https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Apr 2026 23:10:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-45162 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 18:26:52 +0000 cyneswith 45162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If she's old enough to help put on her jammies, she's old enough to learn. And there's a difference between punishing her and telling her the right/wrong behavior. I would probably say something like "There's no need to fuss. If you get changed, you can do X." And yeah, I wouldn't fight a tantrum unless it is in public.</p> <p>Also, with a little one on the way, she may be acting out against decreased attention from mom. In which case, ignoring her is the only way to handle a tantrum. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-45153 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 17:57:09 +0000 mrs. wagon 45153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>P.S. RJ is almost 25 months and he is nowhere near having the ability to follow directions unless it's with playing. All kids develop at different rates, and girls tend to mature more quickly than boys, but if RJ didn't want to put on his PJs and I told him "time to put on your PJs", it would be instant tantrum time. For us we have to figure out different tricks, like pretending that we're putting them on, or showing him the PJs over and over again, etc. Just sayin'. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-45150 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 17:54:38 +0000 mrs. wagon 45150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a tough one. Honestly, if it were me in the situation, I don't know how I would have reacted since we weren't at home and it would be past his bedtime and out of the routine to be putting PJs on at someone else's house. </p> <p>Being the parent of a toddler, I've learned that you have to pick your battles. We don't tolerate tantrums too well, and have implemented time outs that mostly work pretty well, but in extenuating circumstances we'll sometimes just give in. Whatever it takes to get whatever needs to be done done. With some tantrums, if you just force them to do what you want them to do, the tantrum can escalate and get to a completely uncontrollable situation. Like vomiting and red zone screaming. Sometimes you just want to do whatever it takes to prevent the escalation because you've been to the red zone before and you don't wanna go back!</p> <p>I try not to judge other parents in their decisions since I now understand just how difficult it is to deal with a tantrum-y toddler... so when I see parents not dealing with their crazy kids (especially when there's more than one!) I understand a whole lot more than I did before RJ started on his terrible twos. So while it's good to watch, learn, and discuss how you want to treat those kinds of situations in the future, know that you will be there someday and it is NOT. EASY!!! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-45055 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 15:20:26 +0000 runsyellowlites 45055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I give in more now then I did when DS was that age. =/ I was real good till I go pregnant &amp; recently DS went to his dad's for a week so since his return there's been ALOT more explaining going on to correct &amp; clarify things. &lt;--- That makes me pretty tired most of the time so I've tried to focus on only the big things until we can get everything back settled.</p> <p>At that age though I was DEFINITELY implementing that throwing a fit was an acceptable way to handle things... regardless of being tired OR sick. I was probably "stricter" when we were other places b/c it is other peoples peace &amp; things than in our own home.</p> <p>Given your SIL is ready to pop though I can definitely see how it'd be easier to just give in. Even the most consistant of us have days where we just throw in the towel &amp; hope for the next day to be better. Sad but true.... =/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-45052 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 15:17:24 +0000 eeh 45052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrstilly: I get that. In fact, I said that I personally think discipline needs to be consistent. However, I also know that quite often parents discipline their children and then grandparents don't back them up and instead of the discipline working, it backfires when the precious little angel faced baby runs to grandma and gets exactly what she wants. In that case, the mom can talk until she's blue in the face but it's not going to get her anywhere. Similar to how I try my best to be consistent in expectations and consequences with my students but when they go home and their parents allow them to hit their siblings, talk back, etc it completely undermines what I've been working on in the classroom and makes my job a lot harder. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-45051 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 15:10:59 +0000 mrstilly 45051@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@eeh: I get that, but not being consistent about enforcing rules and consequences in all situations is what leads to ongoing problems. It's called intermittent reinforcement and it is the least effective way to change behaviors and encourages kids to be defiant/tantrums because they never know when it'll work to get them what they want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-45049 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 15:07:16 +0000 mrstilly 45049@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS is only 9 months and I'm already starting to tell him no, no touch, gentle, etc... I know he's to young to get it yet, but its not to early for him to hear the words. I think that 20 months is definitely old enough to follow directions. Kids throw fits sometimes, especially at that age when they are tired or hungry, but that shouldn't stop the parents from standing their ground and being consistent about enforcing the rules. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-45009 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 13:10:58 +0000 brownie 45009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a very difficult subject. I have friends who I don't agree with how they parent (just the other day the mom didn't want to do anything that meant parenting ugh). So we can't really say anything to them. </p> <p>For temper tantrums, it was just studied and doing anything but ignoring them can actually make them last longer. So, we will probably just ignore the actual tantrum. When they are done with the tantrum though, they will still be expected to do as mommy and daddy say. If the tantrum is in an inappropriate location we will lift them up and move them. Seriously, at that age we are still bigger than them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-45007 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 13:07:05 +0000 cyndistar3 45007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't give in because once I start giving in she starts trying to battle everything. When it is time to do something it is time to do it. Now she is three years old and we hardly ever have these battles anymore. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-44975 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 12:12:14 +0000 eeh 44975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It could also be that your SIL doesn't want to be viewed as the mean mommy who makes the sweet angel faced grand baby mad or sad. Perhaps they discipline at home and you just don't see it? I, personally, think it needs to be consistent: home or otherwise but I can definitely understand being in a situation where it's easier to just not make a big scene. Do your inlaws back them up or would the little girl just run to them and get her way? Perhaps that has happened before and your SIL is just taking that into account? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-44942 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 11:13:39 +0000 prettylizy 44942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh I would never say anything! lol! It was just a discussion point between DH and I about how we want to parent out LO.</p> <p>@Mrs. Bee: Yeah, I can see that point too. I guess for DH and I, we see this little angel faced baby girl run the show for everyone around her. I think what it stems from is that no one ever says to her "it's not okay to throw a tantrum" or anything like that when she doesn't get her way. </p> <p>She's a wonderful little girl, and a total sweetheart, but she's the diva right now since she's the only baby/grandbaby on both sides of their family. Everyone keeps joking what a reality check it's going to be for her when he brother and cousin arrive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-44935 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 11:06:19 +0000 MsMamaBear 44935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LOL Glad you didn't say anything, everyone would have taken it wrong. My little cousin behaves this way and I worry when my daughter is old enough to understand what she is doing and "try" to copy her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-44933 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 11:05:34 +0000 Mrs. Bee 44933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>it would depend on the situation. was it past her bedtime? was she cranky because she was tired? i wouldn't make a big point if that were the case. </p> <p>not wanting to put on clothes is a very common toddler tantrum that we have with charlie all the time. there are certain things that we absolutely make a point -- no hitting, spitting, etc -- but we're not as strict with things like putting on clothes/shoes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-44932 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 11:04:43 +0000 prettylizy 44932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsMamaBear: that's how I felt too. She's old enough now to know and understand things, but I sort of felt like the wicked witch thinking that they should just make her do it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-44927 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 11:02:07 +0000 MsMamaBear 44927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd make a point. 20 months is old enough to learn how things are supposed to go. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-give-in#post-44924 Mon, 02 Jan 2012 10:58:14 +0000 prettylizy 44924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just started my 3rd trimester so this might come back to bite me in the butt one LO make's his/her appearance, but I wanted to know how you handle picking battles with your LO's. </p> <p>Yesterday we were at my IL's house for dinner, and my SIL was there with my niece who is 20 months old. Toward the end of the night, when it was time for PJ's and then later again when it was time to put on her shoes to get going, niece started to fuss and whine and didn't want to stop what she was doing to put her jammies on, and later, did the same thing and threw herself down on the floor because she didn't want to put her shoes on. SIL waited her out on the PJ thing and eventually coerced her into putting them on, and just gave up on the shoes.<br /> On the car ride home, DH was miffed, and asked if I would have forced LO to do what I aksed or given in at that point. Not once did anyone say to her "it's not okay to behave this way" or anything like that, and were it our child, he said he would have explained to the little one that throwing a fit isn't acceptable, and you have to do what mommy/daddy says.<br /> Admittedly, she is the only child (for now, her brother is due any day now!) and isn't used to not getting what she wants (especially at Grandma and Grandpa's house!), but is it worth it to make a point to a 20 month old or do you just let it go? </p>