https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 02:17:47 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2891308 Tue, 16 Jul 2019 18:19:49 +0000 Kaohinani 2891308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have been honest with my children from the start: "Mommy was very young and in college when she 1st married. I married my high school and college sweetheart. People, sometimes grow apart with time and experience. My exhusband and I did. But it was an experience for me and I grew from it. Had I not gone through my 1st marriage, I would not have been ready to marry Daddy and to have you. I am who I am because I went through it, then later married Daddy and had you ..."<br /> My daughter (now 11) knew at 3 and my son was aware at nearly 4. I like that they know that they are a manifestation of my personal and emotional growth, as well as, they are a part of an on-going story of evolution and our growth as a familial unit. Both kiddos appreciate my honesty in said situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2891305 Tue, 16 Jul 2019 18:06:07 +0000 Elizabear 2891305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My daughter is 4. Not exactly the same so but my mom passed away when I was 19 so her grandmother (my father's companion) is not my mother. Only once has she said who is you mommy and I said my mommy is not alive. She said, "oh, she's dead? " and I said yes and that was it. Shortly after my mother passed, I saw my dad's divorce certificate in our family safe. I had not idea that he had ever been divorced and her first name was the same as my mother's so I assumed they were married divorced and married again. My father and I don't talk about things very closely so I never asked details. I asked him around the time I saw that paper how many times he was married he held up one finger and two. My whole world was a mess with my mom recently passing so I didn't care to know more. As my daughter gets older and it comes up, I plan to answer simply and honestly what ever she want to know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2891095 Mon, 15 Jul 2019 08:39:59 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2891095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did it! I waited until after her friend's birthday party so she has time to process (old news to her) before school starts up again. As I was cleaning out boxes, I found an old college picture of me and a group of friends. She knows each person in it, except for one girl we all no longer talk to. This opened up stories of days before I met DH. One reason why I all no longer talk to that girl is vaguely related to my ex. </p> <p>I was able to tie in the "news" with a story about friendship. It was so easy! She repeated a few times about me married twice but that's basically it. </p> <p>I have to say that this was especially easy thanks Pat and Jen (lol) from Youtube (they do Minecraft videos) for putting up a divorce video because it made the whole thing so much easier for my DD to understand. We watched that video a week or so ago and I had something to refer to. </p> <p>What a relief! :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890942 Sat, 13 Jul 2019 10:21:28 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2890942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You ladies convinced me to just tell DD as soon as possible. It's not a secret at all, but it's just never came up before. My main hesitation is that she's a little immature for her age and I'm afraid she'll ask a ton of details and will broadcast it all to the whole neighborhood and school 🤦 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890936 Sat, 13 Jul 2019 10:12:01 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2890936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pachamama: Isn't it interesting how it all worked out in the end? :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890923 Sat, 13 Jul 2019 06:51:42 +0000 lilyofthewest 2890923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids know and adore my ex-wife. They also know about my other significant past relationship. I talk with them about my life experiences and the places I’ve gone and things I’ve done. Not sure how it wouldn’t have come up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890918 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 22:45:45 +0000 Calibee 2890918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I found out about my dads previous marriage young because I had two half brothers. As I got older I had a few questions, but it was never a big deal. I do remember my mom getting upset because I kept insisting my dads ex wife must be my “half-mom” if I also had half-brothers! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890898 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 19:03:33 +0000 pachamama 2890898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know how I found out but my dad was married before my mom and OH WAIT I just remembered, I was playing softball age 12, and this girl Denise was like Hey, your dad was married to my mom!! And I went home and was like dad, what the fuck?! And he told me he was young and his 1st wife cheated on him while he was across the country white water rafting, and it truly truly broke his heart, and it was a terrible drive home. Damn! So I went to school with this girl and it was NBD. Then he cheated on my mom and he and the new lady (my stepmom, I love her) have been married 15 years. How bout them apples. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890885 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 16:32:15 +0000 graceandjoy 2890885@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: She is 4.5 😅 And there is probably a photo album somewhere in the basement... It’s not a taboo topic by any means, it has just never come up when we are talking to the kids? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890880 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 15:40:10 +0000 Miss Ariel 2890880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To add to what others posted it was never that big of a deal that I didn’t find out about my moms prior marriage till later. Although I always assumed it was only a couple of months. I didn’t realize till after she died it had been for 5 years or so.</p> <p>Also my grandfather apparently didn’t tell my mom about his prior marriage either. It wasn’t till my mom was getting divorced herself that he ever brought it up to her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890879 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 15:31:21 +0000 DesertDreams88 2890879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@graceandjoy: there's no pictures or photo albums your LO hasn't asked about? And DH has never mentioned his previous wife? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890846 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 13:21:10 +0000 periwinklebee 2890846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is not really helpful to your question, but I have a related story... My mom and her sister discovered that their mother had been previously married when they were in their twenties and digging through some of their mom's stuff to decide who to invite to a surprise 25th wedding anniversary party that they were throwing for their parents. They didn't feel like they could ask more because their mom would have gotten mad that they were looking through her stuff without permission. Their brother didn't know until my grandmother was like 80 and he took her to the VA, as her previous name was the one she was discharged from the military with after World War II. </p> <p>My mom never did ask what happened, as she felt that she wasn't supposed to know. Funnily enough, the only person my grandmother ever mentioned it to was me. I was looking at her old album, and had asked her who all the people in it were. She told me she had been married to him before she met grandpa. She mentioned it like it was NBD, and I assumed everyone knew. I kind of feel like she put a picture of him in her album that was laying out on the coffee table because she was hoping someone would ask! Funnily enough, I now use her wedding ring from that marriage that we found in her stuff after she died, as it turned out to be a perfect match to my engagement ring (which is vintage from the 1930s). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890840 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 12:42:21 +0000 crazydoglady 2890840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really have no experience with this, but I would definitely tell a kid as young as possible (like 4 or 5?) and keep it as breezy as possible. I would emphasize that it all turned out for the best because you learned some lessons, met your current SO etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890817 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 10:47:51 +0000 MamaBear87 2890817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man. I've totally not considered this. My husband was married at 19 to a really awful woman and they didn't have any kids so I didn't really think about the fact that we should eventually tell our kids....<br /> I suppose just the bare bones of they didn't end up loving each other? Ugh. Not many people know what really happened so I think we can safely leave it vague</p> <p>Anyone have any suggestions for if it was not amicable? And the other person was just terrible? Like should be in jail terrible </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890808 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 10:06:29 +0000 Ajsmommy 2890808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I lost my long term, planning a life with, going to marry boyfriend and I often think about when and how I will tell DD. My situation is a little different bc we werent' married and had no kids HOWEVER had he not passed away I would have married him and possibly never met my current DH sooooo it's a little weird to think about....... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890793 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 09:00:13 +0000 Umbreon 2890793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I found out my mom had been married before when I was in my twenties. My brother found something with her old name on it. It was hard to find out. I wish we had just known all along. Kind of felt like being betrayed </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890784 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 08:34:01 +0000 graceandjoy 2890784@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My oldest is only 4.5 so we haven't told her yet; DH was previously married and was widowed. We absolutely want her to know as early as possible since it's not a secret and it's very much a part of who DH is. But at her age we're also not gonna sit her down &amp; make it a big deal. Maybe one day when we talk about family tree or something... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890779 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 08:29:32 +0000 Jennibenni 2890779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would mention it casually ASAP and just make it common knowledge. </p> <p>My aunt who was married before didn’t tell her kids until they were teenagers and they were devastated and really hurt that they’d been kept in the dark about something everybody else knew. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890775 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 08:20:07 +0000 Lahela017 2890775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom was a widow before she met my dad. I don't remember a big talk about it or anything. I just always knew as long as I can remember. I would just tell your little one next time an opportunity comes up naturally. I don't think you need to make a big deal out of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890773 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 08:13:09 +0000 DesertDreams88 2890773@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd mention it the next time you have a chance. As a child or a person, I'd want to know. The longer you wait, the more it will "jar" them when they find out.</p> <p>My parents didn't tell me for 30 years that they used a sperm donor to conceive me. They see it as no big deal, I firmly disagree. I know it's not the same as your situation, but I err on the side of not lying-by-omission. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890762 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 07:18:30 +0000 Becky 2890762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always knew my dad was previously married because I have a half sister. It was never weird to me and my parents were always open and honest. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t know that my dad and his previous wife got married because she got pregnant (it wasn’t until high school that I found out they had actually broken up, and then hooked up after a party 🤷‍♀️). I think that level of honesty about the fact that they weren’t in love (only got married because she got pregnant) so that’s why they got divorced is why I never questioned my parents marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890761 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 07:05:50 +0000 Miss Ariel 2890761@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not quite the same, but I remember finding out about my mom when I was 9 or so. Slightly similar situation where I found an old book of my mom’s that she wrote her other name in.</p> <p>My brother didn’t find out till later. We were eating dinner with family friends and they were talking about how they met and were married. My mom mentioned it and my brother spit out his water because he didn’t know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-tell-your-lo-you-were-previously-married#post-2890755 Fri, 12 Jul 2019 05:43:16 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2890755@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm going through my drawer and found an old Blockbuster card mixed in with old credit cards. It's way old - the kind with your name printed underneath the address. I realize that my old name is on it. LO is starting to read and if she found this she's definitely ask who that is. </p> <p>To those of you that's been married before and it ended without any attachments, when (at what age) do you mention it to your LOs? Or will you? </p>