https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 08:29:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-family-life-is-elusive-for-a-friend#post-2621177 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 08:37:59 +0000 looch 2621177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess it depends what her requirements are. I noticed that as I got older, it became less important for me to have a partner that was the same age or older than I was...my husband is three years younger than me and when I was in my 20s, that would have been a deal breaker, but in my 30s, not so much.</p> <p>The one thing that I would not budge on though, was no children from previous relationships. As I got older I noticed that a lot of the guys out there were divorced or had children with previous partners and that was a no for me in my stage of life at the time. </p> <p>So I guess it kind of depends...it's not easy to say what I would tell a friend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-family-life-is-elusive-for-a-friend#post-2621173 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 08:34:22 +0000 Anagram 2621173@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Paddington10: I have had several friends in this situation, since almost all of my friends got married in their mid 30s and quite a few are still single.</p> <p>I know 2 women who decided to become single moms by choice. One used IVF and a sperm donor, so obviously she planned and organized her finances way in advance.</p> <p>I do agree with PPs that say just listening and being supportive is the best tactic. For me personally, I had some peace about the whole situation because I knew that I would rather be single than in an unhappy marriage--or in a marriage with someone who wasn't a clearly positive force in my life. And I had too many friends with unhappy marriages or spouses with serious issues to want that type of scenario. And the kids situation---well, there's more than one way to skin that cat. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-family-life-is-elusive-for-a-friend#post-2621149 Wed, 14 Sep 2016 07:57:11 +0000 Mama Bird 2621149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah, I have a friend like this... or had, I guess. It seems like our friendship has not survived our lives going in different directions. But back when we still talked often, I still didn't know how to support her. We both found dating to be a horrible painful experience, and at one point I couldn't take it any more and decided it's time to give up and accept the situation to save my sanity. I don't know for sure, but I think she's reached the same decision... I wish I could have helped her with something more than words of support, like introducing her to someone, but I wasn't able to. It's so unfair, she's such a wonderful person, I just wish the right guy would see that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-family-life-is-elusive-for-a-friend#post-2621038 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 21:12:22 +0000 daniellemybelle 2621038@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's so hard to not give advice but I agree that I would just listen, and validate her while also trying to be encouraging and supportive. All things I'm sure you're doing! It's hard to see a friend hurting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-family-life-is-elusive-for-a-friend#post-2621022 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 20:48:49 +0000 travellingbee 2621022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes, I do think that sometimes life is just unfair. I also think that some people are more picky than others, and that's not a bad thing! I got married late because I just wasn't meeting the right guy. And I am so happy that I waited for my guy. My mom kept saying that I was being too picky and I told her that I would rather not get married then marry the wrong person. But I did want a family, and it felt unfair at times that I just couldn't meet the right kind of person. </p> <p>But I also think you do have to put yourself out there, and not expect the world to drop a significant other in your lap. I would encourage her to take advantage of social opportunities. I started taking dance lessons and met lots of people through that. (I ended up meeting my husband through a friend of my sister-in-law's at a birthday party, which was totally random.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-family-life-is-elusive-for-a-friend#post-2620997 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 20:22:08 +0000 MaryM 2620997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would refrain from giving advice but offer to be an open friend who will listen.</p> <p>By mid 30s, she's heard all the advice. By this point, I think most advice will be the equivalent of suggesting a person with IF should "just relax."</p> <p>I'd focus on just being a good friend... Hanging out when you're able, try to do things just the two of you, include her in group things, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-family-life-is-elusive-for-a-friend#post-2620987 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 20:07:35 +0000 autumnleaves 2620987@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Paddington10: I only met my DH in mid30s so I can relate to the feelings your friend may be having and I have a good number of friends in their mid30s who are single. Is she trying to meet someone (meet ups, online dating, willing to be set up, etc) or not? I was trying for a long time, took breaks from it for 6 months or so when I was frustrated/thought there was no one left to meet. I ended up seeing a therapist because I thought there had to be something wrong with me. Talking through all the relationships with her, setting goals, putting myself back out there while seeing a therapist, talking with her about the online profiles, dates I feel helped me meet my husband. The wait was worth it and I did get what I wanted. If your friend isn't trying to meet someone then I would encourage her to do that and let her know you truly believe the right guy is out there for her. I feel like a few of my friends are scared and let work take over their lives so they don't have time to date. I quit my job when I realized my work consumed me that much and was fortunate to find a better work life balance with another job. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-family-life-is-elusive-for-a-friend#post-2620952 Tue, 13 Sep 2016 19:15:34 +0000 Paddington10 2620952@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is kind of random, but how can you be supportive of a friend who wants to be married with kids, and just isn't meeting the right person? My friend is 36, successful, smart, friendly, well-adjusted...and just isn't meeting the right guy. How can you deal with something so out of your control? You want a certain life and set-up and fate just isn't cooperating. What do you do? How would you advise someone? I keep telling her that the right person will come along (and she won't settle), but that sounds hollow. Any ideas? Is life just random and unfair? </p>