https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 07 Apr 2026 16:46:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-intervene-with-kids#post-2839897 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 13:26:10 +0000 pinkcupcake 2839897@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Chiming in as the parent of a quiet, very unassertive child who tended to get pushed away quite a bit when she was younger. At that age (3), I would have brought it up to the teacher as well as giving my daughter the tools to help her deal with it on her own (saying “no thank you” very firmly). I would not bring up to the other parent. I feel like that’s the teacher’s role, as a neutral person. </p> <p>As L has grown older (she’s 6 now), I’ve realized that my initial instinct - to fight all her battles and protect her at any cost - was not correct. (Of course when she’s getting hurt or something, I would intervene, even now) but if she’s not in physical danger, I try role playing with her and arming her with the tools to handle the problem herself. We practice a lot, even now - how to say “no thank you” firmly when a kid invades her space, and to know when to ask an adult for help. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-intervene-with-kids#post-2839893 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 13:20:17 +0000 Mrsbells 2839893@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@castilrm: I would mention it to the teacher but would also encourage my daughter to speak up to the girl next time she does it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-intervene-with-kids#post-2839891 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 13:15:56 +0000 yellowbeach 2839891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd just like to say that this has been a very informative and useful thread. DD is just 18 months, but I see this on the horizon and approaching fast. Thanks for the good techniques ladies! Now I feel prepared :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-intervene-with-kids#post-2839888 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 13:09:09 +0000 psw27 2839888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@castilrm: I really appreciate that you're thinking of both sides of the situation - obviously you want your little one to have a great time - but it's so nice you are thinking of the other little girl too. I have had a few negative experiences where people have said rude things to me about my son - without knowing that there is actually a reason for his crashing around. It could be that the other girl has sensory issues - both a seeking of that input from crashing into your daughter plus a lack of body awareness! Her mom is probably trying to cope and doesn't want to make a big scene. I think giving your daughter the tools to say "stop touching my body" or "I don't like being crashed into" is a good starting place.</p> <p>@Foodnerd81: hugs. We are in a challenging time as well. It's hard. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-intervene-with-kids#post-2839836 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 08:57:44 +0000 castilrm 2839836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: thank you for that perspective! We are in the same room as the girls but behind a small gated off area so it’s not easy intervene. And I imagine she probably doesn’t want to step on the teacher’s toes by intervening (which is one reason I’ve hesitated to do or say anything in class). I definitely don’t want to make the mom and her little girl uncomfortable in class since all kids have their good and bad days especially in a class setting and it’s just part of the learning process. Plus both she and I attend the class with our younger babies so I know we both are often distracted by keeping the babies happy during class and that makes it difficult to chime in with our older girls. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-intervene-with-kids#post-2839832 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 08:48:06 +0000 castilrm 2839832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks all - I was inclined to just coach my daughter in what to say if this keeps being a problem and starts to really upset her and I’m glad that seems to be the overall consensus here. It’s so hard to know when to step in versus when to allow your child a chance to resolve the conflict herself. I like the idea of just giving her some more tools to address it herself and coach her into what to say. I think we’ll keep an eye on it with that approach in mind and if it continues to happen and upset her, maybe flag it for the teacher. The other little girl seems like she’s just having fun and just can’t rein it in for class but I doubt she’s being malicious so I don’t want to make it into a huge deal. </p> <p>Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-intervene-with-kids#post-2839808 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 07:16:46 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2839808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just had an to intervene/ not intervene decision to make myself. Mornings now include parents helping kids wash hands and from what I have observed I am the one complying. Anyway, for two mornings in a row, LO’s friends rush over to him with toys and my LO has wanted space around the classroom sink. Yesterday, I tried to just refocus LO at the task at hand while he told me and his friends “no so and so.” That’s what the teachers teach the kids to have them work it out themselves. I said nicely to the kids LO doesn’t want to play right now. This morning I asked the teacher for help and she said more firmly “back up so and so” and poof they scattered. </p> <p>I will work on helping LO find the words he needs to take care of himself, but otherwise in a situation where there is a neutral authority figure I would expect them to intervene. Maybe you need to nudge the teacher about setting rules and expectations at the beginning of the next class or talk to the other mom to help her remind her daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-intervene-with-kids#post-2839806 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 06:59:31 +0000 Foodnerd81 2839806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@castilrm: are you and the other parents in the room with the class or just observing through a window? It may also be that the other mom doesn’t want to overstep when the teacher should be in charge, so she is just nervously smiling, not like actually laughing that her kid is being disruptive. </p> <p>@looch: it is so exhausting. We are in a particularly rough phase right now and I am so so tired of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-intervene-with-kids#post-2839803 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 06:49:31 +0000 looch 2839803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: I am so glad you wrote this, to offer the other side. It can be exhausting to be the parent of the other child and this is why sometimes I say that I parent out loud for the benefit of other parents and children.</p> <p>I would talk to the teacher and let her know what you are observing and ask her if there are some strategies that can be employed, such as another staff member to come in and help in the class. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-intervene-with-kids#post-2839800 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 06:23:16 +0000 erinbaderin 2839800@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would first talk to your daughter and make sure it’s actually bothering then, like the others have said, give her some words she can use to tell the other little girl she doesn’t like it. If that doesn’t help I’d speak to the teacher, mention that your daughter really doesn’t like it, and ask her to keep an eye on it. There may be other little girls who also want attention but it is the teacher’s job to keep order. I definitely wouldn’t talk directly to the other Mom, I think that would be a last resort step that would be the teacher’s responsibility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-intervene-with-kids#post-2839798 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 06:04:12 +0000 Foodnerd81 2839798@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just chiming in as the mom of a little girl like this one. For me I am constantly trying to figure out when to intervene since my girl is often the source of the problem and like you said, it’s not fair for her to be constantly annoying the other kids and making it not fun for them. I know kids need to work it out themselve but when my girl is always the instigator it doesn’t really seem fair to the other kids. I agree to start by having your daughter firmly tell her to stop. Beyond that, I just don’t know. In a class setting, as mom, I try not to jump in and interrupt, but there was one time this year my daughter’s ballet teacher brought her out to me because she was disrupting class too much. I made her sit with me and calm down for five minutes and when I brought her back in she behaved better. I don’t know what I would do in your situation but I can say it sucks being the mother of the other girl sometimes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-intervene-with-kids#post-2839790 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 00:19:00 +0000 macintosh 2839790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would do the same as @peaches1038. My DS is 3 and he still tends to whine and seek out an adult to console him, so we’re working on it. I also wouldn’t be shy about coaching her through it in earshot of the parent. That way it’s not confrontational but you still get your point across :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-intervene-with-kids#post-2839789 Wed, 15 Aug 2018 00:10:04 +0000 peaches1038 2839789@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does your daughter say anything to the little girl when she does it? I would start by talking to your daughter first and perhaps give her some things to say when it happens. My guy will be 3 in nov and one of his BFFs is very aggressive and physical. It was clear that ds did not like to play that way so we told him to say “please stop. I don’t like that!” and it works surprisingly well, though ds has to say it almost every time we get together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-intervene-with-kids#post-2839786 Tue, 14 Aug 2018 22:51:43 +0000 castilrm 2839786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 3 year old is in a ballet class with kids between the ages of 3-4. She’s one of the younger ones in her class, which ranges in size from week to week but typically there are 4-8 kids in her class. One other little girl started the class around the same time as my daughter and seems to be about the same age. The little girl seems to purposefully run into other kids while dancing, but for whatever reason, she’s particularly keen on ramming into my daughter. At first I just laughed it off but she’s done it at several classes now and I can tell it’s annoying my daughter who keeps trying to scoot away. My daughter is on the shy side and it took time for her to warm up to doing these classes (she loves them now) and I don’t want her experience with the other little girl to ruin it for her. Generally I like to let kids work things out for themselves and mabye that’s still the right call, but I feel awkward ignoring the situation and seeing the other girl constantly running into my daughter on purpose. The other mom is there as well but she just laughs and at most just encourages her daughter to pay attention. The teacher tries to redirect the little girl but she has several kids who want her attention so she can’t spend the class guiding just one child.</p> <p>Is this something I raise to the mom or teacher if the little girl continues or gets more aggressive with the shoving? I feel a little silly and I don’t want to insult the mom by raising the issue or ruin the fun of a little girl, but I also want to keep my daughter excited and engaged by her classes and not get intimidated by a classmate. What do you all think? Leave it be and let the kids (and teacher, if needed) work it out naturally? Or say something? </p>