIHC000/333/333/335483" rel="nofollow">http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/EMIHC000/333/333/335483</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-close-friend-or-family-member-has-infertility-issues#post-48743 Sat, 07 Jan 2012 17:03:05 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 48743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I honestly think you should ask her. Tell her exactly how you feel and ask how you can best support her because you care. I also think IVF care package type things are really sweet. I know there's a "socks" project going around the internet. But comforting things like tea or socks or a blanket or a book could be a nice way to just show you're thinking about her.</p> <p>(I've been trying for 18 months and all of the above would make me happy.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-close-friend-or-family-member-has-infertility-issues#post-48742 Sat, 07 Jan 2012 16:58:30 +0000 MsMamaBear 48742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My cousin has been dealing with this and my baby is 4 months old. We just found out her (my cousin) twin sister is pregnant. I can tell i bothers her. I just try to let her help with Baby Bear because she loves kids. I just pray it happens for her soon too. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-close-friend-or-family-member-has-infertility-issues#post-48731 Sat, 07 Jan 2012 15:18:35 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 48731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My best friend struggled with infertility. She is currently pregnant and became pregnant before I did. When she was still TTC I tried to be there for her as much as possible. We talked about how we would feel when the other became pregnant. I am glad that she became pregnant before me though because I didn't want to hurt her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-close-friend-or-family-member-has-infertility-issues#post-48645 Sat, 07 Jan 2012 10:18:27 +0000 eeh 48645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh I understand your feelings completely. We recently told my husband's sister and her husband that we are having a baby. She had always told us that they wanted to wait about 4 years before having kids so we always just kind of assumed we would have kids first and knew she was just waiting for us to make her an aunt. So, we were shocked when she started crying hysterically when we told her. She explained to us that they had been trying since May (3.5 years sooner than we though) and had just (within the same week) found out that she has PCOS and her chances of getting pregnant are pretty slim. We were devastated for them and felt like big ol jerks for telling them in a fun, joking manner instead of being more sensitive but we honestly had no idea. It wouldn't have changed the circumstances any but we definitely would have been more tender in how we approach the subject. </p> <p>I've talked to her since then to let her know that we support her and her husband 100% and that I don't want to throw this pregnancy in her face at all. I told her that I want her to be as involved as she feels comfortable with. She seemed really appreciative of that conversation and is genuinely excited for us and wants to be involved. However, I can still tell that it stings a little when I send her updates like the heartbeat which we got to see for the first time on Thursday. </p> <p>I'm really kind of dreading my baby shower because I know she feels obligated to throw me one and will feel awkward not throwing one but at the same time I know it will be torture for her to even be there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-close-friend-or-family-member-has-infertility-issues#post-48624 Sat, 07 Jan 2012 09:24:01 +0000 chopsuey 48624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A coworker of mine who I was really close with has infertility problems. She went through IVF twice and she and her husband REALLY want a baby. She has a positive outlook on things though and was planning on adopting since she's getting older and chances of a successful pregnancy are really slim.</p> <p>Not sure what kind of advice to give you, but my coworker is really good with babies and she's never been outwardly upset about her friends getting pregnant or having lots of children.<br /> Sounds like your family member is the same? </p> <p>Hopefully your f.m. will be a mom one day--whether it's through IVF, surrogacy, adoption.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-close-friend-or-family-member-has-infertility-issues#post-48599 Sat, 07 Jan 2012 07:49:12 +0000 heffalump 48599@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What can you do to show them you care or cheer them up a little? I know there's really nothing that can be done to make them feel better, but I feel like I have to try something!</p> <p>I have a family member who has been trying for years to get pregnant and can't. She's currently going through IVF and I'm praying that it works for them. Meanwhile, pretty much everyone she knows has had a baby. I miscarried before I had my LO so I do know how awful it can be to want a baby so badly and think that you may never have one, and I hate that she's going through that too. </p> <p>I also feel bad because my baby gets so much attention during family gatherings and it has to be hard for her. I have the first grandchild so my family of course is going crazy over her. She is amazing with my LO and has never acted anything but excited for us and to have my LO in her life. But I still feel guilty that I was able to have my baby and she can't, which I know is silly. </p> <p>Any advice? </p>