https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 05:08:39 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859664 Sun, 02 Dec 2018 17:25:01 +0000 Nutella 2859664@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Paddington10: in some ways, I think it depends on the friendship. Do you want to try your best to save it? Or are you happy to let it slide and then wonder forever more...</p> <p>I did the first with a friend who ghosted me in high school and we are friends again now. I really valued the friendship and was devastated for years - eventually we made up but not to BFF level but that’s ok! </p> <p>But there are other instances where friends did a slow fade out &amp; I did not care enough to chase it. I recognised the friendship had run its coursE and I also did not want to hound them to be my friend 😂</p> <p>I’ve also been the dumper sad to say... and it is also hard! But that’s because the friendship has become obligatory, draining, one-sided and uninspiring. It sounds harsh but I prefer my life without the negativity. She is taking forever to understand though - so may need a conversation soon. She never gives up and will incessantly ask to hang out and it kills me every time. Some people just don’t understand when a friendship has had its time. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859463 Fri, 30 Nov 2018 23:59:50 +0000 irene 2859463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I recently ghosted a very dear friend but under different circumstances. She hasn't been reliable / as happy to see me for the whole past year. She would make plans with me and cancel in short notice, amongst other things. I felt like she was distancing me and I cried and I was hurt for months. My mom was sick in May and passed away in July, and I was away for a good chunk of summer. This friend wanted to reconnect , but I was beyond hurt to be able to maintain a friendship. Besides, I just didn't feel that her reaching out was sincere in a close friend kind of way, which hurts even more. It is sad because our kids played together since they were born. </p> <p>I am really sorry you are hurt, I think it felt like how I felt in the earlier parts of the year for me. Can you reach out to her and say, hey, I do miss you and I really want to talk to you. I have been wondering if I might have hurt your feelings unknowingly, and that we should talk about it? I cherish your friendship and I want to talk to you. Can we schedule a time to talk even just on the phone (push for coffee at least, of course). but sometimes IF her feelings were hurt and it was beyond repair, or maybe life really just got so busy that there is no room left for past dear friends, it may be best to just move on... Good luck. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859333 Fri, 30 Nov 2018 13:05:02 +0000 Ajsmommy 2859333@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My bff and room mate from college has done this to me. I believe it revolved around some jealousy and feelings of being less than.. although I don't see why! But we grew apart after college mostly bc she failed to follow through with a "visit". We had a good thing going where I'd go visit her and she'd come visit me for a few years but one time when she was supposed to come visit me she ghosted. This was before FB and text (yeah we're that old)... so I was busy working and living life so we lost touch.....then fb arrived and we reconnected via fb. and all was well UNTIL I got engaged and I chose my wedding party and sent my invites. She wasn't in my wedding party and I actually didn't even invite her to the wedding bc well... we hadn't seen each other for YEARS and I honestly didn't think it would be a big deal. I was wrong. She completely ghosted me, I called her out on it via messenger and it didn't go well. So for 3 years we weren't friends, no contact. But I seriously think of her almost daily bc we have so much history... anyway one day I just messaged her. I told her I know she didn't want to hear from me but I couldn't help but chuckle bc I have a DD with curly hair and my friend had curly hair that I LOVED.. it was just a weird coincidence.... anyway I told her I thought of her and left it at that.</p> <p>Well, I am glad I did that bc she responded and she told me how hurt she was and I told her I had no idea!!! and now we're fb friends... and might see each other again someday </p> <p>Being ghosted is not fun and it's very hard to get over, especially if that person was a big part of your life!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859332 Fri, 30 Nov 2018 13:02:27 +0000 Ms. RV 2859332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have anything to add to what everyone else has said... but who leaves a group dinner to do laundry???? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859315 Fri, 30 Nov 2018 12:03:41 +0000 Adira 2859315@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I don't know if this applies to your situation, but my best friend has kind of done this same thing to me multiple times, whenever she started dating someone new! She's get totally invested/co-dependent in the relationship and just drop off the face of the Earth. It used to really bother me, but then I kind of just got used to it. Eventually, she'd resurface and we'd reconnect!</p> <p>I knew she found a keeper when she started dating someone who actively encouraged her to keep up with her friendships and she DIDN'T just disappear from my life when she was dating him. They ended up getting married and I was her Matron of Honor and we're still best friends!</p> <p>So... I guess my question is - is it possible that this is what's happening? Maybe she has an unhealthy relationship with her new boyfriend and is allowing herself to be totally consumed by it. With my friend, I just had to be supportive and give her time and she'd eventually come back around again.</p> <p>But, depending on when you started being friends, I do think people can just grow apart. I'm not really friends with any of my friends from high school anymore. And from college, I just have two really close friends that I still talk to. Most of my close friends I have now are coworkers I met after college! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859308 Fri, 30 Nov 2018 11:36:17 +0000 nana87 2859308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One of my best friends from growing up ghosted me during college and it was one of the most humiliating, hurtful experiences of my life. She'd been my best friend since about 9th grade, but we went to different colleges and our friendship was really one-sided and in a bad place by junior year. The last in-person conversation I had with her was right before I went abroad for a semester, and we were excitedly talking about how we'd both be in our hometowns that summer. I didn't have much internet access while I was abroad (this is pre-smart phones!) and I called her like a million times when I got back and just, nothing. I was going through a horrible time too with my grandma dying and she was just totally MIA. I'm pretty sure it had to do with her girlfirend at the time--my ex-bff is bi and had with someone since high school who I'm pretty sure hated me/maybe she was jealous? (I'm straight...), and I had told my firend that I thought she was better off when they'd broken up temporarily after she'd been cheated on--somehow I ended up the bad guy there? But I don't know. It didn't really matter to me in the end why or how our friendship ended--in retrospect I see how much more effort I had been putting into the relationship than her and how little emotional support she was willing to give me. To just disappear though was terrible. It made me think I'd done something terribly wrong, and I was so embarrassed and my pride so hurt that I isolated myself from our mutual friends too. I had seen her gf at a party and she totally ignored me too. I honestly think it's more painful than any romantic break up I've ever gone through. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859158 Thu, 29 Nov 2018 16:20:43 +0000 cyoung 2859158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was this friend when I was in high school. It wasnt cause I hated my friends but I was obsessed with my boyfriend. It sounds like she maybe really into him (not in a healthy way) another possibility is she may feel you wont like him and doesn't want you around. Odds are you did nothing wrong. She just need to work out her priorities. You may have to just take a step back and let her figure her life out. Its sucks when friends do this. I'm sorry. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859154 Thu, 29 Nov 2018 16:13:36 +0000 crazydoglady 2859154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: This exactly. </p> <p>I've never been broken up with by a friend, just the friendships that fizzled out because of distance/life changes/ etc. </p> <p>This does remind me of these two friends who I worked at an AWFUL job with and who lived nearby. We spent so so much time together at and away from work, and I truly loved these women. We all got different jobs and moved away from each other. I went to visit one across the country and another more locally shortly thereafter. Another year passed and they were both close by visiting, so I drove a couple hours to meet them. When I got there, something was different. One of the girls was downright nasty to me, snapping at me, and wanted nothing to do with me. The other one was better, but not great. The only person who was kind to me was one of their boyfriends. I ended up leaving early, crying the whole way home, and went to straight to my new boyfriend's (now DH) and just lost it. I never talked to either of them again. This was 5+ years ago and it still stings. I don't know what I did wrong or what I could have done to fix it, but I know I don't want to be friends with people who treat me that way (even if I did do something wrong.) It honestly hurt more than being broken up with romantically. </p> <p>I guess my advice is commiseration, to let the disappointment run its course, and to invest in relationships with people who will reciprocate. Hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859146 Thu, 29 Nov 2018 15:46:02 +0000 youboots 2859146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I had kind of a weird situation where a very close friend of 10+ years sent me a long text admitting that she was jealous of me because of my pregnancy shortly after my daughter was born. (I was about 14 weeks at the time of her wedding) then she got pregnant shortly after and stuff got weird. I responded that we needed to discuss in person and she never responded, I had an infant daughter to care for. I did not pursue the relationship further. She never contacted me again. It took me a long time to get over. I did not want to pursue a relationship with someone who historically leaned on me emotionally, especially because at that point i was in weekly therapy for my own issues. Obviously this is an over simplified version. I kind of feel like we ghosted each other.</p> <p>This book was really helpful <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Best-Friends-Forever-Surviving-Breakup/dp/1590200403/ref=mp_s_a_1_3/130-5139991-0049619?ie=UTF8&#038;qid=1543523858&#038;sr=8-3&#038;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&#038;keywords=best+friends+forever+book&#038;dpPl=1&#038;dpID=41R%2BEU-Q26L&#038;ref=plSrch" rel="nofollow">https://www.amazon.com/Best-Friends-Forever-Surviving-Breakup/dp/1590200403/ref=mp_s_a_1_3/130-5139991-0049619?ie=UTF8&#038;qid=1543523858&#038;sr=8-3&#038;pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&#038;keywords=best+friends+forever+book&#038;dpPl=1&#038;dpID=41R%2BEU-Q26L&#038;ref=plSrch</a></p> <p>I actually plan on reading it again. Since I recently moved cross country I’ve come to understand that some relationships I will have to put more effort into and some I’m ok with them just slowly fading away. I can’t reasonably keep up with the same amount of people when I will only be back once a year and frankly I’m not open to anyone/everyone staying with us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859068 Thu, 29 Nov 2018 14:00:39 +0000 yellowbeach 2859068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have been ghosted twice by my two best guy friends, under totally different circumstances... one happened 6 years ago (still ghosted), the other happened 3 years ago (ghosting lasted 1.5 yrs).</p> <p>Ghosting #1: Was so so painful. I was working in public safety, and my best friend and duty partner who I spent 12-24 hrs with every week from 2004-2009 just stopped returning my text and calls one day. I never got an explanation, but I had broken up with one guy at the time (who Ghoster#1 liked) to date my now husband. It was all a little messy, and the ex was very hurt, and best I can assume, Ghoster #1 thought this made me a bad person not worthy of his friendship any more. He was my best best friend and I still hurt from this today. ETA: I heard from him once by text after the Pulse shooting in Orlando as he played a major role in taking care of the victims.</p> <p>Ghoster #2: Was a work friend who I met in 2003 after college and had a lot of respect for professionally and hung out with quite a bit outside of work, too. Our friendship survived through multiple jobs, relationships and countless Sunday Fundays over the years. In 2015, he was diagnosed with cancer at age 41. He initially drew closer to me as I'm in the medical field, but then maybe a month after his diagnosis went totally dark. I only knew he was alive because mutual friends worked with him. I gave him space for the first 6 months (benefit of the doubt that he was adjusting to his diagnosis) but eventually I texted and texted and called, and even had friends confront him directly. He told them we just "grew apart" and once that he hadn't heard anything from me. One day when near his house, DH had the great idea to just ambush him and confront him. I was 6 months pregnant and could imagine that he'd never get to meet her. Sure enough, he opened the door, let me in immediately, cried, said he was sorry and had just been putting things off and then one day it was totally awkward and he felt like a terrible person for ghosting me and didn't know how to make things right again. That ambush day was 1.5 years ago, and since that time we've hung out 5-6 times, text regularly, and I take him to his cancer treatments on occasion. </p> <p>So, two different endings, but each so painful. I am so so so so thankful I pushed the issue with Ghoster #2 and didn't just walk away bc it would have eaten at me forever. I think you need to decide if you want to try more or not, whichever is right for you, and then just make peace with what is. It's so painful though, I get it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859067 Thu, 29 Nov 2018 13:53:40 +0000 Mommy Finger 2859067@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I truly believe that people come in and out of your lives for various reasons. I've been through friend break ups and while they suck, I try to learn from it. For example, I met a girl when I was 13 and we were best friends. We lived together after college and began to grow apart but mostly stayed friends. However, I did meet another great group of girls through her in my 20's. I truly believe I was meant to meet the original friend so that I could meet the others. </p> <p>It's understandable to want to have some closure. And I think you need to treat it like you would have previously treated a break up from a SO. Feel free to mourn it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859059 Thu, 29 Nov 2018 13:22:58 +0000 hummusgirl 2859059@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry - I've been dumped/ghosted and it is the WORST. I had (occasional) dreams/nightmares about it for like 10 years after it happened. </p> <p>Now, I focus on all of the amazing people in my life and how lucky I am to have the relationships I do. And I think about how "some friendships are for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859043 Thu, 29 Nov 2018 12:27:27 +0000 LCTBQE 2859043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I’ve been the dumpee (which was actually more of a mutual breakup) and the dumper. Both women were people I considered among my 2-3 best friends. I could tell you all the boring details but the bottom line is that when I was the dumper, I was completely fed up with this person, and when I was the dumpee, I believe that my life circumstances were totally indigestible to my ex-friend, and she decided she didn’t like me anymore or that I wasn’t up to snuff, and she ghosted me. </p> <p>Very frankly, it sounds like this woman just doesn’t love you anymore. If you can’t point a finger easily to something you did “wrong” then I’m sure you did nothing wrong at all, and she just is growing in a different direction from you. It does hurt, but I would move on and not look back. Understandably hard if you have mutual friends, but you’re not going to get an honest answer from her. And if you did, what good would it do? “I don’t think you’re cool anymore since you had kids”?? </p> <p>I have so many wonderful, healthy friendships that I’m grateful for—that’s what I want in life, not a resurrection of a relationship with someone with whom I’m fundamentally no longer compatible. You know? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859028 Thu, 29 Nov 2018 11:20:34 +0000 kiddosc 2859028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've had this happen to me. My best friend of 10+ years totally ghosted me. I was her maid of honor, we lived in the same apt complex and spent multiple nights a week together. She was supposed to come and help me load the truck to move half-way across the country and she never showed up. After the move, she never returned calls or texts and started telling other mutual friends all the things she didn't like about me. She never talked directly to me, and had never had a conversation about these issues prior to her ghosting me. I was really hurt about it for a long time, and still sometimes wonder what she's up to. In the end though, I got to hear her complaints through other people and I don't think any of them were friendship ending and don't really feel like I did anything wrong. Some people just aren't going to always be compatible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859022 Thu, 29 Nov 2018 11:14:00 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2859022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yep. Something very similar happened to me 3 years ago. I reached out recently for the first time in almost 3 years because she'd been directly affected by the wildfires and I had the overwhelming feeling that life is too short and I should be the bigger person. She responded politely and thanked me for checking in, but didn't mention the past 3 years and never responded to my last message, which was a picture of the baby. I'm not expecting it to go anywhere, and believe this friendship is over, but I feel better for reaching out. No answers here, but I know how it feels. I'm sorry, it is no fun. 🤷‍♀️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859017 Thu, 29 Nov 2018 10:42:51 +0000 snowjewelz 2859017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh, that sucks and I'm so sorry. If I were in your shoes and that my conscience is clear that I could not have possibly done/said anything to offend her, I probably would not press since she literally ran from you :sad: I would probably just take time to grieve/heal and then focus on cultivating other friendships that are worth my time.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2859004 Thu, 29 Nov 2018 10:04:06 +0000 thepaperbutterfly 2859004@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Something similar happened to a best friend of mine. She had been very close friends with this girl for like 6+ years. All of a sudden her friend pulled away and wanted to do stuff with these OTHER friends, and basically started ignoring my friend. My friend knew she didn't deserve to be treated like that so she suddenly (and without notice) cut off all contact with her ex-best friend. She did cry a lot and was sad about it for months. She was mourning what was not what their friendship had turned into. I even cried when they broke up because I knew how much my best friend loved her ex-best friend. Sometimes there isn't a good reason and some people aren't quite as loyal as you are. You deserve a friend who will love you as much as you love them. You don't have to do anything drastic like my friend did, but I wouldn't actively pursue a friendship with this person </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2858993 Thu, 29 Nov 2018 09:26:46 +0000 gotkimchi 2858993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Paddington10: It’s not you, you sound like a great friend. I would distance yourself just to protect yourself - I’m not sure why she’s doing this but it’s nothing you did </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2858990 Thu, 29 Nov 2018 09:20:02 +0000 Littlebit7 2858990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister recently did this to practically everyone in her life, including her family. We have no answers as to why. She has a new boyfriend too. She literally ghosted our entire family. It’s been 6 months since she returned a text. I don’t even know where she lives. I was trying daily to reach out but it eventually emotionally drained me to the point that I just had to step away. I’ll reach back out again in another month or so. You might never know why it happened, or it could be something so much bigger than you imagine. But I’m 99% positive it wasn’t you. . For my sister, I think it is mental illness. So sorry you lost your friend. It is ok to grieve the loss. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-a-friend-dumps-you#post-2858987 Thu, 29 Nov 2018 09:10:33 +0000 Paddington10 2858987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hello Bees - I used to post ages ago, but now have a toddler and don't post as much. But this group has always been an insightful resource, so here goes:</p> <p>Have any of you ever been ghosted/dumped by a friend? I feel completely awful and blindsided and confused. A close friend of several years began to pull away when she began dating a new boyfriend. Before she met him, we were very close. Gradually, she stopped initiating plans, texting with me, checking in in any way. Any time I asked to do something or checked in, it was met with a breezy "Life is just so crazy right now!" excuse.</p> <p>I finally emailed her and said, Hey. I miss seeing you. Is everything OK?</p> <p>And got back another, "Life is just so busy!" excuses. No offer to meet up, no expression of "hey, I miss you too!" or ANYTHING. </p> <p>Meanwhile, I still get mass emails from her (her change of address when she moved in with the new boyfriend, for instance, with a group "come visit us soon!" message).</p> <p>This is someone I once considered a dear friend. I have met her boyfriend a total of once. I just don't understand. Last night, I did see her for a large group dinner. She basically ran out of the restaurant. I ran after her (!) and said, Hey. I really miss you. What's up? She said, "Yep, just so busy, gotta go do laundry!" and booked it out of there. </p> <p>I'm ashamed to say, I cried on the way home. I don't understand what caused the loss of the friendship. I do know she still continues to hang out with other mutual friends, tho I have no idea how much. </p> <p>If you were me, would you just....move on? Never speak to her again? Press for an answer? Is this something that happens with grown women? I keep replaying every aspect of our friendship and wondering if I did something wrong, somehow. The only thing I can think of is that I have two kids and she doesn't have any and wants kids, although I do know she is still friends with other women who just had babies, so...</p> <p>Any advice? </p>