https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 21 May 2026 04:04:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530657 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 10:15:41 +0000 yin 2530657@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Something similar happened to my LO last year. There were definite cliques (boys vs. girls), and my LO didn't fit in. He desperately wanted to be with the boys, but they shut him out each time he tried. This year he learned not to get invested into any friendship (too afraid to get hurt). Of course this year the group is small, and they are all friendly with one another. No real issues. </p> <p>Oddly enough the one boy who caused him the biggest heartache last year just moved in across the street from us. They're friends now and have play dates. </p> <p>Kids don't fully comprehend their actions at that age. At least that's what I would like to think. I try to make sure my LO is mindful and inclusive of his classmates. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530652 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 10:13:02 +0000 Adira 2530652@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Freckles: I also try to use it as a teaching opportunity. I point out that Xander doesn't like it when Mama or Dada won't play with him so that's how some other kid feels when Xander refuses to play with them! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530649 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 10:10:41 +0000 regberadaisy 2530649@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know - there's been a lot of these posts lately. And it makes me sad that kids are being mean. But then on the other hand I think bullying is being mean and nasty *intentionally*. I just don't think (most) kids are intentionally mean and nasty yet at this age.</p> <p>DD1 (almost 4) say plenty of mean things and we will tell her that's not nice and it hurts my feelings. And she will apologize and say I'm sorry and give a hug. But in a school environment most kids don't know to respond like that.</p> <p>We've been working a lot with DD1 that if her friends aren't being nice, gentle or sharing to use her words and tell them "that's not very nice!". LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530645 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 10:07:38 +0000 Freckles 2530645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I definitely agree with you. My daughter is the same way - she knows what she likes and gets upset when she doesn't play with them. Your kid isn't alone! The pre-k program she will be entering in Sept has something called "post nap visit" where for 30 minutes after rest time, they have to visit a different kid's cot and chat for 30 minutes. I really like this because it encourages them to play 1-on-1 with a kid they may not usually play with.</p> <p>@Bao: I think it definitely starts at 3/4 but i don't think the behaviour you describe is true bullying (though it can manifest into bullying as they get older if their parents/teachers don't do anything about it). I remember i was really sad when DD came to me telling me the same thing...but then i realize she does the same thing to other kids too! I use it as a teaching opportunity so that she understands her words can hurt other kids too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530639 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 10:05:38 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2530639@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree, age 3 seemed to be the start. </p> <p>My daughter today finally wore her hair in pigtails (braids). She said she wouldn't before because they would laugh at her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530624 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 09:56:29 +0000 Maysprout 2530624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: I agree it's too young to be calling it bullying bc even if they're being mean they don't really know what they're doing. </p> <p>But I was surprised at how toxic one kid could be. The mean girl in my daughters class was just the biggest and most verbal and made various clubs with certain kids. And if any of the kids talked to the kids not in the club they were kicked out and no longer could be talked to. It was really weird behavior and they'd break up one club and another one would start. the teachers talked to parents about it several times bc it was affecting the class and making lots of tears and fights happen. The first time I saw this girl, who was 4, came up and said 'your baby (9 months) is bothering me, she's playing where I want to play' and then went and shoved her off. So while I think so much of it is learning still, she just has future bully written all over her since the behavior continues. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530614 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 09:44:50 +0000 plantains 2530614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is definitely developmentally appropriate and I don't see it as bullying at all. I think it takes a little while to work through the notion of friendship with 3 and 4 year olds and get them to realize that feelings get hurt by excluding others etc. It is likely that when all is send and done all kids will be on both sides of it which really helps with trying to teach them to be more inclusive of others. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530580 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 09:25:00 +0000 Adira 2530580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think 3 and 4 is young for true bullying. One of our daycare teachers pointed out to me that at this age, three's a crowd. Xander (3) has his best friends (the four other kids that were in his toddler class with him) and he really struggles with wanting to play with others when he's so close to these four. Some might consider his behavior bullying because he'll refuse to play with others and say they aren't his friend and only (insert name of the four boys) are his friends. I suspect that's normal for this age.</p> <p>Or is my kid the bully????? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530566 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 09:17:24 +0000 Maysprout 2530566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Its hard to say what's just developmental and what's a bit of extra meanness. At 2 we taught our daughter to put her hands on her hips and say 'don't take my ... ' or 'stop pushing me'. At 3 there was some weird clique stuff that started happening instigated by the oldest and tallest girl. We talked about it bluntly. I tried to find positives about the girl so she wouldn't feel like she couldn't be friends with her. But I did explain why I thought some of the behavior was mean and that she had to listen to the teacher but not other kids in her class. Luckily that girl isn't in her class this year. But all the drama moved with her. i donno. It always happens throughout life so while I wish I could keep her in a bubble longer I'm glad we're having these discussions now when her family is still #1 to her so if our neighbor starts being mean she can just brush it off and come back and play with her sister. Life skills I guess. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530555 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 09:13:33 +0000 Rescuemom10 2530555@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there are just different "levels" at different ages and how much they truly understand or know is Mean or bullying. DD goes to an education based Childcare center where they move up "classrooms" based on progress/ abilities/ as well as age. I remember when she was in Toddler learning level, there was a little boy who REALLY just had it out for her and would LOOK for her to go bite her or hit her. Its really hard. She was TWO. So we just would talk to her daily and tell her to use her words, tell him "Stop it! I don't like that" and stay away from him. Find other friends to play with. She is now in Preschool classroom with 3-4 year old kids. Much more going on now. Name calling has begun. Oy! Its so hard when they are so little and still learning to communicate. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530543 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 09:06:51 +0000 MamaG 2530543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My girl is 4.5 and she has preferred friends in her class. And sometimes she gets mad at them and doesn't want to play with them. I'm not sure if its bullying behavior but it does make me sad sometimes. </p> <p>But I get it, I don't like everyone and I can't expect my kid to or everyone to like my kid. What I do expect and try to teach my kid is kindness. It's not kind to tell someone you don't like them. </p> <p>I'm struggling with gender norms - boys can't like pink, it's a girl color. He said I can't play superheros, it's only for boys, I have to play princesses. I want my girl to play what she wants (cars, superheroes, princess, doctor, WHATEVER) and color - yah, like whichever one you want too and don't let anyone tell you that you can't like blue! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530530 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 09:03:34 +0000 KayKay 2530530@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD1 has been part of something similar (on both sides) this year at preschool too. I think it's normal, developmentally, since kids at this age are starting to develop actual friendships -- I mean, at some point you realize that you like/get along with some people more/better than others, right? But I think it's important to try to use it as a teachable moment about caring for others, respecting others feelings, etc. The good news about DD1 being on both sides of it at various times is that I can use her own life as examples (e.g., "remember when you were sad because R didn't want to play with you?"). I think it's also important for parents/teachers to watch and make sure it is more of an exception than a rule. At DD1s school, the teachers watch for "toxic" (?? for lack of a better word) friendships that tend to generate this type of behavior and try to separate those friends when they can.</p> <p>All that to say, I think in small doses it is normal (but still sad!)...but it could definitely grow to something more troublesome. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530521 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 08:56:53 +0000 Bao 2530521@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yellowbird: yeah you're right...I just don't know when kids KNOW they are being mean. Like A tells E she doesn't want her to play with her but I figure that's sibling issues...I don't know. Breaks my heart too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530502 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 08:50:03 +0000 yellowbird 2530502@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That is so sad :( it really breaks my heart. I wish I could put my kids in a bubble and protect them.</p> <p>I think that could definitely be the start. I dont think it's ever "normal" even at 3-4 to be mean and exclusive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-do-you-think-bullying-starts#post-2530488 Thu, 21 Apr 2016 08:44:24 +0000 Bao 2530488@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO came home from school yesterday and said some girl from another class yelled at her on the playground and said she (my LO) couldn't play with them (this girl and her friends). Being her mom I got sad because these kids are only 3 and 4 years old. </p> <p>When do you think bullying starts? Best way to explain this type of thing to a young LO? Trying to figure out if this is just 4 year old behavior or actual start to bullying. </p>