https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 04 Aug 2026 03:47:59 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107883 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 19:35:12 +0000 Greentea 2107883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I always appreciate your responses! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107869 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 19:24:49 +0000 mrscobee 2107869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: agree :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107859 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 19:20:29 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2107859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jaguar: @mrscobee: agreed. I think it just depends on the situation. I know some people who need(ed) help for a little while and some who are pretty open about not having plans to ever be self sufficient. </p> <p>It also makes a difference to me how old the potential parents are (are they going to lose the chance to be parents if they wait too much longer?) and what # baby they are on (particularly #3+.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107833 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 19:02:23 +0000 mrscobee 2107833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jaguar: Agree definitely a difference. Plenty need legitimate aid, and plenty have no intention of ever getting off of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107830 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 18:59:36 +0000 jaguar 2107830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think there's a difference between someone who is in a tough spot and using aid services as a temporary measure, than someone who has no intention of getting off it. I'm sure the system works differently between USA and Aus, though we have our own national health care public system too.</p> <p>Is it hard to see people in less than ideal situations choosing to have kids? Yes. Does my own fertility play into that reasoning? Absolutely. But life isn't fair, so ... I guess it is what it is. I do feel for the kids in these scenarios, though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107824 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 18:56:04 +0000 mrscobee 2107824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it is too far of a reach nor is it poor shaming for someone who pays taxes to be a little annoyed when someone accepting significant support from the government actively tries for more kids. The good news is, in America, no one is denied the right to do so regardless of my or anyone else's opinion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107766 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 17:37:56 +0000 Finfan 2107766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: Great answer. Thank you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107330 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 11:04:35 +0000 PawPrints 2107330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: Great response. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107274 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 10:10:57 +0000 lovehoneybee 2107274@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: As someone who works for a welfare office, I just want to sign on 100% to your comments. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107270 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 10:05:18 +0000 Peasinapod 2107270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with a lot of what's been said. It's easy to look at ppl's situations and say they don't have their act together and shouldn't have kids. But how does money make you a better parent? I think it will be tougher on the parents but their kids can still be happy and loved! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107268 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 10:04:41 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2107268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: applause! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107243 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 09:53:31 +0000 jedeve 2107243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: @wonderstruck: Medicaid is a wonderful program. It is much more cost effective than private insurance and although the reimbursement rates for providers are lower than private insurance, it's more than they would get from self pay people after you account for failures to pay. And there is NO SHAME in being on it. Half of all births in my state are medicaid. </p> <p>The rhetoric we here about government assistance being for lazy people who don't deserve it has a purpose - it's to make those programs easier to cut so certain wealthy people can have lower taxes. The reality is - we need these programs. They are good for the economy (SNAP for instance generates $1.70 in the economy for every $1 spent). And also, not everyone can just decide to make 100k. Our economy doesn't work like that. We need nurses and students and cashiers and bus drivers and lots of other jobs that you can't support a family on. So while it would be nice if corporations laid a living wage, that isn't the case. And it becomes doubly hard when you factor in kids. Adults with young children are more likely to be living in or near poverty than any other adult age group. Why? Two reasons - you are most likely at the bottom of your earning potential and kids are expensive! Using assistance in that time of your life is not shameful and should not preclude you from having a family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107109 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 08:28:26 +0000 wonderstruck 2107109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: Thanks for saying this.</p> <p>I think that it's easy to judge those on assistance if you've never been in the position. My family is on Medicaid at the moment, so I guess according to some I shouldn't have two kids. But if your employers don't offer insurance, it gets tough. The obvious answer is to purchase private health insurance. So we went to the healthcare.gov site, filled out all of the forms to see what options are available...and it told us that since we qualify for Medicaid based on income level, they won't give us any subsidies or options with other plans; we HAVE to take the Medicaid. And if your answer would be to just purchase private health insurance without going through healthcare.gov, either you have no idea how expensive it is to do that or you're loaded - those plans cost more than all of our other bills (including our mortgage!) put together, even for the highest deductible. In a couple of years I finish school and will get a job offering health insurance, but for now this is the situation we're in.</p> <p>But I agree that if you can't meet basic needs, like if you're bouncing from place to place not being able to afford rent, or if you cant afford basic stuff like car seat/crib, TTC is not a great idea, I would hold off until I could get into a better situation financially. I also think TTC because your relationship is crappy and you want to fix it is a bad idea - and it never works. I just wouldn't want to purposely TTC if I'd be bringing the child into a bad situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107092 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 08:20:29 +0000 looch 2107092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think what people fail to realize is that the vast majority of people on this planet wouldn't be here today if the requirement for their birth was financial stability and the relationship status of their parents.</p> <p>You can only decide what is right for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107089 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 08:18:49 +0000 LuLu Mom 2107089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do my best not to judge, but this is my cousin and his wife. They have bled my uncle dry claiming they can't keep their electricity on (but they still have cable and internet) The wife doesn't work (fired from Wal-Mart after 2 weeks) and the husband "sells windows" but isn't a very effective salesman. They keep talking about having a 3rd kid....it makes my blood boil because my uncle does everything for the 2 girls now, and they don't appreciate it nor do they understand what it does to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107086 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 08:14:03 +0000 Truth Bombs 2107086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think most people have hit the nail on the head that both an unstable relationship and an unstable financial situation would likely mean that TTC wouldn't be ideal.</p> <p>I absolutely agree that requiring some assistance from the government at some point in your life doesn't mean that you'll be dependent on assistance forever. Needing some temporary help to get back on your feet does not make someone a bad person, or make them incapable of ever being a good parent who can create a full and loving life for a child. However, I think that if you are currently in that period where you need help just to get your basic needs met, that point in time is probably not the best to add a child to the mix. I think there is often a lot of talk about how everyone should be able to have the family they want, but we are really only considering the wants of the parents, not the child who is being born into a less than ideal situation, without having asked for or created those circumstances. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107058 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 07:50:32 +0000 Synchronicity 2107058@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: I absolutely agree. A forum like this does not come close to representing the real world. </p> <p>@lawbee11: This. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2107040 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 07:34:06 +0000 lawbee11 2107040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If one or both partners are addicted to drugs or alcohol, if one or both partners are emotionally or physically abusive, if the child's basic needs would not be able to be met, just to name a few... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2106930 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 02:44:27 +0000 rachiecakes 2106930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Probably wouldn't be my choice.<br /> But we waited and waited for the right time to TTC (10+ years.. our careers, got married) and while I think it was right for us, what if it didn't work as planned? Or took 10 years longer? I'm a little sad that we probably won't have another because we're older. We were so sure we'd just want one, until we had him. Things can change. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2106927 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 02:28:58 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2106927@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: haha, jinx! I didn't see your response when I wrote mine :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2106926 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 02:27:36 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2106926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try not to judge. I mean a lot of people might say I shouldn't be having kids at my age. I do not think "living off the government" (whatever that means--SNAP? Medicaid?) is really a good threshold... And it's hard to accurately assess someone else's relationship.</p> <p>But yeah, for myself I wouldn't TTC if I was financially unstable or in an emotionally uncertain relationship-- but apparently being in my 40's isn't enough to stop me ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2106918 Fri, 13 Mar 2015 01:04:33 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2106918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before I even read the story my answer was an unstable relationship and being unable to afford to take care of the children. So your story covers both.. I can feel your frustration. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2106863 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 23:08:55 +0000 coopsmama 2106863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Obviously there are situations where TTC isn't ideal but I've been realizing lately that overanalyzing situations like that (and regarding other topics) which involve other people and their lives is totally unproductive because I can't change anything. I just have to do what's right for me and my situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2106834 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 22:25:07 +0000 chanada 2106834@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was just going to say unstable finances and unstable relationship. The example hits both of those situations! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2106799 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 21:48:20 +0000 macintosh 2106799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In this situation I'll agree, it doesn't sound like a good idea. I'm hesitant to judge, however, because a few people said the same thing to me in the past.</p> <p>Before I got pregnant, I was struggling to care for DH and keep up with my full time job. I wasn't making enough to support both of us with his medical bills and I was relying on financial help from family. Then we found out that the only way to get pregnant was for him to have surgery and for me to do IVF.</p> <p>I'm 8 months pregnant now and things are better than ever. We own a house, I make ends meet, and our families and friends have been extremely generous with gifts for the baby. It's hard to judge unless you're in that person's shoes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2106772 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 21:32:23 +0000 mrsjyw 2106772@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There are so many ppl in this world that have babies that should not. SO many ppl who TTC that should not. My opinion on the matter sadly won't change that reality. I think it's obvious to most ppl that the situation you mentioned is a bad idea. However, to think it vs to say it? Major difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2106763 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 21:28:34 +0000 jedeve 2106763@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Whether or not that specific couple should have a kid is not for me to say. </p> <p>However, I don't think going through a period of your life where you require some sort of assistance means you shouldn't have children. I mean, what type of assisfance? Most SNAP recipients are on for less than two years. TANF is temporary. Unemployment insurance is something a worker has paid into and is also not permanent. Disability insurance is for people who are disabled and can't work. So I don't really know what "living off the government" entails since most people who are receiving assistance are in a temporary place or disabled. </p> <p>Obviously I think it's a good idea to be in a good financial position to support your kids. And I don't know this couple's situation, although it sounds like they have a rocky relationship. But I think it would be good to keep the poor-shaming/poor people shouldn't reproduce or have the family they want rhetoric off the boards. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2106699 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 20:44:03 +0000 MenagerieMama 2106699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: Haha I joke about that all the time and they haven't kicked me out yet! I say at puberty everyone gets an IUD (or the hypothetical nonexistent male equivalent) and then has to apply to get it removed - like passing the driving test for a license! :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2106692 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 20:38:31 +0000 JennyG 2106692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littleblessings: This is literally my step-cousin. She just popped out her second kid with her second baby daddy, neither of them works, but don't worry they are going to start trying for #3 real soon. </p> <p>Meanwhile, DH and I have been TTC #2 since summer. You know, two people with jobs and a house and really, really wanting a baby. Life is fair. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/when-is-ttc-a-bad-idea#post-2106687 Thu, 12 Mar 2015 20:37:21 +0000 yoursilverlining 2106687@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lots of couples plan and have babies in situations that others think are not wise times to become parents. Not many respond well to being told so. </p>