https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 30 May 2026 02:01:13 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2311337 Tue, 06 Oct 2015 00:29:15 +0000 daniellemybelle 2311337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, today we went outside and sure enough: "Buggies sleeping! Wake up, buggies!" I said, "Actually, those buggies died. They aren't sleeping - they're dead."</p> <p>My 2 year old's response? "Ooh! Spooky Halloween!"</p> <p>WHAT. I literally said nothing. I have no freaking clue where she got that. We have not talked about or watched anything death in relation to Halloween at all! I mean, we have seen scary Halloween decorations, but dead = spooky Halloween? I guess this is just going to be one of those funny stories, haha!</p> <p>@TemperanceBrennan: Thanks! That's helpful.</p> <p>@AggieDaze: @cascademom: I think that's actually the podcast I was thinking of, not NPR! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2311009 Mon, 05 Oct 2015 16:11:41 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 2311009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mrs. Trail wrote a blog post about explaining death to preschoolers. Obviously geared toward an older age group, but some of it might help: <a href="http://www.hellobee.com/2013/06/06/explaining-death-to-preschoolers/" rel="nofollow">http://www.hellobee.com/2013/06/06/explaining-death-to-preschoolers/</a></p> <p>Even if you believe it heaven, I think it is a little delicate to describe heaven to someone too young to fully understand. I think heaven is a harder concept for a young child to grasp than death (especially if humans go to heaven, but crickets don't) even though it is more pleasant to describe. When my husband's grandmother died, my nephew took it really hard and thought he was bad because he couldn't visit heaven. And would then say, "I want to die so I can visit heaven."<br /> I think it makes much more sense to explain to someone (no matter their age) that:<br /> 1. All living things die (people, plants, insects, etc)<br /> 2. There is a reason things die (old age, health problem, accident, etc.)<br /> 3. Death is permanent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2310998 Mon, 05 Oct 2015 15:55:36 +0000 cascademom 2310998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@AggieDaze: I was just about to link the podcast. I actually found the podcast helpful. I never knew that the woman who runs "The Order of the Good Death" was a preschool teacher at some point. I used her analogy of a flower blooming, growing, and getting old with E at the conservatory this weekend when there was a dead bug on the path that he was afraid by. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2310994 Mon, 05 Oct 2015 15:50:20 +0000 mrsjazz 2310994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My great aunt died and LO knew that her grandmother was sad. We told her she died and Nana was sad because she'd never see her again but LO still doesn't quite get it. She kept telling my sister, her aunt, "remember when you died and nana was sad."</p> <p>We don't believe in Heaven so it's really hard to explain. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2310960 Mon, 05 Oct 2015 14:58:09 +0000 AggieDaze 2310960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've wondered the same thing. My grandpa passed away shortly after LO1 turned 2, and we just haven't addressed it. He didn't see my grandpa a ton before that so it just hasn't come up. </p> <p>I listened to this podcast, and it was semi helpful (but mostly relevant for slightly older children): <a href="http://longestshortesttime.com/episode-65-kids-ask-about-death/" rel="nofollow">http://longestshortesttime.com/episode-65-kids-ask-about-death/</a></p> <p>I am planning to avoid using the word sleeping re: death at all; we don't need any more reasons to have sleep problems! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2310925 Mon, 05 Oct 2015 14:00:52 +0000 LuLu Mom 2310925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>At 2 my grandpa passed away she didn't get it, she thought papa Dale was sleeping and just kind of moved on. But 8 months later when my grandma passed away and she "got it" more. We used faith (we are Christians) to explain that grandma went to live in heaven with Jesus and grandpa and that she will miss us and we will miss her but she's always in our hearts. At the funeral she picked up on the sadness and said "grandma isn't here anymore, she's in heaven." When we went to her house a few weeks later she ran in expecting to see her in her chair, and we had to explain again and she goes "oh I forgot she moved to heaven." So she picks up on it but we regularly talk about our family in heaven and she looks at pictures. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2310862 Mon, 05 Oct 2015 12:38:33 +0000 LulaBee 2310862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO was 26 months when her little brother died in childbirth. We have always been very upfront about his death, and why mommy/daddy are so sad. I'm not sure how much she understood at first, but she still brings him up and says "Henry died" or "baby Henry's body was too small". We also lost my aunt, grandmother, and brother in-law last year, so she's been exposed to death and grief a lot. My parents think I should shield her more, but now that she's 3 I think she understands a lot more than they give her credit for. It's a hard subject to deal with at any age, but she hasn't become fixated on it or anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2310475 Mon, 05 Oct 2015 00:52:39 +0000 erinpye 2310475@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>She started asking questions at 2, and then a bit later was very upset when a close family member lost a baby. She spiraled into lots of questions about whether she was going to die someday, and if various people in her life were, and I was gentle, but honest with her. It was heart-wrenching to hear my baby girl cry that she didn't want to die, but as upsetting and uncomfortable as it was for me, I believe in being honest and not confusing. She actually gets upset with a lot of movies that have death (it seems all the Disney ones do), but I just try to remind her it's the circle of life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2310452 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 22:56:26 +0000 daniellemybelle 2310452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks, everyone. I guess my concern about being matter-of-fact and just saying, "They died," is that she is not yet able to understand the concept and that it will confuse her. She's very inquisitive for her age so I just kind of want to be ready to explain it in an age appropriate way - but I feel like she is really so young so I kind of wish we could just put it off!</p> <p>If we had a loved one or pet die, I would tell her they went to heaven. But I'm not going to say that about dead crickets.</p> <p>@lamariniere: Flowers &amp; plants are a good idea. Thanks!</p> <p>@Rockies11: I think they actually did mention flowers as well but all the examples were with older kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2310346 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 19:39:55 +0000 BabyBoecksMom 2310346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Last year. Our dog died so we told her matter of factly that he was dead and would not be coming back. It was hard to explain.. even harder to explain when she would tell random strangers "our dog's name is Cody. He died." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2310334 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 19:23:43 +0000 JennyD 2310334@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mamabolt: we also had to put our dog down last week and our LO is 3-1/2. She's having a hard time understanding that Sasha died. I have been as honest as I think is appropriate. She has a lot of questions too. I think she's starting to understand that the dog is not coming back. I also didn't think she really cared much about the dog, but daycare mentioned that she used to talk about her dog all the time, but stopped. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2310206 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 13:51:54 +0000 Finfan 2310206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mamabolt: this is exactly what happened to us. She asked a few times to go see him at the ver's office so we had to explain a few times. It was about a month ago now and she does not say much about him. We still have another dog though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2310199 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 13:34:17 +0000 Rockies11 2310199@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We talk about things being dead with our 2 year old. I don't know that she really understands what it means though. We walk by a dead bird that we look at a lot, and I just say it's dead. She's never asked what dead means, but she doesn't really ask what anything means.</p> <p>ETA: did the NPR thing say to talk about what is? Or not? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2310162 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 12:02:55 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2310162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My lo is 3 and even though she went to a funeral at 18 or 19 months she still doesn't really know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2310021 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 06:39:13 +0000 mamabolt 2310021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO is 3 and we had to put our dog down two weeks ago. So that started the conversation. Like you said, we avoided the "put to sleep" language and instead went with "got very old and sick and part of his body wasn't working anymore." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2309985 Sun, 04 Oct 2015 02:10:27 +0000 lamariniere 2309985@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My son started asking about it around 3.5. He suddenly realized he had never met his other grandmother and asked me if I had a mom. So I had to confront the death topic earlier than imagined! I told him very matter of factly that she died. He asked a lot of questions after that and I answered as openly and truthfully as I deemed appropriate for his age. </p> <p>I would probably tell your daughter the truth. All living things die. Maybe use the example of flowers and plants to help her understand it in a less scary way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-did-your-lo-find-out-about-death#post-2309941 Sat, 03 Oct 2015 22:22:50 +0000 daniellemybelle 2309941@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO will be two in a few weeks and our backyard is currently covered in a bunch of dead crickets. We clean them up and more appear the next day. Lovely. </p> <p>Every time we go outside she says, "Shhh! Buggies sleeping!" She asks if we can wake them up. Today she said, "Buggies STILL sleeping!?!" I said, "Yes, honey, these buggies are going to sleep for a long time." </p> <p>I heard on NPR that you really shouldn't teach kids that death is like being asleep though because that's how kids get afraid that they or loved ones will die going to sleep. Obviously we are a long way away from that but I am just like - how is it that I am already trying to figure out what to say in this situation? </p>