https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 30 Jun 2026 02:12:40 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279394 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 14:58:45 +0000 reverie 2279394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like parents started getting so scared when they started getting arrested for letting their 10 year olds walk to and from a park alone..... </p> <p>And the hyper awareness of everything bad that has ever happened to anyone doesn't help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279367 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 14:42:37 +0000 PawPrints 2279367@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: That is hilarious. I wonder if articles like these are a sign that public opinion is shifting on this subject, even in the brief period between 2013 and 2015. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279356 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 14:34:56 +0000 Truth Bombs 2279356@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PawPrints: This was posted in another thread today and most had the exact opposite reaction. So apparently everyone would call the cops on someone else doing it, but think it's totally fine for them to do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279354 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 14:32:43 +0000 PawPrints 2279354@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I read this post on Scary Mommy yesterday on the subject of leaving your kids alone in the car for a moment while you buy something: <a href="https://www.scarymommy.com/leaving-kids-in-car-for-5-minutes-isnt-illegal-in-nj/" rel="nofollow">https://www.scarymommy.com/leaving-kids-in-car-for-5-minutes-isnt-illegal-in-nj/</a></p> <p>The NJ Supreme Court just ruled on this subject, stating that it is perfectly legal to leave your child alone in the car for five minutes.</p> <p>I was curious about whether this had been discussed on Hellobee, so I searched and found a 2013 thread in which everyone piled on to say they would definitely call the cops if they ever saw kids alone in a car. It made me sad. There are definitely things that we "know better, do better" these days, like car seats, but so many other things that don't make a bit of sense to be so hyper-cautious about. I certainly spent time alone in the car as a kid and I don't fault my parents for that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279336 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 14:18:42 +0000 .twist. 2279336@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: aaah! Ok, I definitely agree. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279332 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 14:17:10 +0000 Truth Bombs 2279332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: Oh no, I wasn't trying to call you out at all. Just using your thread as an example that we may all have different lines of what's being "overly" cautious and what isn't. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279317 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 14:06:30 +0000 .twist. 2279317@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I'm certainly not picking sides, if that's what you're saying? I am not immune to the influence of media on my parenting. Simply just answering the question as basic as possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279176 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 12:31:14 +0000 youboots 2279176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with those who have said its media/internet driven. We have unlimited access to unlimited information 24/7, and the news that 'sells' is tragic. I've been accused of being ignorant because I rarely watch or read the news, I do it to protect my own innocene and heart, to keep myself from being paranoid and jaded, it works for me. Sure I hear about the big stories and tune in about weather events or educate myself during election season. </p> <p>Reading Emily Oster 'Expecting Better' was really a game changer in the way I see myself as a person/parent. Sometimes it feels like whoever suffers the most for their child is the best parent. I don't subscribe to that. I want to live a happy life as an adult sometimes separate from my daughter and I feel that separation will make us both better. I have been reading up on free range parenting and slow parenting and it makes sense to me. Bring up Bebe also resonated with me.</p> <p>Not sure where I'm going with this, but I think the article is fabulous. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279144 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 12:16:33 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 2279144@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@birdofafeather: they certainly do. Every new stage brings another round of, I know I said I would never do that, but it's only way we are going to make it through the day. :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279129 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 12:08:24 +0000 Tanjowen 2279129@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there is a lot of ignorance involved, and ignorance breeds fear. I have the fortune (misfortune?) of knowing the legal system and CPS quite well due to my work history - most people I meet do not, and they fear things OR threaten legal action on things that are simply not true. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279121 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 12:05:56 +0000 Truth Bombs 2279121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.KMM: I don't disagree with you. I just think the issue is that people think that whatever their personal threshold is for what's safe and what isn't should be THE threshold. There are plenty of parents who think it should be their perogative to have their 6 month old in a forward facing car seat. Or parents who think it's OK to hit their child for misbehaving. You and I would probably disagree with that, and think that laws saying otherwise are good. I'm a total free ranger at the play ground, but I'm a freak about supervising kids with food because I have a crazy choking fear. So people have different ideas of what should be the standard, and sometimes we can't just let parents use their own judgement because it's not in the best interest of the child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279054 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 11:35:36 +0000 birdofafeather 2279054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs.shinerbock: Yep and that's what I personally do now. My kiddo is a climber and I've let her have there space to explore and experience consequences of falling and found that she as a result is more confident and careful. But I guess I'm thinking of bigger things like walking to the bus stop or exploring without me being there that I think I'm okay with in theory or maybe even have a harder time with but when my kids get to that age, I'll feel differently about. For me, it's kinda like when non parents criticize about baby things. Not that you can't have an opinion but things change when it's your own kid. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279027 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 11:16:38 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 2279027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@birdofafeather: but I think there are ways that it is pertinent now, just smaller things that are laying the foundation for the future. Like letting my almost 2 year old go down the slide by herself instead of on my lap or letting her run around the playground while I sit on the bench or at hang back. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279023 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 11:12:28 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 2279023@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>And I think a lot of fear is generated by people's reactions and the rise in public shaming. Now days, if someone disagrees with your parenting choice, all they have to do is take a picture and post on Facebook and they get instant feedback that they are in the right. (People shouldn't BF in public! People shouldn't let their little girls play at the beach without a top! People shouldn't feed their kids in the grocery store! And on and on.)</p> <p> Or they call the cops and don't feel any accountability to step in keep an eye on the kids until the parent comes back. (Doesn't matter that the kids in the car were being supervised by their 12 year old sister, that's criminal! Doesn't matter that mom was 100 feet away in the mall and could see them, the kids were abandoned!) We've lost the village mentality. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279017 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 11:11:16 +0000 littlejoy 2279017@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@birdofafeather: I was just thinking the same thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279016 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 11:10:49 +0000 littlejoy 2279016@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Simple answer ... I'm scared because society is fucking horrible! ;)</p> <p>Social media, and the availability of horrible news stories (24/7) just constantly remind us of all of the dangers, and awful people who hurt kids. </p> <p>I'm a nervous person by nature, so while I'm not going to let my kid go all free-range and out of my site, I will encourage her to try new things and be adventurous. I never want to crush her spirit, because *I'm* scared for her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279011 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 11:06:57 +0000 birdofafeather 2279011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I appreciate this discussion and think it will become even more pertinent when our kids are older where we might actually let them do the things we did when we were kids. Because I know my mom didn't let me wander around at 2! But I did take the bus to school alone in kindergarten and walk to the mall with my friend starting in 6th grade. So I'm interested to see how it will play out once my kids desire to run free more. But I do hope to instill this in them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2279002 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 11:02:07 +0000 HLK208 2279002@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: I agree about media playing a huge part...like on the Internet - mom blogs posting about child sex trafficking in Target stores (although, I knew about it before the blog posts, I didn't think much of it while out alone and now I check to see if I'm being followed in the store haha) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2278974 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 10:48:47 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2278974@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: yes – but there is also a big difference between improperly using a car seat and refusing to let your kid play in the yard because you think they're going to be abducted if you aren't standing there 2 feet away. Yet, so many parents in this generation seem to fear situations like the latter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2278973 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 10:48:46 +0000 Mama Bird 2278973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I dunno... my husband and I both had pretty free-range childhoods, and I really want my kids to grow up the same way, but at the same time I feel that I can't let them out of my sight until they're old enough to have a healthy sense of danger and be very aware of their surroundings. It's partly where you live - if it's a fairly safe neighborhood and you're on a quiet side street where kids can play outside, it's one thing, but a sketchier neighborhood is something else. Just a couple of weeks ago, DS was running half a block ahead of us and turned a corner, DH ran to catch up to him, and they came upon a mugging in progress. I was just starting to relax about letting the kid roam a little more... now I'm scared to let him get a stupid half block away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2278972 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 10:48:38 +0000 blackbird 2278972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: And I completely agree that these are founded concerns....and it might be, too, that our generation is more introspective and aware than our parents' generation was. We seem to accept more that we AREN'T stuck repeating that pattern. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2278964 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 10:44:05 +0000 Truth Bombs 2278964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there is a fine line on this issue, and people pick the side that's convenient for them at that moment.</p> <p>Yesterday @.twist.: posted about her FIL giving her a hard time about car seat safety and we all strongly agreed that just because lots of us survived without car seats back in the day, that doesn't mean we shouldn't make sure they are used properly today. When we know better, we do better. My mom thinks it's insane that I won't put a blanket in the crib with a newborn, but I still won't do it, despite her thinking I'm crazy. So I think there are a number of issues where parents today are competely justified in being more cautious than previous generations may have been. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2278957 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 10:41:05 +0000 Maysprout 2278957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's media too and hearing all the potential bad things but at the same time fear is not a new thing. There's crazy old wives tales from back in the day. But also roads. Cars drive fast. We live in a fairly calm neighborhood and have a neighbor who moved from a fairly remote place and they keep talking about how much more dangerous the U.S. is because of the cars on the road that might hit the kids and how it lessens the community since there's unknown people driving by all the time, whereas where they lived its a bit harder to get around and if someone new showed up it was usually known. It was an interesting perspective I hadn't thought about before. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2278951 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 10:37:02 +0000 .twist. 2278951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: I totally hear you. I struggle a lot with our three boys turning out to be like my husband and his brothers. I don't want my kids to have the relationship that their dad/uncles have. Or that, like my fathers brothers and my FIL's brothers, my kids will not care enough about me when I'm old, and I'll be left alone in a nursing home by myself until I die. Oh god. SUCH A FEAR. haha </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2278939 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 10:32:04 +0000 littlebug 2278939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The more I talk to my parenting peers, the more I'm hearing a similar thought process - this has all gone too far. I'm hoping that the pendulum starts to swing back and we can find a happy medium between how our parents were raised (absolutely no limits) and how the current generation is being raised (do not touch/do/taste/look at anything!). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2278937 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 10:30:37 +0000 blackbird 2278937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We, as a society, have become scared because we care too much what other people think of us/our parenting/etc. Nobody just says "hey, fuck off and mind your own business" anymore, lol. Because nobody minds their own business! And i totally agree with the media thing. We worry about the 0.05% chance of something bad happening...</p> <p>That being said, I do have some legit anxiety about losing one of my kids, because I've watched the last two generations in my family lose a child. My brother, my mom's brother, my dad's sister....every family has the one person who dies young, and there are a lot of correlations being about my kids and me and my brother, so I struggle with that irrationality that "it's going to happen to us" because "they're just like me and R". </p> <p>BUT...i don't want my concerns to make it so that I raise my kids in a fearful little bubble. I grew up like that and it is no way to live. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2278936 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 10:30:22 +0000 Corduroy 2278936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I also hate the fear involved in parenting today... even though I get sucked in by it sometimes. I follow the Free Range Parenting blog referenced in the article as a way to check my fears. </p> <p>A friend of mine recently lost their IVF only child. She was the most loved little girl and she was fiercely protected. It was tragic and so deeply sad. My heart weeps for their family. After the initial shock of the loss it helped me loosen the reins on my LO. I'm not raising her with the end goal of keeping her safe, I'm raising her to live and thrive. I need to remind myself of that regularly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2278934 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 10:28:17 +0000 Mrs.KMM 2278934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't stand the media hype and paranoia with this generation's parenting! It's like people have never learned statistics. People seem completely unable to understand how infinitesimally small the risks of things happening to their child so they stress and freak out about all the time. Media fear mongering (and other peoples' judgements) certainly don't help either!</p> <p>I am a very laid-back parent (my friends and family have actually commented on it – as a compliment!). I will be doing everything I can to make sure my children don't fall into this culture of fear that we've created. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2278928 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 10:24:43 +0000 BadgerMom 2278928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @.twist.: . I really believe our access to news/information has caused this. Things that are super rare seem to happen "all the time" now with the 24hr news cycle. When in reality they may not be occuring anymore now than they did 30 years ago. </p> <p>Life is risky. I try to assess those risks and I try my hardest not to live my life worrying about "meteors." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-parents-get-so-scared#post-2278923 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 10:21:35 +0000 runnerd 2278923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm actually still fairly laid back (despite not leaving him in the car for short periods :silly: ) - I "pretend" to much more worried about some safety and cleanliness items than I really am when I'm around people I fear being judged by (like my in-laws), and DH has a much higher safety alarm than I, so we have a few arguments over being conscientious vs giving him room to learn on his own. I definitely think that my group of friends are more in the laid back camp though. I don't see a lot of over parenting. </p>