Hellobee Boards Topic: When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?

Hellobee Boards Topic: When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 00:03:47 +0000 holdonforonemoreday on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-31085 Sat, 10 Dec 2011 00:28:37 +0000 holdonforonemoreday 31085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ See, the gradual fade out, in my opinion, is a lot worse than being straight with someone and saying "Look, this isn't working... I think we've run our course." I had a friend who was really close to me, and as soon as I got pregnant, she did the fade out. But when it suited her, she would reply to my occasional emails pretending nothing was wrong. Finally after months of acting like this (including congratulations on the birth of my baby), she sent me a nasty email telling me to bug off after I emailed her to see how things were going with her new baby. If she had been up front and said "This isn't working, we're done" none of that would have happened. It was unfortunate and I kind of feel bad for her, as she has a track record of being like that. But telling someone to bug off because they care to see how you are? Not nice. Andrea on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30943 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:57:44 +0000 Andrea 30943@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I agree with the gradual fade away when it already seems like the feeling is pretty much mutual already. I think you only have a talk about it if you want to save the friendship but it isn't necessary if it seems like both people want it to end. Mrs. Sunglasses on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30931 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:48:55 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 30931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yes one on one plans we're never in previous or future plans. sorrycharlie on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30927 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:47:30 +0000 sorrycharlie 30927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I also have just let some fade. And I LOL at @mediagirl about Facebook! It's very true! As far as the awkwardness of being friends with everyone else in the circle, just invite if you feel like there'll be an issue without an invite. I just wouldn't go out of my way for one-on-one plans. tequiero21 on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30908 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:41:05 +0000 tequiero21 30908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ i think we're all grown ups now. we don't need to "break up"... i think the only person we need to break up with is our significant others. but everyone else... "fading friendship" is part of life. i think it's pretty much understood. everyone makes new friendships and old ones - sometimes, we're just not the same people with the same interests. Mrs. Pickle on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30885 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:31:39 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 30885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I've never had a conversation about ending a friendship with someone. I just let it fade away. This has happened a few times over the years and occasionally I still talk to the people on Facebook. chopsuey on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30859 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:18:00 +0000 chopsuey 30859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @HabesBabe: yep. exactly! i've wanted to have the talk with one friend in particular, but she's not worth the time. -.- if you only knew all the crap she's pulled on me. photojane on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30854 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 20:15:03 +0000 photojane 30854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ i've been going through something very similar. i just decided to let it be. i tried for 6+ months to reach out and try to restore our friendship, and then i just got tired of being the one who tried all the time. when i stopped trying, i stopped hearing from her. and i let that be that. if she doesn't care to be my friend, i'm not going to force it. honestly, i think the people who truly and obviously love and care about you deserve your attention! cupcakemama on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30817 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 19:31:27 +0000 cupcakemama 30817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @plantains: totally agree! How awkward to have that conversation, especially when there is no need. As adults surely everyone involved can see whats going on and just move on. No need for unnecessary drama. Mrs. Sunglasses on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30807 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 19:21:50 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 30807@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @hilsy85: thank you for that. It's true I do invite her and she just doesn't go and vice versa. We aren't on bad terms but I also hate inviting someone when I hope they don't come. hilsy85 on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30793 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 18:49:14 +0000 hilsy85 30793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I was actually in this very same situation, except I was the friend who was engaged and kind of keeping my bridal party a secret. I had a group of 5 girl friends I had been close to in high school. I was (and am) still close to two of them, and they were bridesmaids. The other three were not, and I had no idea how to tell them that I had decided not to ask them. So I just didn't say anything. Because how awkward would it be to say, "So by the way, you're not a bridesmaid, in case you're wondering"? So you might consider that she's not trying to keep it a secret, per se, but doesn't know how to bring it up with you. And honestly, if you're not that close to her anymore, why do you care either way (not trying to be snarky)? As for my friendships with the other 3 girls--one of them was totally cool about it, and I'm still not really close with her, I see her about once a year. One was really upset but got over it and I see her once or twice a year. And one of them "broke up with me"--basically told me that she never wanted to see me or talk to me again because of this. I felt really taken aback by it, because for me, to tell someone that I no longer want to be friends with them would only happen if they did something purposely hurtful or malicious. Otherwise, why do that? Why end a relationship? If it fades, it fades, but why take action to cut off ties between yourself and that person. As other posters have said, you never know where your life path will lead. As for awkwardness when everyone else is invited, I still invite her (because SHE"s the one who cut off ties with me, I have no ill will toward her) and she just chooses not to attend. I don't know why you would have a problem being around this person/inviting her to stuff if there's nothing bad between you two and it's just that you're not close anymore? Whew, sorry that was a novel :) I just felt compelled to answer because I was in the same situation, just played a different part! cyneswith on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30353 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 12:43:23 +0000 cyneswith 30353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I wouldn't take it personally. For some people, not very close is close enough. My local friends meet for coffee. There could be anywhere from 3 to 10 people each week, and no one really cares when one of the regulars stops showing for a month/six months/a year at a time (these are take care of the cat/"call the phone company service desk for me" type friends.) My non-local friends will go months (sometime a year at a time) without talking except through facebook comments (we're talking friends whose marriage visas I paid for, ones who go "Can I crash at your apartment with my kids for as long as it takes for my husband to get medical treatment?", and whose kid I helped deliver. We're close.) AND the really close friends - only one made it to my wedding. HabesBabe on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30296 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 11:49:46 +0000 HabesBabe 30296@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @chopsuey119: ditto this. I wouldn't officially "break up" with her, because, hey, you never know-- you might drift back together? And if you don't, it's not a big loss since you're already distant at this point. plantains on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30292 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 11:46:39 +0000 plantains 30292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Honestly I think it is weird to have a conversation and say it is over, it seems a little bit high school to me. I think friendships and acquaintances go through all kinds of peaks and troughs. If you guys are drifting, it is perhaps best to just let things take their natural course. If you are going to become close again so be it. If you are going to stop interacting completely, so be it. mekarual on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30283 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 11:41:06 +0000 mekarual 30283@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I have somewhat of a similar situation. I had a falling out with a really good friend of mine, and she ended up becoming good friends with MY best friend. Which is fine, but definitely awkward. We are perfectly civil to each other in real life situations, but she does other really immature things, like unfriend me on Facebook (what are we, in high school?!?!) and trash talk about me with my best friend. Sigh. I agree with previous posters, no need to burn a bridge. I've noticed that some friendships go in cycles. Someone who may just be a casual friend might become a really close confidant in the future. It happened between me and one of my college friends. We were great friend our freshman year, but didn't really hang out for the rest of college. Two years after graduation, we reconnected and are now great friends again! Mrs. Jacks on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30250 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 11:16:17 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 30250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I don't see a need to burn that bridge. You never know when you might be in the same life space again and things will click back. I've definitely had cycles over the years with some of my friendships and I'm always glad when they come back into season! Mrs. Sunglasses on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30244 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 11:14:36 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 30244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I would phase people out. but dang, were still friends with the rest, and i feel odd excluding her. chopsuey on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30240 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 11:12:39 +0000 chopsuey 30240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I usually don't have the conversation. :T I just slowly phase people out of my life. heffalump on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30235 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 11:11:10 +0000 heffalump 30235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I had the same thing happen to me. Friends since kindergarten, but she started being weird during my wedding planning, and we drifted apart. Long story short, I confronted her about it, we had a huge fight, she said she was sorry a few days later, and our friendship is pretty much over. We still see each other on special occasions and are civil. But if you don't want to see her ever, I would just stop inviting her. She obviously feels the same way if she excluded you from being a bridesmaid. rachiecakes on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30175 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 10:02:25 +0000 rachiecakes 30175@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Maybe she's been secretive because she feels the same way? (Like you're drifting apart?) but doesn't want to be rude and not include you? I have friends that I've grown apart from, I still include them, invite them, etc. - sometimes they show up and I'm genuinely happy to see them & catch up but I know we'll never talk on the phone or be close like we once were. And that's okay. Our relationship is just different now. Maybe you've just evolved to casual friends instead of close friends? Maysprout on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30163 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 09:50:54 +0000 Maysprout 30163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I had a situation kinda similar with a friend. We just never made time for each other and it does start to sting when you invite someone and they keep making excuses. I just told her my feelings were a bit hurt because I felt like ......, and used the 'me' language. She also had a bit of stuff to get off her chest. We kind of accepted how we both were because neither of us could really make different priorities. However, I still usually extend an invitation and so does she and the couple times a year we see each other are fine and good and our friendship has gotten to a better point than where it was when we talked (we were both bridesmaids in each others weddings so we had been very close). It was good to have the talk though I think to make us both get stuff off our chest and I've been fine with our friendship being different since then. But 'me or I' language I think was important instead of making accusations. Mrs. Sunglasses on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30157 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 09:42:58 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 30157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Rubies: I would let that friendship sizzle because it's almost over but I mean what do you do when you have a get together and invite everyone else but her?! That's the only tough part, i find, more then even confronting her. Mrsbells on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30155 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 09:42:21 +0000 Mrsbells 30155@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Its normal for some friendships to drift apart as you grow older and go separate ways and change, however I dont think you need to actually sit down and talk about it. I would just gradually keep my distance more and more, and eventually it would be obvious that the friendship is no longer what it was actions do speak louder than word. Sitting down to talk about it will just stir up drama. Rubies on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30152 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 09:40:00 +0000 Rubies 30152@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I have a situation similar to yours and I just let the friendship fade. It's been two years since we last spoke and I just found out she is pregnant so I just sent her quick email of congrats. I had to stop pretending that we were still great friends because in reality, that ship sailed a long time ago. I'm assuming you'll still be invited to your friend's wedding? Maybe she feels guilty that she didn't ask you... I would just let the friendship fizzle out on its own...No need to confront. You and your best friend are just better off going on with your lives. Mrs. Sunglasses on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30149 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 09:38:12 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 30149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @MrsLilybugg: It's tough because her wedding is in April and yes we will be going. We didn't go to her engagement party because she didn't want one and ended up having a huge shebang so I disagree with it (And didn't want to spend 100$ a person for an engagment party) I think after the wedding, and the birth of our second child... it might be the end of it. She didn't come to my son's baptism or birthday so clearly... she's doesn't think it's important (i invited her out of courtesy) and I never go to her things. (except the wedding) It's very hypocritical i think. but the drama. MrsLilybugg on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30145 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 09:31:26 +0000 MrsLilybugg 30145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ You're not being ridiculous at all!! That's a tough situation. What if instead of saying "it's over", talk to her and tell her that she didn't have to keep it a secret from you guys, you would have understood. Just put it out there for her. Maybe she'll read between the lines? The fact that it was a secret definitely would have bothered me, even if we weren't the closest of friends. It just makes everything... awkward. And like Mediagirl said, were I in the same situation I'd probably just let the friendship fizzle out because I'm not good at break-up talks ;) GL! Mrs. Sunglasses on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30142 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 09:27:36 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 30142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @mediagirl: Yes it is hard, and part from birthdays we rarely see eachother. I know they know its different, and uncomfortable. They built their own little clique and excluded my best friend and I. We are both okay with it... but we also find they are fake when we are around them. It's not as bad when we are one on one but why is that. I feel like I need to say something because no one else will. I even had dreams about it, so clearly this is an issue I need to deal with. ecogirl on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30141 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 09:26:48 +0000 ecogirl 30141@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I am a big fan of letters. I would write a heartfelt letter and send it to her. That way she can read and process what you are saying without getting defensive or arguing. Good luck. mediagirl on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30140 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 09:22:08 +0000 mediagirl 30140@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm not really good with confrontation, but when I have decided that I just can't be friends with someone anymore, I let the relationship fizzle out. I stop calling, and I stop responding to calls (which probably don't come all that often anyways). Your friend knows what she is doing and will, deep inside, know why you are pulling away, if that is what you decide to do. Everyone is different and I'm sure lots of people are going to say, have a chat. I guess that's just not my way. I stepped away from two friendships after our wedding when I saw just what type of friends they were (weren't)? I ended up getting in a huge argument with one and never spoke to her again. The other I just stopped communicating with and one day I removed her from my Facebook friends (you know - removing someone from FB means you are OFFICIALLY no longer friends). I wish you luck with this, it's a very difficult and sensitive situation to be in. It also just sucks no matter which way you look at it. Losing a friend is hard, no matter the circumstances. Mrs. Sunglasses on "When do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-have-the-talk-with-your-friends-and-say-its-over#post-30122 Fri, 09 Dec 2011 08:58:34 +0000 Mrs. Sunglasses 30122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I've had the same 5 girl friends since high school. (Some longer) which means we've known each other for over 15 years. Sure throughout the years, some have gotten closer to others (which makes sense) I've drifted apart from some (yet we still see eachother on special occasions) but out of the 5 there is 1 (who's my bestfriend) and maybe 2 I speak more than the other 2. (Phew... no clue if you are following) Anyway.... We rarely call each other, we rarely get together (apart from my best friend) and well I just feel like we "stay in touch" because we've been friends for so long. When I got married (3 years ago) I didn't ask any of my friends to be bridesmaids because I have 3 sisters and didn't want a huge bridal party. My friends understood and there was never any issues. Now my friend, lets call her Y announced she's getting married and has kept everything secret for the longest time. Don't we (my best friend and I) find out she asked all our friends to be bridesmaids except us?! Don't get me wrong, I honestly don't mind because she's the one I least get along with but seriously, you keep it secret and try to avoid the question when we talk about it? Why not just have a conversation with us and explain it. We would understand. We are all adults here and I wonder when do you have the talk with your friends and say it's over? As in... there's really no point to feel OBLIGED to see eachother, to be part of eachothers lives when clearly we are going different paths. Am I being ridiculous?!